People in your life...

[Lass]

(Sorry if this has been covered recently-I haven't kept up to date!)

I'm not sure if this is to do with my anxieties but I find that I seem to attract people in my life who treat me like crap/feel they can take advantage etc...

Not everyone but a majority. Does anyone else find this? It's like they pick up that you're vulnerable.

Luckily, I have become more assertive as I've got older and recognise these people and get them out of my life. Only today did I have to tell someone to pissoff (in nicer terms) as they have messed me around once too often!

[Ajax Amsterdam]

Originally Posted by Lass

(Sorry if this has been covered recently-I haven't kept up to date!)

I'm not sure if this is to do with my anxieties but I find that I seem to attract people in my life who treat me like crap/feel they can take advantage etc...

Not everyone but a majority. Does anyone else find this? It's like they pick up that you're vulnerable.

Luckily, I have become more assertive as I've got older and recognise these people and get them out of my life. Only today did I have to tell someone to pissoff (in nicer terms) as they have messed me around once too often!

I think this can have more to do with low self-esteem than anxiety, although I realise anxiety often goes hand in hand with low self-esteem. I find that people who give off vulnerable 'vibes' can attract the more abusive types out there. Also, a lot of people with low self-esteem tend to settle for what they can get, rather than go for what they want, like and need. When you lack confidence and esteem it can be harder to enforce your personal boundaries, and this leaves openings for others to walk over us and take advantage if they are that way inclined. Of course, not everyone takes advantage, but we can be an easier target for those who operate in that kind of way.

People with good confidence and esteem levels can also encounter the more abusive types too, but because many of them are a lot better at recognising and enforcing their personal boundaries, they can often recognise and repel abusive types more effectively.

In the past I had zero self-esteem or confidence, and I did encounter some rather abusive females who I let get under my skin and cause problems. These days my confidence is a little better and my esteem is very healthy, so I'd not give an abusive type the time of day now. I don't tend to attract them now anyway. In fact, my current partner says one of the things that attract her to me is that I will take no crap from her and I will tell her where to get off if she oversteps the mark in some way.

These days, my philosophy is if a person treats you like crap, cut them out of your life if you can. Soon enough, the people you are left with are the ones who treat you right. Some people would rather be with an abuser than be alone, and I was probably like that in the past too, but not now. Sadly, many people with low self-esteem think they are worthless, so they will take whatever they can get because they don't feel worthy of better. This can kick off a cycle of looking vulnerable and needy, then attracting dodgy types who treat you bad, which then backs up thoughts of not being worthy of anything better... Sadly, there are lots of very weak people out there who feel the need to manipulate, abuse or put down vulnerable people in order to feel better about themselves, and they do this simply because they can. We let them.

A real positive in your case is the fact that you recognise what's going on and are now asserting your personal boundaries. My guess is if you keep that up you will not only increase your self-esteem, but you will gain more respect from others. It shows others you won't be messed about and you have boundaries you won't let them cross.

[Linzi]

Yes I have had problems with this in the past. Nowdays I have learnt to take a step back, and if they are just using you for one thing or another then I back off. Its not like I won't talk to them, but I won't let anyone take advantage anymore.

[Ben]

Originally Posted by Benfica

... Also, a lot of people with low self-esteem tend to settle for what they can get, rather than go for what they want, like and need. ...

Great post in general, however I thought this excerpt was particularly on the mark.

[xTKsaucex]

From past experiences, I've had this problem where I took a lot of crap from people and took the moral high ground but honestly you can only be subjected to so much and eventually you snap for the worse or for the better. Luckily for me it was for the better and nowadays i'll instantly become weary and hostile to anyone I see as potential manipulators.