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  #91  
Old 14th May 2017, 16:35
hellotiger hellotiger is offline
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Default Re: Borderline Personality Disorder

My moods are level at the moment. I feel more like myself, whatever that is. When I think about my erratic moods it doesn't feel like me, it feels like my evil twin. I can't rationalise with that irrational side of myself, I don't understand why she feels like someone has so completely let her down because she didn't like the way they said hello. Wtf is that?
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  #92  
Old 20th May 2017, 19:59
Purplesnarf Purplesnarf is offline
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Default Re: Borderline Personality Disorder

I was on a downer for a couple of days, I think I'm going into one of them anxious high type moods today.
I just want to try and stay more level and stick to healthier eating and losing some weight and not be a douche bag so much.
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  #93  
Old 8th June 2017, 12:09
Metal Goat Metal Goat is offline
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Default Re: Borderline Personality Disorder

I have a nice little set up at the moment. Things are quite good. All of my current issues are borderliney ones (inappropriate attachment, fear of abandonment etc)

I really like the people in my life at the moment. It's the second time ever in my life I've felt like I've had a proper group of friends where I'm valued and they know me well and are there for me and like me. Most of my life, I've felt like the people I hang around with wouldn't care if I was there or not, or have felt a distance from them where I haven't clicked with them. Most of my life I've only felt a deep connection with online friends so when it happens in real life (and with a whole group of people) it's great.

I'm happy with most areas of my life now and that's terrifying. I'm scared about it being taken away from me. I get scared when they talk about settling down and having kids about how everything's going to change. I get scared about the fact that because I live in expat-ville, people come and go all the time, often at very short notice and so they might leave. I get scared when my friend tells me she's only staying for one more year. I wish I could just freeze time at this point and enjoy it for the next 20 years. After that, I'll grow up. Maybe.
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  #94  
Old 12th June 2017, 10:11
Purplesnarf Purplesnarf is offline
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Default Re: Borderline Personality Disorder

Blame is a problem I constantly battle with.
I have to keep reminding myself what part I have to play in things.
As its too easy to think what others have done to me and I then feel guilty and remember my wrong doings and that brings me down to earth again to remember I'm not a 100% victim who everybody in the world is bad to or something.
Then I slip back to the blaming again, then back to the feeling guilty and so on.
Its a battle with my thoughts.
The best thing I can do is try to think in the middle, not always easy.
But to try and stay happy and not let myself be feeling sorry for myself which I could easily slip into like a comfy pair of slippers.
I'm just ranting my thoughts here
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  #95  
Old 16th June 2017, 09:36
Clementine Clementine is offline
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  #96  
Old 16th June 2017, 09:50
Clementine Clementine is offline
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Default Re: Borderline Personality Disorder

Rejection/abandonment issues are really taking me over again at the moment. Feeling like nobody likes me or wants to talk to me, that everyone sees me as a joke or as annoying or just doesn't see me at all.
Even with my best friend, if he doesn't speak to me much then I'm convinced that he's sick of me so I try to leave him alone instead of pestering him with my pathetic neediness. Then I feel lonelier and more rejected though.
It's hard when you're reliant on others to provide you with a sense of self worth and validation because you're incapable of finding any within yourself. It's not fair on anyone else either.
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  #97  
Old 16th June 2017, 10:28
Nervous Wreck Nervous Wreck is offline
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Default Re: Borderline Personality Disorder

Clementine, that's exactly how I feel. You could not have expressed it better.
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  #98  
Old 16th June 2017, 10:59
Clementine Clementine is offline
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Default Re: Borderline Personality Disorder

^
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  #99  
Old 16th June 2017, 18:17
Clementine Clementine is offline
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Default Re: Borderline Personality Disorder

I wish my feelings had an off switch.
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  #100  
Old 16th June 2017, 18:32
David K David K is offline
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Default Re: Borderline Personality Disorder

^
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  #101  
Old 16th June 2017, 18:51
Clementine Clementine is offline
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Default Re: Borderline Personality Disorder

^ *squeeze*
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  #102  
Old 16th June 2017, 19:17
Azalea Azalea is offline
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Default Re: Borderline Personality Disorder

Quote:
Originally Posted by Clementine
I wish my feelings had an off switch.
Me too, would make life a lot easier.
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  #103  
Old 1st July 2017, 17:58
Dead Wife Dead Wife is offline
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Default Re: Borderline Personality Disorder

So confused and frustrated. I hate this.
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  #104  
Old 13th July 2017, 13:02
Shy1987 Shy1987 is offline
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Default Re: Borderline Personality Disorder

I saw this thread and thought I will reply.



1.) How does your BPD affect you?
I feel my self identity isn't very strong. I sort of have a detached feeling and emptyness inside. But I am trying to socialise more and find out what I'm interested in. I don't know what I want to do with my life. I feel that I'm always the odd one out.
I find romantic relationships difficult. I have low self esteem and get paranoid about my partner leaving me. In the last relationships I ended it a few times because I thought she would be better without me. But then I would realise my mistake and try and make up the next day.
I find it hard making friendships because I worry people don't like me too much and I'm not actually sure how friendships work
I get bad depression and sometimes it stops me doing a lot of things
I don't self harm which is good. I do over eat at times and can impulsively shop
I obsess over social situations worrying if I said/did the right thing and if a person likes me or will I get rejected again
as well as not self harming I don't get angry outbursts or have an anger problem. I believe I have quiet bpd where most of the anger is internal and at myself.

2.) How was the process of getting diagnosed?
I felt bad for years but just put it down to social anxiety and depression as did the doctors. I actually had a sort of break down last May and ended up in a mental health hospital for nearly a month. On leaving I got an official diagnosis of bpd and social anxiety.

3.) Have you told people IRL about it? How did they react?
Yes I tell people and I worry they don't know much about bpd and make bad assumptions about me. My mum disowned me after getting my diagnosis

4.) Have you found any useful ways of coping and managing symptoms?
Distraction helps when I'm feeling bad I will try and read or do self care.
I have just started group dbt therapy.
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  #105  
Old 15th July 2017, 07:48
Clementine Clementine is offline
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Default Re: Borderline Personality Disorder

I hate when these ****ed up feelings take me over and make me feel and act like I'm crazy. I'm so ashamed of this shit. Being consumed by jealousy and paranoia and feeling like everybody despises and wants rid of me. I'm sick of craving reassurance and affection but not getting it, even though I also know I'd not be able to trust anyone who showed me any anyway. I feel so disgustingly weak and pathetic and it's no wonder nobody wants me. I just want to be free of this
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  #106  
Old 15th July 2017, 08:57
Ozzy Ozzy is offline
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Default Re: Borderline Personality Disorder

^ yup I wouldn't wish BPD on my worse enemy, I couldn't of wrote that better myself sums it up to a tee. I hate this illness with a passion but I have to live with it some how.
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  #107  
Old 15th July 2017, 19:43
Clementine Clementine is offline
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Default Re: Borderline Personality Disorder

^ Not a lot of fun is it
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  #108  
Old 16th July 2017, 19:04
Clementine Clementine is offline
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Default Re: Borderline Personality Disorder

I feel crap for thinking it but I really wish somebody appreciated just how much effort I put into keeping myself together when I'm going through this, it's exhausting and sometimes I wonder why I even bother trying. If I lost control then maybe someone would at least notice me and care.
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  #109  
Old 16th July 2017, 19:14
Dead Wife Dead Wife is offline
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Default Re: Borderline Personality Disorder

^ I feel the same.

I understand how difficult and tiring it is not to lose it. I know it doesn't count for much but you're not alone.
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  #110  
Old 16th July 2017, 19:29
Clementine Clementine is offline
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Default Re: Borderline Personality Disorder

Thank you, Lettie
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  #111  
Old 16th July 2017, 21:24
Clementine Clementine is offline
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Default Re: Borderline Personality Disorder

Does anyone have any coping mechanisms that they use when things are really severe? When all the emotional pain is so intense and overwhelming that you feel like you're losing your mind and desperately need to release it somehow? I don't want to hurt myself, I feel so disgusting afterwards. It's the only way I know that offers some temporary relief though. I'm just really struggling. I can't talk to anybody because I'm feeling so paranoid and don't feel like I can trust anyone.
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  #112  
Old 16th July 2017, 21:39
Dead Wife Dead Wife is offline
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Default Re: Borderline Personality Disorder

I wish I could help you. I haven't self-harmed in about a year, but all of my 'coping methods' are self-destructive in some way, to get myself from extremely low to very high in the quickest amount of time. I could never shoot for the middle.

It might seem dumb but I've always found a shower helps a tiny bit. Cleansed body, cleansed mind and all that. My head always feels clearer after one.

You could always do the rubber band thing, if you haven't already?
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  #113  
Old 17th July 2017, 12:41
Purplesnarf Purplesnarf is offline
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Default Re: Borderline Personality Disorder

^^ What Lettie said about getting a shower is a good tip, it lists it as a possible
coping tip on this website page link below.
There are other tips on there too, I hope you feel a bit better soon Clem x

http://www.mind.org.uk/information-s.../#.WWyRMYjyvIW
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  #114  
Old 17th July 2017, 12:50
Purplesnarf Purplesnarf is offline
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Default Re: Borderline Personality Disorder

I'm in a bit of a resentful mood atm.
I'm reminding myself (well trying to) of 2 sides of the story but its really hard not to feel hard done by, I just want to snap out of this mood.
Being bitter or resentful is pointless and just making me relive the events over and over in my head.
I need to go find something to distract me from thinking about nonsense cos its just like going on a merry go round over and over again.
I'm gonna make tea and find something to watch because I'm annoyed at myself for these daft thoughts that I want to fade soon as.
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  #115  
Old 17th July 2017, 14:18
Nervous Wreck Nervous Wreck is offline
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Default Re: Borderline Personality Disorder

^
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  #116  
Old 17th July 2017, 14:41
Ozzy Ozzy is offline
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Default Re: Borderline Personality Disorder

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  #117  
Old 18th July 2017, 14:40
Clementine Clementine is offline
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Default Re: Borderline Personality Disorder

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lettie Hempstock
I wish I could help you. I haven't self-harmed in about a year, but all of my 'coping methods' are self-destructive in some way, to get myself from extremely low to very high in the quickest amount of time. I could never shoot for the middle.

It might seem dumb but I've always found a shower helps a tiny bit. Cleansed body, cleansed mind and all that. My head always feels clearer after one.

You could always do the rubber band thing, if you haven't already?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Purplesnarf
^^ What Lettie said about getting a shower is a good tip, it lists it as a possible
coping tip on this website page link below.
There are other tips on there too, I hope you feel a bit better soon Clem x

http://www.mind.org.uk/information-s.../#.WWyRMYjyvIW
Thank you both Some of those things are offering some temporary relief.
The thing I'm mostly struggling with is feeling angry/frustrated, it's just doesn't feel like me and I hate it.
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  #118  
Old 18th July 2017, 16:25
Dead Wife Dead Wife is offline
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Default Re: Borderline Personality Disorder

^

'You should stop letting things affect you so much'
'You need to just move on'

Is it just me or does this kind of advice frustrate anybody else?
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  #119  
Old 18th July 2017, 17:49
jam jam is offline
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Default Re: Borderline Personality Disorder

I'm starting my new job in a couple of months, and I know for certain this will happen:

- I will get attached to colleagues.
- For no reason I will feel rejected by them.
- I will end up hating with a passion the colleagues I was attached to.
- I will idolise them again.
- I will fall in love with someone.
- I will lust over someone with ever ounce of my high sex drive, and fantasize about them constantly.
- I will pick out flaws in my gf as I get more attached to a colleague, and torture myself about why my gf can't be like them, and how maybe she's not perfect enough for me anymore, and how I might have to leave her.
- All of the above will be the reasons I'd want to quit my job and find a new one.


I'm not looking forward to this sh*t storm....... But at the same time I really am. So f***ed up, really is.
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  #120  
Old 18th July 2017, 20:12
Merritt Merritt is offline
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Default Re: Borderline Personality Disorder

^ I think that sort of thing is partly what's driven me to always be so isolated and separate from society. I get overwhelmed with thoughts and feelings when I'm around people, and given time they turn into extremes of thinking someone hates me, or falling in love with someone, or inexplicably disliking someone, etc. There are lots of elements of BPD that I don't relate to, but I think that might be just because I avoid most situations they could manifest in. Like not realising you're agoraphobic because you never leave the house.
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