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  #91  
Old 16th June 2017, 09:50
Clementine Clementine is offline
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Default Re: Borderline Personality Disorder

Rejection/abandonment issues are really taking me over again at the moment. Feeling like nobody likes me or wants to talk to me, that everyone sees me as a joke or as annoying or just doesn't see me at all.
Even with my best friend, if he doesn't speak to me much then I'm convinced that he's sick of me so I try to leave him alone instead of pestering him with my pathetic neediness. Then I feel lonelier and more rejected though.
It's hard when you're reliant on others to provide you with a sense of self worth and validation because you're incapable of finding any within yourself. It's not fair on anyone else either.
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  #92  
Old 16th June 2017, 10:28
Rianne Rianne is offline
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Default Re: Borderline Personality Disorder

Clementine, that's exactly how I feel. You could not have expressed it better.
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  #93  
Old 16th June 2017, 10:59
Clementine Clementine is offline
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Default Re: Borderline Personality Disorder

^
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  #94  
Old 16th June 2017, 18:17
Clementine Clementine is offline
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Default Re: Borderline Personality Disorder

I wish my feelings had an off switch.
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  #95  
Old 16th June 2017, 18:32
David K David K is offline
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Default Re: Borderline Personality Disorder

^
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  #96  
Old 16th June 2017, 18:51
Clementine Clementine is offline
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Default Re: Borderline Personality Disorder

^ *squeeze*
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  #97  
Old 16th June 2017, 19:17
Azalea Azalea is offline
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Default Re: Borderline Personality Disorder

Quote:
Originally Posted by Clementine
I wish my feelings had an off switch.
Me too, would make life a lot easier.
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  #98  
Old 1st July 2017, 17:58
A Whimsical Stranger A Whimsical Stranger is offline
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Default Re: Borderline Personality Disorder

So confused and frustrated. I hate this.
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  #99  
Old 13th July 2017, 13:02
Shy1987 Shy1987 is offline
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Default Re: Borderline Personality Disorder

I saw this thread and thought I will reply.



1.) How does your BPD affect you?
I feel my self identity isn't very strong. I sort of have a detached feeling and emptyness inside. But I am trying to socialise more and find out what I'm interested in. I don't know what I want to do with my life. I feel that I'm always the odd one out.
I find romantic relationships difficult. I have low self esteem and get paranoid about my partner leaving me. In the last relationships I ended it a few times because I thought she would be better without me. But then I would realise my mistake and try and make up the next day.
I find it hard making friendships because I worry people don't like me too much and I'm not actually sure how friendships work
I get bad depression and sometimes it stops me doing a lot of things
I don't self harm which is good. I do over eat at times and can impulsively shop
I obsess over social situations worrying if I said/did the right thing and if a person likes me or will I get rejected again
as well as not self harming I don't get angry outbursts or have an anger problem. I believe I have quiet bpd where most of the anger is internal and at myself.

2.) How was the process of getting diagnosed?
I felt bad for years but just put it down to social anxiety and depression as did the doctors. I actually had a sort of break down last May and ended up in a mental health hospital for nearly a month. On leaving I got an official diagnosis of bpd and social anxiety.

3.) Have you told people IRL about it? How did they react?
Yes I tell people and I worry they don't know much about bpd and make bad assumptions about me. My mum disowned me after getting my diagnosis

4.) Have you found any useful ways of coping and managing symptoms?
Distraction helps when I'm feeling bad I will try and read or do self care.
I have just started group dbt therapy.
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  #100  
Old 15th July 2017, 07:48
Clementine Clementine is offline
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Default Re: Borderline Personality Disorder

I hate when these ****ed up feelings take me over and make me feel and act like I'm crazy. I'm so ashamed of this shit. Being consumed by jealousy and paranoia and feeling like everybody despises and wants rid of me. I'm sick of craving reassurance and affection but not getting it, even though I also know I'd not be able to trust anyone who showed me any anyway. I feel so disgustingly weak and pathetic and it's no wonder nobody wants me. I just want to be free of this
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  #101  
Old 15th July 2017, 08:57
Mental Elf Mental Elf is offline
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Default Re: Borderline Personality Disorder

^ yup I wouldn't wish BPD on my worse enemy, I couldn't of wrote that better myself sums it up to a tee. I hate this illness with a passion but I have to live with it some how.
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  #102  
Old 15th July 2017, 19:43
Clementine Clementine is offline
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Default Re: Borderline Personality Disorder

^ Not a lot of fun is it
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  #103  
Old 16th July 2017, 19:04
Clementine Clementine is offline
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Default Re: Borderline Personality Disorder

I feel crap for thinking it but I really wish somebody appreciated just how much effort I put into keeping myself together when I'm going through this, it's exhausting and sometimes I wonder why I even bother trying. If I lost control then maybe someone would at least notice me and care.
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  #104  
Old 16th July 2017, 19:14
A Whimsical Stranger A Whimsical Stranger is offline
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Default Re: Borderline Personality Disorder

^ I feel the same.

I understand how difficult and tiring it is not to lose it. I know it doesn't count for much but you're not alone.
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  #105  
Old 16th July 2017, 19:29
Clementine Clementine is offline
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Default Re: Borderline Personality Disorder

Thank you, Lettie
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  #106  
Old 16th July 2017, 21:24
Clementine Clementine is offline
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Default Re: Borderline Personality Disorder

Does anyone have any coping mechanisms that they use when things are really severe? When all the emotional pain is so intense and overwhelming that you feel like you're losing your mind and desperately need to release it somehow? I don't want to hurt myself, I feel so disgusting afterwards. It's the only way I know that offers some temporary relief though. I'm just really struggling. I can't talk to anybody because I'm feeling so paranoid and don't feel like I can trust anyone.
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  #107  
Old 16th July 2017, 21:39
A Whimsical Stranger A Whimsical Stranger is offline
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Default Re: Borderline Personality Disorder

I wish I could help you. I haven't self-harmed in about a year, but all of my 'coping methods' are self-destructive in some way, to get myself from extremely low to very high in the quickest amount of time. I could never shoot for the middle.

It might seem dumb but I've always found a shower helps a tiny bit. Cleansed body, cleansed mind and all that. My head always feels clearer after one.

You could always do the rubber band thing, if you haven't already?
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  #108  
Old 17th July 2017, 12:41
Purplesnarf Purplesnarf is offline
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Default Re: Borderline Personality Disorder

^^ What Lettie said about getting a shower is a good tip, it lists it as a possible
coping tip on this website page link below.
There are other tips on there too, I hope you feel a bit better soon Clem x

http://www.mind.org.uk/information-s.../#.WWyRMYjyvIW
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  #109  
Old 17th July 2017, 12:50
Purplesnarf Purplesnarf is offline
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Default Re: Borderline Personality Disorder

I'm in a bit of a resentful mood atm.
I'm reminding myself (well trying to) of 2 sides of the story but its really hard not to feel hard done by, I just want to snap out of this mood.
Being bitter or resentful is pointless and just making me relive the events over and over in my head.
I need to go find something to distract me from thinking about nonsense cos its just like going on a merry go round over and over again.
I'm gonna make tea and find something to watch because I'm annoyed at myself for these daft thoughts that I want to fade soon as.
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  #110  
Old 17th July 2017, 14:18
Rianne Rianne is offline
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Default Re: Borderline Personality Disorder

^
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  #111  
Old 17th July 2017, 14:41
Mental Elf Mental Elf is offline
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Default Re: Borderline Personality Disorder

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  #112  
Old 18th July 2017, 14:40
Clementine Clementine is offline
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Default Re: Borderline Personality Disorder

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lettie Hempstock
I wish I could help you. I haven't self-harmed in about a year, but all of my 'coping methods' are self-destructive in some way, to get myself from extremely low to very high in the quickest amount of time. I could never shoot for the middle.

It might seem dumb but I've always found a shower helps a tiny bit. Cleansed body, cleansed mind and all that. My head always feels clearer after one.

You could always do the rubber band thing, if you haven't already?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Purplesnarf
^^ What Lettie said about getting a shower is a good tip, it lists it as a possible
coping tip on this website page link below.
There are other tips on there too, I hope you feel a bit better soon Clem x

http://www.mind.org.uk/information-s.../#.WWyRMYjyvIW
Thank you both Some of those things are offering some temporary relief.
The thing I'm mostly struggling with is feeling angry/frustrated, it's just doesn't feel like me and I hate it.
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  #113  
Old 18th July 2017, 16:25
A Whimsical Stranger A Whimsical Stranger is offline
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Default Re: Borderline Personality Disorder

^

'You should stop letting things affect you so much'
'You need to just move on'

Is it just me or does this kind of advice frustrate anybody else?
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  #114  
Old 18th July 2017, 17:49
Childish Jambino Childish Jambino is offline
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Default Re: Borderline Personality Disorder

I'm starting my new job in a couple of months, and I know for certain this will happen:

- I will get attached to colleagues.
- For no reason I will feel rejected by them.
- I will end up hating with a passion the colleagues I was attached to.
- I will idolise them again.
- I will fall in love with someone.
- I will lust over someone with ever ounce of my high sex drive, and fantasize about them constantly.
- I will pick out flaws in my gf as I get more attached to a colleague, and torture myself about why my gf can't be like them, and how maybe she's not perfect enough for me anymore, and how I might have to leave her.
- All of the above will be the reasons I'd want to quit my job and find a new one.


I'm not looking forward to this sh*t storm....... But at the same time I really am. So f***ed up, really is.
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  #115  
Old 18th July 2017, 20:12
Merritt Merritt is offline
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Default Re: Borderline Personality Disorder

^ I think that sort of thing is partly what's driven me to always be so isolated and separate from society. I get overwhelmed with thoughts and feelings when I'm around people, and given time they turn into extremes of thinking someone hates me, or falling in love with someone, or inexplicably disliking someone, etc. There are lots of elements of BPD that I don't relate to, but I think that might be just because I avoid most situations they could manifest in. Like not realising you're agoraphobic because you never leave the house.
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  #116  
Old 18th July 2017, 20:19
Rianne Rianne is offline
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Default Re: Borderline Personality Disorder

^^^ No, it's not just you and yes, it's absolutely infuriating. If we could stop letting things affect us, and if we could just move on, don't people realise that we would do exactly that?!
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  #117  
Old 18th July 2017, 20:50
Childish Jambino Childish Jambino is offline
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Default Re: Borderline Personality Disorder

Quote:
Originally Posted by Merritt
^ I think that sort of thing is partly what's driven me to always be so isolated and separate from society. I get overwhelmed with thoughts and feelings when I'm around people, and given time they turn into extremes of thinking someone hates me, or falling in love with someone, or inexplicably disliking someone, etc. There are lots of elements of BPD that I don't relate to, but I think that might be just because I avoid most situations they could manifest in. Like not realising you're agoraphobic because you never leave the house.
Yeah same, it's also the reason why I find it difficult to have friends in general.
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  #118  
Old 20th July 2017, 17:43
A Whimsical Stranger A Whimsical Stranger is offline
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Default Re: Borderline Personality Disorder

I've realised lately that I'm basically a child in a woman's body. A giant, pathetic woman-baby.
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  #119  
Old 20th July 2017, 18:29
Clementine Clementine is offline
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Default Re: Borderline Personality Disorder

^ Join the club!
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  #120  
Old 20th July 2017, 18:40
Merritt Merritt is offline
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Default Re: Borderline Personality Disorder

Hello. I too never mentally developed past the age of 13.
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