I hate the unemployment life

[hollowone]

I just want to get this off my chest.

Being unemployed is like a prison sentence. I***8217;m too scared to approach employers. It***8217;s like my comfort zone is closing in. I have a serious problem of avoidance of job-search-related activities. I don***8217;t know where to start. I'm more disoriented and directionless than a headless chicken. Everything is now turning into a huge effort, my motivation is draining away and I'm scared there's no source of help and that there is no escape from this stagnant situation. Also, I'm starting to feel tired all the time and I'm worried that I might not have the stamina to cope with a job, which is affecting my motivation.

The worst part is the social isolation and the psychological barrier. It's getting to the point where I'm too scared to try to met new people and get into contact with old friends purely due to the fear of being asked what I'm doing with my life and my time. You have no idea what sort of a psychological wall it is. It's an invisible barrier. I don't know what to do, I feel that there's nowhere to turn. It's not just being unemployed, it's a state of being inactive and stagnant and having no idea where to go or where to turn for help. I'm also feeling left behind, like a failure at life.

I'm active in various folk clubs and have also started teaching myself Russian and recapping my Spanish, though I must admit, progress is slow because all the above are extremely draining. It's like I'm running on a flat battery.

I find the daily routine and having no structure unbelievably difficult to deal with. Having all that time and not knowing how to fill and structure it. Having nowhere to go in the daytime, I find that monumentally difficult (or else I just have shit willpower).

I can't find much help for people in my situation on the INTERNET. Everything I Google-up is just depressing; articles that bang-on about how grim the prospects are for people who're unemployed, some with such inspiring titles as 'long term unemployed people may never get jobs'. I'm hoping to see examples of people who've escaped similar situations to mine, I'm looking for inspiration, not depressing rubbish. I'm looking for ways to cope, for ways to find out what I want to do (which seems to be heavily classified information). Why is there so much depressing rubbish? Apparently negativity sells, it doesn't sell to me.

Does anyone relate to any of these challenges, and most importantly, has anyone ever escaped? What can I do? Where can I start to make changes?

[Consolida]

I can relate 100% to everything you’ve written here Hollowone

Sadly, I don’t have anything positive to contribute or any inspirational stories about my own situation regarding employment but I wish you all the very best of luck in your job search

[umm]

I have been in that situation and you've expressed it very well. Fortunately I have found that it only "seems" like such an insurmountable barrier rather than genuinely "being" one, and returning to even fairly low wage jobs makes all the difference. Question - what sort of jobs are you looking for? If you are aiming for quite skilled stuff it may be an idea to try and get something more straightforward first (shop work, temp work, kind of low wage stuff) and get to that stage of employment first before furthering your search. If you are looking simply for any job, lower waged or no (again, I've been there) then try and make a daily routine of it. Go into the nearest town and look for those "help wanted" signs in windows. Sign up with a temping agency. I found job centres and unemployment centres pretty unhelpful. Oh and avoid any sorts of grim stats or news about the subject and just focus on actively searching. Good luck - you will get there.

[Ronnie_Pickering]

job agencies can be a solution. I think job searching is soul destroying, agencies can kind of help. For example I am doing really easy Christmas work at the moment amongst people. Job agencies are buggers, and won't ring back, but there are the good ones. Best Connection is one I like.

[hollowone]

Thanks everyone for you r replies.

@ vaxjo

As for jobs take whatever you can get (temp ageencies will take anyone in my experience, they even took me).

I am willing to take anything; as long as I don't have to put-up with this soul-crushing isolation, boredom, lack of routine, imprisonment in the house, the social awkwardness of being asked 'what do you do'. 'what are you doing with your time'. I don't care how shit the job is as long as I don't have to put-up with this rubbish. My problem is not being picky, it's avoidance. Lack of references, fear of being confronted by that, fear of being confronted by gaps in my cv is what's causing me to put if off. Of course I know I'll be millions of times better-off working, even if it's a rubbish job, but I feel trapped by these psychological barriers.

The only selectiveness factor I have is accepting a job that might make me worse-off socially; something that involves being isolated a lot of the time, is very long hours, and leaves little time or energy to devote to social pursuits. I'd find that miserable and depressing. As long as I don't end-up accepting anything of that criteria.

Look; as long as it meets my values and doesn't involve being more socially-isolated than I am, as long as I'm not imprisoned in the house. I hate having that blank slate everyday, not knowing what to do and having to improvise my days.

Regarding the online option. That would appeal to me. Although it won't get me a social life like some jobs do. I do enjoy having a good rant no and again. The only fear is commitment, those days when you're motivation isn't there when you have to keep going as if you're fully fired up flat out, all the time. What sort of exertion is required? Would it be similar to practicing songs for the folk night, making lists, picking out those weak bits of songs, practicing them, and running through them? Is it a similar level of mental exertion to that? Or is it more like the exertion levels of manually turning over and overcoming the compression of a diesel engine?

[umm]

Originally Posted by hollowone

Thanks everyone for you r replies.

@ vaxjo

I am willing to take anything; as long as I don't have to put-up with this soul-crushing isolation, boredom, lack of routine, imprisonment in the house, the social awkwardness of being asked 'what do you do'. 'what are you doing with your time'. I don't care how shit the job is as long as I don't have to put-up with this rubbish. My problem is not being picky, it's avoidance. Lack of references, fear of being confronted by that, fear of being confronted by gaps in my cv is what's causing me to put if off. Of course I know I'll be millions of times better-off working, even if it's a rubbish job, but I feel trapped by these psychological barriers.

The only selectiveness factor I have is accepting a job that might make me worse-off socially; something that involves being isolated a lot of the time, is very long hours, and leaves little time or energy to devote to social pursuits. I'd find that miserable and depressing. As long as I don't end-up accepting anything of that criteria.

Look; as long as it meets my values and doesn't involve being more socially-isolated than I am, as long as I'm not imprisoned in the house. I hate having that blank slate everyday, not knowing what to do and having to improvise my days.

Regarding the online option. That would appeal to me. Although it won't get me a social life like some jobs do. I do enjoy having a good rant no and again. The only fear is commitment, those days when you're motivation isn't there when you have to keep going as if you're fully fired up flat out, all the time. What sort of exertion is required? Would it be similar to practicing songs for the folk night, making lists, picking out those weak bits of songs, practicing them, and running through them? Is it a similar level of mental exertion to that? Or is it more like the exertion levels of manually turning over and overcoming the compression of a diesel engine?

I would honestly look at temping. It gets you out of the house, and get this: many people who temp are - hallelujah! - in not so different a situation as yourself, with gaps in their working life and whatnot. That's a double bonus because a. references and CV gaps are not such the stumbling block they would be in a more professional, career-oriented position, and b. you may encounter people who are in some way a bit more "like you". And commitment? In temping? Ha! Absenteeism is rife, shoddy performance the norm, so just turning up and doing a day's work puts you ahead of the pack. Of course then you run the risk of being snapped up as a permanent staff member, but you can always say no. I used to enjoy warehouse work; packing and stuff. I worked at the Nintendo warehouse, and soap packing, and even spent two weeks pressure testing valves for container ships, which sounds cool and was incredibly easy, bearing more resemblance to firing up a garden sprinkler than anything else

Edit: I forgot to ask: you mention being active in various folk clubs. Is there some way you can make that pay? If you are a musician you can easily get gigs that pay a few bob of an evening, or you could make money off events and festivals and stuff. Just a thought.

[choirgirl]

I can strongly identify with a lot of what you've said. Definitely been there...many times. This is one of many reasons why unemployment, especially broke unemployment, is really not like the sabbatical/holiday/mini-retirement people seem to think it is.

How about voluntary work? But I second the temping. It might be hard to combine the two, that's the only thing. When I got in my rut the fourth time, I think it was the fourth time, I did find volunteer work helpful, and I really should have started it as soon as I went downhill again.

[limey123]

Originally Posted by silenus

Sometimes I would wake up in the morning and phone the agency to tell them that I wasn't going back, then the next week they would be pestering me again offering me something else.

Whenever I've quit agency jobs it's pissed them off royally, and I never heard from them again. I even think they all keep a central database of "bottlers".

[choirgirl]

Things have changed. Not that I want to start a basement level discussion, but let's just say there is a large supply of labour for these jobs.

[Schmosby]

I do find motivation difficult when not employed. Due to the SA, Interviews/first days seem impossible and therefore looking for work feels like a complete waste of time. Reading job description after job description that want somone socially adept is very disheartening especially when it all too often isn't required for the job, but is just a personal preference.

There are jobs out there though and you do need to be in it to win it as they say. The more jobs you apply for the more chance you have.

[Schmosby]

Originally Posted by gregarious_introvert

I've not been able to find anything at all - now, 10 years off retirement age, with a seven years' gap on my CV and no references for the previous decade (as the companies for which I worked either no longer exist or have moved out of the UK), there is no realistic prospect of me working again (and to be honest, I'm not interested - I am better off now than at any time in the 35 years I was working and I am able to use my time more productively to help others).

I've got the same issue with references, all the businesses I've previously worked for no longer exist. It actually cost me the other (better paid) job I was offered at the same time as this one, as they just refused to accept me without references.

I also have issues with gaps in employment due to depression, agoraphobia, SA etc. but as all the businesses I've worked for are no longer contactable, I've just closed the gaps on my CV.

I checked the unemployment rates where you are compared to London and the rates are higher here, yet it's pretty easy to get work. Are you in a specialised line if work?

I think there is nothing wrong with early retirement if you can afford it. Being a slave for 60 years is probably nobody's cup of tea. What do you do to help others? I want to do something more fulfilling and worthwhile when I stop working, helping animals most likely.

[edbander]

I agree, I hate being unemployed. If it's any news, most places I have worked people have always been bogged down, so it seems companies could use manpower

[hollowone]

@ umm and everyone who've seconded

That will be my straight-away goal. I've heard that temping agencies are good. A mate of mine who's taught English in Spain and has now recently gone to Ecuador told me he found work that way. It's too overwhelming to think of ALL the businesses in my area, it's more manageable to look-up, go to and apply to temping agencies. That'll be my straight-away action.

I forgot to mention; financially, I'm living at home. I'm more concerned about experience, employability and my mental health. Right now, I just want work experience and an escape from the isolation, the imprisonment in the house (having nowhere to go to) and to meet new people, and to not put up with the awkwardness of being asked 'what do you do' when I meet people. Anything that gets me away from that will do. Anything is a stepping stone.

[choirgirl]

Fair enough Vaxjo, it's the same in my area. There's a lot of work, a lot of badly paid work that doesn't even pay the rent, AND employers expect you to run a car even for a part-time minimum wage job. Kerazy!

[hollowone]

^Thats why we need comrade Corbyn to put an end to the austerity scam and to put an end to idle un-regulated slumlords charging extortionate rents and taking multiple holidays in the Bahama's; purely a result of housebuilding being at it's lowest level since the 1920's. Anyway, that's a different topic. For the moment;

@ Change,

you work at home? It can have similar charateristics to being unemployed, with the social isolation, the finding a reason to leave the house thing. My brother was in a similar situation a few years ago.

One thing I find difficult about being unemployed is deciding what to do with each day and finding a reason to get out the house. I just get overwhelmed. I've tried setting goals and making lists, but this stupid brain just doesn't want to do it even more if I make it a goal. Why is that? Anyone else had this problem? ow did you get past it?

[snoo]

I think it's difficult to get past. I have more or less the same problem. I'm not unemployed but I often have a lot of free time. I feel rather ashamed that if I had put this time to good use I may be different.

At the basic stage get yourself a routine, for instance, wake up early and get dressed almost as if you are about to go to work.

[quietRiot10]

I can relate to this massively.
I was unemployed after uni for about 7 months until I got a full-time job in an office. I managed to stay there a year and then had a breakdown. Was then unemployed for another 7 months. I was trying to do too much though. I finally managed to get a part-time job in retail. Although retail makes my anxiety spike it has put me out of my comfort zone. But I also have the flexibility of moving around the store instead of being at a desk sat next to the same people all day everyday. It depends what type of environment you prefer.

During the latest spell of unemployment I tried to keep myself busy by getting into a proper routine. Up early, cleaning the house, keeping on top of bathing and getting dressed etc.
I would often leave the house and go to a coffee shop and bring my laptop and do active job searching. I would spend time writing different CVs catered for different jobs e.g. like retail cvs, admin cvs etc , different cover letters, cover letters for volunteering positions. I would then update my CVs and cover letters on various job boards.
You have to stay focused on what you want to do and not put too much pressure on yourself. Everyone finds themselves in this position and you have to remember how tough it is when you add SA to the mix. Be kind to yourself.
Start small, like volunteering, temp jobs (great for picking up lots of different skills and figuring out what kind of work suits you) and part-time jobs.

[anewyear]

Originally Posted by hollowone

^
you work at home? It can have similar charateristics to being unemployed, with the social isolation, the finding a reason to leave the house thing. My brother was in a similar situation a few years ago.

One thing I find difficult about being unemployed is deciding what to do with each day and finding a reason to get out the house. I just get overwhelmed. I've tried setting goals and making lists, but this stupid brain just doesn't want to do it even more if I make it a goal. Why is that? Anyone else had this problem? ow did you get past it?

I work from home and hate it, and I'm lucky to have a wife and kid who I say goodbye to in the morning and hello to in the evening. I used to be office based but we were made home workers.

I'm just back from a 40 minute round trip walk to Sainsburys to buy some dishwasher cleaner that wasn't urgent.. However that distraction does help with the goals / list issue that you talk about as it clears your mind

[anewyear]

Hollowone, is there a goal you can set that is totally within your control and doesn't depend on the interaction of others? I'm thinking something like, going for a regular run and tracking the improvement that you make over the course of a month? If you feel self conscious running then maybe go late at night or something when the streets are emptier. Just a thought.. it may not get you a job but may improve your mental welfare.

[Shy1987]

Oh it does suck being unemployed especially if you don't have a good support network.