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  #1  
Old 20th June 2019, 18:26
Ghost_ Ghost_ is offline
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Default Do you get anxious about chatting to neighbours?

I don't know why it bothers me so much.

I moved last year to a nicer area, there are a lot of retired folk around that always seem to be out, doing their front gardens, chatting to each other etc.

It's making me really anxious about leaving the house! And when I walk up the street to come home I feel sick, it just makes me sad as I like living here in other respects.

I think I worry about coming across as an oddball, as soon as I see someone I go all shaky. I had one asking me if I work, and I just told them I'm studying. If I've been shopping I will use one of my own bags, as I'm on benefits and feel like I don't deserve to spend the money and they'll judge me

It's bin day tomorrow so I'll have to pick my moment to take them out, one chap's out there now in the garden. I know it's OTT but don't know how to not be anxious about it.
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  #2  
Old 20th June 2019, 19:49
Purple88 Purple88 is offline
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Default Re: Do you get anxious about chatting to neighbours?

Yes i also get anxious about having to chat to the neighbors i live in a block of flats and if the neighbors are in the hallway i wait a few minutes before going out to avoid bumping into them/having to share the lift.
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  #3  
Old 20th June 2019, 20:30
anewyear anewyear is offline
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Default Re: Do you get anxious about chatting to neighbours?

I'm lucky in that the neighbours on both sides are lovely and I'm happy to chat with them. But I have similar in that there is a pub a stone's throw from my house, yet I tend not to go there too much in case I bump into other neighbours. Would feel like a proper plum if they started chatting
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  #4  
Old 21st June 2019, 06:12
Pub Jo Pub Jo is offline
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Default Re: Do you get anxious about chatting to neighbours?

I had neighbours that every so often would collect in the middle of my street and chat about whatever for sometimes up to an hour.In the ten years i lived there i completely avoided this but it just really wound me up. I also felt very nervous walking home for the fear of them hanging in their front gardens,it was hell .My direct neighbour when i first moved there must have noticed this because he stated that i should talk to my neighbours but he had a massive row with my loudest neighbour about parking spaces so at least that felt good because i wasn't pleased having SA about his initial comments to me.Luckily i had a pensioner next door that like me kept away from it but i got on very well with her so didnt feel totally alienated.The only solution i'm afraid was to move.Now i just have one great neighbour next door,i'm a corner house that just has the occassional twice yearly five minute chat with the wife and i,all the others keep to themselves..its heaven here.Sorry about your pain hope you find a solution.
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  #5  
Old 21st June 2019, 08:46
firemonkey firemonkey is offline
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Default Re: Do you get anxious about chatting to neighbours?

I've seen my neighbour a couple of times. We've exchanged greetings, but not had a proper conversation. .
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  #6  
Old 21st June 2019, 11:33
roro_1990 roro_1990 is offline
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Default Re: Do you get anxious about chatting to neighbours?

I've lived in the same neighborhood for 28 years and I would have an extended conversation with maybe 3 people out of around 70 to 80 that live in my vicinity. I'm convinced I'm that guy that everyone thinks is a weirdo/loner but oh well.
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  #7  
Old 21st June 2019, 18:43
TaliaM TaliaM is offline
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Default Re: Do you get anxious about chatting to neighbours?

Yes, but it also depends who it is and what it is about. I'm friendly with one neighbour if he approaches me first, he's really nice, even then I do still feel a bit awkward and struggle to reply. We got to know each other quite recently when another neighbour who lived in the house between me and him fell really ill and we were really concerned for his welfare. We both had to run errands for him and get him the help he needed. Another neighbour directly next to me I have nothing to do with, we've exchanged the occasional mumbled hello but that's it. I don't even know his name. Maybe he has issues like me! I've not got to know any other neighbours in our block. It fills me with dread whenever one of them has taken a parcel in for me. I get really scared to knock on someone's door. I'm worried that I'm going to knock at an inconvenient time or something. There's a couple who recently moved in, the woman always just glares at me when she sees me, I don't get a good vibe.
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  #8  
Old 21st June 2019, 21:31
Ghost_ Ghost_ is offline
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Default Re: Do you get anxious about chatting to neighbours?

Thanks for the replies.

Talia, I'm a bit like that as well, if someone approaches me first I can relax a bit and try and have a little chat. Find it hard to initiate saying hello.

I've said hi to a few people down the road though, sometimes I'll see them standing on the drive, but they're not close enough to say anything. So I feel really awkward and don't know what to do, I don't want to shout at them I'm probably overthinking it, but I can come across as aloof or rude at times.
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  #9  
Old 22nd June 2019, 19:34
Sisyphus Sisyphus is offline
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Default Re: Do you get anxious about chatting to neighbours?

Yes, I can relate to this.

I really needed to weed the drive after all this rain and it seemed that everyone else had chosen to go out and work too.

This is something that I just have to force myself to do otherwise it gets worse the next time.

Thankfully they wanted to talk so all I had to do was nod in the right places and be a good listener.
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  #10  
Old 22nd June 2019, 22:54
limey123 limey123 is offline
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Default Re: Do you get anxious about chatting to neighbours?

Yes, this can be a problem.
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  #11  
Old 23rd June 2019, 21:38
theshyone theshyone is offline
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Default Re: Do you get anxious about chatting to neighbours?

Same! And I find it's the same on holiday - when people from the hotel we're staying in try to chat I find it really stressful and try to avoid them afterwards.
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  #12  
Old 23rd June 2019, 21:47
Vance Vance is offline
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Default Re: Do you get anxious about chatting to neighbours?

I've chatted with my neighbours a number of times but it never seems to get any easier, I always feel awkward.

If I'm about to leave the house and I see the neighbours outside I'll often wait until they're gone before stepping out the front door. Yes, I really am that cowardly.
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  #13  
Old 23rd June 2019, 21:50
T T is offline
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Default Re: Do you get anxious about chatting to neighbours?

Yes i can relate to this been in my house for about 9 years and only spoken to a few neighbours to say Hi and that once or twice i've had a conversation other than Hi but thats about it



Prob thinking i'm weird and a loner too
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  #14  
Old 23rd June 2019, 22:59
R.H.I.N.O. R.H.I.N.O. is offline
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Default Re: Do you get anxious about chatting to neighbours?

Anxious no, but i avoid talking to them if at all possible because i hate small talk, and most neighbourly chat is of that variety. If i need to discuss something with them, like when i told them i was building a new fence, then i have no problems with that.
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  #15  
Old 23rd June 2019, 23:06
limey123 limey123 is offline
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Default Re: Do you get anxious about chatting to neighbours?

Quote:
Originally Posted by theshyone
Same! And I find it's the same on holiday - when people from the hotel we're staying in try to chat I find it really stressful and try to avoid them afterwards.
This. When me and the gf went on a cruise to Norway, we kept running into the same couple over and again, despite there being some 1500 people on the ship! It wasn't an issue for my gf, but I found it distinctly awkward after a while.
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  #16  
Old 24th June 2019, 12:26
Ghost_ Ghost_ is offline
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Default Re: Do you get anxious about chatting to neighbours?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Vance
I've chatted with my neighbours a number of times but it never seems to get any easier, I always feel awkward.

If I'm about to leave the house and I see the neighbours outside I'll often wait until they're gone before stepping out the front door. Yes, I really am that cowardly.
I feel the same as you Vance I wish it did get easier. I guess waiting until they're gone before going out doesn't help but I do it myself and know how hard it is to push past it.
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  #17  
Old 24th June 2019, 17:54
SonicandTails SonicandTails is offline
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Default Re: Do you get anxious about chatting to neighbours?

You sound exactly like me.

I have lived next door to the same neighbour for 20 years and I avoid her as much as possible as I get stressed when I have to talk to her. I can never think of anything to say and negative thoughts invade my head about what she must think of me etc etc.

Putting the bins out yep try and run in and out as quickly as possible. Also we have a large front garden which I hate. Have to build up the courage over a few days before I can venture outside to mow the lawn, cut the hedge as more often than not a neighbour will come over for a 'friendly chat'!
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  #18  
Old 25th June 2019, 11:35
Ghost_ Ghost_ is offline
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Default Re: Do you get anxious about chatting to neighbours?

Hey Sonic, I was talking to my counsellor about it and she said they probably think nothing of it if you seem a bit awkward, as people are more focused on themselves.

I know this is true, but when you're in anxiety mode it's hard to actually believe it.

I'm new to my area so think I'm getting a bit preoccupied about "giving a good impression."
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  #19  
Old 26th June 2019, 03:04
newbs16 newbs16 is offline
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Default Re: Do you get anxious about chatting to neighbours?

I even getting anxious when I visit a friends flat, there is a path and communal area and I am just relieved when they answer the door and the neighbours were no where to be seen.
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  #20  
Old 26th June 2019, 20:00
az1 az1 is offline
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Default Re: Do you get anxious about chatting to neighbours?

If I notice anyone outside then I would wait till they go back in unless I have to go out to pick up the kids from school. But most of the time I just leave the house and if I do bump into a neighbour then I do say hello if they notice me.
Theres only a 3 or 4 of the neighbours I talk to anyway. There are some nice people around though. One of my neighbour offered to give me the deposit to buy the house I live in!
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  #21  
Old 26th June 2019, 20:36
Mr. Nobody Mr. Nobody is offline
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Default Re: Do you get anxious about chatting to neighbours?

Yes,.I get anxious around any kind of neighbour interfacing,

When I examine why,
(because it's obviously not something to actually be worried about, logically)
it's like I'm afraid some kind of hidden seething hatred will come out, or a horribly false level of faux friendliness or perhaps some sort of verbal tourettes will escape from me and I'll say something awful to them, or, ..god knows what,.
I think it's basically a fear of seeing my place in this society in the mirror of their reactions to me and my reactions to them, relating to people, you are psychologically revealing yourself completely.

Indoors, out of contact from relationships with neighbours, I can imagine I'm this or that,.
But face to face reality with neighbours, you're exposed as you are, and I think it's this I'm avoiding or escaping from, rather than anything else.
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  #22  
Old 26th June 2019, 21:04
limey123 limey123 is offline
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Default Re: Do you get anxious about chatting to neighbours?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr. Nobody
But face to face reality with neighbours, you're exposed as you are, and I think it's this I'm avoiding or escaping from, rather than anything else.

Yeah, it's like others reflect back to you the essence of who/how you are, and that can be a disconcerting revelation.
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  #23  
Old 7th July 2019, 18:36
Purplesnarf Purplesnarf is offline
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Default Re: Do you get anxious about chatting to neighbours?

Yes I would do but I just smile or say hello to them when I see them. I don't initiate conversations or anything like that.
I've been living here over a year now and I can't see that changing which is fine by me.
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  #24  
Old 7th July 2019, 20:46
Schmosby Schmosby is offline
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Default Re: Do you get anxious about chatting to neighbours?

This is what I'm worried about when I move to Wales. Hopefully I'll just get used to it.
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  #25  
Old 12th July 2019, 17:07
Ghost_ Ghost_ is offline
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Default Re: Do you get anxious about chatting to neighbours?

^ I wish my neighbours were all cats instead of people. My neighbours cat is feisty though, I was petting him the other day and wasn't happy when I tried to stop. He was meowing and taking a swipe for me as I walked away!
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  #26  
Old 13th July 2019, 13:31
Marwood_2 Marwood_2 is offline
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Default Re: Do you get anxious about chatting to neighbours?

I used to get anxious talking with neighbours. Sometimes I'd check to see if anyone was outside before taking the rubbish out. And at my last flat there was a concierge who sat out front in a little booth and it made me so anxious if he was out there. I'm not even sure why.

It was never so bad when I did bump into anyone. it was just the anticipation. Most of my anxiety is from thinking about what might happen.

I have the opposite problem where I am now and sometimes it would be nice to bump into neighbours more often. Perhaps that's a sign the SA is diminishing. I'm still nowhere near knocking on anyone's door to borrow sugar though
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  #27  
Old 17th July 2019, 22:52
sillypenguin sillypenguin is offline
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Default Re: Do you get anxious about chatting to neighbours?

My neighbours are a massive source of stress for me as they are inconsiderate, noisy and selfish and I've lost many hours of sleep due to them. I have no interest in taking to them or being civil, i actually want to move away (but i don't have the money) as its been going on so long, anything that I've done to nip it in the bud has only been short lived then it starts again...
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  #28  
Old 19th July 2019, 19:03
TaliaM TaliaM is offline
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Default Re: Do you get anxious about chatting to neighbours?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ghost_
^ I wish my neighbours were all cats instead of people. My neighbours cat is feisty though, I was petting him the other day and wasn't happy when I tried to stop. He was meowing and taking a swipe for me as I walked away!
I'm always chatting away to the cats that pay me a visit in my garden and my own when they are out with me but then I love animals. My neighbour directly next to me probably thinks I'm the crazy cat lady or something because I won't talk to him and he won't talk to me either apart from a mumbled hello avoiding eye contact.

My own cat the other day forced me to talk to people in my neighbourhood and actually despite all the stress and worry he put me under something good did come of it and I feel so happy (and relieved). My cat is very elderly and went missing from my garden late Tuesday night. Given his age and how uncharacteristic this was I was fearing the worst. I spent that night discretely searching for him trying not to disturb the neighbours (no sleep for me that night). I ended up taking the following day off work so I could continue searching and because there was no way I was going to be able to focus on work. I waited for everyone to leave for work before searching more thoroughly, I was worried if they saw me really snooping around under their cars and peering into their gardens they may think I was up to no good and then confront me. There were a few passers by at that point and I decided stuff it I've got to get over myself and do everything in my power to locate my cat, he means the world to me, which meant talking to strangers and telling them where I live etc asking them to keep an eye out for him. Anyway that evening I bumped into a girl my age asking me if I had seen her cat which had been missing for 3 days, I responded with have you seen mine? I'm looking for mine too. So we walked around together searching giving each other some moral support. We both found our cats safe and well within minutes of each other. She's a very similar situation as me in her 20s/30s living on her own with 2 cats so we have something common we have already bonded over and both of us are really happy to have found a friend through all of this ordeal that our cats put us through (as well as finding them safe and well). I thought wow I am still capable of making new friends then and she wants to keep in touch with me. But as I said earlier in this post I had to deal with something which required me to put all of my anxiety and insecurities to one side and just get on with it. OK I am still a bit nervous and awkward speaking to her and I can't give eye contact but it is very early days, once I get to know people properly I'm fine and it helped that she approached me first and is really keen on keeping in regular contact.

The phrase every cloud has a silver lining springs to mind. I feel I'll be more comfortable talking to people in my neighbourhood now that I've done it and they will recognise me. They all gave me so much support as well. Definitely a confidence booster. Little steps like this and being forced to have to deal with uncomfortable situations I do find helps me greatly. You feel a sense of achievement afterwards and really pleased with yourself.
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  #29  
Old 18th August 2019, 21:35
Bluebear Bluebear is offline
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Default Re: Do you get anxious about chatting to neighbours?

My neighbours have caused a lot of stress for me..
Now they are ok..
But I still avoid them..
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  #30  
Old 18th August 2019, 21:53
Marie8 Marie8 is offline
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Default Re: Do you get anxious about chatting to neighbours?

Yes, find this really difficult. I keep the curtains closed when I'm in the house alone and don't answer the door if someone knocks. I get my parents to answer the door and phone. Sometimes even when a family member calls I won't answer the phone and pretend I didn't hear it. When the Tesco delivery comes I hide away upstairs too. I don't talk to the neighbors, well I'll say hello but only quietly and keep my head down.
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