have you ever..

[Bluebear]

This probably seems like a stupid question. I was wondering if you have ever been wrong about someone (for example thinking they are trying to stir up difficulties when in fact they are trying their best while feeling anxious/distressed/confused etc). I'm sure that occasionally I have been wrong about someone.

I try to think the best of people. A few times I have been very disappointed (and hurt). I know I'm ''too sensitive'' but I also think that (at least sometimes) I have a gift of empathy. It probably doesn't help me though (or even others sometimes as I probably feel things too intensely at times which then might lead to me doing things which, in ''saner'' times I would not do)

[Mr. Nobody]

Everyone tends to do things that makes sense to them in their own way,
But which might seem at odds with other people's own views,
Trouble is, each person is at their own particular stage in life with their own experiences and views,
What seems to make sense to one person may well seem illogical or perhaps mischievous to another.
We have all been brought up with our own particular set of rules or beliefs and this can often put us seemingly at odds with other people who may have evolved or live by another set of values?

Most people just want to get on with their life and look after no.1?
That can look like narcissism or selfishness depending on your views,

But from everyone's own point of view they're probably just trying to get on with life the best they can,

Sometimes when I stand back and observe all the millions of different minutiae involved in the different aspects of people's lives and how we all crisscross and interact in small ways it can be really mindblowing

I can't get over how complex everything seems when you observe how many different people are all going about their different lives and how many different things are entailed and involved in that, ....

Just sit in a train station or a busy restaurant or shopping centre and just observe how different everyone is and how many different lives are on the go, interracting with lots of other different lives,... it can be really overwhelming and revealing.

[Bluebear]

Originally Posted by Mr. Nobody

Everyone tends to do things that makes sense to them in their own way,
But which might seem at odds with other people's own views,
Trouble is, each person is at their own particular stage in life with their own experiences and views,
What seems to make sense to one person may well seem illogical or perhaps mischievous to another.
We have all been brought up with our own particular set of rules or beliefs and this can often put us seemingly at odds with other people who may have evolved or live by another set of values?

Most people just want to get on with their life and look after no.1?
That can look like narcissism or selfishness depending on your views,

But from everyone's own point of view they're probably just trying to get on with life the best they can,

Sometimes when I stand back and observe all the millions of different minutiae involved in the different aspects of people's lives and how we all crisscross and interact in small ways it can be really mindblowing

I can't get over how complex everything seems when you observe how many different people are all going about their different lives and how many different things are entailed and involved in that, ....

Just sit in a train station or a busy restaurant or shopping centre and just observe how different everyone is and how many different lives are on the go, interracting with lots of other different lives,... it can be really overwhelming and revealing.

[neep]

Yes, I misjudged someone just over a year ago, and it was a terrible mistake.

I was working as a self-employed gardener, and she was one of my customers. It was nearly the end of the season and she stopped replying to my texts. I assumed that she was just done with me for the year, and didn't care enough to reply and let me know. She was found dead in her house over a week later. She was on holiday from work and no one knew she wasn't ok. To say I felt horrendous is an understatement . It taught me not to always assume that people are rejecting you.

[Bluebear]

Originally Posted by neep

Yes, I misjudged someone just over a year ago, and it was a terrible mistake.

I was working as a self-employed gardener, and she was one of my customers. It was nearly the end of the season and she stopped replying to my texts. I assumed that she was just done with me for the year, and didn't care enough to reply and let me know. She was found dead in her house over a week later. She was on holiday from work and no one knew she wasn't ok. To say I felt horrendous is an understatement . It taught me not to always assume that people are rejecting you.

[Hopeforme]

Originally Posted by neep

Yes, I misjudged someone just over a year ago, and it was a terrible mistake.

I was working as a self-employed gardener, and she was one of my customers. It was nearly the end of the season and she stopped replying to my texts. I assumed that she was just done with me for the year, and didn't care enough to reply and let me know. She was found dead in her house over a week later. She was on holiday from work and no one knew she wasn't ok. To say I felt horrendous is an understatement . It taught me not to always assume that people are rejecting you.

Sorry if I am sounding obtuse or prying for too much info, but was it a matter of suicide?

Either way, that is sad. You didn't do any wrong. You obviously care about this. I think SA of course makes us think everyone is going to and is rejecting us. But we have to fnd a way to overcome this disorder so we see the truth, that some people will reject us and hopefully some will not! There will be some people you meet who do not reject you, I promise.

[neep]

Originally Posted by Hopeforme

Sorry if I am sounding obtuse or prying for too much info, but was it a matter of suicide?

No, I don't believe it was suicide. She was actually unwell the last time I saw her, the day after her covid vaccine. I have my suspicions about that, but obviously I wasn't privy to her autopsy results. She did tell me she was scared of getting ill, so I doubt she'd have done herself any harm.

But yes, it's a lesson I try to remember now. It can be harmful sometimes, and not just to me, to always imagine people are thinking badly of me, or want rid of me.

Edit
Actually, it definitely wasn't suicide because she left her two little cats, who she adored, uncared for until she was found. I fed them and arranged for the Cat's Protection to catch and rehome them, so at least I was able to do that for her.

[Hopeforme]

Ah right. Still really sorry to hear about that.

Perhaps you grew up in an environment where dysfunctional people were saying bad things about you and were hyper-critical. I think it can leave a big impression on our developing minds.

[biscuits]

Woah, neeps, that's a lot!

That's so lovely that you made sure someone took care of her cats. As someone who is owned by cats, knowing that someone would step in and do that is incredibly thoughtful and I know I would have been incredibly grateful.

Be gentle with yourself as there's no way you could have known that was the reason for her lack of response.