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  #61  
Old 21st November 2019, 14:32
Jimmy77 Jimmy77 is offline
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Default Re: Have you ever been 'de-friended'?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Moksha
My hairdresser was telling me that some friends came to visit from Canada. They landed at Heathrow and then drove to Essex. One of their children was so freaked out by the number of cars, the speed, the feeling of being crushed and penned in on the narrow roads, etc, that she began hyperventilating and crying. I also have a neighbour who drove down to Cornwall in June for a family holiday. He said he wouldn’t do it again if you paid him. The journey itself was hell, and the idyllic little fishing village was just a giant car park, with so many visitors you could barely move. You’re right, there are too many people in this country. I hate it. Living on a crowded island like the UK makes my anxiety so much worse.
The Labour Party think they will win votes by relaxing immigration rules and building hundreds of thousands of council houses. They don’t seem to understand that ordinary people, the JAMs (the ‘just about managing’), don’t want more people and more houses. They want more silence and space. The UK is due to hit 70 million soon. Then what? 80 million? 100 million? I always laugh when I hear people go on about retiring to a peaceful little village when they are old. ...There won’t BE such places 20 years from now.
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  #62  
Old 21st November 2019, 14:59
Jen. Jen. is offline
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Default Re: Have you ever been 'de-friended'?

All those people on waiting lists for council houses probably do want there to be more council houses.
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  #63  
Old 21st November 2019, 15:21
Utopia Utopia is offline
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Default Re: Have you ever been 'de-friended'?

I mean the reason for all the people is greed - it increases demand for business and increases gdp. I believe the real population statistics are actually higher and is done to cover up a percapita gdp recession. Everyone would be so much happier if they had the basics secured. Unfortunately people do need a place to live also, it's just mindless selfishness, and it's so sad to see. Immigration has been way way too high for many years now.
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  #64  
Old 21st November 2019, 15:30
Dougella Dougella is offline
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Default Re: Have you ever been 'de-friended'?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jimmy77
The Labour Party think they will win votes by relaxing immigration rules and building hundreds of thousands of council houses. They don’t seem to understand that ordinary people, the JAMs (the ‘just about managing’), don’t want more people and more houses. They want more silence and space. The UK is due to hit 70 million soon. Then what? 80 million? 100 million? I always laugh when I hear people go on about retiring to a peaceful little village when they are old. ...There won’t BE such places 20 years from now.
You're misrepresenting what the policies are. Whoever is in government there is still going to be a certain amount of immigration because we need it in a lot of industries, not least the NHS. Also outside the south east there are many quiet areas and villages that could easily have a few houses added with no change to the overall atmosphere. There are lots of abandoned buildings and homes that are unoccupied as it is, there are places like that near me actually.
People waiting for council housing right now in cramped temporary accomodation or unsafe private rented housing will be so much better off and better able to contribute actively to the economy, as it happens, when they finally get proper social housing.
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  #65  
Old 21st November 2019, 19:47
ᚦaul ᚦaul is offline
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Default Re: Have you ever been 'de-friended'?

the housing problem is due to a lack of new builds, its come right down since the 90s. even if there was no immigration it would still be an issue. I don't think silence and space is something that is gonna change here in the uk until we see a total change to the system, unless a person is wealthy and can afford a nice house in the country there ain't much hope. here the structure is so completely different to other countries and just the pace of life being that its a huge westernised capitalist country. its so difficult, expensive and problematic to buy land and create your own space. nothing to do with immigration just the way our country is organised and wealth distribution. a lot of countries in europe are totally different, its why the idea of buying a cheap place abroad has so much appeal.
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  #66  
Old 21st November 2019, 20:00
Dougella Dougella is offline
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Default Re: Have you ever been 'de-friended'?

^ There is also a problem with extremely wealthy (often foreign, but I don't think these people count when people complain about immigration) people buying properties as investments and just leaving them empty! When there isn't enough housing to go around that shouldn't be allowed to happen.
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  #67  
Old 21st November 2019, 20:15
ᚦaul ᚦaul is offline
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Default Re: Have you ever been 'de-friended'?

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Originally Posted by Dougella
^ There is also a problem with extremely wealthy (often foreign, but I don't think these people count when people complain about immigration) people buying properties as investments and just leaving them empty! When there isn't enough housing to go around that shouldn't be allowed to happen.
yea totally. I just hope something is done about it eventually.
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  #68  
Old 22nd November 2019, 01:09
Utopia Utopia is offline
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Default Re: Have you ever been 'de-friended'?

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Originally Posted by ᚦaul
the housing problem is due to a lack of new builds, its come right down since the 90s. even if there was no immigration it would still be an issue. I don't think silence and space is something that is gonna change here in the uk until we see a total change to the system, unless a person is wealthy and can afford a nice house in the country there ain't much hope. here the structure is so completely different to other countries and just the pace of life being that its a huge westernised capitalist country. its so difficult, expensive and problematic to buy land and create your own space. nothing to do with immigration just the way our country is organised and wealth distribution. a lot of countries in europe are totally different, its why the idea of buying a cheap place abroad has so much appeal.
Yes, I noticed house building decreasing while the population was increasing at record levels also. Money isn't everything, and money locked up in a house isn't worth anywhere near as much as cash in the bank as you would need a place to live obviously. I think it's set up to make us blame immigrants, when really it's mindless greed that's the real problem. (Really this is the wrong thread for this discussion though).
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  #69  
Old 4th December 2019, 06:51
mutedsoul mutedsoul is offline
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Default Re: Have you ever been 'de-friended'?

I would ghost someone if it weas an abusive situation and there were no other safe options. However I'll never give the silent treatment to anyone or ghost anyone if there isn't any moral reason to do so. Reason being, I have been victim to it.

It's great to read other people's stories so that we try and avoid negative traps they fell in. This is a sad story, we shouldn't take our modern communication and travelling options for granted.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1CVcZ_8HPuY
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  #70  
Old 4th December 2019, 12:47
ᚦaul ᚦaul is offline
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Default Re: Have you ever been 'de-friended'?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Utopia
Yes, I noticed house building decreasing while the population was increasing at record levels also. Money isn't everything, and money locked up in a house isn't worth anywhere near as much as cash in the bank as you would need a place to live obviously. I think it's set up to make us blame immigrants, when really it's mindless greed that's the real problem. (Really this is the wrong thread for this discussion though).
some of the media really need to be made accountable for the hysteria drummed up in people over issues like immigration. they seem to get away with it a lot.

getting back ontopic. my thoughts on ghosting

Sometimes people (us or them) are uncomfortable with things, id say in a vast majority of friendships I have had, one of us has been uncomfortable. That's not necessarily a problem with us or them, it can be a perceived incompatibility but I also recognise that I have some problems. I think it's worth remembering the act of ghosting itself isn't necessarily the problem, it can be totally valid if the ghoster is feeling a lot of distress or lack the ability to explain. So it's more the motivation for the person doing it. We don't always know what is going on in the mind of a ghoster, but we can figure that out better if we understand the context of their personality and the dynamics of our relationship to them including our personality and our conscious and unconscious actions,behaviours and the motivations for that.

These things are hard to define and pin down, and the ghosted person might even be totally oblivious to this side of their psyche. To give an example, a person might start becoming very passive aggressive with certain things that are discussed between the two individuals, the passive aggressive person may be so unaware of their behaviour that any discussion of investigation by the other party would be very difficult to establish and may just result in the passive aggressive person being defensive and causing conflict between the two. We might think that we know all our motivations and behaviour but I have noticed that a lot of people are totally unaware of parts of their psyche that lay hidden beneath the surface. Most people haven't studied jung or psychology, they just feel something isn't right.

I think the sad fact is that most people can't articulate themselves well enough to give explanations to these complex issues with interpersonal dynamics, plus I can see how the job can be incredibly awkward to navigate, if you think you know something is wrong but sense the other person doesn't, breaking that into conversation can be so difficult for various reasons , and sometimes people just feel things aren't right for them but they can't consciously put their finger on why they feel that way. There is also the factor of modern society and how things are generally more disposable now, including bonds with others, thats not really a good thing, but a fact of modern life.
Boundaries are another thing, people might be unaware of others boundaries or their limitations, these are another thing that often isn't really explained between two people.
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  #71  
Old 4th December 2019, 13:50
mutedsoul mutedsoul is offline
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Default Re: Have you ever been 'de-friended'?

I think thankfully the nature of stuff is more flexible in modern society that ghosting doesn’t have to be as devastating as it was in the past, check out the link I posted it’s a sad story and points out why most times imo shunning is wrong. I widely agree with you, I think even the person ghosting isn’t always fully aware of what they are doing.

I think we are also fed a lot of information in modern society, especially causal psychology that we label people, I’m definitely guilty of this, rather that try to fully understand them.

I say that I will never ghost unless necessary however I also haven’t been in the situation where I feel the need to ghost someone, so I might. I’m more aware of it though so would try to avoid that behaviour. I’m also aware that people act in toxic ways sometimes not just cause they are toxic but cause of unmet needs.
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  #72  
Old 4th December 2019, 22:20
ᚦaul ᚦaul is offline
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Default Re: Have you ever been 'de-friended'?

you can't really define the act as morally wrong in such a generalised way imo, like I pointed out there are many intricacies to why it happens and so these things are somewhat on a scale. the motivations and reasons why a person does it along with the history of the two individuals would be where the morality lies. if a person is doing it to be cruel or for deliberate suffering then yes fair point. if a person is uncomfortable and ghosts someone then they should not be labelled as morally wrong, they may not have the capacity to do things the way you want it to be done. it can be against your principles sure, but I would try and put yourself in other peoples shoes before labelling everyone as morally wrong for doing it.
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  #73  
Old Yesterday, 11:19
Tonkin Tonkin is offline
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Default Re: Have you ever been 'de-friended'?

I agree with that. It's not always or even often morally wrong.
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