tell lies

[aVoice2use]

I make a great pupil!

[Winnie57]

Sometimes I go out in a clown outfit - just for the hell of it!

[aVoice2use]

My middle name is SCROWTHER

[Oatmeal]

I have become an eBay top seller by selling molds of my bodyparts. I'm getting rave reviews and it's lovely to know I'm spicing up so many couples' relationships.

[Kevin Hodge]

earlier today i was out walking when i was visited on by a moment of magic - a pine marten ran out of the bush to my left and loitered on the road in front of me! the spell was shattered though by a speeding fiat punto plowing through the elusive mammal. under the thud i heard a high pitched tinkling noise, and suer enough when i kicked the corpse aside, there was a gold coin!


later today i threw a rock at a seagull flying overhead, killing it instantly. and this time when i kicked the body aside, it revealed an extra life!

[Oatmeal]

Malcolm McLaren tried to sign me. Said he'd make me a star. I gave a sneer of contempt and stubbed my cigarette out on his head, stating that to be what I think of his trying to get me to sell out.

[Kevin Hodge]

brian blessed bought billy boyd's big blonde bobcat, "babe". brian's brother barney baptised babe by blobbing brown baby bile behind babe's babymaker. but babe began belching biblical bombast; brian's blood boiled! brian broke babe's backbone. but barney brought babe before beelzebub, bringing babe back. brian's brain, beholding babe-brought-back, burst. bright brainy blobs bounced before blighting birminghams buried backstreet. bollocks

[aVoice2use]

^ brilliantly believeable bullsh*t

[Kevin Hodge]

Originally Posted by aVoice2use

^ brilliantly believeable bullsh*t

[Kevin Hodge]

Originally Posted by surelynot

Excellent.

lying? sarcasm?

[dace]

At the end of 2001 space odyssey, when murmured "my god its full of stars!"

He was looking into gods vagina

[Kevin Hodge]

^ this thread now belongs to you

[Mordant]

This thread is the whole and nothing but the truth.

[Kevin Hodge]

he left his phone in the basement when he was feeding me, i dont know what this site is (or what seth brundling is) but please call the police! i dont know how long ive been here, im too scared to really think it might be years. i cant talk because hell hear, i just hope the police arrive before he sees this but he might forget i mean he might think he posted this then forgot about it i know sometimes he goes back to the toilet because he cant remember if he shook it or not. is it still 2007 os is it 08 now? all this time he only feeds me eggs and he wont tzke my poo away! ohgod i thought i heard a siren there! hes coming now hes wearing the dress again please help my name is sean

[mossieman]

the end of the world will be tomorrow

although one day that could be true!

[Kevin Hodge]

water evaporates from the sea leaving all mineral content behind, over and over again this rinses all the nutrients out of the mountains, the nutrients being trapped in the bodies of fish. there is a tenuous balance right now where birds catching fish and crapping on mountains restores the mountain's mineral profile. however for many years bernard matthews has been selling seagull and albatross buttocks as turkey breasts, disrupting the flow of poop back onto the mountains. if this carries on increasing at its current rate of change, all of the worlds minerals will be bound up in the oceans in fishes, and it turns out that using the average mineral/water ratio in a fishes body, this will also use up all the world's water. there will be no seawater as such and the intercontinental cavities will be completely filled with squirming scaly bodies. you can do your bit to avoid this frankly smelly prospect by once a week eating a fish and the following day voiding the digested remains on a mountaintop

[Kevin Hodge]

i was attempting the ending of dead space 2 earlier and said "ok isaac, it'll need to wait, i'm off to work". we chatted briefly and when he heard about what its like working where i do, he immediately had a nervous breakdown, switched on a massive tunneling vehicle and ran full speed and screaming into its churning blades.

[Kevin Hodge]

i used to have affairs with margaret thatcher and i cant cope with the recent claims that she is dead. i find myself staring into space wondering what she is doing at that precise moment - if she has come out of the shower, if she is drying her breasts yet, and if so, what music she has on while she's doing it. then i remember that her feminine mysteries, that organic constellation of fleshy magical spells, have been dissipated and indiscriminately redistributed skyward in a trite grey cloud

or i can be standing in the toilet peeing and i start wondering if the guys who cremated her were sympathetic to her legacy or if they stood around listening to her eyeballs pop and discussing whether she smelled more like turkey roasting or pork crackling. then i get so sad i just wander the streets looking for cigarette butts with some tobacco still in so that i can take them home and make roll-ups with the prole leftovers and mix in some of my stash of clippings of the iron lady's soft and intimate under-fur and just chain-smoke them all day.

[josh.t]

Jack Bauer ejaculates 45 caliber bullets... oh wait, were supposed to be lying arent we.

[CyprusPluto]

I'm an alien from another world and only visit your planet, Sol3, to watch re-runs of Jeremy Kyle

[Gog]

I've made so many good friend on SAUK and its really helped me with my mental problems.

[FunkyMonkey]

^ ouch lol

im not wearing a onesie

[CyprusPluto]

I'm fast asleep now, as it 5am and have been all night

[Silent Ninja]

I'm a very well adjusted and completely normal person.

[thaigreen]

I love living with my family, we get along great

[Z.]

I really love fruit and veg. I love tomatoes so much, I didn't even vomit when I first tried one.

[Rocket Spud]

It's become a family ritual for whoever finishes their Sunday roast last (on a Sunday), to perform a belly dance to whatever Peter Andre track of their choosing.

[Focused]

Them IS militants are great people

:p

[You Have 0 New Messages]

My neighbour's new kitchen sounds lovely.

[Gog]

I want to kiss Nigel Farage on the lips and have his babies.