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#3
12th August 2023, 20:47
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Re: What are you doing to get better?
Working amongst people in a new job (well, the past 14 months). I feel like i've come through quite a lot so far, especially having worked alone the previous 7yrs, and i'm continuing to 'grow'. The only thing is, i really crave my own time now that i'm working full time (or near enough, 4 days a week) and haven't pushed myself in any other ways at all.... which has been the status quo for the past 10+ years anyway!
 There are some obvious things i could do to better myself: curb my drinking at weekends, curb my porn use, work on my self image, try to merge back into some sort of social scene - i've got contacts/friends from years back who are still vaguely in touch that i could push toward if i wish. 
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#4
12th August 2023, 20:52
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Re: What are you doing to get better?
The older you get wiser you become... Percy nailed it for me pushing yourself from your comfort zone is the best advice i can give! i still have my wobbles but doesn't everyone... good luck!
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#5
13th August 2023, 12:20
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Re: What are you doing to get better?
An old quote comes to mind. "If you always do what you have always done you will always get what you always had".
Go to the park and invite somsone to do 10 minutes of deep breathing with you! I did that a couple of years ago and it was amazing.
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#6
19th August 2023, 09:51
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Re: What are you doing to get better?
Thank you for your responses.
Percy - what are you gradually exposing yourself to? Are you doing the cognitive therapy alongside that or just winging it? Rocket Spud - well done on the job thing, at least you've held something down and got money. Now it sounds like you should focus on some other stuff. Yeah why not re-connect with your old social contacts. Drinking is always a good thing to cut down on. And porn and masturbation should completely go. I'm not approaching this from a religious or spiritual angle, just that I think its very addictive and a dark thing. T - sounds like you are smashing it BFG - give me some of your brain Angela - that is true. yeah i would like to try it. don't know who would come with me for that though.
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#7
19th August 2023, 10:52
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Re: What are you doing to get better?
Joined the gym and go to three classes a week, which I love!
Started up yoga again. Although the class I go to is too advanced for me and I’ve fallen over a few times .Started eating fish again, which makes me feel better in a way that I struggle to describe. I’ve started going to gigs and events again (Covid anxiety prevented that for a long time) That’s about it really! Nothing too exciting. Oh I attended two brilliant meets last year for the first time and I’m arranging a meet for the first time (eeek!). And I’m toying with the idea of going to a choir auction, not sure on that though 
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#10
19th August 2023, 13:23
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Re: What are you doing to get better?
I think I've slipped in quite a few significant ways over the last few months and it's raising alarm bells inside of me. This thread is a good reminder that I've got to get my arse into gear and start pushing myself again, because sh*t can slide real quick.
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#12
19th August 2023, 22:18
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Re: What are you doing to get better?
Quote:
All sorts of things really. Social groups, singing groups, combatives classes, general interaction. A mixture of winging it and leaned cognitive therapy techniques.
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#13
20th August 2023, 13:29
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Re: What are you doing to get better?
One of my toughest anxious traits to overcome is to over-obsess about what I've said and how I've looked, and what impression I gave.
So I work on being mindful about these negative intrusive thoughts, on taking a distance from them and 'binning' them. I do that by treating them as external things rather than thinking these thoughts are me. After all there is a me that recognises they are harmful and don't want them. So they can't be completely me, or mine. I've had some success and it's resulted in some peace of mind. But i need to make this a regular thing, a regular exercise or meditation, rather than something I do when I encounter a triggering event.
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#14
25th August 2023, 22:13
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Re: What are you doing to get better?
Wham bam - what do you think caused you to regress a bit in the last few months? That's great that you have the self-awareness to notice this and you sound determined to crack this. What is your plan?
Marie8 - nice one. I haven't been out of the house hardly in 2 weeks except in my village. I know how hard it can be, so well done on your consistency and commitment. Percy - no worries man. You sound like are tackling this from a few angles and very seriously. Combatives..as in martial arts? I've never formally studied or been given cognitive therapy. It sounds a bit basic and empty from my perspective, but I'll admit that I could be talking complete bollocks and I am willing to give it a go. Clumsy - Oh yeah, I feel you. That post-mortem analysis. Rumination and playing it over and dissection. Are you practicing mindfulness as a regular practice? Is that what you meant? I like what you said about them not being completely you. I have become SO attached and identified to these thoughts that it's hard to separate. I need a meditation practice. Aha just seen your last sentence. It's not a regular thing for you but you would like to make it so. Keep us posted for accountability.
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#15
26th August 2023, 10:14
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Re: What are you doing to get better?
Quote:
Try CBT, it can work well, depending on the person and did help a lot with my SA.
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#16
26th August 2023, 11:07
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Re: What are you doing to get better?
NeverWas - Have you had formal therapy of any kind for SAD? Or are you trying to do gradual self-exposure? Yeah it sounds like you have hit a plateau. Do you think your low moods are separate to your social anxiety or the misery from social anxiety and how it affects your life negatively is causing it? I think some treatment for low mood would be helpful.
I have those moments in conversation. Where I become very self-conscious because I am talking too much, or too fast or saying ridiculous things because I am nervous. It is hard to get your body language correct when you feel like this. I am not sure if anyone has any tips for this? I didn't really understand how people can make assumptions about you based on your name, unless you have a "foreign" sounding name and people are assuming based on that or something. That is very good you aren't devastated by negative interactions. I think if you can reach that point then it's half the battle. I care so much. ****ing why though. Are you sure they were whispering about you specifically? Can be easy to assume that when we feel low about ourselves? Just wondering. Have you been treated for depression before?
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#17
26th August 2023, 11:10
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Re: What are you doing to get better?
Quote:
As for CBT, yeah I think I will. I could wait for it on the NHS but that is usually a long time! Minimum 6 months, maybe a year. Private face to face sessions are very expensive  I was thinking of doing this online self-study course. Have you heard of it? Interesting site, tell me what you think of it if you have the time. https://socialanxietyinstitute.org/ https://therapy.anxietynetwork.com/
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#18
26th August 2023, 11:27
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Re: What are you doing to get better?
Over the past eight years, I've made steady progress in most areas of my life, through SAUK meets, meetup and other things; I got my autism diagnosis seven years ago and since then, I've had a better understanding of why people used to reject me and developed my social skills (still a work in progress!), although in recent times (I've not been involved in meetup post-pandemic, although I have been involved with The Ramblers and CAMRA on occasion), my social life has taken a nose-dive and I need to start rebuilding that.
What I need to do most is to make real-life friends (I have three, but none live close enough for me to see regularly) and I've been investigating new ways to do that; at the same time, I need to maintain and improve those social skills and learn how to develop conversations into friendships (I meet a lot of people through travelling, but never see them again - and those I know from other interests, like music festivals and my favourite band's fan club, I see only at specific events, although that's partly, once again, through distance). Although my anxiety and agoraphobia (the latter through time spent indoors with a broken foot) have been heightened over recent months, both are still under control and not controlling me, as they did for so many years.
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#19
26th August 2023, 12:30
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Re: What are you doing to get better?
This is a good thread! Really helpful to read.
I've been sat in my comfort zone for a long time, just accepting my life how it was. Due to going through a crap time the last few weeks I've finally realised I need to push myself and make things change. Earlier in the week I enquired at a charity shop about volunteering, no one forced me I just pushed myself. I then called back in today to hand in the application form I'd been given, and they want me to go in tomorrow for a few hours! I'm scared but feeling positive about it. I have also been reconnecting with family, previously never seen much of them because I'm socially awkward with them too but I want that to change. Just try and do something each day to push yourself, doesn't matter how small, you'll feel good about yourself.
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#20
27th August 2023, 16:43
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Re: What are you doing to get better?
Quote:
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#22
26th September 2023, 20:26
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Re: What are you doing to get better?
^ welcome back!
I didn't go to the choir audition in the end - only because the rehearsals are 7:30-9:30pm every Thursday :O! It's quite far away as well so I'd get home quite late to be up at 6:30am the next day. So I'm on the look out for something at the weekend or earlier in the evenings.
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#23
27th September 2023, 11:35
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Re: What are you doing to get better?
This is a nice thread
 I'm trying to get out the house more. I find living alone that if I stay in, I'll just ruminate on my thoughts and my loneliness. So I'm going out, even if it's just for a coffee, but also trying to make chit chat while I do it. Nothing major, but just trying to smile, ask the person how their day is, that kind of thing. Still can feel quite lonely because these interactions are like only a couple of minutes here and there, but I figure it's better than nothing at all, and just makes me feel visible in the world, rather than a ghost that just floats about in the background. Also looking to join some clubs. There appears to be a running club round my area - I see this group of runners together, of all different ages, which makes me think it's not just friends because there's a lot of them, and the age disparity makes me think they've came together from different walks of life. My only problem is I don't know how to get involved I've searched for "running clubs" in that area on like Meetup or google in general, and nothing has come up. So save me actually just randomly running among them and asking, I don't know how to get my "in", if you know what I mean. But anyway, main point is I want to get out and be among people more, as daunting as that is.
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#24
28th September 2023, 20:31
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Re: What are you doing to get better?
I've been journaling for a while now. Which is probably the closest I will get to counseling. Although I'm not sure how helpful it's been so far. But it does give me a perspective of the progress, or lack of it, that I need to make.
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#25
26th October 2023, 21:35
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Re: What are you doing to get better?
Hey everyone. Back in this thread as I said I would be. I need to go through and reply to whoever I haven't yet, been a long time. I've been going through and am going through an incredibly tough time. I think in terms of anxiety its probably never been worse in my whole life. Last two nights I went to be around midnight and didn't fall asleep until 7AM. My whole life has been a mental health shit show but this SA problem runs the deepest I would say. It's like my whole mind is only an over-active amygdala!
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#26
5th November 2023, 20:33
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Re: What are you doing to get better?
Gregarious_introvert:
Well done on your big progress over the last 8 years. That's a big achievement. I imagine the autism diagnosis would of come as relief maybe? Although upsetting too perhaps. I wonder if I am on the autistic scale. It seems to go hand in hand for some people with the SA. CAMRA..are those the ale drinkers? Fair enough. How have things been going recently for you? The fact that you need to work on stuff but the anxiety is not controlling you is enormous. You're nearly there I think. Solitary man: Did you go to the charity shop? Have you connected with your family? I hope you can; it is idealistic but family is meant to be a group of people who support you and can help sometimes just through their presence. How have you felt in recent weeks? Percy: How are things? Biscuits: What is the latest? Finlay: Glad to hear this thread is useful for you! Agree on living alone. I live with my mum in a dysfunctional situation but I don't want to live alone. Too much time to ruminate, feel isolated and engage with my addiction. Have you been keeping up the coffee outings? Have you been around more people recently? I think with the running thing, you could just run or walk up to the group and ask them! In my eyes there is nothing wrong with that! Chess and junk food: I tried journaling but didn't like it. It's okay at best for me. But if you can't afford counselling then it is better than nothing for sure. What is your biggest realisation from it?
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#27
5th November 2023, 21:48
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Re: What are you doing to get better?
Hi Hopeforme
 As for the counselling, I find it easier to open up my wallet than opening up myself. Which is why I have gravitated towards journaling. I can appreciate why journaling wasn't best for you. It's probably not best for me in the long run. But it feels like it's best for me at this moment. As for my biggest realisation with journaling, it's made me realise that there are two main themes in my journal. One is avoidance and the other is missed opportunities. Then when I read back what I have written, it does make me realise that I need to let go of the past. Then try to focus more on the here and now. That's the plan anyway! And I hope your plan goes to plan as well! 
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#29
16th November 2023, 20:54
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Re: What are you doing to get better?
chess n junk foodt: How is the journaling going now? I am actually thinking of trying to get back to some form of journaling. It wasn't helpful in the past however so I am reluctant. I agree about letting go of the past. Particularly what people have done to me over the years in my family and my parents. I live with my mother so easier said than done! But I am determined to do everything from my end to get on better with her. I can't change her and I have been a total nightmare to live with myself.
Percy: Great stuff man, you are certainly the inspiration on this forum.
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#30
16th November 2023, 20:59
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Re: What are you doing to get better?
Update on myself.
Since I made this thread, not much has changed. I think actually I may have gone backwards. I have been active in my addiction over that time including today and just not doing much. My life is a shit show basically at 31. I've never really worked before. In fact, I have never done anything seriously before apart from school and university where I did for sure put effort in and work hard. But I had no plan for a job afterwards and basically my 20s have gone. Granted some terrible things happened and I got seriously mentally ill at 23 but I am in this position now and life is just hitting me in the face. My plan this evening is to do some job searching. I have started. I need to move out and get my basic independence and live out in the world. Not sheltered here. I am having psychotherapy at the moment. The style is psychoanalytic and psychodynamic. I don't think it is helping much.
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