Was she Hinting?

[milesmartin]

At work there is a woman(well say age 20-22) and i happen to find her very attractive. So attractive that i went home last night and thought 'theres something about that girl i like' lol.

Ive always thought she would think im a bit weird but i guess i was wrong.Today, I ended up helping her with sorting out some trolleys and we had some general chit chat. She then goes:

Her: You going out tonight?
Me: No, i dont think so.
Me: are you?
Her: No, i dont know what to do tonight
Me: Maybe you should chill and relax in front of the tv?
Her: No, i dont really have anything planned, i duno

Now, im not being over the top but the way she looked at me and spoke, im sure she was hinting at me to ask her out for the evening. She started the 'are you going out convo' and im sure she was hoping i would step in and say 'hey, we could do something'

And im not totaly sure, but i think(not certain) she said 'i like you' to me but i pretended i diddnt hear, she said it quietly as if she was trying again to let me know she might like me.

Now, the issue is self confidence, i was too affriad to ask her out, and now im feeling sick wishing i had another chance.

later today, i saw her on a till and she was looking at me as i waked by, i smiled at her and she smiled back.

I feel i have done it again, not took my chance again. Im inexperienced and dont know what to do. I want to ask her out for next weekend but im scared ive got it all wrong.

Please, will some people reply because if i am right, a dream of mine could come true.

[mattty]

Well she certainly might well have been hinting, but the only one who knows that for sure is her.

I wouldn't say you've "missed your chance" just make sure you take every opportunity to talk to her at work, get to know her a bit better and hopefully you'll be able to tell if she likes you.

Hope it works out

[milesmartin]

Thanks for the replies. I have tried to focus on not moving too fast and as far as im concerned, asking her out would be a move too fast because i dont know her hardly atall.

I regret my action and accept ive messed up again, but maybe it will not make me come accross as desperate etc. She probably did make it really obvious, but i was scared and came to a hault.

All i can do is try again, if i get punished for my mistake again i can only keep trying. its weird, last night i went to bed and just burst into tears(not because of this, i jsut broke down about the problems in my life', im so fragile im affraid i will end up being destroyed.

Shame, she seems a really nice girl

[blue_butterfly]

ask her out before someone else does and you've missed ur chance

[hardy]

The main problem is your using all or nothing thinking!
like most people you want a nice fullfilling intimate relationship . There is NOTHING wrong with that. but youre acting as though this has to be THE ONE. Why? why? why ? there are thousands of others out there that might be THE ONE . Youre acting as though its the end of the world if she doesnt become your special lover. So youre setting your sights far to high! The higher the mountain the more frightening the climb! " oh its so high .what if I fell off" (no pun intended!). so 99times out of 100 you don't start to climb.
so the better technique is to learn these things in small steps.
step 1 might be -learn to get fairly comfortable with general talk with the opposite sex. (i think youve learnt that one )
step to 2 -get a little flirty
step 3 -hint at going out together
etc

the exact steps dont matter these are just suggestions.
my point is there might be 50 steps and you keep thinking in terms of going right through the lot with one person!
Whats wrong with learning a few steps at a time with different people ???? just because some of them you only learnt a few or even NO steps is NOT a failure .Its all part of your overall easy step plan.
FORGET that some experienced people CAN go through all steps quickly . Do you have to be a copy cat? cant you use your OWN plan that works!

Of course if you are VERY lucky you might find somone you could go through all the steps at once with ,first time with but its very unusual for anyone to learn with just one person no matter how expert they seem to be now.

[hardy]

ps next time somebody MIGHT be dropping a hint when she says "are you doing anything at the weekend say "yes I'm going to see such and such a movie ". look out for further hints like "oh yes I fancy seeing that one day" or negative hints like " "thats crap I wouldnt want to see that" but even then check it out by replying something like "what WOULD you see?"
notice that in this discussion you havent actually asked her out ! but she probably guesses what you may be thinking and she can send negative or positive vibes by the way she replies even while youre both pretending thers no hidden question. since the question has not been spoken nobody loses face. If its negative try somebody else or another day if its positive you are ready to ask the open question.
Thats just one of many possible techniques -most of which I don't know or not brave enough to try,unfortunately !

[milesmartin]

Cheers Hardy, very very good advice. Theres billions of girls out there! Im not back in until thursday, if i get a chance i will ask her what shes doing at weekend, if i get an opening to come in i will hint at us seeing a film or something?

Thats half my trouble, with no experience atall, where the hell do you take people lol.

Im going to practice with people at uni and maybe i can get on the ladder. Im young, and this is not the end of my love life, it is the beggining ive been waiting for.

[milesmartin]

Update!

You know the old saying about making the same mistake twice? Well mr fool here did it again.

On thursday, i was helping a guy sort the till, she was a few tills back and i was facing all the tills behind me. I looked up and as i looked at her, she suddenly turned away, trying to hide that she was looking at me. She did this a few times. Later, i had a near 5 seconds eye contact flirt with her and she smiled, so i think she knows i am intrested again. I must have flirted with her loads, we kept looking at each other despite her being a few tills back. im surprised no one noticed us.

In the corridoor today tho,near the canteen we chatted for a few seconds as she came out of a room, once again she went 'you going out' but i diddnt click as i was too busy thinking 'yes this is my chance'. I duno if she meant go out at night or am i nipping out for my break(hope its this cos she then must have wanted me to sit with her as she was on her break, but i was on my way back to the shop floor) I found i was too scared to ask 'what u doing tonight', annoying as ive been waiting for this chance. I walked back to chat to her and she went red, and looked embarrised? what does that mean?

I said, bye and i'll see you later, she smiled and went to the canteen. What annoys me most is, i had a peak in the canteen on my way back to the shop floor, and there she is, all alone sat at a table. I wish my break had been longer and i would have got in there!

Now, i duno what she ment today when we spoke about going out, i think we both confused each other on the subject and got mixed up. Typical, muddling up your words with the opposite sex lol. You will probably call me a fool for not asking her out, i felt as if i would come accross as weird if i said, 'u doing anything 2nite, wana see a movie/have a meal?'. Shes a sweet girl, ive also told a lad at work i like her, is this a good or bad idea?

Was she hinting again? i hope one day i can show her this and we can laugh, but, my first real love and chance for a proper relationship and fun still hangs in the ballance. The girls at uni are too clubby and loud, she doesnt seem like this. Do i bide by time? Do it take a risk? Do i stop getting over excited over just one person?

I'll keep you updated,

[Mark_One]

Hi there.

Ive been the same situation before and its such an awful feeling to have no confidence to ask someone out. Even now Im older I would still struggle in exactly the same ways as you have mentioned in your posts.

Im always so scared of making the wrong move at the wrong time or upsetting anyone so I can say is if you do get the courage to ask her out (best things come to those who wait / feel the fear and do it anyway etc.) then good luck and I hope it all goes well.

Regards...Mark

[AlienHeat]

YES, she was hinting.

Exactly what she was hinting, don't worry about for the moment. She was looking to you for human contact of some kind. You have a duty to respond to it.

I do undertstand that her attractiveness and pleasant manner may put you off----------------

-----------------hang on a minute? Does that make ANY damn sense!?


It's taken me 35 years to realise that there is no such thing as risk in a social situation (well, unless you've seen Borat...). There are only chances -- and this sounds like a good one -- where you can warm your soul.

Say hello. Smile. Does she have much to do in the evenings? Would she like to get out more? What sort of things does she like to do? Films she may like to see that you would also? Let her talk. Listen carefully, and ask her questions starting with "Why" and "How" about what she expresses to you. Smile, unless she's saying something sad, and never criticise her or tell her what she might do different. Let her be herself to you.

That's the point you might find she's attractive. Not before -- what you've got at the moment is mild infatuation, which is a good instinct but it's only there for one sole reason (or soul reason) which is to get you talking peacefully and happily.

Connect, young dude!

Connect!

Best wishes


ALIENHEAT

[FooFighter]

I know exactly what you're going through, I used to work with a girl who I was interested in and I wasted many opportunities like yours by panicking and cursing myself on the way home. In the end I did pluck up the courage and we went out for a while. Alas she wasn't to be but it was all good experience. You have nothing to lose my friend, good luck

[ponder]

Originally Posted by AlienHeat

It's taken me 35 years to realise that there is no such thing as risk in a social situation (well, unless you've seen Borat...).

This may be drifting off topic a bit, but can anyone here understand how anybody can have the nerve to do the stuff that Sacha Baron Cohen does? There were bits of that film which were so cringingly embarassing that I couldn't bear to watch, yet he not only does it in real situations but remains perfectly calm throughout and keeps his wits about him so he can improvise as necessary. Impressive, in a way, but quite incomprehensible to me.

Back on topic, this isn't much comfort I know but I suspect a lot of people here can sympathise. I must be at over half a dozen obviously missed opportunities by now.

[hardy]

It doesnt matter if she was hinting or not . Have a nice chat forget about asking her out . practice one stage at a time.

[missshy]

Hi! I've been reading your thread and thought maybe you would like a 'girls point of view'.
I definately think that she is interested otherwise she wouldn't be smiling at you all the time or initiating conversation. She sounds like she is too scared to directly ask you out and may be scared of rejection. Maybe ask her if she would like to have coffee after work if youre not able to have lunch with her during work hours. That way its not a formal dinner or anything.

[Daydreamer]

Hi Milemartin, I'll try and give you the benefit of my vast experience haha, this girl sounds like she likes you or else why would she bother talking to you etc, I agree with Misshy try and keep it casual, can't you catch up with her after work one day walk her home a bit or something, build up a bit of a friendship first. Every girl is flattered when a guy shows an interest in them, and even if she turns out not to be interested in you romantically its not the end of the world, she can still be your friend and remember she will have friends of her own who you could also get to know. Everything is an experience and I know its hard but the only way to see what might or might not happen is to take the risk, isn't it better to go for it than kick yourself for not trying. This sounds like a golden opportunity for you, just go for it. Good luck and let us know how you get on

[crimson~raven]

Firstly relax - hard to do I know! It sounds to me like she is as nervous as you are when it comes to chatting folk up so don't worry if you think you have missed your chance as it sounds like you haven't. Just concentrate on being a little more chilled don't look for the opportunities for now just focus on becoming friends then once you have reached a level where by you can talk to her easily asking her out will come naturally. The best thing to try is to suggest a film old cliché but then you don’t have to talk too much and after the film you then have something to talk about.

[hardy]

"is she hinting" means youre trying to mind read! dont mind read act! Its only a big deal because youre putting too much "value" on "success". get on the learning curve.

[milesmartin]

Thanks everyone, i'll go with the flow. Don't beat me up for being optimistic, ive tried not to get 'over excited' during the past few weeks but you know when someone is intrested and it doesnt often happen to me.

[Mr Gerald]

Strike whilst the Iron is HOT!!

You can go up to her when she's not so busy and just tell the truth, say that you are pretty shy person and that's why you didn't say anything before but you like her and would like to go out with her, even though your heart is thumping away don't worry, the fact that you may blush and be nervous may turn a girl on, she may feel she wants to look after you, and think you are cute, believe me I know women. Not all women want a hard man they like someone who is also emotional and for sure the girl has to some extent self conscious thoughts of her own, so get in there and be lucky.

[milesmartin]

Originally Posted by Mr Gerald

Strike whilst the Iron is HOT!!

You can go up to her when she's not so busy and just tell the truth, say that you are pretty shy person and that's why you didn't say anything before but you like her and would like to go out with her, even though your heart is thumping away don't worry, the fact that you may blush and be nervous may turn a girl on, she may feel she wants to look after you, and think you are cute, believe me I know women. Not all women want a hard man they like someone who is also emotional and for sure the girl has to some extent self conscious thoughts of her own, so get in there and be lucky.

Cheers. I might not go up and confess my love for her yet lol, she might think im desperate(well i am lol). Got work tonight, and she should be in! The hardest thing is that it is likely i wont get chance to speak to her today, shes always loads of tills away and its sometimes busy on thursdays. I come home and its really hard to stay optimistic about my chances. It feels bad knowing you want a bit of 'luck' but you dont get it. Wish me that little bit of look, thursday would be a good day to ask whats she doing at weekend, and it would give me some time to prepare.

Im nervious about today, i was excited but now im a bit scared. Typical sa problems coming back to tempt me again.

[Mr Gerald]

I'm home for Christmas - UK, if you haven't done anything by then ... I'll come up and carry you to her if I have to, okay!!

[milesmartin]

LMFAO! I have not felt this anxious and sick in a long time. Ive got her phone number! She lives not to far from me. She went to the same school as me(a few years older than me tho). We have been textng, im shaking and sick, i dont know what to do.

She came to my till to buy something after her shift. We both went really red and a woman from my work also buying something said 'i hope im not interupting anything' lol! We both got nervious, it was so weird and its so new to me.

She also used to live in wales. My dream is to live in wales. How weird? I know im getting a bit carried away but isnt life great, even though this sickness will prevent me from sleeping!

[AlienHeat]

Originally Posted by milesmartin

LMFAO! I have not felt this anxious and sick in a long time. Ive got her phone number! She lives not to far from me. She went to the same school as me(a few years older than me tho).

BOOYAH!

RAAaaAA!

Q. Who da man?
A. You da man!

Originally Posted by milesmartin

We have been textng, im shaking and sick, i dont know what to do.

Once you've woken up in the morning and shaved etc, spend 15 minutes sitting down and practicing relaxation.

This girl likes you. You like her. This is all excellent & it gladdens my heart to read it! But you do have to keep a bit of control.

You are now engaged in a trust & confidence-building exercise. Luxuriate in your emotions by all means -- that's what they're there for! -- but don't let them put you in a place where you become fearful and/or erratic.

Meh -- what am I talking about?

This is all wonderful :D

[crimson~raven]

:D woo hoo! that is so cool ah to be in the begining stages of a relationship! - enjoy it, its a good stage to be in and hey every one on the planet gets the love sick feeling nerves and all its a good kind of nervous i hope it works out for you

[jp2005]

It's great to read stuff like this well done, and best of luck with the next stage!

[milesmartin]

Cheers everyone! Still feeling sick, shes working all day( im not though). When should i text her? Should i wait until evening? I dont wanna look desperate etc.

Plus, do you think if i asked her by text if she fancied a drink after work 2mora(at 6pm when i finish) it would be a good or bad idea? Im scared to make a move. Shes 22, im 18, am i too young for her? Im so glad about what happened yesterday, i just fear it falling to pieces. For example, when i text, i get really anxious waiting for the reply, mainly because of the past i think.

Shes a really nice girl, im terrified aswell as excited though, and ive not eaten since 8pm yesterday(before i got her number). lost my apititate, i dont feel hungrey or anything?

Anyway, im at uni now, at least i can feel happy

[AlienHeat]

Dude dude dude!

Enough with the questions! I know your mind is doing cartwheels -- that's great to see! -- but you must learn to relax!

However, to answer your questions:

1. When to text? --> At the beginning of her lunchbreak.
2. Should I wait until evening? --> No.
3. Plus, do you think if i asked her by text if she fancied a drink after work 2mora(at 6pm when i finish) it would be a good or bad idea? --> No. Be respectful of her time: ask her by text if she's free tomorrow. If she confirms she's free, then ask her out. If she's not free, arrange to do something yourself to take your mind of her for that evening. Don't stay at home.

4. Shes 22, im 18, am i too young for her? ==> Absolutely not. If you even think this again, behead yourself. Alternatively, call me and I shall boil you alive in some sort of antelope grease. This is silly thinking and you are simply not allowed to do it any more.

5. Im so glad about what happened yesterday, i just fear it falling to pieces. ==>Good! That's an excellent reason to keep yourself together!

6. For example, when i text, i get really anxious waiting for the reply, mainly because of the past i think.

==>Do something to distract yourself. Go for a run. Do press ups. Sit ups. If you're 18, do pull-ups! Work the anxiety/adrenaline out of your system. AND build that hunky bod!

==>Re. The past. You are 18. I am 35. We both only have futures. History, as they say, is bunk.

Shes a really nice girl, im terrified aswell as excited though, and ive not eaten since 8pm yesterday(before i got her number).

==> Eat. You need food. Don't accidentally become phsyiologically depressed (which will happen if you start starving yourself.) You must eat. Also drink plenty of water.

lost my apititate, i dont feel hungrey or anything?

==> Milkshakes are your friend.

Anyway, im at uni now, at least i can feel happy

==>Dude -- right now you are the happiest man alive. AND YOU HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO BE!

More power to you!

Good luck Martin!

[crimson~raven]

OMG you are so cute! you are worrying a lot which maybe a bad or a good thing but most folk I know worry just as bad when embarking on a new relationship so don't worry.

Be yourself if you want to text just do, she obvioulsy likes you so keep that in mind. Don't worry about the change in appetite that should return to normal (one of my male friends was exactly the same with his gf when they first met he is eating like a horse again now!)

[I Was Hoping]

Good luck I like this thread and wish you all the best. I am not going to offer advice because people have already posted loads.