How to move forward? feel lost

[.Andrew.]

I'll be 27 next month...not had paid employment in years due to my severe anxiety disorder and being diagnosed with aspergers, I do however feel I'm getting better overall. I'm stopping my antidepressants and been off it for over a week, the start of 2017 got off to a positive start, I did a few short college courses at a local college and did start a couple of volunteering roles but never sustained them as I just found them very tedious and didn't feel like they were benefiting me or as if I was contributing much.

I just don't know what to do, I don't have a specific job I'd like to do, I can think of plenty unrealistic jobs I would like to do but realistically I can't say I'm drawn to anything.How do I explain a big gap of unemployment, I haven't been lying in bed for all these years and have done product stuff and tried to lead a fairly normal life, but how can I convince people I'm a decent person and mean well...? Volunteering I don't find interesting, in fact, I find it quite demoralising for whatever reason and it doesn't build my self-esteem one bit. I just don't know what to do with my life, I just feel lost like the days are moving on without me. What can I do, can I ever lead a decent life? I don't want just do just any old job, I'd be too apprehensive to apply to work in a warehouse or a very basic job as I feel I just wouldn't fit in or I would be bullied or something..Maybe working within a small team, could I see a job and offer to work for free like a trial of work experience? I find the job centre to be more interested in focusing on benefits rather than helping people find work.

Unfortunately, I don't know anyone who could help me out or help me get a job, a lot of people seem to get jobs through luck or knowing the right people.

If anyone had any suggestions then it would be appreciated

[Lее]

Applying for jobs with such a gap would be pointless unless you can find a scheme which would take you on. You'd need to do something beforehand to prove yourself, like you said.

[.Andrew.]

Originally Posted by L***1077;***1077;

Applying for jobs with such a gap would be pointless unless you can find a scheme which would take you on. You'd need to do something beforehand to prove yourself, like you said.

How about if you were to offer to work for free..would that not be an opportunity to prove yourself? like a work trial..

[Lее]

Definitely. That would look good on your CV.

[.Andrew.]

I'm trying to make an up to date CV by using advice from experts and templates specialising in gaps and unemployment and what to put etc... I guess the cover letter is important too.

[.Andrew.]

Originally Posted by silenus

I've seen people voice this opinion on here before and I think it is quite wrong. I have always found that the more basic a job is, the easier it is to fit in. Warehouses and factories are always full of oddballs and misfits, as well as graduates, people with obsolete skill sets, and struggling parents. The one sort of person you are unlikely to find is a stereotypical alpha-male bully. The higher up you go, the tougher it gets, and the more pressure there is to conform. I've seen more bullying among management and sales teams than I have on the shop floor. That's been my experience anyway.

There are lots of reasons not to want to do a basic job, but fear of not fitting in should not be one of them. Also, one good thing about doing those sorts of jobs is that if you don't like it you can just decide not to go back and nobody will care.

Thanks for your reply, you're right, I probably shouldn't carry around perceptions of what something will be like before I try it. Maybe I get these ideas from when I first left school and had some basic jobs and I never fitted in...would be stupid to think everyone would be the same.

[Utopia]

Unfortunately there are a lot of assholes out there. I guess the best you can do is work on your skills, and be able to prove to an employer that you have those skills.

An employer has no good indication of what kind of person you are, whether you are motivated, able to work with others, or how reliable you are. You may lie to them about these things, but how could they actually prove it? How can they be any more sure in your case than with the other applicants?

[Undecided]

.

[CurbYourAnxiety]

What are the jobs you're interested in that you think are unrealistic out of interest? They may be more realistic than you think

[.Andrew.]

^ sounds good how are you getting on now with things?

I've been looking into work placements but where I live seems to have little opportunities

[michelle06]

^ I can relate to your original post, only I'm 33! I kind of like the idea of being a 'something'. If you say you're a teacher or a police officer or whatever, it's kind of self-explanatory what you do. The trouble is I have no experience in anything, really, and even if I did some voluntary work, when I apply for jobs based on the experience gained I'm going to be up against young whippersnappers! I find it hard enough to motivate myself as it is, but when you get these extra barriers, it makes things even harder.

It's like applying for a course to become a 'something,' such as a teacher. You have to have experience to get on the course to train to become a teacher before you can get a job in your chosen profession and the level of competition would be too much for me. I just feel like I'm capable of more than what I'm doing now and this lack of fulfilment contributes to my depressive moods, low self-esteem and reluctance to interact with people, because it seems the first question anyone asks you is, 'what do you do?' It annoys me, because what you do isn't necessarily who you are.

[Jane Doe]

^ I feel the same way you do, Michelle. I'm a few years older than you and career opportunities significantly decrease once you hit 30. For adults, its different when you've already had a career and want to change your profession because you'll have transferable skills; If you have a poor work history or have only ever had dead end jobs, it will be pretty much impossible. The ideal age for entry level jobs or an apprenticeship is between 18 and 25 - that leaves an awful lot of people out which is frustrating; not to mention ageist! I appreciate that young people should be given a chance, but I don't think that older people should be thrown on the scrap heap - there should be something for everyone, particularly with retirement age increasing.

I hate the 'What do you do?' question too - it makes me feel so inadequate. It prevents me from doing everything from going to the hairdressers to joining a book group. It is such a simple, but loaded, question - not everyone has the same intent. Some people are assessing your worth and will look down on you if you're unemployed or in a low-status job, whereas others simply ask because 'it's just something you ask people' like 'How are you?' I also worry that I'll be asked more job-related questions like 'What was your last job?', 'How long have you been unemployed?', or 'Why don't you work?' I know that only the very nosy or judgemental will will ask questions like that but it still terrifies me.

One of the other things that irritates me is that people often think that if you have a mental illness or disability, you should be simple-minded and happy with very little. They don't want you to get ideas above your station and will chastise you if you show too much ambition. I had CAT therapy a few years ago (which did nothing for me) and my therapist would keep pressing me to talk about my 'goals for the future' and when I expressed an interest in a particular profession she looked shocked and told me that maybe it would be better to get a cleaning job! I said that if I managed to conquer my social anxiety I would obviously be prepared to take a job like that - no disrespect to cleaners - but is isn't something I'd want to do indefinitely and she seemed to think that I shouldn't set my sights too high. Why not? She's the one who asked me what I wanted to do with my life, and although I didn't expect her to pacify me and say that yes, I could definitely achieve that goal, I think she should've shown a more balanced and supportive view suggesting that maybe it could be possible and not to lose hope.

[Jane Doe]

^ Being poor and older is also worrying - if you don't have a decent job and can't afford to live anywhere nice your quality of life suffers. I think that being poor when you're young is easier to deal with because you still have the chance to make something of your life and there's less of a stigma. Older people are supposed to own their own home and be 'settled' in most aspects of their lives and it's tough if you've never managed to succeed at anything.

[umm]

Originally Posted by .Andrew.

What can I do, can I ever lead a decent life? I don't want just do just any old job, I'd be too apprehensive to apply to work in a warehouse or a very basic job as I feel I just wouldn't fit in or I would be bullied or something.

...

Maybe working within a small team, could I see a job and offer to work for free like a trial of work experience?

...

Unfortunately, I don't know anyone who could help me out or help me get a job, a lot of people seem to get jobs through luck or knowing the right people.

If anyone had any suggestions then it would be appreciated

Personally I would advise just taking the "any old job" hit for now. If not warehouse work, then cafe work, shop work, just that kind of general employment. Additionally I would say, from experience, that fears about being bullied are probably far more baseless than you realise. From what I have seen, most adults don't want to be bullies as it actually makes them look kind of childish, so people just generally get on with the work, which means that the workplace can be a reasonably easy social environment. Yes, there are bullies from time to time but to be honest they tend to gravitate to more mid management-type positions where all their underlings can despise them equally, forming a weird sort of workplace solidarity. Rules and regulations also mean their bullying will typically take the form of just telling people what to do, which is sort of what they are supposed to do.

Working - even this general type - also gives you money, workplace exposure and fills time in your CV, and can open doors socially for a variety of things. It also benefits one's mood just by having a purpose and getting out of the house and doing stuff. Yes, it may not be your "dream job" but I would keep that as a long term goal for now. And if you don't like it after three or six months or so just quit and look for another job like that. Good luck