Reaching Your 40s and Giving Up

[Dougella]

I agree with both of the above posters

[Consolida]

Thank you so much newbs, Sisyphus and Dougella Your kind comments really made me smile

[Blue Salamander]

Only reading the cut-off title I thought the last word was Birth

[Moksha]

Originally Posted by HaveANiceDay

Returning to the original issue in this thread, in my 40s I was just getting started. I'd also say happiness is overrated. Being particularly unhappy is not good, but beyond that I don't personally see it as a particularly interesting goal. Outside work I'm heavily involved (volunteering and funding) with an organisation that every week saves a lot of lives that most likely wouldn't be saved if I wasn't there. It doesn't usually make me happy, but it does provide meaning. I've never been a parent but my impression is that many parents likewise find meaning rather than happiness in parenting.

Interesting post. I agree that you should aim for a meaningful life rather than a happy one.

When you look at it rationally, expecting happiness is kind of silly. We didn't evolve to be happy. We evolved to survive and reproduce. In our original, nomadic, hunter-gatherer state, most of us would be dead by now; an animal would have got us, or an infected wound, or simple starvation. I do regret never having been young and happy though. In fact, that is probably the bitterest regret of my life. I wish I had a few happy memories to look back on - just a few months in my late teens or early twenties when I felt truly happy and alive. Now, at 42, I'm just grateful not to have a brain tumor or motor neurone disease! Happiness is for the young. When you are young, you have innocence and energy. And you feel immortal. It's not that you can't be happy over 40, but what people call happiness is more like a sort of mellow contentment.

[sensitivesoul]

I relate to your post and the feeling of shame manifesting shame but as well, over the years, I've realised that what society may dictate to be "the script" that we're meant to follow isn't that important and often doesn't make people any happier. So for instance, I might think people look down on me for not being married, having kids or working full time but as I've got older, I've found it became easier to be self aware and re frame my thinking.

I may not be married but half of marriages end in divorce anyway. Is having one partner for life necessarily realistic in our society? Imagine all the unhappy couples out there?

I work part time but as I said in another thread, I love it. I don't see why a 40 hour week ought to be considered "the norm".

I don't have children and whilst it makes it harder to relate to other women and make friends, there's still some women out there like me who don't have any and some women with kids don't mind or even welcome childfree friends.

Personally, I respect people who get along with their parents enough to live at home, it makes MUCH more sense to share a house with people you're comfortable with and to save money, rather than struggle with rent for some greedy landlord to benefit from.

[Northern Natterer]

I really hope the saying life starts at 40 holds true, I'm rapidly approaching that and as others, still live at home etc. Sometimes you feel like life has passed you by but the thought of going out there and making things happen is scary. Is my anxiety too deep rooted to ever be better?

[limey123]

^ I'm in my 40s and in quite many respects doing my best ever, certainly socially. Anxiety seems to improve partly with age and partly with putting yourself out there.

[Northern Natterer]

Originally Posted by limey123

^ I'm in my 40s and in quite many respects doing my best ever, certainly socially. Anxiety seems to improve partly with age and partly with putting yourself out there.

I shall keep my fingers crossed that the age thing does help! Glad to hear you are doing so well

[Dolittle]

I've reached 40 and like the idea of life begining at 40. I've made a promise to myself to make improvements in my life. I've started posting here and I'm going to give CBT a go hopefully.

[Bluebear]

^ I hope the CBT goes well