Too serious/quiet/boring at work

scarlettgirl · #1 7th November 2018, 01:41

I'm envious of anyone who can carry on conversation and engage people so well in the workplace. Even when I'm showing enthusiasm for something I think I come across as dull. I'm a private person to a fault, so it's hard for me to open up about anything too personal in conversation. I think people see that as me just not having anything going on in my life.

I'm finding it particularly tricky with someone at the moment; like I have to be constantly chatty or she'll think I'm boring? Is this normal...am I supposed to be chatting about literally ANYTHING to fill a gap, rather than sit in silence once in a while? I'd rather silence than continue talking about the weather (anymore of that and I'll go mad). We don't really click with interests either, I guess. I don't know if she's just 'hard work', or it's my SA causing me to overthink it as usual.
I actually prefer working alone, so maybe its that too. I'm just wondering. How does anyone else deal?

Mr. Nobody · #2 7th November 2018, 10:26

silence is golden, as long as it's not forced.

it can often be the case that these very chatty people are nervous,
and they are simply chatting to alleviate the nerves,
or they have too much "busy" energy and need to release it by being chatty and exuberant,

both types are valid,. the quiet, introspective type and the loud, outgoing type,
both are just different types of people,. but both are valid and legitimate,
one is not better or worse, greater or less than the other.

but yeah,. I've been seen as too serious, and too boring at work,.. but I'm not here to amuse people or be a performing monkey for anyone, I'm only here to earn money,
if I get on with certain people and not others,. fair enough,. that's just the nature of life I think.

Moksha · #3 7th November 2018, 10:27

It really comes down to confidence/attitude. Some people have zero personality and nothing interesting to say (ever seen a footballer interviewed?). But they don't care. They think they're great. And because they think they're great they sort of convince everyone else they are as well. They can go to a party and not even speak yet everyone will leave them alone. They just give off this vibe of "I'm awesome...so awesome I can't be bothered to speak to you". But someone shy and nervous could do the same and all night people will say "are you OK?" "why don't you speak?" etc, or make sarcastic remarks. You feel the need to talk because you feel the need to amuse/entertain people. And that's probably due to low self-esteem/self-doubt etc. Most of us on here can relate scarlett. You need to learn not to give a ****. Once you do, nobody else will either.

I know a girl with SA who is in exactly the same position. (We are trying to get a support group up and running in colchester if anyone is interested btw). She was telling me that a girl in her office makes a point of remarking on how quiet she is. A few weeks ago, this girl called her "quiet" FIVE TIMES in one day.

Schmosby · #4 7th November 2018, 11:10

Quote:

Originally Posted by Vasco Da Gama

silence is golden, as long as it's not forced.

it can often be the case that these very chatty people are nervous,
and they are simply chatting to alleviate the nerves,
or they have too much "busy" energy and need to release it by being chatty and exuberant,

.. but I'm not here to amuse people or be a performing monkey for anyone, I'm only here to earn money,
if I get on with certain people and not others,. fair enough,. that's just the nature of life I think.

Yep, this is basically my view.

I do find people talking too much at me for prolonged periods very draining and if I can't get away from them my stress levels go right up, plus it slows down my work, which is what I'm being paid for.

Hackpen · #5 8th November 2018, 07:08

I can empathise, I'm on my own in my truck most of the day. I'm stressing less about the contact i do have.
I imagine you get used to being in an office setting to a degree. You must have to find ways to deal with excess adrenalin/tension.
I'm my own worst enemy when it comes to imagining how I'm perceived by others. I found the less you care or imagine what others think of us the better. Find a way to silence your inner critic and be kind to yourself

Sent from my SM-G930F using Tapatalk

scarlettgirl · #6 8th November 2018, 19:06

healingsoul- relate to your experience with the colleague you called an 'aunt', and the fact that she was far more popular with everyone else. I am the youngest in my workplace, so maybe that had something to do with it, and I think she took me under her wing and I never felt uncomfortable in silence around her at all, nor that pressure to speak. It's very different now since she left. Good luck with your own experiences, I'm glad not to feel so alone.

Vasco da gama- Yeah I think you hit the nail on the head; am not at work to entertain anybody, just to work. Good to find people you can gel with but it shouldn't be such a massive pressure.

Moksha- Trouble is I wonder if my personality is so boring anyway, since I can never think of anything interesting to contribute to conversation. I might just be so shallow as those footballers! Or not very witty, in any case. It's disheartening to be the sort who can't think on their feet very well, I guess. Just overthinking stuff and by the time you've considered something the conversation has already moved on. I don't think I'm made for 'banter', but then I remember I did have that sort of thing with people at school, so maybe SA sapped it out of me lol. I sympathise with the girl who keeps getting comments about being quiet...that would be an actual nightmare to me. That hasn't happened yet, but I wonder what to say if it does. Seems like only a matter of time with this one person I'm working with.

schmosby: My stress levels heighten too. I've started leaving the room to take extended toilet breaks or something just to have a tiny bit more time to myself hah.

Hackpen: thanks for the kind words! You are so right of course, I think we're all our own harshest critic. I'm probably more paranoid about that outer perception.

(and sorry guys I had to respond individually like that. I still have no idea how to quote individual posts lol)

Moksha · #7 8th November 2018, 19:17

Quote:

Originally Posted by scarlettgirl

Moksha- Trouble is I wonder if my personality is so boring anyway, since I can never think of anything interesting to contribute to conversation. I might just be so shallow as those footballers! Or not very witty, in any case. It's disheartening to be the sort who can't think on their feet very well, I guess.

We all bore people from time to time Scarlett. Even the most brilliant, witty, lovable person has irritated or bored someone at some point ***8211; probably for being so ****ing perfect! People look for different things. Kindness, gentleness, compassion, manners, etc, are all prized just as highly as wit and confidence. Sometimes it can be a pleasure to talk to someone quiet and polite, even if they are boring.

Never forget that SA mangles your brain (I love that word...haven't used it for years

). It totally distorts the way you see things. I bet they find you more interesting than you realize. And the opposite is probably true of the superconfident guy next to you ***8211; he assumes people think he's more interesting than he really is.

scarlettgirl · #8 8th November 2018, 23:30

Thanks Moksha (hah mangles...very good word!). I guess it's true, and we can't know how we truly come across, since we only know things truly from our own perspectives.
I'm sure tht many people do consider me boring though, but it's a case of having to accept that, and know that certain people won't

Orwell20 · #9 9th November 2018, 13:59

Quote:

Originally Posted by scarlettgirl

Thanks Moksha (hah mangles...very good word!). I guess it's true, and we can't know how we truly come across, since we only know things truly from our own perspectives.
I'm sure tht many people do consider me boring though, but it's a case of having to accept that, and know that certain people won't

I guess it depends how you define boring. Some people would be thrilled to have a conversation about golf or tropical fish. Personally, that would bore me to death. The key is finding your people. Once you've had a bit of validation (i.e people who seem to like your company) you'll care less and less. If someone then yawns when you speak, you'll just shrug and think "well, X or Y likes me, so **** you".