Random Questions (3)

[Amara 94]

How do you be yourself?

[biscuits]

^ authenticity - being comfortable and confident in your core values. Learning how to be honest with people. worrying what others will think of us can make us avoid showing others our true thoughts and opinions. It makes us hide who we are. If people don't come across as authentic then it's difficult for them to form healthy relationships and difficult for a mutual two way connection with others.

[Tembo]

A random question here, and perhaps a reason I usually try to avoid ‘banter’ at work. It’s just been playing on my mind a little bit.

I’m just wondering if anyone here thinks what I said was too far or inappropriate? It’s hard to tell without context and if you weren’t there, but I’ll try my best to explain it (although it might be absolutely nothing).

Someone at my work has the same surname as me, a lady in her 40s. A few others with me there joked that we were ‘mr and mrs [surname]’. She said that people should think we were brother and sister, and definitely not mother and son. I then said ‘I definitely won’t say I’m you’re grandson then!’. I was just attempting to ‘join in’. She said I was being ‘cheeky’ and appeared to take it in good humour.

However, I’m starting to think that deep down she might have been really upset by that. I know many people, especially in their 40s + can be quite sensitive about their age and understandably so. I feel bad I might have made her feel a bit bad. There’s no reason for anyone to think she’d be a grandmother, but she might not think that herself.

Does anyone think I was offensive? Should I maybe bring it up, maybe saying I didn’t mean it and she definitely doesn’t look like a grandmother? In a joking kind of way?

I’m probably completely over thinking this, and this is a reason I usually try not to be funny and ‘join in’ at work.

[biscuits]

It sounds like she took it in the way you meant it - in a silly way. If people are offended they usually communicate that at the time (either by saying it outright, or their facial expressions and body language). In those sorts of friendly conversations someone in the room will usually say if someone takes it too far, or take you to one side to tell you.

If it makes you feel better then by all means you can talk to her about it. I'm sure she'd be happy to put your mind at rest.

If this is going to be playing on your mind for some time then it's best to address it to help make your mind feel still as you don't want this to put you off joining in with work time chats.

But if you left it, that would also be okay because it was all just in the nature of a friendly chat

[gregarious_introvert]

^^ I think you should leave it as it is, any attempt at explaining yourself will only make it seem that you said could be construed as true; at present, it's a spontaneous and meaningless remark. I would only revisit it if the way she relates to you begins to change, for the worse.

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[Tembo]

Thanks both, I shall just leave it. I am overthinking it probably.

[Bored]

Why do we put up with the system?

[Merritt]

^ Because we're dependent on it enough that to try to root out the bad stuff would cause the good stuff to topple, like a Jenga made of turds. As disgruntled as I feel much of the time, I'm aware that it'd only take a slight breeze on said turd-Jenga to put me on the street, dropping my skiddy kecks and doing the Charleston outside the chip shop for scraps of fish batter, so I try to keep my head down.

[Tembo]

Are there any alternatives to Meetup.com for meeting new people?

I was a member of Meetup for a few years, and it was quite popular. I went to lots of events which did sort of boost my confidence. And then Covid happened.

Sadly I didn’t make any new friends despite attending events for years, but I probably shouldn’t be surprised. Anyway, I’ve noticed Meetup is now absolutely rubbish, with hardly any groups, and any that I were on are now pretty dead. Is there any other websites or apps that also do this sort of thing? I still have no idea how else to meet new people.

[biscuits]

^ Are you on Facebook? there are a few local Facebook groups e.g. board game meet-up groups, art groups, cinema groups, vegetarian/vegan groups. They have regular socials. I bet it's similar in your local area.

[Tembo]

^ Yes I’m on Facebook. I was trying to get rid of it, as it’s an awful site, but I think I’m going to have to keep it so I can still be on my geeky groups.

Having a look in my area, there still doesn’t seem to be much socials surprisingly. There’s plenty if you’re in to sport, but sadly I couldn’t do that even if I wanted to. I shall keep looking though. I’d be happy for some board game groups, or something like that.

Another reason I’m starting to think living in London could be so much better. There’s loads of Meetup and Facebook groups there it seems.

[biscuits]

^ I hear ya! I haven't logged into Facebook in ages. Well, apart from yesterday haha but prior to that it was a very long time. I deleted the app and kept Facebook messenger.

I had the opposite problem. There wasn't ever anything on meet-up round where I live. There's loads of Facebook social groups though.

You could always make a group. Other members of the group will set up meets too, to take off the pressure and then you can make other people admins.

[anewyear]

Originally Posted by Tembo

A random question here, and perhaps a reason I usually try to avoid ‘banter’ at work. It’s just been playing on my mind a little bit.

I’m just wondering if anyone here thinks what I said was too far or inappropriate? It’s hard to tell without context and if you weren’t there, but I’ll try my best to explain it (although it might be absolutely nothing).

Someone at my work has the same surname as me, a lady in her 40s. A few others with me there joked that we were ‘mr and mrs [surname]’. She said that people should think we were brother and sister, and definitely not mother and son. I then said ‘I definitely won’t say I’m you’re grandson then!’. I was just attempting to ‘join in’. She said I was being ‘cheeky’ and appeared to take it in good humour.

However, I’m starting to think that deep down she might have been really upset by that. I know many people, especially in their 40s + can be quite sensitive about their age and understandably so. I feel bad I might have made her feel a bit bad. There’s no reason for anyone to think she’d be a grandmother, but she might not think that herself.

Does anyone think I was offensive? Should I maybe bring it up, maybe saying I didn’t mean it and she definitely doesn’t look like a grandmother? In a joking kind of way?

I’m probably completely over thinking this, and this is a reason I usually try not to be funny and ‘join in’ at work.

I'm a bit late with answering but you're definitely overthinking this one. If you'd said "yeah you look like my granny!" then it'd have been questionable but saying "I definitely won't say I'm your grandson then!" will have been taken in the way you meant it, 100%. You'll have gone up in their estimation as someone they can have a laugh with

[Tubbs]

How do I politely decline an invitation to my aunt's birthday party? My cousin is asking people to RSVP because of catering etc. Sounds as though it'll be a big do.

I don't see extended family much and have avoided such things for years, but I don't have a good reason not to go (it's ages away). I've been added to a family FB messenger group specifically for the party and I'm finding the pressure quite triggering. The pandemic has really done a number on what little social skills I did have
Unless I'm brutally honest and message my cousin privately to say something like 'I was diagnosed with autism last year; I would find a big party too difficult, but thank you for the invite and I hope you all have a great time.'

[biscuits]

^ yep, being honest will feel really empowering as well. I remember the first time I said to someone I couldn't do something because I felt to overwhelmed and anxious and they were so sweet about it. Being open and honest can feel like a weight off. I always feel like finding excuses is far more anxiety inducing than being upfront about it. It's like instant closure to tell the truth.

You could always say you'd love to have her round for some tea and cake, or meet her for some - so she knows you want to celebrate with her on a smaller scale.


People who care for you will always want to spend time with you on you comfort level

[Tubbs]

^/^^ Thanks guys, much appreciated

[Jam do Bronx]

Can someone explain NFT to me please?

I've had it explained to me already, but I still don't get it.

[Professor Willow]

Anyone else have problems with the emoticons not showing up in their browser?

[biscuits]

^ do you mean the emoticon panel pop-up? Sometimes but that's because it's already open in a tab from an earlier use.

^^ it doesn't make any senses to me either! I just read about them, watched a YouTube video... my brain has rejected all of the confusing information and has decided to think about chickpeas instead. I thought they were digital pieces of art that aren't physical...but that's not correct.

It sounds like a follow the white rabbit and all will become clear situation.

[newbs16]

Is anyone on here good is good at car mechanics, if you are please could you message me I have car issues.

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[Merritt]

Originally Posted by A Tribe Called Jam

Can someone explain NFT to me please?

I've had it explained to me already, but I still don't get it.

I think it's made difficult to understand so that, if you do think you understand it, you get to feel dead clever, and because you're dead clever you'd never fall for scams, and then you fall for scams and lose all your precious monkey pictures/life savings.

[Jam do Bronx]

^^^ Glad it's not just me. I read about it and it says stuff like blah blah blockchain, then I have to find out what blockchain means, then that confuses me further, and in the end I'm like fk it imma think about hummus. A bit like how you do with chickpeas, but my taste palette is more sophisticated than yours.

[anewyear]

What defines how something sounds? Why doesn't ripping a piece of paper sound like a dog barking? Will we ever invent something that has a totally new sound that we've never experienced before? What would a medieval knight make of electronic music or whatever?

[biscuits]

^^ chickpea intrusive thoughts are so welcome when other things are too difficult to think about.



That hummus is so good, btw. If you need a new flavour to try.

[Amara 94]

Does everything involve sacrifice?

For example, to be more skilled at something usually means you have to do less of another typical thing in life.

To be a good leader means that you live for the people you lead. So that means you can’t allow your ego to get in the way. I think there are more bad leaders than good leaders. In a way even being a leader may mean that you aren’t talented yourself but are able to nurture others talent. It kind of in some ways goes against what modern Western culture promotes sometimes. It seems like presidents age alot when they are presidents, I think that’s part of the sacrifice of being a powerful leader.

Some talents are nurtured by having lots of alone time which may mean sacrificing a social life.

Being social, can mean sacrificing your health, if your social group involves sleeping late and drinking a lot of times.

Caring for someone can mean, you sacrifice the time on your other interests.

[biscuits]

^ Everything involves balance

[Amara 94]

^Explain your reasoning that everything needs balance.

[biscuits]

^ sure. I'll come back later on today

[Percy]

Have fun at work today biscuits

[biscuits]

^ aw thank you, Percy. How sweet!

^^^ achieving balance is a challenge. Our priorities change as we go through life, we have to learn how to manage and divide up our time in a way that is healthy. It’s difficult to speak about in general terms because it’s different for different people and different people have different responsibilities.

Working towards achieving a goal is something that we can do without sacrificing the things that we value. It means learning how to manage our time and recognising that we might need to put some things temporarily on hold. It’s adapting how you go about things so you have time for the things you love. It’s also about changing your way of thinking so that it doesn’t feel like a sacrifice. It feels worthwhile.

Not sure I’ve explained that very well haha sorry