Frustration

Nevermind · #1 18th November 2007, 15:31

I was wondering does anyone else feel an almost unbearable sense of regret and pain with regard to their life. Since I "discovered" what I suffered from about 9 months i initially felt relieved and joined this website. I have read books, endlessly analised myself and yet I am still haunted by the past. The regret at all I have missed out on eats away at me like a cancer.

I am now 27 and it feels like it is too late. I hate this illness more than anything. People look at you outwardly and think you have everything. Yet inwardly you are in so much pain. If you break your leg or have a physical illness, people feel sorry for you and help. With this,they think your a boring, self pitying tosser who they helpfully tell to cheer up and stop being so quiet.

I want to change and yet it still holds me back. i feel like a little piece of me dies with every day that passes. Just sitting thinking of all the things I havent done and watching others do them hurts so much.

I dunno, I'm just so sick and tired of feeling like this.

Cheshire Cat · #2 18th November 2007, 16:46

I understand your feelings very much, but try to remember that feeling sorrow for the years and opportunities you've lost is an important part of moving forward. In fact, you can't move forward without some sort of acceptance of the past. That doesn't mean glamorizing it by trying to think 'it wasn't so bad...', but accepting that you've had a good deal of pain in your life. You read reports from recovering addicts, how acknowledging the years they've lost to their problem is painful, admitting they have a problem is painful, recognising they're lives have got out of control is painful. There is such a thing as a healthy dialogue we can have with our pain and hurt. You need to develope an awareness of this process and move away from self-critical blame. I'd hazzard a guess it is this blame that you are sick and tired of (understandably) and not the actual pain itself...?

ßazzaOld · #3 18th November 2007, 17:00

I dont know if you do but maybe talking with someone might help. Someone qualified I mean so you can let it all out and hear what they have to say in regards.

You really have to want change to make it happen. Its not easy but if you can find some kind of direction and take action you will realise its possible to make change. You have to accept the past but you have to also accept the present. You wont suddenly be able to out go and do all the things you want. It will take small steps and time before you achieve the kind of life you desire.

If you think sitting and thinking about your problems isnt helping then try to keep yourself busy. It does wondors to be out in fresh air and thinking about other things too.

You have to accept things as they are before you can really overcome. This can take weeks or years for some people but eventually it kicks in and you realise you dont want to waste the rest of what you got. Then you make those changes happen.

ßazzaOld · #4 18th November 2007, 17:09

Quote:

Originally Posted by nirelandguy

I can relate totally to this, and no one understands, I have tried telling my wife and parents but they just say pull yourself together, If only I could, it has ruined my life

Again, maybe talking to someone who will listen and understand might help with that frustration. It certainly did for me!

I think people get frustrated because they cant do what they want but they must accept what they are before they can change anything about it.

and no one understands

I am sure most of us or atleast a few of us do understand on this forum. As for others in rl its hard for them to understand isnt it? I suspect you barely understand it yourself so when you suddenly unlease it upon them its bound to worry them. They dont know how to handle it so they shrug it off with the the usual cookie response. Maybe they are misunderstanding how difficult it truly is for you.

Nevermind · #5 18th November 2007, 17:59

I think the problem is I've spent so long like this, I just want everything to change overnight and I know that is not realistic. I know I need to accept the past and move on, and I have to accept it would take time. I dunno, I think I am just going through one of those bad times we all go through. It's cathartic to just write it down. I think the problem is I know the time has come to try to change but as usual, the nagging voice in my head is trying to undermine me before I start.

Four Star · #6 18th November 2007, 18:01

You are still young Nevermind, at 27 most people are still searching for their own "identity", so its quite common to have feelings like this. Obviously it's a lot worse when you have SA, but I think part of the reason you may be unhappy is a notion that other people are somehow getting everything that they want out of life. When you mention missing out on things, I assume you mean socialising and maybe career opportunities.

It is easy to look at other people without SA and think "if only I didn't have SA I could be like that", but this sort of comparison is not a fair one, and is quite damaging psychologically. You have to just accept that you will maybe achieve things in other areas of your life, and not be so great at socialising etc, and learn that this does not mean you have missed opportunities, but have just lived your life a little differently from someone without SA. After all, there is more than one way to get the most out of life.

As for other people's reactions, maybe if we went round wearing a big "Socially Anxious" sign, people might be more sympathetic!