21st birthday :(

[Cool Hand Luke]

Hey Everyone

Sorry for this post, its gonna probably be a bit long, and probably won't make much sense, kinda get like that when i'm stressed.

Its like less than a week away from my 21st birthday and its really making me depressed. I've not really got anything to do, i could try and invite what little friends i've got but even then they're more aquatiences, so i feel uncomfortable asking them. Even if i did i doubt they'd turn up. Everyone is like 'You gotta do something big for your 21st blah blah blah'. So its like i don't want to just be doing nothing, i was going to go skydiving or something adventurous, spur of the moment thing, something different. But money is kind of an issue. Then i was thinking of making a list of things i want to do while i'm 21, but doubt i'd do them since i'm seem to be really unmotivated at the moment.

It really is stressing me out, everyone in my family is going you looking foward to it, its the real big birthday your finally fully legit, why don't you invite some of your mates

Has anyone else had this, what did you do? any ideas for what to do.

Thanks

[Chris21]

For my 21st I sat in a car and installed my new stereo while my girlfriend sat there bored, and then I went for a drive with her, and that's.... about it.

[Fяαηкιє]

On my 21st i went to visit my dad in hospital as he had cancer then spent an hour or two in a deserted pub with my girlfriend. So it wasnt a very good 21st but now that its passed i really dont give a shit. The way i picture it is when i manage to reduce my SA to a level wer i can sociallise comfortably an gain some new mates I will plan a big night out an enjoy it. Tha way i havnt really missed out cos thats wat id b doin anyway. But thats just my way of thinkin.

[luke]

i got the same problem my 21st is in 3 weeks and im not looking foward to celebrating another shit year, birthdays just make you realise how much you shouldve done by now.
ill probably end up feeling depressed i have no one to celebrate my life with, yeh ok theres famly but at 21 you should be with friends but i aint got none

[Concept]

Explain to them what you've told people here. It sounds like you're facing plenty of peer pressure but it's your life. You don't need to strictly adhere to silly tradition. If you want to get out of it use the money excuse and pretend you come down with something a few days before.

If you're in two minds but you don't want to go balls-to-the-wall and do something like sky diving, then find a compromise. Take the day and visit somewhere you haven't before or do something you feel is within your relative grasp at the moment. : )

[StevieC]

Lol, i've got used to avoiding birthdays. I literally just say, i don't celebrate my birthdays, and say 'it's hell for me to have that sort of attention on me'

My 21'st last year consisted of me, my mum, my dad, and my sister eating a meal cooked by my mum. That's it!
Even if i had friends, i wouldn't do anything special, i'm just not into the attention. It's my birthday in about 7/8 weeks, and it'll probably just be a meal in a restaurant with the same people as last year.

Birthdays on the whole are just depressing after the high school years!

[Concept]

Yeah, they are depressing. Like Luke said, another reminder as to everything you haven't done as time becomes ever more precious and in many respects the antithesis to the start of the new year.

[Everleigh]

the year i turned 21 was the worst year of my life i had a full blown nervous breakdown was agoraphobic had a multitude of mental health issues. so i can understand that feeling of not wanting to do anything. i think u need to do what feels best for u, don't let anyone push u into doing anything ur not up for. i think just tailor it to suit ur personality. if a big bash is not ur thing then why not go out for a day of i don't kno go cart racing or bowling or sky diving or a quiet drink. i think tho u shld do something even if its really small gathering, tho just cos its nice to feel that your worth it. even tho i was miserable at my 21st i m glad i did something, i wld have been more miserable knowing i did nothing.

[Fusion 777]

I think you should use your birthday as inspiration for doing something special.

My 21st birthday is in about 5 months. And i must admit, i'm not looking forward to it. It always reminds me of the year passed - How unfullfilling and disappointing it was. And aswell as you, i'm getting all the same comment's about how i should do something "Special" for my 21st Birthday. It is understandably stressfull.

[Lone Dog]

Originally Posted by StevieC

My 21'st last year consisted of me, my mum, my dad, and my sister eating a meal cooked by my mum.

Sounds good, nothing wrong with that. On my 21st I came home from work, had my dinner and some birthday cake and watched tv with my parents. That was enjoyable enough for me. I'd pay serious money to be able to do that now, as my parents are deceased.

Don't worry about not scaling Everest with Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt on your 21st. Do whatever you enjoy.

[TonaldDrump]

I got kinda lucky on my 21st birthday. I had parents that wanted to send me off and do something good for my 21st, something id remember. So they sent me and my dad off to Las Vegas for a week. Was literally awesome. I was still having problems at the time, but being in a different country felt a bit different and it was a good getaway.

Havnt you got a few close friends to spend it with? Just do what youd normally do if you dont wanna stress about it. Play video games, watch a new film with a few beers...Go take some mad drug and have a life changing experience!

Update us man. Have a good bday if we dont hear.

[kastra]

On mine all I did was go for a meal with my ex because we (mostly he) had fallen out with our housemates, I had to pay because he was broke but he still ordered the most expensive thing on the menu

I did break up with him 6 months later though

Making a list of ideas sounds like a good plan though, it's worth making any birthday as fun as possible. I know I regret all my crap ones but I'm not gonna let it happen again.

[IRIS]

ah - my 21st was one of the most depressing days in me life, 30 was better!
On me 21st my entertainment was eating a pizza and chatting up guys on the net lol , and drinking cherry wine, I was a major alchy then!

[AW]

Had mine a couple of months ago. Was dreading it actually, didn't know what to do etc just like you. Just wanted to pretend it wasn't happening. In the end I ended up going to the zoo with my Mum. Pretty lame, sounds like something you do on your 5th birthday instead doesn't it? Anyway I got great weather and actually had a nice relaxing day, Yes it's embarrassing to say what I did, but it turned out alright and I ended up enjoying myself which I rarely do on birthdays. What made it was all the people who visited me that week, I couldn't believe they took the time out to come bring me cards and gifts. Also had a nice takeaway pizza & champagne that night and went to Nandos the day after with the family.

All I can say is, that there's a huge temptation to stay at home and let it pass if you don't have plans or friends to do something with (like I didn't) but getting out and doing something, anything at all can make it more of an occasion and something you'll remember. I hope you have a fab birthday!

[Generation Erm]

i suggest you do something you enjoy doing and treat yourself to something nice. must be hard for kids today having to prove how popular you are by posting pics of ur wild birthday bashes and nights out on facebook. whatever you do i wish you a happy 21st in advance.

[Cool Hand Luke]

Originally Posted by Chris21

For my 21st I sat in a car and installed my new stereo while my girlfriend sat there bored, and then I went for a drive with her, and that's.... about it.

That sounds kinda cool, but i don't have a car or a girlfriend...woe is me

Originally Posted by Liverpool-Lad

On my 21st i went to visit my dad in hospital as he had cancer then spent an hour or two in a deserted pub with my girlfriend. So it wasnt a very good 21st but now that its passed i really dont give a shit. The way i picture it is when i manage to reduce my SA to a level wer i can sociallise comfortably an gain some new mates I will plan a big night out an enjoy it. Tha way i havnt really missed out cos thats wat id b doin anyway. But thats just my way of thinkin.

Really sorry to hear that, hopefully i can do something meaningful with my 21st but if i don't i be glad once its over and try and work on my SA, so the future B-days won't be so bad. Kinda how i see it, once i'm done with SA hopefully i can socialize more for birthdays and plan big nights out.

Originally Posted by luke

i got the same problem my 21st is in 3 weeks and im not looking foward to celebrating another shit year, birthdays just make you realise how much you shouldve done by now.
ill probably end up feeling depressed i have no one to celebrate my life with, yeh ok theres famly but at 21 you should be with friends but i aint got none

I know what you mean, just another rubbish year, realizing that i should of done this and that by now etc. I feel i'm just gonna end up depressed but i'm gonna be as determined as possible to say at least i did something/anything memorable for it. i got family to celebrate with but it just ain't the same i've been doing that for years. Hope all goes well Dude, and hope you do soemthing and don't feel to depress about your birthday.

Originally Posted by Concept

Explain to them what you've told people here. It sounds like you're facing plenty of peer pressure but it's your life. You don't need to strictly adhere to silly tradition. If you want to get out of it use the money excuse and pretend you come down with something a few days before.

I'd love to be able to explain to my family, but feel they probably wouldn't quite understand and end up making aload of fuss. Which would probably make me feel worse. Part of me wants to celebrate with all i got, but then the other part of me is like whats the point. I have some savings so maybe i should break into them.

If you're in two minds but you don't want to go balls-to-the-wall and do something like sky diving, then find a compromise. Take the day and visit somewhere you haven't before or do something you feel is within your relative grasp at the moment. : )

I'd love to do skydiving or anything really similar, just as its different, or go out with a few mates and have a drink

Originally Posted by StevieC

Lol, i've got used to avoiding birthdays. I literally just say, i don't celebrate my birthdays, and say 'it's hell for me to have that sort of attention on me'

My 21'st last year consisted of me, my mum, my dad, and my sister eating a meal cooked by my mum. That's it!
Even if i had friends, i wouldn't do anything special, i'm just not into the attention. It's my birthday in about 7/8 weeks, and it'll probably just be a meal in a restaurant with the same people as last year.

Same for me really i don't think i could have my friends & family in the same area, as it would make really uncomfortable and anxious. I'd be even quieter than i already am.

Hope you have good birthday when it comes


Birthdays on the whole are just depressing after the high school years!

True, feel kinda old before my time

Originally Posted by Concept

Yeah, they are depressing. Like Luke said, another reminder as to everything you haven't done as time becomes ever more precious and in many respects the antithesis to the start of the new year.

Originally Posted by earthandocean

the year i turned 21 was the worst year of my life i had a full blown nervous breakdown was agoraphobic had a multitude of mental health issues. so i can understand that feeling of not wanting to do anything. i think u need to do what feels best for u, don't let anyone push u into doing anything ur not up for. i think just tailor it to suit ur personality. if a big bash is not ur thing then why not go out for a day of i don't kno go cart racing or bowling or sky diving or a quiet drink. i think tho u shld do something even if its really small gathering, tho just cos its nice to feel that your worth it. even tho i was miserable at my 21st i m glad i did something, i wld have been more miserable knowing i did nothing.

Sorry to hear that Earthandocean. I Hopefully won't have a breakdown, part of me wants to just invite a few friends and have a drink, but the anxiousness is holding me back, then part of me thinks everyone does that for their birthdays, why don't i do something different. I don't want to regret my 21st, so i got to do something. if i don't i probably just spiral down into deep depression

Originally Posted by Fusion 777

I think you should use your birthday as inspiration for doing something special.

My 21st birthday is in about 5 months. And i must admit, i'm not looking forward to it. It always reminds me of the year passed - How unfullfilling and disappointing it was. And aswell as you, i'm getting all the same comment's about how i should do something "Special" for my 21st Birthday. It is understandably stressfull.

I hate the emphasis (if that the right word to use) placed on 16th/18th/21st B-days, just makes me so bloody stressed and depressed . Same here i hate how its just another year passed, unfulfilled and just as dissapointing as always.

Hope you have a good B-day in 5 months Dude

Originally Posted by Lone Dog

Sounds good, nothing wrong with that. On my 21st I came home from work, had my dinner and some birthday cake and watched tv with my parents. That was enjoyable enough for me. I'd pay serious money to be able to do that now, as my parents are deceased.

Wish i could just enjoy chilling out, you know? But i can't, even years before that my birthday have been less eventful than that. I should count myself lucky that i got my parents with me. Sorry to hear that though


Don't worry about not scaling Everest with Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt on your 21st. Do whatever you enjoy.

That made me kinda laugh actually, thanks i do my best to enjoy it all i can

Originally Posted by TonaldDrump

I got kinda lucky on my 21st birthday. I had parents that wanted to send me off and do something good for my 21st, something id remember. So they sent me and my dad off to Las Vegas for a week. Was literally awesome. I was still having problems at the time, but being in a different country felt a bit different and it was a good getaway.

Havnt you got a few close friends to spend it with? Just do what youd normally do if you dont wanna stress about it. Play video games, watch a new film with a few beers...Go take some mad drug and have a life changing experience!


I really wish i could get away, but me nore my parents have that kinda money really. I have savings but have other plans, and it would just drain all my savings completly. Me and a friend plan to go on holiday next year, so that could be a kinda of later celebration i suppose. must be so good to get away for a B-day.

I've kinda got a few kinda close friends but even then, they;re connected to my not so close friends. So if i invited them then it would be like why didn't you invite us blah blah, not that they'd probably turn up anyway.


Update us man. Have a good bday if we dont hear.

Thanks man, I pretty determind to make sure that i have something good to do on my birthday

Originally Posted by kastra

On mine all I did was go for a meal with my ex because we (mostly he) had fallen out with our housemates, I had to pay because he was broke but he still ordered the most expensive thing on the menu

I did break up with him 6 months later though

Can't believe he didn't pay on your 21st birthday and then chose the most expensive thing, sounds like a douche. Good thing you dumped him probably shoudn't say that though

Making a list of ideas sounds like a good plan though, it's worth making any birthday as fun as possible. I know I regret all my crap ones but I'm not gonna let it happen again.

I thought so to, i want to make a list of stuff to do/accomplish while i'm 21, and maybe somethings to do for my 21st but i'm still kinda stumped. Hopefully it make my B-day a little less depressing

Originally Posted by IRIS

ah - my 21st was one of the most depressing days in me life, 30 was better!
On me 21st my entertainment was eating a pizza and chatting up guys on the net lol , and drinking cherry wine, I was a major alchy then!

You could kinda call it virtual Clubbing lol, since everyone seems to go clubbing for their's

Originally Posted by Quiet bloke

What i've done for the last 37 years. Someone in my family bought a cake and candles, I blew them out, and we ate the cake.

I wish i could be relaxed like that about my birthdays, just sit back and chill.

[Cool Hand Luke]

Originally Posted by AW

Had mine a couple of months ago. Was dreading it actually, didn't know what to do etc just like you. Just wanted to pretend it wasn't happening. In the end I ended up going to the zoo with my Mum. Pretty lame, sounds like something you do on your 5th birthday instead doesn't it? Anyway I got great weather and actually had a nice relaxing day, Yes it's embarrassing to say what I did, but it turned out alright and I ended up enjoying myself which I rarely do on birthdays. What made it was all the people who visited me that week, I couldn't believe they took the time out to come bring me cards and gifts. Also had a nice takeaway pizza & champagne that night and went to Nandos the day after with the family.

All I can say is, that there's a huge temptation to stay at home and let it pass if you don't have plans or friends to do something with (like I didn't) but getting out and doing something, anything at all can make it more of an occasion and something you'll remember. I hope you have a fab birthday!

It does sound kinda like your 5th birthday, i know i'm probably gonna sound like such a douche agreeing with you when instead i should disagree. You shouldn't be embarrased though the main thing is that you enjoyed yourself. Thing is half my friends don't know that it is my birthday, so i probably get a couple of ramdom happy birthdays. But i'm really gonna try and do something i don't want to look back and regret my 21st, i did that with my 16th & 18th. Thanks Dude.

Originally Posted by DRIFTY

i suggest you do something you enjoy doing and treat yourself to something nice. must be hard for kids today having to prove how popular you are by posting pics of ur wild birthday bashes and nights out on facebook. whatever you do i wish you a happy 21st in advance.

I know what you mean, Facebook just seems one big popularity contest. Posting pictures of everyone's birthdays, nights out etc. Then there's everyones pointless status updates. Thanks though dude i try my best to find something to do. Thanks

[Cool Hand Luke]

Thanks everyone.

Kinda feel a bit better, since i'm not the only one. I'm gonna try and do something.

Make it a good 21st B-day even though it feels more like D-day

But in the words of Andrew W.K.

'It's time to party, Let's party
Hang out with yourself and have a crazy party
Hey you, Lets party
Have a killer party and Party!'

How sad am i really

[Everleigh]

Originally Posted by Dudecus-Radicus

Sorry to hear that Earthandocean. I Hopefully won't have a breakdown, part of me wants to just invite a few friends and have a drink, but the anxiousness is holding me back, then part of me thinks everyone does that for their birthdays, why don't i do something different. I don't want to regret my 21st, so i got to do something. if i don't i probably just spiral down into deep depression

hi, er sorry i did not mean to say you are at risk at having a nervous breakdown. not at all! i just meant turning 21 i was in a bad place, and i can understand the feeling of not wanting to celebrate. but my mental health problems had nothing to do with turning 21, i had been unwell all yr and when my bday came in july i was so not in the mood. it was just crappy timing i guess. anyway there is alot of pressure to do 'whats cool, have a big celebration' but thats not everyones cuppa tea and thats ok. two of my friends did nothing! one went to hong kong with her dad. its OK to do whateva suits u!

[Cool Hand Luke]

Originally Posted by earthandocean

hi, er sorry i did not mean to say you are at risk at having a nervous breakdown. not at all! i just meant turning 21 i was in a bad place, and i can understand the feeling of not wanting to celebrate. but my mental health problems had nothing to do with turning 21, i had been unwell all yr and when my bday came in july i was so not in the mood. it was just crappy timing i guess. anyway there is alot of pressure to do 'whats cool, have a big celebration' but thats not everyones cuppa tea and thats ok. two of my friends did nothing! one went to hong kong with her dad. its OK to do whateva suits u!

Wooops, i really should of wrote that better, kinda misinterpreted it a bit aswell. Its kinda cause i'm in a bit of a bad place at the moment aswell, my 21st is just crappy timing. The pressure of doing something on my 21st is getting to me plus other problems. Doubt that i will have a nervous breakdown. Still stumped on what to do, but i'm just gonna invite a few friends out, got a party tonight, so i might ask them there. Cheers Earthandocean

[muteman]

Skydiving is fantastic idea, i did it for my 21st, got one of those day experiences packages, if moneys an issue just ask for money as gifts from family

i did it for my 21st about a week after my birthday. i didnt party or anything, id rather do that then go out and get drunk and not remember!

have a good one!

[meandmyself]

Looks like not many of us enjoy birthdays . Its just another part of SA, try and challenge your negative thoughts. Do something... who cares what, anything you enjoy. Dont compare yourself to how others enjoy their birthdays .

My 21st last year, spent it alone in a cell ha ha

[Jas]

J

[brakesgirl]

I worked on my 21st birthday (Christmas Eve) and willingly so. I used to work in hotels which, of course, never close and no such thing as holidays so it was really easy to get myself on shift for that day. Recently I'm in offices and they do this dumb thing where they shut for like a week during that period (although the one I'm at now at least gives you the choice of coming in or not).

I try to, as much as possible (but difficult sometimes with it falling on xmas eve), to just blank it out of my head so it doesn't become a big deal if I don't do anything. The past couple of years I did forget completely until realising I notched up another number a few weeks afterwards! Same with Christmas - people get very caught up in it being a family time, you shouldn't be alone, following the masses in doing these things and people get very down as a result. If you don't do it then you don't miss it. It's just another day.

[Cool Hand Luke]

Originally Posted by muteman

Skydiving is fantastic idea, i did it for my 21st, got one of those day experiences packages, if moneys an issue just ask for money as gifts from family

i did it for my 21st about a week after my birthday. i didnt party or anything, id rather do that then go out and get drunk and not remember!

have a good one!

Yeah, i thought so too, thanks. I don't really want to go out get drunk not remember and do the norm for the 21st etc. i've got some savings, which i was saving for something else, but i'll build it up again. The whole getting drunk,going out to a bar or club on your birthday still kinda appeals to me for some f*cked up reason, suppose it the mentality, that you got to go out and do something big on your birthday.

Originally Posted by meandmyself

Looks like not many of us enjoy birthdays . Its just another part of SA, try and challenge your negative thoughts. Do something... who cares what, anything you enjoy. Dont compare yourself to how others enjoy their birthdays .

My 21st last year, spent it alone in a cell ha ha

Sorry to hear that. I think its just part of the SA really, its bad enough being anxious, but when you got no friends/little friends it just makes the whole situation worse. I've kinda come to the decision that why should i rely on 'friends' to enjoy my birthday, when they will probably just let you down anyways. So i'm just gonna go out and do some ramdom things really.

Originally Posted by Jas

Just go drive somewhere on ur own, come home at 3 in the morning and tell people u did something really exciting and interesting with lots of people, thats what i did for my bday once

i don't drive so i'm kinda out of it there lol, maybe i should walk lol. Good idea though may save it for future B-days

Thanks

Originally Posted by brakesgirl

I worked on my 21st birthday (Christmas Eve) and willingly so. I used to work in hotels which, of course, never close and no such thing as holidays so it was really easy to get myself on shift for that day. Recently I'm in offices and they do this dumb thing where they shut for like a week during that period (although the one I'm at now at least gives you the choice of coming in or not).

I try to, as much as possible (but difficult sometimes with it falling on xmas eve), to just blank it out of my head so it doesn't become a big deal if I don't do anything. The past couple of years I did forget completely until realising I notched up another number a few weeks afterwards! Same with Christmas - people get very caught up in it being a family time, you shouldn't be alone, following the masses in doing these things and people get very down as a result. If you don't do it then you don't miss it. It's just another day.

Wish i could just blank it out of my head, been in my head for like 2years tho.

Originally Posted by magika

on my 21st i remember i was at uni, living in a house share with 6 other girls. most of the day i kept myself in my room watching tv, i bought myself a little birthday cake as no one knew it was my birthday. i was completly alone

Really sorry to hear that magika, even though that doesn't help saying that, really. Thought the fact that you was sharing a house, that they'ed at least know when your birthday was, and at least do a little something for you. Kinda why i realized that you shouldnt have to rely on people to enjoy your birthday or to get on with day to day stuff.

Thanks

[meandmyself]

Thats it mate. Anything you want. Randoms good. When is it must be some day now??

[Cool Hand Luke]

Originally Posted by meandmyself

Thats it mate. Anything you want. Randoms good. When is it must be some day now??

Yeah, just thought might aswell really, aslong as i do something to celebrate why not, don't need friends to celebrate something. Its tomorrow now, whoop whoop. if you don't mind me asking how'd you spend a time in a cell?

[Cool Hand Luke]

I just want to say thanks to everyone thats replied, you've all made me feel better about my 21st. Thanks

I've decided, that i don't need 'friends' to rely and enjoy my 21st, I've got family, they're throwing me a BBQ. Then the week after i'll be going skydiving. On the day i'm just gonna go up London, catch a movie, go to the Trocadero (kinda bit geeky), for those who know what it is, brings back good childhood memories, treat myself, abit sad but i feel kinda good about it now. So yeah.

I've decided since being 21 is the start of the rest of my life i'm gonna push myself (hopefully) to change, also i'm gonna make a list of stuff to do/accomplish, to make the year more worth while i guess. I'm gon a build my confidence up and self-esteem and over the coming months i'm gonna attempt to do stuff i've never done or dreamed of before.

Sorry if my replies where i bit confusing/muffled

Thanks again though everyone

[meandmyself]

Happy birthday!!!

Just lol... 17 minutes in ha

Enjoy it dude

P.s Growing

[Cool Hand Luke]

Originally Posted by meandmyself

Happy birthday!!!

Just lol... 17 minutes in ha

Enjoy it dude

P.s Growing

Cheers Dude

Actually means alot, considering, that my 50+ 'friends' on facebook, only 6 message me Happy birthday, and 3 of them where my sister-inlaw and her mother and sister, and the other i don't talk to that much. Good thing i didn't invite them in the end.

But yeah kinda enjoyed today.

Thanks again Dude and everyone else