27yr old adolescent?

[jontyboyoh]

It occurs to me there is not only me with this issue; that- as sufferers of this 'disorder', we have missed out on a lot during the main developmental stages in life!

I don't want to give too much away about my percieved vulnerabilities, but because of my sensitivity [highlighted by certain situations], I still have a lot of the same feelings as I did when I was a teen........
........Which makes me wonder whether I'll ever catch up........... Or- indeed- if it is actually about 'catching up', as opposed to forgetting the past & just throwing oneself into things we enjoy & taking what we can from situations!

It strikes me I will always be battling with this 'condition' and that I'm just a nice guy; a genuine nice guy.......... Wots wrong with being a nice guy?, I hear u say!......... Well, nothing really, so long as u can constantly re-evaluate wot u expect from life and not expect to be transformed into something else by something 'out there'!

:rolleyes:

[AAAli]

there is lots being wrong with a nice guy. You have to be authentic and be able to say whats on your mind and do whatever you want to do. Otherwise you are living in fear of what others think of you. That is not a very good life.

The best way to make friends is to be the real you and say exactly what you want to say. Not making everyone like you by putting on an SA front that means you will never have any enemies.

[-Simon-]

Originally Posted by J-Dog

So true.

If you wanted to be loved by some people you have to expect to be hated by the odd few.

I think I must be due a lot of lovin'

[jontyboyoh]

Originally Posted by AAAli

there is lots being wrong with a nice guy. You have to be authentic and be able to say whats on your mind and do whatever you want to do. Otherwise you are living in fear of what others think of you. That is not a very good life.

The best way to make friends is to be the real you and say exactly what you want to say. Not making everyone like you by putting on an SA front that means you will never have any enemies.

Not sure if ur agreein with me here or u've got the wrong end of the stick! .

My issue is, I don't want to be a nice guy, & feel I 'should' be something other than this at this stage in life; that I 'should' be established in some sense!

Generally, men with SA are nice guys [we can't help it]; they make good friends, but not boyfriends etc............ Which brings me to the conclusion that its just not nice being nice.........

And so I often feel myself doing everything in my power to be an arrogant/sarcastic bastard, meaning the 'real' me is always bubbling under the surface, threatening to come out.

TWO WORDS:
Identity Crisis

[jontyboyoh]

Originally Posted by J-Dog

I think you are confusing nice with being a wuss/walk over/non-alpha male.

You probably arent as nice as you think:
http://www.heartless-bitches.com/ran...niceguys.shtml

I think u are right mate, and this carton typifies the situation.......... I'm so wound-up in the fact I'm not a 'real man', that I fail to see what is in front of my eyes........ I proved over the summer, I do have potential to be good with the ladies!

Cheers dude!

[jontyboyoh]

God, and I have just read the link you sent......... As painful and as true as it is, I agree with a large percentage of it...........

God, even down to the last bit about clinging onto women with issues in the hope they will stroke my ego and give me something I need in return.

The hardest part is turning this thing around when u feel so incredibly nice!.......... But, I'm glad it finishes with the point that you don't ave to be arrogant and egotistical to get anywhere!

I suppose wot makes it more painful, is that it makes me wonder whether- with such ongoing problems as ours/mine, its ever gonna be worth reaching out again!

Cheers agen!

[Pal]

Originally Posted by J-Dog

So true.

If you wanted to be loved by some people you have to expect to be hated by the odd few.

Or as i've put it: you can't please everyone so don't bother trying, just be the best person you can be.

[Pal]

Originally Posted by jontyboyoh

The hardest part is turning this thing around when u feel so incredibly nice!.......... But, I'm glad it finishes with the point that you don't ave to be arrogant and egotistical to get anywhere!

As several people have pointed out to me on here, it all comes down to a lack of assertiveness, self belief and self esteem!

[threadbare]

Originally Posted by J-Dog

You probably arent as nice as you think:
http://www.heartless-bitches.com/ran...niceguys.shtml

oh - good article! doesn't only apply to guys either.