28 still at home, jobless, weird vision please tell me im not the only one!!?

CAS82 · #1 13th March 2011, 18:55

Hi

I hope someone can give me some advice to get out this RUT I'm in! I so want to move out and move forward with life but I don't know were to start!

I'm 28 currently living with parents on income support and its driving me mad I have not had a job since 2004! and rarely leave the house other than to visit useless doctors!

In 2004 I lost my job in a computer shop after being on sick note's with a vision problem I was constantly spaced out and felt tired all the time, in the past I had suffered major panic attacks which I dont get anymore from about 18-23 with no help just in hospital 3 times a month convincing myself my heart was going to pack in! it seems now my brains shut off and im in a fog!

Since 2004 I have been more closed off after a spate of bad relationships and family losses and still have this vision problems I woke up with in 2004!

Just one day out the blue a few months after my grandparent died my vision was like I was stuck in a dream or not connected to the world, and no doctor offers any other help apart from medication I refuse to take in case it makes this worse and I wont be able to cope!

I am really depressed and want to move on but this vision problem is holding me back I feel spaced out constantly like im on drugs it worsens with stress or anxiety and never goes away! I can't maintain eye contact with people ether!

I really need help to move out get back into work I have tried CBT that never helped any ideas?

Is there anyone else like this? I have no freinds and feel like im stuck!

Thanks to anyone in advance

2thoughtfull · #2 13th March 2011, 20:14

Hello mate,

Don't worry, I am pretty sure there are many people on this site with the same job/relationship issues/living issues, I am in a rut also and its so hard to know what the first steps are to get yourself out of it before depression overtakes you!

I cannot give any good advice as I am in a similar mood but it really sounds like you should get more help with your vision problem as it sounds most debilitating.

good luck with the future,

Andy

Between The Bars · #3 13th March 2011, 21:10

great post CAS

i think i know what you mean by "visions" its really frightening. i have these episodes frequently. the fear of, not myself dying but others close to me dying. an old friend of mine reckoned i was cursed by the devil and that i should see a spiratual healer.

a spacey vision. i tried to explain this to several doctors (aka experts) and eh, well you imagine the kind of response that i got.

housing. well because of your illness you should be able to get to the top of the council list. you can get your GP to write a letter to the local council (the housing list is all about points) (and shouting down the phone is also a bonus).
if you see any other specialists like a neurologist for example, you can tell them to send a letter to the council aswell.

CAS82 · #4 14th March 2011, 02:33

Quote:

Originally Posted by confidencelost

You say this started when your grandparent died. Have you tried bereavement counselling?

I have never tried that no! I am not sure if it was that or the break up I went through with a partner at the time just 2 weeks befor christmas 2003 I woke up with really poor vision!

I toke time off work on sick notes and was all ready to go back then he called me up and sacked me! long story but tried takeing him to the cleaners but 1 man company so that mae my condition worse!

So bad that when my gran was dieing with pancreas cancer 2 year ago I totally avoided seeing her in hospital and now regret that big time!

I feel more and more traped things need to change I just dont know were to start?

I tried CBT that was useless they just told me to sit in the middle of town basically to get over my phobia of going out! and the docotors cousiler was useless as she was refering me to group support but nothing came of it!

I have also been prity shy and hate town centers I feel watched or alien and run back home I dont think ive been in the city center for 4 years!

I'm just at the point that im 28 and things have to change! I guess I have reached my breaking point again and don't know which way to turn first!

Thanks guys

AutumnLeaves · #5 14th March 2011, 14:02

Hi CAS, sorry you're having a miserable time of it

Unless there are things going on at home making you worse, do you think that perhaps you should first focus on getting a job and then think about moving out later on once you're back on your feet?

Perhaps you could go to some SA meets to get you back into the way of seeing people and being out in public again? I think you should try doing anything that you can afford to do that you might find enjoyable (clubs, volunteering, sport, hobbies, SA meets etc). It's amazing how enjoying the simple things in life can motivate you and give you the confidence to face bigger things like trying for jobs. Basically, do your best with finding work etc, but remember it's to benefit you and to make your life more enjoyable - try not to worry about how your situation looks to anyone else and don't put too much pressure on yourself to change it all overnight. That's my humble advice anyway

cl111 · #6 14th March 2011, 14:25

hmmm. First take a deep breath! give yourself permission to heal first.... excercise really is brilliant! get yourself joined a gym with a pool and sauna....this is very relaxing and a great way to get out the house.... there have been times when a gym membership kept me sane... literally! also improves self confidence.

Now the doc needs to sort your vision asap-have u been to get eyes tested?
Then after this a group of some sorts where u get human contact? club group/ self help group... some thing regular to start getting a routine back into your life insted of one long fuzz? i joined a badminton group.... i would now class these people as friends :-)

cl111 · #7 14th March 2011, 14:27

ps im 33 and at mums... but i do feel like i have some structure in my life...

Chris P · #8 14th March 2011, 14:34

Quote:

Originally Posted by CAS82

Hi

I'm 28 currently living with parents on income support and its driving me mad I have not had a job since 2004! and rarely leave the house other than to visit useless doctors!

Is there anyone else like this? I have no freinds and feel like im stuck!

Thanks to anyone in advance

You're not alone, CAS. I'm in the same position but I'm a year older than you. 2004 was actually when I started my last job, which lasted until July last year when I was made redundant. Being unemployed is the most depressing factor of my life at the moment.

I've also been out of work for long periods of time, so I know how easily it is to get stuck in a rut and lose all motivation to find work, or do anything. I've no friends either and rarely venture outside, so I know exactly how you feel.

CAS82 · #9 14th March 2011, 15:10

Thanks for all your support guys!

I try and squeeze everything into one post but that's not going to work!

I forgot to mention that my mum back in 2004 went through also a major operation she had to have a spine operation through her neck near the base of her skull c3 and c4 fused taken 6 hours basically the disc in her neck was protruding crushing her spinal cord and slowly taking her mobility!

I probably should of mentioned that, thats one factor I'm worried about going out in case she falls, yet she had recovered greatly in fact does more than myself! she did fall last year in the shower broke her toe and her ribs but her neck was fine but that really freaked me out!

I think im one big bag of nerves! so were can I find these support groups?

I am currently in derby, I have thought about doing my driving test I feel that would help greatly but I don't see the benefits place taking to kindly to it!

Thanks

blubs · #10 14th March 2011, 17:33

Hi Cas,
You do sound very stressed. I agree with the other posts. Take a deep breath & acknowledge how stressed you are..& give yourself some time to deal with all the things that are difficult for you.

Sometimes we get sooo stressed we forget what it's like to feel any other way, as your mind runs itself in circles. Try giving yourself permission to stop trying to fix things for a minute & enjoy something out of your day, wether it's the sunshine (it's sunny here anyway!!) or something nice to eat. Something simple.

Have you seen an optician about your eyes? Is it to do with your anxiety do you know? Or do you think it is medical? Do you have any other medical problems?

pinkwafer · #11 14th March 2011, 17:34

Hiya

Often I get into a mood where I feel in a dreamlike state - nothing seems real and I feel like I am floating. I don't feel here. It's usually when feeling very depressed, or anxious.

You still are quite young, and it is never too late to change the situation. The only thing is is that it requires so much effort.

All the best,
Becky

blubs · #12 14th March 2011, 17:35

Don't in ANY way want to worry you further, but are you still tired all the time? & have you been tested for diabetes?

crazyfan · #13 14th March 2011, 17:41

Quote:

Originally Posted by magika

yeah im the same like you, i feel meds will just make me numb and drowsy and i dont think cbt/counselling will work either, but what else is there

youre not alone tho....

Don't you think that is defeatist? Its like giving up before you even try. If things don't work then fine, but don't dismiss things without even trying - noone is above any treatment.

pinkwafer · #14 14th March 2011, 17:45

Quote:

Originally Posted by crazyfan

Don't you think that is defeatist? Its like giving up before you even try. If things don't work then fine, but don't dismiss things without even trying - noone is above any treatment.

do you work for a med company?

messing :P

But yeah, if you give up trying, then... well things don't just improve. I think it's alright to give up every once and a while for a few days though, it gives you a break. I just like doing things gradually, because stress really affects me badly.

CAS82 · #15 14th March 2011, 18:31

I have had tests over the years:

I have had more ECGS than hot dinners with panick attacks about 20 would be a good start!
Normal Blood tests
Normal EEG (head electrodes for epelepsy)
24 hour Holter for palpitations (discoverd ectopic heatbeats but normal)
I dont have a thyroid problem or diabeaties.

I think the best way to describe how I feel is the world to me is like watching a television screen its clear but spacey like I dont feel part of it!

Worse days if im really stressed out my vision will sort of flicker and go darker round the edge like a tunnel and go dimmer but not had that for some time!

My thoughts are not clear I feel like I have cotten wool in the front of my brain and forget stuff ive just done, yet things from years ago are really sharp!

I can not get anyone to understand who dont have this how I feel but its like living your life behind a net curtain or stuck behind a bus window looking out!

Yes ok ignor it and take my mind off it but its not easy to do when its the problem with 2 of the things you look out of everyday!

In my work place I could not stand flouresent lamps they made my symtoms worse the constant flicker and supermarkets/shopping centers also its like an overload for my brain my mind goes blank and my vision goes haywire!

The only thing that explains my condition is derealization disorder or tempral lobe epilepsy yet if I mention this to the doc he just shuns it off or says it could be!

rory · #16 14th March 2011, 22:03

Quote:

Originally Posted by CAS82

I have had tests over the years:

I have had more ECGS than hot dinners with panick attacks about 20 would be a good start!
Normal Blood tests
Normal EEG (head electrodes for epelepsy)
24 hour Holter for palpitations (discoverd ectopic heatbeats but normal)
I dont have a thyroid problem or diabeaties.

I think the best way to describe how I feel is the world to me is like watching a television screen its clear but spacey like I dont feel part of it!

This is definitely derealisation, surprised your doc didnt realise this...as far as i know its a symptom of anxiety/depression and goes away when you deal with the anxiety/depression. It's nothing dangerous but obviously can feel very strange,i'm no expert though you might want to google it.

2thoughtfull · #17 14th March 2011, 22:15

It does sound like you have a type of derealization/agoraphobic problem, my ex had exactly the same symptoms of panic attacks and the vision problems( especially going into crowded places with flurescent lighting ( she had'nt worked for 4 years and not left her room for a year either ) .......she was prescribed "citalopram" and within 4-5 months....with a few pushes her life had changed drastically! for some "citalopram" does not work but for others it has done wonders! ask your doctor about it.