27yo male no sexual or dating experience

[Velcro-Touch]

I'm going to be very open maybe too open so prepare yourself haha, hopefully I get a few responses. This is currently my biggest problem and secret which is the main reason for my anxiety, I can't get too close to people incase they find out

I'm a 27 year old guy who has suffered from social anxiety since early in high school. I have been making good progress in the past few months mainly due to exposure which in turn increases confidence.

I have lived worked and socialised with pretty much only males my whole life. Single child who played sports, I know still played sports with men and work in a male dominated industry.

Never had a girlfriend a date or a kiss and only have one female friend who I met recently.

As I've been getting out and about more I'm meeting more girls but I'm noticeably worse at interacting with them, I become quite shy and never know what to say in the moment especially the first few times meeting them.

I want to get into dating but I have no experience so don't know where start. I don't fear rejection I actually fear success, I don't have the guts to escalate things sexually because I don't know what I'm doing.

I've been meeting nice girls at the social fitness club I go to if one of them asked me out or invited me round for 'coffee' I'd turn them down out of fear of embarrassment.

Another problem is I'm too self conscious for social media that's an easier way to get to know girls than asking for a phone number become friends on Facebook or instagram.

Unlike many people with social anxiety my self esteem is pretty high, I don't think I'm not good enough to get a girlfriend, on the surface I have it together, decent job, nice car, disposable income, tall, athletic, quite handsome (so I've been told), kind, friendly....

Looks wise I get a bit of attention but my friends who maybe aren't as attractive have much more success with women because they are confident.

I don't want a girlfriend at this stage I basically just want casual sex, maybe a bit ambitious for someone in my position haha

My one female friend goes on dating apps and meets guys for casual sex I think it's much easier for women to find a person up for that.

How to I get sexual experience, meet a nice sensitive girl, a horny experienced girl, I'm strongly considering an escort just to get the monkey of my back before dating? The sex itself is pretty straightforward it's the foreplay kissing etc which I'm concerned about being bad at.

My female friend says I'm attractive but I doubt she sees me as a sexual being she says I'm the only guy she knows who doesn't think with his **** actually I'm just as horny as the next guy but I don't show her or anyone that side of me.

I thing I trust her enough to discuss it with her she could give some advice, I wouldn't mind a 'friends with benefits' type relationship but that would maybe freak her out, she doesn't appreciate friends coming on to her although she does have a few friends with benefits.

It's not the best time right now though she also has SA and haven't been having the best time recently so I haven't seen her much

I opened up to my therapist about it in our last session that's the only person I've discussed it with.

Any advice on how women will feel about my inexperience or how to deal with it?

[Clementine]

Originally Posted by HermannHesse

Women can smell virgins, and actively avoid them past 30 years of age.

It's true, they smell like wet giraffes.

[Velcro-Touch]

Yeah I think I just need to get it over and done with, not particularly bothered who with, I won't regret not waiting on 'the right person' once I get over this hurdle I think my confidence and therefore like will change massively.

[Velcro-Touch]

Originally Posted by Hulahoop

Personally i would imagine an escort is only after one thing- your money. I doubt she will make you feel any better about yourself? I doubt she will teach you about foreplay , it would prob be wham bam thank you ,now pay me. Not that i know anything about it . Finding a woman who understands, who wants to learn with you,who isn't put off by you being a virgin would prob be better for your confidence.

You want to get into dating but don't know where to start. Everyone has been there , most people just have to take the plunge I'm afraid.. Some may reject you ,some may not, but that in itself creates experience and you can learn from that.
I was mid 20s when i had my first experience and its nothing to feel ashamed about. I didn't know know what i was doing ,but i just had to take the plunge.

Any girl that is put off by your inexperience prob isn't worth knowing ? And is pretty shallow IMO.
Actually some girls would find it quite 'special' that you're a virgin.

I don't understand this whole 'I'm a virgin, so women will be put off' thing Not just the OP but other posts that have been on this forum about it. Why are men scared of this?

I've probably given crap advice , sorry =/

No your advice is good I see where your coming from, I'm not particularly looking for a self esteem boost though and I know it's not ideal.

I know escorts are only in it for the money, that's fine, in fact I prefer that I'd rather they didn't care about me. I'm just looking for an environment to practice in which won't be too embarrassing for me.

As for no foreplay they list online what they will do and most do offer that service, they'll do whatever for the money.

I'd find it almost impossible to hook up with a girl in my current situation of no experience, it would've bee fine a decade ago but I'm expecting to at least have had some experience at this age. I know girls are looking for an emotional connection not a sex machine but I feel I need to get it over with so I can move on

Once I've got the monkey off my back I'll hopefully start dating and find a girl I can learn and experience everything with sex, hanging out, holidays everything..

[alltimegreat]

Get a few different escorts and have at it and don't worry about anyone's feelings. Then later you'll have more confidence approaching girls because you won't get caught having no idea what you're doing.

[Rianne]

Originally Posted by Blushing

an escort has done it all if you try to do something to a normal girl that you've done with a escort it might not go down so well, you learn what they like as you go along.
I personally would be more put off knowing I'm with someone who's been with escorts because they are like elite league of how to please men, & would worry that I could not make it to the standard as what you'd be used to, or you'd expect something I'd not be willing to give

That's kind of how I would see it too. It's not such an awful deal having no experience if you are with the right person.

[Clementine]

I don't think having a lot of previous experience is necessarily any better anyway, everyone likes (and dislikes) different things.

[Velcro-Touch]

Thanks guys, as I said I know it's not ideal or authentic but it will give me some experience and at least I'll then know how I'll react when things get physical, right now I have no idea.

Even if I go through with meeting a few escorts I'll still be inexperienced and prettified the first 'real' time.

I'm still getting out and about more and meeting more women, I've just yet to click with anyone, it's more superficial relationships.

It's not really the environment to be picking up girls nor am I trying to I'm still new to socialising with the opposite sex.

I've been progressing well this year and still considering the online dating route, it's just about building up the courage, there are thousands of women on there I know a lot of them would be a good match, like I said I'm just finding it hard to take that step.

I know a lot of girls find the shy awkward thing quite cute. My friend said I should make a 'plenty of fish' profile up with a decent picture and just start chatting see what happens.

I don't want or am ready for a serious relationship right now though, but there are women online just looking to 'have fun'

All of this is very new to me now I'm feeling better, more social and more confident, it simply wasn't part of my life in the past.

How did you guys who suffer from social anxiety meet your other half and are they an extrovert or introvert?

[Utopia]

Well I think you could at least try tinder, otherwise just pay for it, but does that really help self esteem? If you pay for sex, it would surely feel a bit like cheating no?

If it's because your just horny, well it's no different than a woman on tinder, imo.

[Velcro-Touch]

Originally Posted by Utopia

Well I think you could at least try tinder, otherwise just pay for it, but does that really help self esteem? If you pay for sex, it would surely feel a bit like cheating no?

If it's because your just horny, well it's no different than a woman on tinder, imo.

Self esteem isn't an issue, I'm confident I could attract women if I had the confidence to put myself out there. It is 'cheating' but I'm hoping it takes me a step closer to trying the real thing.

I think tinder is linked to Facebook which I don't have but there are loads of popular dating apps I'll check those out too

[BritishPeace]

My advice is probably. It wise but I had a similar problem to you but I am bisexual not fully straight or gay. I never had any experience so at the age of 25 I hired a prostiute to get experience and learn what it was like but I don't honk I have a huge sex drive probably average. I did gain confidence and also on websites such as tinder etc I have learned to ask girls (and boys) just to go out on dates to pub, come round with mine to watch tv with no mention or intention of sex just to get to know each other. This helps you say for instance a girl agrees to come round and watch a movie over a few drinks you talk, the flirting gets going, and who knows what happens. If it doesn't you've not lost anything youre just watching a movie.

[Peter A]

Dude, I know how you feel. I was 22 when I lost my virginity. I've masturbated in a major way for years. When I did pay to have sex, I couldn't get aroused, so I wasted my money. I've only had one girlfriend, but she scammed me a lot, and told lies. Sex is better with someone you love, but I understand that having stress makes it hard to meet people to network. It's not easy to suck it up and keep trying, like nice people often suggest we do.