The fine line between saying too much and saying too little.

!>Y\e5l-%h-NMw>cH · #1 23rd February 2010, 15:05

In the past, when I used to talk to people and feel comfortable

I know there were times when I probably spoke too much, made a tit out of myself at times and probably did some people heads in.

Now though I'm mute because I realise that there is a fine line between saying too much and saying too little.

I have no idea how to get the balance right which forces me to constantly question myself.

Am I saying too much?

Am I pissing this person off?

Do they think I'm a knob?

Am I saying too little?

Does this person think I'm arrogant?

Etc, etc, etc.

Its so fecking drainning because I just don't fecking know how to behave anymore.

Its easier to just STFU and say nothing but it's like the lesser of twop evils. :rolleyes:

Oh I don't fecking know.

Why can't shit just flow for us eh, like it does with so many other people?

peterjohn · #2 23rd February 2010, 15:21

Well I recognise all the feelings you express - I have in the past had long periods of being mute - and I know for some people there have been times when I have spoken too much.
However, I have over the last few months found a sound social confidence, even though I have some emotionally wobbly days, like yesterday. I do make gaffs sometimes and sometimes wish I hadn't oponed my mouth. These I try not to be discouraged by and continue to move forward despite the gaffs. Most of the time it's fine and works well. In the past I allowed myself to be discouraged so easily - but I have made the vow to never be mute again - so I continued to be social today even though yesterday felt very wobbly.
I quess it's a case of not doing less than my best and trying to not worry if something dosn't work out.
L.o.l. - hope this reply isn't too long.!
Best wishes
Peter

!>Y\e5l-%h-NMw>cH · #3 23rd February 2010, 21:44

I've allowed myself to be discouraged too easily.

Because of this I hav'nt actually meet that many people tbh.

Especially people from other walks of life who may have treated me better and been more understanding and accepting of my character, personality and faults.

!>Y\e5l-%h-NMw>cH · #4 23rd February 2010, 22:09

Quote:

Originally Posted by lilly

there is no fine line there is no balance it is yourself telling yourself there is and so you become anxious feeling you are either being too quiet or too loud.

girlinterrupted · #5 23rd February 2010, 22:16

I constantly veer from worrying about being too quiet and being seen as stuck-up and aloof,or talking too much and coming across as a gobby chatterbox. Both accusations have been levelled at me in the past,so it kinda makes me feel like I can`t win. I`ll probably never be completely confident I`ve hit the balance correctly,but guess what, I have SA and that`s what it does to me,dagnammit

!>Y\e5l-%h-NMw>cH · #6 23rd February 2010, 22:25

Quote:

Originally Posted by lilly

im sorry frustration didnt want to put you in a spin lol but it is having these rules that cause so much anxiety where we are either condeming ourselves for being too much like this or too much like that, its like a social tightrope we are giving ourselves to walk on no wonder it feels easier to just retreat, because of the incesant do's and donts playing in our heads. :rolleyes:

Yep that's exactly what it's like, a social tightrope where the pressure and fear to stay on it is immense.

!>Y\e5l-%h-NMw>cH · #7 23rd February 2010, 22:30

Quote:

Originally Posted by girlinterrupted

I constantly veer from worrying about being too quiet and being seen as stuck-up and aloof,or talking too much and coming across as a gobby chatterbox. Both accusations have been levelled at me in the past,so it kinda makes me feel like I can`t win. I`ll probably never be completely confident I`ve hit the balance correctly,but guess what, I have SA and that`s what it does to me,dagnammit

*goes outside to let off some steam by having a mental snowball fight with self, stark bollock naked*

Munkeh · #8 23rd February 2010, 23:58

The moment you start to over think and break these situations down in your head, that's when you're just inviting the anxiety in. Try not to think about should you or shouldn't you and just be yourself, I know it's difficult not to though.

KarateGirl · #9 24th February 2010, 01:16

There were times in the past when I was feeling less anxious and I used to speak a lot. Since then I've been told by various people that my behaviour seemed weird/rude/inappropriate during those times. So I've concluded that I just don't know how to act like a normal confident person, and it's better for me to say too little than to make people dislike me by acting weird or offending them. I wish I could learn how to act confident in a positive way...

diplodocus · #10 24th February 2010, 07:49

Quote:

Originally Posted by Frustration!

In the past, when I used to talk to people and feel comfortable

I know there were times when I probably spoke too much, made a tit out of myself at times and probably did some people heads in.

Now though I'm mute because I realise that there is a fine line between saying too much and saying too little.

I have no idea how to get the balance right which forces me to constantly question myself.

Am I saying too much?

Am I pissing this person off?

Do they think I'm a knob?

Am I saying too little?

Does this person think I'm arrogant?

Etc, etc, etc.

Its so fecking drainning because I just don't fecking know how to behave anymore.

Its easier to just STFU and say nothing but it's like the lesser of twop evils. :rolleyes:

Oh I don't fecking know.

Why can't shit just flow for us eh, like it does with so many other people?

The reason it flows for some people is because they aren't constantly analysing everything they say. Just look at those questions you're constantly asking yourself. No wonder you can't flow when you have that going off in your head and you're trying to have a conversation at the same time!

They key is to not think about all that stuff. You have to let go worrying about what you are saying or about what others are thinking of you. I know easier said than done.

indiegirl1980 · #11 25th February 2010, 18:32

I was going to start a thread on the very same subject last week under the snappy title "Oh no, I said too much, I haven't said enough" (REM fans will understand)

My workplace can't seem to decide whether it is a young trendy US style company when we all share our F.E.E.L.I.N.G.S or if we just talk about the work. Sometimes all of my team seem to get into a very confessional mood and I know things about people's sex lives that I really don't want to know.

At certain times last week I found myself confessing to things like how bad I feel about myself and how I feel I am not good enough compared to others in the office, and also just how lonely my life is, and now I worry that I did say too much and maybe they preferred me when I didn't say anything.