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  #1  
Old 23rd June 2018, 16:01
Pink*Lady Pink*Lady is offline
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Default Cutting ties with family members

I've been giving some serious thought in recent months as to whether I'm going to cut ties with certain family members. I've been insulted, belittled and mocked in relation to my sexuality (and other things) since I came out some years ago. Many family members still don't accept me as I am direct insulting words and behaviour towards me. I've stood my ground but I can see that they're not going to change.

I started a new job a few months ago and am enjoying it and I'll be moving soon. I'm feeling so much better with the changes that are happening in my life that it's given me the confidence to start improving other areas I'm unhappy with.

Has anyone here cut ties with family members and if so how have you coped with the decision and continuing with life since then?
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  #2  
Old 23rd June 2018, 16:29
Utopia Utopia is offline
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Default Re: Cutting ties with family members

I'm really surprised it was such direct abuse in this day and age tbh. I'm dealing with long term severe depression and anxiety and the abuse I'm subjected to tends to be neglect and/or easy to deny, but this tends to be from the local mental health services which seem to be a complete disgrace. If you were to have a gay or lesbian marriage, people would claim to be in favour but then not turn up if someone was to come out.

You could stand up for yourself and then cut all ties.
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  #3  
Old 27th June 2018, 20:02
Pink*Lady Pink*Lady is offline
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Default Re: Cutting ties with family members

Thank you to everyone for all your replies.
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  #4  
Old 3rd July 2018, 23:24
Ruth95 Ruth95 is offline
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Default Re: Cutting ties with family members

Hey, its not fair things like this happen.
I lost half of my family because they couldn't accept me as a person, I worked on fixing things with my family, but they have made if clear they don't care about me. I had to cut ties for my own mental well being. I've stuggled, it's really hard, but I know, since I have my life is so much better. It's all the reason I feel the way I do. I know in time I feel better and I did the right thing.

As long as you can say you tried to make things work, but when it comes down to it, you got to put yourself first and do what's best for you.
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  #5  
Old 4th July 2018, 09:04
Ronnie_Pickering Ronnie_Pickering is offline
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Default Re: Cutting ties with family members

Yeah you can always choose your level of closeness. I've had some unfair comments from family, I just accept I am a different person than them and just see them at the important occasions. You're never going to make a cheetah change its spots. But at the same time you still value the same tree you have come from, just sprouted in different directions.
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  #6  
Old 4th July 2018, 13:09
snoo snoo is offline
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Default Re: Cutting ties with family members

I sympathise.

It is a really tough situation. I dislike members of my own family, yet I dislike the fact that I feel this way. Long for a normal relationship that others seem to have.

At the same time, I have seen someone else cut their family out (officially doing so via letter) and that doesn't seem right to me in terms of the pain it caused for the family.

The answer for me was to just cut down contact to a bearable level.
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  #7  
Old 4th July 2018, 19:55
Blackflies Blackflies is offline
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Default Re: Cutting ties with family members

I identify as being the black sheep of my family. Sure they love me in a sort don't want to lose a possession type way, probably almost like me but mostly they just wouldn't pick me in a crowded room to socialise with let alone be stuck with for life. It is what it is. I don't actually have hard feelings about it but I hate the pretence of it all more. Getting together for my mothers sake, pretending to like each other at Christmas, birthdays etc when underneath you know you're being slagged off left right and centre behind closed doors.

If i'm lucky enough to be blessed with a child some day, I would really prefer to not have my siblings involved in their upbringing. Having no family could be worse I suppose but I also couldn't cope with some of the awful opinions and attitudes of my siblings being pushed upon my children. How they raise theirs is the opposite to how i'd want to raise mine.

I'd just try to see family as colleagues you come in to contact with from time to time that you have to show respect towards but ultimately don't need to like, think about deeply or associate with during social hours. Those hours are yours and you shouldn't have to give up that special time to people who are disrespecting you. Give them the time of day but not your whole day- that is give them a text or phone call here and there, the odd visit to keep the relationship open perhaps but detach slowly so their negativity doesn't bring you down. If you have to cut them out completely- you have to weigh up what they actually offer you presently- if they don't offer you much then they are unlikely to down the line either.
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