Name some things you missed out on in your teens because of SA

[lookup86]

Some of these thing's might be frowned upon but I feel like I really missed out and would of at least of liked the chance to get involved and enjoy them.

1) The car modding scene. I remember I always used to buy the max power magazine and look at all the modded cars and the women and all the people laughing and socializing and having a good time. I would Of loved to of had a car and done some small bits to it and gone to the car shows and had friends to cruise with. I was never into speeding but really enjoyed driving about. I completely missed out on it and was left to imagining what it was like in my mind and using the mags.

2) The nightlife. Which by that I mean pubs and clubs. I am 28 years old and I have only ever gone to two clubs in my life. That's it and I couldn't even enjoy them because I was so anxious. I missed out on the fun side of it. The having friends and having a laugh and going new places. Meeting women etc

That's only a small amount of things I have missed out on in my life so far. There are MANY more IMPORTANT things but I'd just like to list those for now.

What about you guys?

[shygirl40]

Definitely clubs and pubs. Only ever went clubbing once, but I hated it so much and just wanted to get out of there as quickly as I could. Pubs were and still are a bit of a nightmare. Parties were also off the list. Only ever went if I would get a hard time from people for not going. Would find the nearest corner and just hide or get very drunk as quickly as possible so I didn't care any more. I also did a lot of charity work in my teens but had to give that up as there were a lot of social events I was meant to attend.

I'm pretty much the same to this day.

[Dougella]

Pretty much everything. Never went to pubs, or clubs or parties. Didn't have friends, didn't have boyfriends. Didn't have any hobbies outside home. Never went to gigs or festivals....
There's a huge list really, i was a recluse, the only thing i managed to do was get my exams at school.

[Duke of Prunes]

Almost everything. There have been a few points where I've had friends to go out with, had some independence, etc, but not for long enough to feel like I've actually had any experience of having a life.

[ithinkiamlost]

I did a lot of things that normal teenagers do except I did them drunk. I don't know what's worse, not doing them, or doing them but only vaguely remembering them?

I do know that if I hadn't had a drink I would have stayed at home.

[[Martin]]

Originally Posted by DownButNotOut

I did a lot of things that normal teenagers do except I did them drunk. I don't know what's worse, not doing them, or doing them but only vaguely remembering them?

I do know that if I hadn't had a drink I would have stayed at home.

100% same here

[Kevin Hodge]

girls
girlfriends
being heterosexual

[Finlay]

I'm pretty much the same as everyone else. During the years of 14ish to 18, when everybody started moving on from playing with toys and video games, and instead were moving on to house parties, underage boozing and fumbled attempts at canoodling, I got totally left behind. I was good at being a boy, all grass-stains on the trouser knees and pretending I was a Teenage Mutant Hero Turtle, but when it came to starting to get into more grown-up stuff like buying clothes instead of toys, and trying to go on dates with girls rather than Lazer Quest with your pals, I just didn't have a clue. I just didn't have the self-esteem to put myself out there, and it was also round this time when I started getting spots and became a bit more depressive and lethargic, so the combo of that made me slip completely into the background. I made up for it a little bit around mid-18 to 19, when I started going on the odd club night here and there (probably my most social and visible period of my life for people who knew me round that time) but it didn't really sustain and I soon slipped back into the background by my early 20s. I don't blame anyone - I just didn't make the effort because I was too shy, anxious, tired, lazy, embarrassed etc, and I never initiated anything socially myself so I just had to rely on the few times I'd get asked out on a night out here and there, maybe the odd birthday night, but once my friends from my teens started moving on in their lives, making new friends at their new jobs and universities and colleges, I just got left behind.

I can relate to what *Emu* says. Although I quite like the quiet life these days, it would be nice to have those youthful wild-days type stories I could reminisce about, but the reality is apart from a few drunken club nights during my glory period around age 19 (which I could count on the fingers on my one hand) most of my teens were spent sitting at home playing video games alone, so I pretty much missed out on the young house parties, the underage drinking, the fumbled attempts with the opposite sex, having an immature but exciting "first" relationship with a girlfriend, all that kind of business.

[wlien]

I never drank underage and now I don't really have a taste for it, maybe if I'd drunk when I was younger I wouldn't mind the taste now.

Often think I made friends with the wrong group of people, I've I'd been friendly with loud outgoing people instead of shy people I would have learned to be outgoing instead of shy.

[ScottyBoy]

The nightclubs, and confidence with girls.

[Mr. Spaceman]

Pretty much everything that a healthy teenager is supposed to do - friends, girlfriends, parties, talking. Pretty much continued throughout my adult life as well, though at least in the past few years through various SA related groups I now do occasionally go out with other people.

[Tembo]

Pretty much everything.

[lookup86]

Thanks for your replies everyone. I have read all of them, there seems to be a pattern. Its hard to accept that we have missed out on so much isn't it

[Morgana]

Pubs, clubs, going to gigs and festivals, just simple stuff like popping to the cinema with friends or going on holiday. Not all that was due to SA, though, a lot of people I knew got into long-term relationships very young and didn't bother with friends any more.

[daveysurfy]

Pubs, clubs, girls, jobs, school

[Silent Ninja]

Another everything from me as well, I think I just stopped moving on the road of life for some reason and I couldn't ever get moving again so now everything has passed by me and is long gone (or so I feel at the moment anyway).

[Indigo_]

Originally Posted by Dougella

Pretty much everything. Never went to pubs, or clubs or parties. Didn't have friends, didn't have boyfriends. Didn't have any hobbies outside home. Never went to gigs or festivals....
There's a huge list really, i was a recluse, the only thing i managed to do was get my exams at school.

This. Completely and utterly all of the above. I had friends at school but after the age of about fourteen no one that I really socialised with properly outside of school. I have never been to a club in my life. I may have blocked the memories of any parties I attended. Drinking and boys were non-existent.

On the plus side I had so much free time that I became a complete nerd and did very well at school

Thinking about it though, I don't know if I could go back whether I would do anything differently? If I hadn't had SA then sure I may have attended the odd party, held onto some friends, got horrendously drunk. The nerd in me just wants to hang onto my qualifications

[northeastsouthwest]

Education. I didn't get sa until I was 17, after I had left school. Before that, I had no signs of sa at all and had pretty much a normal teenage life of house parties, meet ups with friends, sex (not too young though..!),getting pissed on Friday nights etc.

I do wish I had gone to college and gone down the university route of living on campus, partying hard and having the typical 'student' lifestyle. I was envious of my friend for years after she moved to live with uni housemates.

Also, thriving in a decent job and making my parents proud. For a few years, I think my parents were humiliated by me with me being in menial jobs and having no direction after they had paid a fortune out for high school ed. They never said anything but I could tell.

Everything happens for a reason, though, folks.

[ZeniX]

the time where u become a bit older but still screw about and make mistakes. i've always sorta been in relationships and had no real "me" time. at 13 I went out with a girl on and off for 2 years, few girls in between but was still very new and shy to it all, at 18 worked in bar and met girl who i stayed with for 3 years, she was a bad egg and im pretty sure she made my SA 90% worse, at 22 met my wife who is also the girl i dated for 2 years when I was 13

[Sunshine Recorder]

I dropped out of sixth form due to depression, and not being able to handle the sheer amount of coursework. So, I missed out on university, and I didn't really do anything to myself until very recently.

Sometimes, I wish I could've sorted myself out much earlier in life. I could've lived a life of partying and casual sex, but instead stayed in the same place, not making many positive changes.

[Olly.]

Originally Posted by Entity

I dropped out of sixth form due to depression, and not being able to handle the sheer amount of coursework. So, I missed out on university, and I didn't really do anything to myself until very recently.

Sometimes, I wish I could've sorted myself out much earlier in life. I could've lived a life of partying and casual sex, but instead stayed in the same place, not making many positive changes.

Its funny that I hate parties and hate the idea of just having casual sex with anyone and everyone, but I still can't help but feel I wish I had experienced that, and that I had experienced the 'Skins' lifestyle, however unrealistic and outrageous that program was. But mainly, I feel sad at having missed out on having a girlfriend in my teens.

[Ermm... Yeh?]

Going outside, though that was more due to my mother not letting me, having friends and and that entails; the only thing what-so-ever that I did not miss out on was the physicality of once having been a teenager, nothing else at all.

[pheys]

life!
lol but seriously, everything, clubs, pubs, drugs, dating, sex, being reckless, going to parties, going to festivals, going to gigs.

instead I would sit alone and play computer games.
oh well, all those wasted years

[ithinkiamlost]

I always dreamed of going to university. I would have been the first member of my family to do that. Even now when the results of exams come in and there are articles about which university to choose it can bring me to tears. I just wish so much that I could go back in time and redo everything from the age of 14. Sadly that is never going to happen.

[OllyAvoid]

This is not a good thread to read when you are already feeling depressed.

The easiest and most complete answer: Everything.

Some specifics:
Fun
Females
Parties
Pubs
Clubs
Music festivals
Females
Getting into trouble
Loud music
Being part of a gang
Females
Interesting and unusual haircuts
Did I mention females?
Feeling like life was full of possibilities
Making close friends which last for life
Being excited about stuff
Travel
Taking mind altering substances
And finally, of course, females.

On the plus side, I watched endless amounts of television and played endless amounts of SNES, both of which weren't at all a massive waste of time.



OH PLEASE GOD WHY WON'T YOU LET ME HAVE ANOTHER TRY?

God: Because you'd probably just do the same thing again.

OH YEAH YOU'RE PROBABLY RIGHT.

God: Of course I am right. I am God. And there is no need to shout. I hear and see everything you know.

[OllyAvoid]

Originally Posted by Finlay

I'm pretty much the same as everyone else. During the years of 14ish to 18, when everybody started moving on from playing with toys and video games, and instead were moving on to house parties, underage boozing and fumbled attempts at canoodling, I got totally left behind. I was good at being a boy, all grass-stains on the trouser knees and pretending I was a Teenage Mutant Hero Turtle, but when it came to starting to get into more grown-up stuff like buying clothes instead of toys, and trying to go on dates with girls rather than Lazer Quest with your pals, I just didn't have a clue.

I could have written exactly this. It is something that still baffles me to this day. It is as if everyone else had some "guide-book" or "timetable" that said "ok, now you are this age, so you should start doing these things". But I had no access to this information. It seemed like for everyone else it was just a natural, instinctive process. Why is it that everyone else seemed to naturally mature at more-or-less the same rate, instinctively understanding when it was time to move from games and McDonalds onto pubs and clubs and girls, whereas I never got that feeling? I think there was, and is, fundamentally something missing in my core. Its bewildering.

Now I look at people my age with responsible jobs and families and a whole way of carrying themselves and talking that is so far removed from the kids they were - and I feel like, ****, I am still the same scared little 15 year old who is bemused by why all his friends are changing and leaving him behind.

I really carry around so much sadness about my teenage years. I don't feel I will ever move on from it really. Sometimes I can forget or block it out but its always lurking. That feeling of being abandoned by friends and feeling helpless to do anything about it. Which turns into shame and self-hatred. The only lasting thing I learnt from my school days is how worthless and abnormal I am. Enough self-pity for now.

[PurplePetals]

Originally Posted by sickofSA

life!
lol but seriously, everything, clubs, pubs, drugs, dating, sex, being reckless, going to parties, going to festivals, going to gigs.

instead I would sit alone and play computer games.
oh well, all those wasted years

This pretty much sums it up for me, except with a little bit of complication because of my issues-that-aren't-SA on top, also the fact that I did 'ok' for being social for a while at primary school. My SA wasn't totally crippling except with romantic interests during my first few teen years.

Of course, I'm still missing out on a few lot of those things


edit:

Originally Posted by OllyAvoid

I really carry around so much sadness about my teenage years. I don't feel I will ever move on from it really. Sometimes I can forget or block it out but its always lurking. That feeling of being abandoned by friends and feeling helpless to do anything about it. Which turns into shame and self-hatred. The only lasting thing I learnt from my school days is how worthless and abnormal I am. Enough self-pity for now.

And this, oh god this. I'm so bitter, and have been for a long time.

[Z.]

The things SA prevented me from acquiring I didn't desire in the first place. Popularity, excessive drinking, frequent partying, tons of sex...none of that appealed to me.
So it's always been the same really. It prevented me from perhaps approaching people I wanted to approach and talk to, but fortunately my lifestyle was and is kind of in harmony with my social anxiety. If it wasn't I could see how it would be more painful to live with.

[OllyAvoid]

Originally Posted by JzMunch

The things SA prevented me from acquiring I didn't desire in the first place. Popularity, excessive drinking, frequent partying, tons of sex...none of that appealed to me.
So it's always been the same really. It prevented me from perhaps approaching people I wanted to approach and talk to, but fortunately my lifestyle was and is kind of in harmony with my social anxiety. If it wasn't I could see how it would be more painful to live with.

Its not that I'm desperate for pubbing and partying and tons of sex. The whole laddish lifestyle was never that appealing (awkward, as all the other boys turned into lads when I was a teen). Its just, I wish I actually had the chance to experience such stuff. As a part of growing up. Then I could have decided what I really wanted and who I really wanted to be friends with/have relationships with, rather than having isolation and depression as the only option.

Ps I am lying about not wanting to have tons of sex, obviously.

[Silent Ninja]

This is an interesting thread, it seems most of us feel we missed out on the glamorised teenage lifestyle of partying and sleeping around but no-one actually wanted to be like this at the time, just wistfully look back and feel we should have gone through this to make us more complete or something.