Feeling like people are not worth associating with..

[Utopia]

I basically just constantly find myself feeling so disappointed in people, I just feel that there is little point in associating with people as groups as I'm unlikely to fit in and that will lead to rejection.

For example, when I ask for peoples opinions, I wonder if it's their own opinion, or if it's what they feel will get them accepted by the group. If you know any psychology, you will know that people are very easily manipulated -- particularly in groups. It feels like the pressure to conform comes above all else, and clouds peoples judgement and reason. There seems to be very little genuine empathy for my situation, I can barely have an intelligent conversation about this. Even something painful such as being excluded from a group is enough for a new person I will be talking to to reject me also. If human beings are thinking animals with our own opinions then there would be sympathy and understanding, but this seems to be in short supply in my experience. I have a life-time of experience that points to this idea that people are very rarely thinking for themselves. If I'm rejected by others, then that is enough to dislike me also -- which is horrible. Can people not realise that their behaviour is wrong?

[BritishPeace]

Most people are selfish, I'm one of them. I only care about myself and not others. I doubt other people dislike you because others dislike you they are probably just not interested in you, and probably don't think their behaviour is wrong.

[Utopia]

Well It can't be normal to feel this way. I keep hoping I'm wrong and that I've just been unlucky with the people in my life.

[newbs16]

What point are you trying to make, I am slightly confused.

[Utopia]

It's not directed at anyone in particular, It's just that I find it hard to associate with people at the best of times. I quite often feel a bit depressed about the way many people react to things. It basically just doesn't seem like many people are doing much thinking for themselves, which disappoints me.

[Utopia]

^ There is nothing wrong with 'competition' but at the end of the day life is not a massive competition because we all want different things. We may compete for jobs, but you can't say that two people going for completely different jobs in different cities are competing. When you think about it, people rely on each other to survive and feel genuine hapiness in their lives. We all bring our own, unique strengths that could contribute in different ways. Life is made much better by other people, we are meant to socialise, and this is coming from one of the most isolated, introverted people I know.

Happiness is not a zero sum game. Everyone wants different things from life, but I think we all wan't happiness.

[umm]

"when I ask for peoples opinions, I wonder if it's their own opinion, or if it's what they feel will get them accepted by the group."

I suspect most people will do what it takes to be accepted by the group. If one's own opinion risks getting one ostracised, you can bet people will go to great lengths keep those thoughts to themselves. I know I do.

"If human beings are thinking animals with our own opinions then there would be sympathy and understanding ... Can people not realise that their behaviour is wrong?"

I'm not sure they necessarily follow. It seems to me that such behaviour - blindly following the group - might seem wrong from the perspective of someone outside the group, but for that person expressing their opinion, it benefits them more so it is the right choice; if their options are to associate with either some mentally sound person, or to associate with someone that suffers from anxiety, the latter is going to have quite a hard sell on their hands. Humans are group-oriented beings, and being outside the main group means at a very fundamental level a more risky, more fraught existence (as I'm sure many of us on this site know) so people will do what they can to stay bonded. It is the path of least resistance for them, no matter how unfair it may seem to us. The trick therefore for people who find themselves on the outside is to find something unique to bring to the table.

The good news is that the advantage of being an outsider is we often carry a fresh perspective - though it may take time and creativity to develop it. I struggle to maintain interest in some people, particularly sociable people (I am confident the feeling is mutual but I am okay with that) because to me it often seems that things that are exciting them or interesting them are things I thought about years ago. However, that makes me ahead of them in that regard so it is something I can offer (as long as I am not patronising about it). Reason and thinking doesn't really come into it, other than as a mechanism for determining how redundant reasoning has become in that situation for most people. What matters is mostly how stress free and enjoyable you can make someone's life.

[Clementine]

Originally Posted by vaxjo

I always try to remember that a person behaving badly or odd is probably just as f***** up as me but in a different way.

This is pretty much my philosophy too.

There***8217;s good and bad in everyone.

[Utopia]

Originally Posted by silenus

Hmm. I don't know if I disagree with you exactly, but you complained about people being unwilling to think for themselves. I think this is because they are too invested in securing and competing for their place in a hierarchy.

Hmm... I don't think I'm personally like this. Honestly, I've never wanted to be top dog. If I'm playing a game, then I might want to win, but with socialising it's always been about the fun and enjoyment I can get from that; sometimes it's to learn or seek advice also.

Honestly, I don't mind being either a subordinate or a leader, it's just a matter of what gets things done in an effective way. I'm someone with an anxiety disorder, but I was actually voted as the best in a mock group job assessment exercise because I was taking charge in a constructive way -- it had nothing to do with power, I wasn't choosing to be the leader of the discussion. They said that people usually fall out because they get so insecure about things and start attacking each other.

[Utopia]

Originally Posted by umm

I'm not sure they necessarily follow. It seems to me that such behaviour - blindly following the group - might seem wrong from the perspective of someone outside the group, but for that person expressing their opinion, it benefits them more so it is the right choice; if their options are to associate with either some mentally sound person, or to associate with someone that suffers from anxiety, the latter is going to have quite a hard sell on their hands.

I don't completely disagree with you on everything, but honestly, I'm not like this. Society has come a long way in terms of right and wrong, but generally the law punishes 'wrong' behaviour. What makes something 'wrong'? Well I think it's generally selfishness isn't it, or when something isn't fair lol, a bit like if someone was to cheat at monopoly. There must be an evolutionary advantage to feeling disgust for behaviour like this or the second world war would have been completely differently for a start, and we wouldn't even have a law forbidding murder. I think most people would avoid hurting others if they can -- selfish disregard for others is generally considered wrong behaviour.

[umm]

Originally Posted by Utopia

I don't completely disagree with you on everything, but honestly, I'm not like this. Society has come a long way in terms of right and wrong, but generally the law punishes 'wrong' behaviour. What makes something 'wrong'? Well I think it's generally selfishness isn't it, or when something isn't fair lol, a bit like if someone was to cheat at monopoly. There must be an evolutionary advantage to feeling disgust for behaviour like this or the second world war would have been completely differently for a start, and we wouldn't even have a law forbidding murder. I think most people would avoid hurting others if they can -- selfish disregard for others is generally considered wrong behaviour.

It is a very broad topic. But I think part of the problem is there are few moral absolutes. There are things that are bad for most people, there are things that are bad a for a few. And then there are differences of degree. Most people would agree that murder is pretty abhorrent, and I think most people genuinely feel that way as part of being human rather than just paying the idea lip service, but perhaps not so many would feel as strongly about, say, a decision to spent time with person X rather than person Y, ever though person Y may be hurt about it. And maybe I'm cynical but it seems that with a more minor decision like that, or whether to cheat at monopoly, or whether to go with the crowd for quick social wins, people (not all, but a good number) tend, in my experience, not to hesitate too much. You could even argue - and this underpins in part why I think as I do - that to act in that way is another evolutionary advantage.

[Quicksand]

Yup people's reactions drive me nuts cos I've had so many years of negativity ur not doing things right etc I've lost trust in most people. an old friend I'd been leaning on this year actually said in a text you don't want to forever be a hermit crab....!!! This was the one friend I had left at school. V hurtful. But responded by saying she could have used gentler words prob by saying that I've been pushed out of her social circle. Dad met her last year. I almost don't want to carry on tho hope penumbra might have picked that one up today v good at being positive with someone like that but I fear that after only two mtgs they haven't fully grasped the depths of despair currently experiencing. So I get what your saying.