Do you attract a lot of negative attention?

[Sunrise]

Do you attract a lot of negative attention? Or do people tend to ignore you and leave you alone?

I imagine due to the nature of SA most will probably fall into the latter camp? I am definitely in the former. I'm the sort of person people love to hate and tend to rub everyone up the wrong way.

I think people find the combination of being quiet yet still very smug, pompous, aloof, vain, arrogant and self-important the worst possible combination. I'm someone with a severe lack of confidence so it's all a defence mechanism, and I think it's probably obvious which irritates people even more.

It took me a long time to realise just how horrible I am. I used to blame other people, which is the typical response for someone like me. I don't want sympathy but I wish I could turn a corner with this. My whole personality has been shaped around bitterness. It's not a good way to live. Any negativity in my life is very much deserved I think.

[anxiouslondoner]

I feel largely invisible these days. Probably due to living in one of the world's largest cities. Nobody pays you any attention most of the time.

[biscuits]

Horrible wouldn't even come up if I had to think of 300 words to describe you.

Sometimes anxiety and depression make us a bit... unconnectable to others and we might cancel plans or distance ourselves from others - but that's because the anxiety or depression are overwhelming and we're not in a relaxed enough state to present our true self to others. Shame sometimes plays a part too.

I would say at your core you are a decent person. I don't get a single whiff of eua de wrong-un from you at all.

[Sunrise]

I'm very distant and closed off, and I think understandably some people don't like that and take it personally. I probably come across as unfriendly, and it's sort-of intentional, but it's not because I dislike the person. It's nothing personal against them, I'm just terrified of being close to anyone. I'm not anti-social and I do basically like people and try and see the good in them and treat them with respect, but I have to keep a massive distance. I'm very aloof and standoffish, although it's not because I think I'm better than others, but I think some people misinterpret it as that. I think I'm probably a good person deep down, but I don't think I come across as warm and friendly.

I know it's only words on a screen, but most SA people here seem like genuinely warm and friendly people. I think those are positive traits even if you're quiet or anxious. I think I come across as quiet, distant and unfriendly which are very negative traits. I don't exactly have people shout abuse at me in the streets, but I still I attract a mostly negative response from others.

[biscuits]

^^ someone called me a ****ing dick head today because I walked past them as I was excitedly saying "YES!". He was like, "YES WHAT?" and I looked back at him but didn't reply because I was walking as I was talking and mid conversation and didn't expect a random stranger to want to know what I was YES-ing at. I just laughed. I felt like I'd earned a Brownie Guide's badge - the ****ing dickhead badge. For saying, "YES!" I hadn't realised the criteria for the FDH badge was so simple to achieve .

I'd say on here you're very open and articulate your thoughts and feelings well. You come across as genuine and honest. Like you wouldn't say you like pistachio croissants just because everyone else does, you'd be honest about your opinions.

[Tonkin]

No. But I try to avoid getting attention as much as possible, despite secretly slightly liking it in very specific and limited ways.

[Moksha]

Not so much nowadays. But when I was young I was a massive d**head because I tried too hard. I just didn’t know how to talk to people. I was so uncomfortable that I would either become aggressive and insulting (in a jokey way), or I’d try too hard to make people laugh. I’d also say or do inappropriate things. Social interaction didn’t come naturally to me, that was the problem. And the more I avoided it, the more rusty and awkward I became.

I recently did a few all day courses. Even there I was trying too hard to make people laugh. Everyone else was concentrating on the ****ing course!!

It’s a weird thing, but the harder I try, the worse I come across.

[limey123]

Some, even though I do my utmost to avoid any kind of attention.

[Mr. Nobody]

definitely not negative attention,. no,

I think I have a calming, reassuring effect on people,. or so I've been told,

people have said they like my company as they can be stressed and whatnot, and I'm so calm, placid, in control and matter-of-fact that they are reassured by this.
at work, I'm always seen as the person who knows things about certain aspects of the job, although the added workload from that can be a bit annoying,


it's hilarious though,
if only they knew what an actual mess I was inside..

[biscuits]

^ it is interesting that the root of our sa can be very different.

For me, I think it's learnt behaviours and unhealthy coping strategies. I used to blush all the time and be selectively mute, so avoiding people and social situations seemed the like sensible thing to do (at the time) so I didn't have to sit their in silence without mentally being able to speak. Also I didn't want people to think I fancied them. Actually, that is all about worrying about people's perception of me. But no one has ever been horrible to me in the real world about it. The opposite people have always been really kind and tried to help me come out of my shell. I used to get invited to things anyway I just stopped going I couldn't cope with not being able to speak.

Thankfully I've overcome a lot of that now!

[Dougella]

Originally Posted by Sunrise

I'm very distant and closed off, and I think understandably some people don't like that and take it personally. I probably come across as unfriendly, and it's sort-of intentional, but it's not because I dislike the person. It's nothing personal against them, I'm just terrified of being close to anyone. I'm not anti-social and I do basically like people and try and see the good in them and treat them with respect, but I have to keep a massive distance. I'm very aloof and standoffish, although it's not because I think I'm better than others, but I think some people misinterpret it as that. I think I'm probably a good person deep down, but I don't think I come across as warm and friendly.

I know it's only words on a screen, but most SA people here seem like genuinely warm and friendly people. I think those are positive traits even if you're quiet or anxious. I think I come across as quiet, distant and unfriendly which are very negative traits. I don't exactly have people shout abuse at me in the streets, but I still I attract a mostly negative response from others.

I am the same, I keep a distance and I can come across as standoff-ish.

I have had various sorts of negative attention before, from school to work places to random people! Some people do seem to take offense at quietness or obvious anxiety. Some people have just thought I was weird and felt the need to tell me.

You are most certainly not a horrible person though Sunrise, that's obvious to everyone here.

[BFG_]

I've never understood why I get social anxiety as an adult as I'm twice the size of the majority of people i meet and most of them are quite cautious of me.

I think my sa stems from early years up to about age 13 being bullied and humiliated throughout school by groups of other kids. Always found it odd that they found communication so easy while it seemed like an alien language to me.

Perhaps if I'd been diagnosed autistic then and not at 40 it might have helped.

[R.H.I.N.O.]

I don't no, but then I am a very good actor. People generally like me and come to me with problems as I am known as a good listener and a practical person. I'm also affable and a people pleaser.

However, on the inside I am screaming and can't help myself as I can others.

I really don't like myself, but others seem to.

[Amara 94]

I would say mostly the latter but I do sometimes attract some negative attention. You aren't horrible if the way you act is the result of some defence mechanism. I feel like I am the same with certain people.

If you attract negative attention it isn't all your fault. At my workplace I have found that some people who seemed to somewhat not like me, start to like or not mind me after working with me. That is some people but not everyone.

I think you can turn a corner to this if you came to terms with your defence mechanisms and where they stem from. Maybe you have to expose yourself to stuff that may trigger you defence mechanisms to the point that your mind and nervous system starts to realise that you don't need to be defensive in situations that you become defensive in.

[Amara 94]

Adding to the conversation why does it feel like a big deal if we are likely to be bullied? I actually think there is some stigma around being bullied. If there wasn't bullying would still be painful but also more accepted as we would see it for what it is and wouldn't feel as bad for being bullied.

[Mr. Nobody]

Originally Posted by Nanuq

^ for those who don't get negative attention, what do you think causes your social anxiety? If you don't mind me asking?

many things, unfortunately, but mainly just the feeling that I'm going to mess things up by saying or doing something really stupid and idiotic,

I often feel like, "okay, wow! I've actually got away with pretending to be normal and they haven't noticed what a nutter I am,.
I better just cut my losses and get out now before I'm rumbled"

I just feel like I'm never sure how I'm going to behave in any given situation,
but things always usually go well,.. I can just never seem to relax and trust it though.

[choirgirl]

No. But it's quite easy for me to blend in, I look and sound like I'm 'from here', which probably helps. There's a certain type of highly extrovert, disagreeable type of woman who sometimes takes a dislike to me quite quickly. I'm probably more forgettable than anything.