Feeling rejected

[Sarah124]

I decided as I was recently out of work (my contract ended), to get some help for my social anxiety and GAD. Our local area offers free CBT online through a service that matches you with a therapist from across the uk. Things were going well with my therapist for 4 sessions, however things began to change. I struggled to contemplate doing exposure work, even though I knew it was part of CBT. The service decided I needed intense, face to face help and that they couldn’t help me. My therapist sent a letter to my GP surgery asking for more help for me, with concerns for my safety and well-being.

So, I go to my GP and he says, “but you have been doing well for so long?” He wasn’t interested and he obviously isn’t a people person. The GP has refused to change my meds many years, as he doesn’t want to “rock the boat.” My husband was with me at the appointment and asked for my meds to be changed and to be referred for another diagnosis of my needs, as they have changed since I last had help years ago. He finally agreed.

My local mental health team reviewed my case and have closed it, saying they can’t help, even though it was clear I was in crisis. So no diagnosis or help. They have referred me back to the local mental health team and I have an appointment tomorrow.

Now I am scared I will be rejected again and have no help given. I am on new meds now and feel I have a better chance of coping with exposure and fighting my anxiety, but who knows what will happen next.

[Aelwyn]

I can understand that exposure therapy might be very hard, and I'm sure it has to be done very gradually and carefully. I've never done it under the direction of a therapist, I occasionally try to push myself in that direction, but like you I would usually need meds (in my case propranolol) to help.

It's good that your GP finally agreed to try you on a different med, I hope you find that one much better. I'm glad your husband is so supportive. If you don't mind telling us, what was the exposure therapy that was suggested? I'm wondering if there are expoure practices you could do together with your husband a few times before trying on your own?

[Sarah124]

Hi Aelwyn

Unfortunately I didn’t get very far with the exposure work with the therapist, as I went into panic. I have had CBT before and from this know it would be things like going to the shops or somewhere else on my own. Unfortunately I got ahead of myself and panicked when she mentioned working on the social anxiety and didn’t think about the fact it would be taken in steps. I really wish I could turn back the clock now on new meds and try with her again, as she was a good therapist. In the past I have struggled to do the exposure work and this has caused problems in therapy before. Feel like such a failure.

[Dougella]

Perhaps you can tell the mental health team when you see them that you have finally been able to change your meds and you feel you might be better able to cope with some of the exposure involved with CBT. Maybe they can refer you to another therapist, or even the same one you were seeing before? As you only had four sessions so far you should still be able to have more.

Also sorry about your rubbish GP, it's good that your husband was able to go with you and finally get him to listen but that shouldn't have to happen!

[Aelwyn]

You could also try setting up your own exposure challenges, starting with the least worrying things - walking to the end of your street and back - even just a few paces out of your front door and back - it doesn't matter how small you start. Then keep a diary of what you have done from day to day. Try to do one every day, so that things don't slip back.

[Nat36]

From personal experience, I found that doing any exposure therapy works best for me when I am in a stable position emotionally. Trying to force myself into situations when I'm just not ready has escalated things in the past for me. I now only do exposure therapy tasks when I know my mindset is fully into it and have had more success than previously. Also private therapy in the past also helped massively with understanding the conditions that led to the anxiety in the first place. We focus so much on the anxiety/panic that we often neglect to focus and understand the reasons why we experience the anxiety and panic in the first place. This is very much true of the medical model in the NHS.

[Bored]

Good luck with your appointment tomorrow, maybe your husband could help with the exposure therapy?
Also working can be hard with social anxiety disorder so be kind to yourself and give yourself a big part on the back for that

[Sarah124]

Thanks for the replies. I am wondering how it will go at the appointment tomorrow. I don’t hold out too much hope. Last time (many years ago now) I went private and so wasn’t used to the rejection of NHS. My husband will come with me tomorrow, in case I freeze.

Exposure is definitely easier when you are in the right place to attempt it. I hope I’m not putting too much hope and faith in my new meds. I only started taking them on Friday, so know they won’t be properly working yet.

Working has always been really, really difficult for me. I worry about it all the time and could never switch off when I got home. I have no idea about how I am going to get back into work, especially has I can’t sell myself at interviews. Feels like a huge mess at the moment.

[Bored]

If you are unemployed you can claim benefits and when you go to the job centre you should tell them about your social anxiety disorder and ask about extra help to find a job, there might be agencies near you that help people find a job , also you could try iapt