#61
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Re: Borderline Personality Disorder
if someone posts in the suicide thread- they're in a bad place. I always like the metaphor of a phoenix. You have a low, then you resurge like a phoenix. It's kind of holding on through a big storm.
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#64
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Re: Borderline Personality Disorder
Please don't be afraid to post about what you're feeling, Clementine. I'm not 100% on the site's rules, but if you're in a crisis and you're reaching out for help, then I'm sure no one will hold it against you, regardless of what it is you're thinking about doing. We all care and want the best for you.
I'll leave the advice for those who know what they're talking about, but is there anyone you can contact to tell what's going on, a support worker, crisis number you've been given, anything? I was in a similar place a few months ago, I genuinely felt like I was at the end of my tether and losing my mind, and calling local places I'd been given the number for by my GP helped relieve some of the pressure, even if only for a while. You're important and what you're going through is important. Any way you choose to reach out for help is reasonable and no one will criticise you for it. Feel free to PM me, or anyone else here you feel comfortable with, if it'll help, even if only a little. |
#65
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Re: Borderline Personality Disorder
You certainly deserve professional help, if it's something you could accept receiving. Do you take any medication? Sorry if that's nosy
I know what you mean, I expect people to think the worst of me any time I post in a way that isn't jokey or lighthearted. Even if I get reassurance and nobody says anything unkind, my mind fills in all the blanks anyway, and it feels just as real all the same. I think your own need to express yourself and be supported supersedes the risk of triggering someone. I'm more easily triggered than I like to admit, but I'd never want anyone to suffer in silence just to protect my sensitivities. |
#66
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Re: Borderline Personality Disorder
That sounds exactly the same as my experience. Been on antidepressants pretty much my entire adult life, still felt stuck in a rut, so I was weaned off them. The first few months felt amazing, like I was finally myself again, like I'd freed up all this potential for my life. Then the low periods would come, but it was OK because I could weather them out, and it made me feel strong. But eventually I got to the point where I was feeling so depressed, and so OCD I could barely stand to wear any of my clothes or glasses, having daily panic attacks that would go on for hours, and had to throw away anything sharp because I felt like I was trapped alone with someone who was trying to kill me.
It made me rethink what it was like to be on medication. I think I'd completely lost sight of how it was helping me, the things it was keeping at bay, and just because it didn't turn my life into something good I assumed it was only holding me back, when really it was the only thing keeping me half-way sane. I really don't like having to take them again, but I have to remind myself it's better than risking ever feeling that unstable again. |
#67
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Re: Borderline Personality Disorder
It's funny (well, not funny), I had a similar thing about having a bath at the time. I was obsessed with the idea of passing out in there and drowning, like my brain could choose to make that happen at any moment. Made me feel raw and vulnerable, and my arms and legs are pretty much a trigger I carry around with me, so I couldn't avoid that.
That isn't dumb, I felt the same. I honestly felt like it was the start of a new life, and while the high was there the idea of ever going back on them felt unthinkable. I try not to think of it as a defeat now, more that I just gained a broader perspective on things, which taught me that life's really, really shitty without something in my system propping me up. |
#68
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Re: Borderline Personality Disorder
Post as much as you want, or need, to This place can be quiet enough without people holding back.
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#70
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Re: Borderline Personality Disorder
Could anyone suffering with BPD PM me? I'd like some advice.
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#71
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Re: Borderline Personality Disorder
Was doing ok in the last two weeks, but yesterday my mood/emotions changed, and now, just like that, I'm feeling unstabled and ****ed up.
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#72
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Re: Borderline Personality Disorder
My moods are level at the moment. I feel more like myself, whatever that is. When I think about my erratic moods it doesn't feel like me, it feels like my evil twin. I can't rationalise with that irrational side of myself, I don't understand why she feels like someone has so completely let her down because she didn't like the way they said hello. Wtf is that?
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#73
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Re: Borderline Personality Disorder
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#74
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Re: Borderline Personality Disorder
Rejection/abandonment issues are really taking me over again at the moment. Feeling like nobody likes me or wants to talk to me, that everyone sees me as a joke or as annoying or just doesn't see me at all.
Even with my best friend, if he doesn't speak to me much then I'm convinced that he's sick of me so I try to leave him alone instead of pestering him with my pathetic neediness. Then I feel lonelier and more rejected though. It's hard when you're reliant on others to provide you with a sense of self worth and validation because you're incapable of finding any within yourself. It's not fair on anyone else either. |
#75
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Re: Borderline Personality Disorder
Clementine, that's exactly how I feel. You could not have expressed it better.
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#76
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Re: Borderline Personality Disorder
^
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#77
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Re: Borderline Personality Disorder
I wish my feelings had an off switch.
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#78
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Re: Borderline Personality Disorder
^
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#79
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Re: Borderline Personality Disorder
^ *squeeze*
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#80
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Re: Borderline Personality Disorder
Quote:
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#81
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Re: Borderline Personality Disorder
So confused and frustrated. I hate this.
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#82
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Re: Borderline Personality Disorder
I saw this thread and thought I will reply.
1.) How does your BPD affect you? •I feel my self identity isn't very strong. I sort of have a detached feeling and emptyness inside. But I am trying to socialise more and find out what I'm interested in. I don't know what I want to do with my life. I feel that I'm always the odd one out. • I find romantic relationships difficult. I have low self esteem and get paranoid about my partner leaving me. In the last relationships I ended it a few times because I thought she would be better without me. But then I would realise my mistake and try and make up the next day. •I find it hard making friendships because I worry people don't like me too much and I'm not actually sure how friendships work I get bad depression and sometimes it stops me doing a lot of things •I don't self harm which is good. I do over eat at times and can impulsively shop • I obsess over social situations worrying if I said/did the right thing and if a person likes me or will I get rejected again • as well as not self harming I don't get angry outbursts or have an anger problem. I believe I have quiet bpd where most of the anger is internal and at myself. 2.) How was the process of getting diagnosed? I felt bad for years but just put it down to social anxiety and depression as did the doctors. I actually had a sort of break down last May and ended up in a mental health hospital for nearly a month. On leaving I got an official diagnosis of bpd and social anxiety. 3.) Have you told people IRL about it? How did they react? Yes I tell people and I worry they don't know much about bpd and make bad assumptions about me. My mum disowned me after getting my diagnosis 4.) Have you found any useful ways of coping and managing symptoms? Distraction helps when I'm feeling bad I will try and read or do self care. I have just started group dbt therapy. __________________ Reply With Quote Multi-Quote This Message Quick reply to this message |
#83
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Re: Borderline Personality Disorder
I hate when these ****ed up feelings take me over and make me feel and act like I'm crazy. I'm so ashamed of this shit. Being consumed by jealousy and paranoia and feeling like everybody despises and wants rid of me. I'm sick of craving reassurance and affection but not getting it, even though I also know I'd not be able to trust anyone who showed me any anyway. I feel so disgustingly weak and pathetic and it's no wonder nobody wants me. I just want to be free of this
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#84
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Re: Borderline Personality Disorder
^ yup I wouldn't wish BPD on my worse enemy, I couldn't of wrote that better myself sums it up to a tee. I hate this illness with a passion but I have to live with it some how.
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#85
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Re: Borderline Personality Disorder
^ Not a lot of fun is it
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#86
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Re: Borderline Personality Disorder
I feel crap for thinking it but I really wish somebody appreciated just how much effort I put into keeping myself together when I'm going through this, it's exhausting and sometimes I wonder why I even bother trying. If I lost control then maybe someone would at least notice me and care.
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#87
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Re: Borderline Personality Disorder
^ I feel the same.
I understand how difficult and tiring it is not to lose it. I know it doesn't count for much but you're not alone. |
#88
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Re: Borderline Personality Disorder
Thank you, Lettie
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#89
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Re: Borderline Personality Disorder
Does anyone have any coping mechanisms that they use when things are really severe? When all the emotional pain is so intense and overwhelming that you feel like you're losing your mind and desperately need to release it somehow? I don't want to hurt myself, I feel so disgusting afterwards. It's the only way I know that offers some temporary relief though. I'm just really struggling. I can't talk to anybody because I'm feeling so paranoid and don't feel like I can trust anyone.
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#90
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Re: Borderline Personality Disorder
I wish I could help you. I haven't self-harmed in about a year, but all of my 'coping methods' are self-destructive in some way, to get myself from extremely low to very high in the quickest amount of time. I could never shoot for the middle.
It might seem dumb but I've always found a shower helps a tiny bit. Cleansed body, cleansed mind and all that. My head always feels clearer after one. You could always do the rubber band thing, if you haven't already? |