Coping with piss-taking

W!llow · #1 17th May 2011, 11:23

One thing I really dislike about myself is not knowing how to handle being taken the piss out of at times usually when I am tired or pre-menstrual it is worse. It happened the other day with my nephew, I had my brother and my two nephews over for a BBQ but I was really shattered that day, I had a few nights of bad sleep and then when I saw my girl friends on the Saturday it ended up a really late one so I was exhausted. I thought I couldn't cancel the BBQ as I hadn't seen them for a while.

Anyway it was a really stupid thing. We have recently got Wii and we have the Mario Karts game which I really like. I played it with the youngest to start of with but he got bored and then the teenage pro came along and wanted to take over so I was up for a game with him, but I was seriously in zombie status and when setting up for another game kept pressing the wrong button but wasn't paying attention enough so doing it again. Of course this was funny, but my nephew started doing the 'duhh' thing and other insulting things I ended up feeling totally stumped as to how to respond, my husband was there but he just laughed with him (I was hoping he would just say 'leave it she's tired' or something that showed that I wasn't normally like that) and I ended up handing him the controller to set it up despite the fact I can do it, just as soon as it got like that I lost all my ability to function properly. I played it but because I was already feeling upset I played worse than normal so just confirmed my position as divvy auntie. After that and more boastings and more put downs from my nephew I passed it over to my husband to play with him, embarrassingly I felt tearful.

The upset wasn't because of the fact of being taken the piss out of, it was the way I reacted to it that is what I felt upset about, I just felt totally pathetic. Often I can laugh at myself, but I find when people are persistent with their piss taking it seems to hit a raw nerve.

Another thing I sometimes do I notice is respond literally to what people say when they are teasing, and afterwards I'm groaning at myself.
I usually go 'duhh' at myself at those times. I have got a sense of humour and can laugh at myself about quite a few things but I'm not good at handling the unexpected I suppose. The better I feel the better I seem to respond to things but the fact that I can get like that isn't great for my self-esteem.

How do you cope with piss-taking does an appropriate reaction come naturally?

W!llow · #2 17th May 2011, 11:46

Thanks kafkafan. Yeah I think this day I would have liked a 'leave it' but usually if coping fine you don't want to be treated in a special way. I find banter quite funny but when it gets persistent or quite insulting I suppose it reinforces maybe feelings I have about myself or just the frustration of not knowing how to respond.

Superfred · #3 17th May 2011, 11:51

Argh I have a big problem with this too and as you say, it's not the piss taking that hurts but more my own reaction. I just wish I could be all cool and calm about it and shrug it off with a laugh but I don't. It feels like the world is caving in on me and my emotions take a grip.

It does my self-esteem no favours either because afterwards I feel as though I've been acting like a big kid and need to grow up.

When I was younger I remember being really badly teased by my two older brothers. They wouldn't stop until I was literally in tears and that just fueled them even further. I used to (and still do) take so much abuse from people in all sorts of ways and I think that these past experiences have left me with these horrible reactions. Sometimes when I'm being made fun of I will go really quiet because I don't know what to say in responce and I'm really nervous about responding anyway and to other people I come accross as angry. I hate this because I'm not angry, I'm scared, but as soon as they mention that I am getting angry I then start to get angry. lol.

The worst for me at the moment is in work. There is a manager there who seems to enjoy making fun of me and seeing me squirm. I really want to say something back to him but do not know what to say or how to say and in the moment I just end up feeling too knotted with anxiety.

I'm not sure what the solution is just yet. I guess we have to keep working on ourselves and hope that we learn to handle it.

sslkirsty · #4 17th May 2011, 11:57

hey willow, suppose i am pretty pathetic in these situations. I wouldve walked out in a huff and left them to it lol, or him with something hee hee

However you were really tired, and that makes anyone feel more sensitive and irritable.

W!llow · #5 17th May 2011, 11:59

I relate Superfred.

Yes I think maybe being bullied when I was younger could possibly have something to do with my reactions too. The person would literally carry on and on until I broke. He's grown up now and so I don't like to go on about it but unfortunately I do think it had an affect.
It does make me feel like a helpless child again I suppose.

Thanks sslkirsty.

W!llow · #6 17th May 2011, 12:14

That's the problem isn't it even if you are fairly capable normally, nerves or tiredness can wreak havoc and so you become a target at a time when you are not on peak form for coping with it. Sorry your sister treats you like that.

I was holding it together badly and he said 'you're not going to cry!' I didn't in the room I tried to hold it together but I did feel emotional and annoyed at myself after. I do think if my brother had been in the room he would have told him off actually, but even if he was pushing it too far it's the fact I couldn't cope with it that gets to me.

Phool · #7 17th May 2011, 13:51

OMG - I hate this - I hated it at school - hated it in various work places - I have never got used to it and don't think I ever will. I just don't get what's funny about putting people down.

HardRockGlamour · #8 17th May 2011, 13:59

Quote:

Originally Posted by Phool

OMG - I hate this - I hated it at school - hated it in various work places - I have never got used to it and don't think I ever will. I just don't get what's funny about putting people down.

This.

W!llow · #9 17th May 2011, 18:09

Thanks for the responses.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ruth75

You should invite your nephew over when you're feeling better and challenge him to another game then kick his ass (not literally of course)

Sorry, that's pretty childish but it'd feel great!!

Thanks, yes I think we give ourselves a ridiculously hard time but like you say it is unlikely that people are going to dwell on it too long after the event even if they think your response is disproportionate to the situation, they'd probably just think ' she's having an emotional day' or whatever.

Toxic · #10 17th May 2011, 21:08

raaaa

i took so much stick at school its changed me for life

when i get the odd comment at work now even when its meant jokingly it reminds me of school and i take it really serious and people dont understand why i just go silent and put on my evil glare..and have to stop myself to tell them to F*** off even when im really good friends with them and it was just a joke

sometimes i just wish people understood and perhaps they wouldnt have a laugh at me

or maybe it shouldnt have even got to that situation in the first place..i really dont see whats so amusing at having a go at people like that for any reason

/ramble /rant

black_mamba · #11 17th May 2011, 21:28

I don't think there is any humour in making fun of people, so yeah I hate it and seem to take it far too personally.

A new friend I made recently was calling me some horrible things (a coward, a fraud) and when I told him it had hurt to be called those things he said that it was SO obvious to him I was NOT those things that it seemed ok at the time to joke about them.

Obviously it wasn't very funny for me. I think you need to be very comfortable with someone before you start making jokes like that but whatever, different people like different sorts of humour.

I like my humour with soft fluffy edges.

HelloWorld · #12 17th May 2011, 22:06

I combat this by pretending to be completely incompetent at everything. Then there is no expectation. It also leaves me more opportunity to surprise and confuse people at a later date. I'm not sure I should recommend this method but it does work. Affecting a superiority complex also works. The critics' minds are too feeble to contemplate my genius.

W!llow · #13 18th May 2011, 09:39

Thanks for your replies.

Venom, that's the problem isn't it if you have a background of bullying it can make it hard to deal with anything that reminds us of those feelings even though we are now adults and feel that we should be able to.
BM, yes sometimes it's the persistence isn't it, if he said 'you fraud!' laughing and then left it you probably would have laughed with him.
Good ploy HelloWorld.

Thanks kafkafan, sorry about the grief you've had to put up with in the past, your wording blip sounds exactly like the sort of thing I'd do.

-meep- · #14 18th May 2011, 11:05

Quote:

Originally Posted by kafkafan

And when I finally realised he was taking the mick, my mind went blank, and I mumbled, quote, "You had fallen me that nearly."

Seriously, wtf was I even trying to say??? I wish my brain worked like other people's. Spent the rest of the journey wanting to crawl under the seat and cry.

Oh man... sorry, but I had to chuckle at this - it's the sort of thing that would happen to me, and then I would also feel completely mortified about it for the rest of the day. And probably for days after that - I always catch myself cringing about random things that have happened in the past. And usually when I cringe, you can see it in my face - people must think I'm odd when they see me walking down the street visibly wincing about something I'm cringing about...

-meep- · #15 18th May 2011, 11:15

Quote:

Originally Posted by W!llow

Another thing I sometimes do I notice is respond literally to what people say when they are teasing, and afterwards I'm groaning at myself.
I usually go 'duhh' at myself at those times. I have got a sense of humour and can laugh at myself about quite a few things but I'm not good at handling the unexpected I suppose.

This is something I worry about too. I mostly hang out with my brother, because I don't have many other friends. And he has an odd sense of humour - so quite often he will say something, and I will take it literally... and then he will always say "er... just... just kidding" or something, in a quiet, pitiful voice - and I will feel so stupid. I guess it all makes me feel like I'm too stupid to get his sense of humour - when actually, I just think it's not all that funny, so it's not my fault if I'm not engaging with the humourous side of it.

But it does happen once a while with other people, and I just think wow, I bet everyone thinks I'm an idiot now.

W!llow · #16 18th May 2011, 11:44

Quote:

Originally Posted by -meep-

This is something I worry about too. I mostly hang out with my brother, because I don't have many other friends. And he has an odd sense of humour - so quite often he will say something, and I will take it literally... and then he will always say "er... just... just kidding" or something, in a quiet, pitiful voice - and I will feel so stupid. I guess it all makes me feel like I'm too stupid to get his sense of humour - when actually, I just think it's not all that funny, so it's not my fault if I'm not engaging with the humourous side of it.

But it does happen once a while with other people, and I just think wow, I bet everyone thinks I'm an idiot now.

Yes I think sometimes it is often just not sharing the same kind of humour and sometimes just we are not totally focused due to anxiety or whatever. Frustrating though.

GoldFish · #17 18th May 2011, 13:23

most of the time its not being made fun of that is the problem its when the person says "i was only joking" or takes the sarcasm further if the joke didn't work for them which can be really awkward.

In my opinion its their problem, they are the ones putting it all on the line and if their delivery is bad then its their problem. they are the needy attention seekers not me.