Any other health professionals out there who can't help themselves?

[stuee]

Hi All,

I work in healthcare and have helped people with SA to work through it. The problem is that I can't seem to help myself. I know all the techniques - what I 'should' be doing, but I find it difficult to put myself on the right track.

I function reasonably well as long as I have a 'role' or 'front' to put on. When it is just me in a social situation I find it very difficult - if I can avoid it then I will. I also dread criticism at work - being put in a situation where I don't know the answer to a question. On Tuesday I start a new job, in an area of work that I have a lot of learning to do and I am stressed out about it.

Are there any other doctors or nurses out there that have tacked themselves? Any tips from others also gratefully received.

[Pal]

Interesting that a health care professional would have such difficulty in helping themselves (not meant as a criticism), is it that you're just not applying the methods that you're advocating to your clients or is it that those methods aren't working? WHat methods have you tried?

I'm not a health professional by the way.

[stuee]

Thanks to you both for your replies.

Pal - I think it is because I know the theory about what I have to do but just can't seem to put it into action. I think that it is easier helping someone else plan and challenge, than yourself. Seeing my own SA is a bit like watching Eastenders - I feel as though I am detached from it and looking at it as part of a TV 'drama'.

Functionally I manage OK in the role I describe. If you met me at work you would never guess that my confidence is often rock bottom - I communicate easily with people, but this really is just a 'front'. I don't seem to be able to get past the 'front' so when, socially, I have to be myself, I find this extremely difficult, even if it is with people that I know from work or another 'role' that I have.

My deep seated belief is that I am boring, although I know that there is lots of evidence to the contrary - I am married to a wonderful person, have had a successful career etc. I can't stop beating myself up though at small mistakes that I have made over the years, situations that I avoided etc.

I know I need to get a grip, but, despite knowing the theory, I just can't seem to move forward.

As for the new job tomorrow - I am dreading it. It is in a speciality that I am unfamiliar with, I have to interact with a new team of people and my confidence is rock bottom today.

[Holly]

I'm no health professional, but I think it's completely normal to be able to be professional and to dispense advice / therapy / treatment / whatever; but be unable to apply those methods to yourself.

I imagine it's similar to the great advice you may be able to give to a friend but are unable to take yourself. To your clients, you're the guide, the professional on the matter..to yourself however, you're you..warts and all. So maybe you need someone else to be your guide, your route to objectivity to help you untangle your subjective chaotic fears? In other words, maybe you as a health professional need to see a health professional?

As I said, I'm no health professional, but feel that I am totally aware of what triggers and sustains my issues. I feel I know logically the methods that should be able to address these. Yet, I'm often unable to do this. It's just not a case of "right, what realistic, alternative ways of viewing this matter will prove beneficial???Aha..there they are - brain, engage these more helpful ways of thinking!!!" or suchlike. I often need someone else to untangle my messed up head and help me to take a step back to resolve my current difficulties.

Also, maybe therapies / talking treatments / other approaches you may use just may not be right for you. Maybe you need to explore other possible ways to manage your issues.

Me - therapy = unhelpful in the long term
prescription meds= unacceptable side effects
talking things over with those close to me = helpful and enables me to cope day to day
occupying my mind = helpful if anxiety not overwhelming

Don't know if I'm spouting useless tripe, but felt the urge to put in my tuppence worth. Good luck!

Ps. As you know, SA is VERY complex and varies considerabley from person to person. May your layers / factors contributing to it are more deeply ingrained or more complex than those of your clients? That doesn't mean you can't find a way to manage those; but maybe what works for them, just doesn't cut it with you. Oh, yeah, I think I just repeated myself there. Oh well.

[Malecon]

I'm not surprised by your post, Stuee. I work as a mental health professional, but this does not mean I am free from issues myself. Human beings can have issues no matter what their line of work may be.

It's very common, and in many instances essential, that therapists and counsellors undergo their own personal therapy. We are all human, and as such we all have issues and difficulties to deal with.

Also, the thing with techniques for helping people is that the technique is only half of the battle. Application and perseverence plays a major role too. So we are not always so good at putting into practice the things we know may help us. As a practititoner we see things through certain perspectives, but the perspectives of the client, or person we are trying to help, may be different to ours. When we are being helped ourselves, our view of our issues may be very different to the view the therapist/helper has.

The helper may be offering insights or techniques, but it is only the person being helped who is truly going through the emotional difficulties of doing the work itself. The helper is not experiencing all the negativity, the fears, the worries and the doubts that run through the mind of the person being helped. So really, it's far easier to be a helper than the person being helped.

Often we can benefit from the insight and objectivity that others offer us. We can get so muddled in our own issues that we lose sight of how best to help ourselves. And that is so even if we are helpers or mental health professionals. We are just human beings, and at times we may well need some help of our own.

We, at times, can be too close to our own issues to look at them objectively. And at times, we may need outside intervention to assist us so we regain some balance and clarity. In a professional capacity it can be easy to hide behind our role and our profession, but when we are looking at ourselves rather than someone else, we see us at our most vulnerable and insecure. We may feel rather naked and exposed as a result.

Human beings in general are not so good at taking their own advice. How many GP's out there are forever telling their patients they need to quit smoking, when in fact, they are 20-a day people themselves? Just because we know what is best does not mean that we are experts ourselves at putting it into practice. I've known a few driving instructors who are ultimatley professional on lessons, but are far lazier and risky in their daily 'off-duty' driving. My point simply being that it can be difficult to always practice what we preach - no matter what line of work we do. Where mental health issues are concerned, this can become even more apparent. We can often see others' issues with clarity, but it may all seem a lot foggier when it comes to our own issues and putting into practice the things we feel should benefit us.

PS, Good post, Holly.