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#31
2nd July 2013, 23:49
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Re: How has SAUK helped you?
I think SA UK has helped me over the years. It's been part of my recovery - most powerfully when I was very depressed and isolated and out of touch with most of the world but I still find myself popping back in here occasionally. It's been a big part of me learning to communicate what's going on in my head and also finally realizing that I'm not an alien being but a happy, sad, crazy, normal individual just like everyone else!
 The changes I've made aren't just down to SA UK because I've had counselling and been to self help groups and read books and most importantly I've tried to change and kept trying again and again and again...
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#32
3rd July 2013, 10:22
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Re: How has SAUK helped you?
Posting again because I`m old and forgetful and only just realised I meant to add that I don`t think someone banning themselves from here is any indicator of whether it has been helpful to them or not. Of course no one thing or place is going to help everyone,and I haven`t seen anyone suggest such a thing,but when or if or how someone chooses to leave doesn`t mean it hasn`t at some point helped them in the past,or that things they found out here won`t stay with them and help at some point in the future. I certainly hope it helped,even just to the degree that they knew there was a name for how they were feeling,that they aren`t alone feeling that way and that there can be hope for improving. Even a seemingly tiny positive is still a positive,something hasn`t got to change your life single-handedly to have been worthwhile.
SAUK also gave me a safe place to begin to try and learn how to talk to people who intimidate me. Yes it`s only online but I couldn`t even do that when I joined,and the experience I gained online has definitely trickled over into offline (still a massive work in progress as with everything else with me but I`ll take any tiny improvement I can get quite frankly  ).EDIT: I feel your OCD pain,TG 
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#34
5th July 2013, 10:46
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Re: How has SAUK helped you?
^ You're most welcome.
 I think it's fab to hear how SAUK has helped a lot of you, in various different and unexpected ways. I think peer support generally is pretty empowering, and while it's certainly not the be all and end all in recovery, it's good to know there's a place where we can share our experiences and get informal support. For those it hasn't helped as much as they'd hoped yet - do feel free to drop me, or SAUKmod if you'd prefer, a PM with suggestions for how we can improve the site. 
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#36
6th July 2013, 02:43
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Re: How has SAUK helped you?
Ok, serious reply now. I don't really think its helped me much since I already knew a bit about SA before joining.
I used to attend SA meets on meetup.com before I joined and I think that helped me a great deal. I definitely have improved anxiety-wise, so thats something to be greatful for. But I think my depression is as bad as its ever been. I'm feeling more and more hopeless as I get older.
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#37
6th July 2013, 06:51
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Re: How has SAUK helped you?
It makes me feel good to know that other people have similar issues. I'm going to make an effort to get to a meet.
Some days it just depresses me that no one wants to talk to me here and I feel worse than ever 
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#38
6th July 2013, 12:30
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Re: How has SAUK helped you?
For what it's brought to my life, it's easily the worst forum I've ever been on. But that's no fault of the members or anything. It just hasn't been the right forum for what I probably needed at this stage of my life. Since I've been uninterested in meets, the best thing many find about this site is something which doesn't apply to me. So while it's nice to know people have similar problems to me, after a while that became a problem too. My addictive personality got me suckered in here and over time developed this 'victim' mentality which has made me a lot worse, instead of being more proactive. Its also brought out this dependable and untrusting side to me which I never had before and never want to experience again.
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#39
14th July 2013, 20:02
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Re: How has SAUK helped you?
I think it has to a degree. Its a place I can let off steam and on occasions whine like a little bitch and not feel Im burdening anyone. Also telling people my intentions , the things/actions im going to be doing has helped me to progress. Why? Because it means there is an element of accountability, an
invisable contract that I have to stick to. It means Im getting things done with the aid of my sauk comrades and doing what needs to be done.  To much time on here has a negative affect but thats a choice. I think anyone who is isolated or alone could benefit from this sight as long as they use it correctly. I wont be here on sauk forever. Misery loves company, I dont plan on being like this forever. Im beginning to see SA together with 'doing what needs to be done' as a rewarding journey out of darkness. It would be nice to think I could nudge (shove  ) some people on here to take this journey with me. 
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#40
15th July 2013, 19:18
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Re: How has SAUK helped you?
It hasn't
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#42
15th July 2013, 21:46
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Re: How has SAUK helped you?
I had a long post written but I felt too embarrassed to post it. Anyway basically the meets were crucial for me on this forum and I'd encourage people to try attending at least once. Sauk has also been great because sometiems I want to talk about my feelings or just tell funny anecdotes and I dont always feel like I have people to talk about these things to in real life.
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#43
21st July 2013, 23:25
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Re: How has SAUK helped you?
SAUK has mostly been great for me. Prior to joining I felt so alone in the world and thought that I was weird and had no chance of succeeding. I had a lot of horrible moments in my childhood and most of my 20's and was made to feel bad about myself by a lot of people. My SA came to a head towards the end of my 20's as it just seemed that nobody, except a few University friends, wanted anything to do with me. I was already living on my own by this stage and some nights I would physically scream in my flat just to release all that built up hurt and anger, then I would go into work the next day and not speak to anyone, as I thought what's the point when they don't speak to me??!!
I then turned 30, and around this time I joined SAUK. Then a few months later I got a new job and moved cities. Since joining this forum particularly, I actually feel like a worthy human being and I am so happy that I can come to a place where other people understand what I'm going through, and that I am not alone in my SA and low self-esteem, though I wouldn't wish it on anybody of course. When I feel upset over something SA or relationships related and I have nobody to talk to, I know I can come on here and vent my frustrations and it really does help me to feel better afterwards, not just getting it off my chest but getting responses from people. In turn I am pleased that I can offer support to people as I know what they are going through. I acknowledge that I seem to shout and scream a bit on here sometimes but that is just my way of getting frustrations out. If you met me you would not meet a mad hot-headed bloke I fully intend to keep using this forum to help me muddle through everyday life with SA and LSE. I would like to spend more time on here helping others but alas I have to earn a crust 37.5 hours per week. I've met some lovely, supportive people on here who I really value. I guess the next step for me would be to graduate to the meets, as long as I can overcome the shyness that goes with meeting new people face-to-face
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#44
22nd July 2013, 00:12
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Re: How has SAUK helped you?
helped me? this bloody place has set me back like 10 years
nah in all seriousness I haven't joined in order to improve my problem, but rather to talk to like minded people
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#45
22nd July 2013, 01:18
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Re: How has SAUK helped you?
It has helped a lot, to an extent. I joined in 2011 (I called myself Steve, which seems silly now lol)- it feels like I've been here much longer though!, at a time when I had just begun to realise what was wrong with me. 2011 was certainly my darkest year and I was lower than I ever have been, and I think this forum was one of the things that got me through it - simply because I knew there were other people with similar problems, and that I could talk to them at any time.
Having like-minded people to talk to has been helpful, and its the only place I can go to talk about my problems. However, it is not a cure (and I don't expect it to be), and there was a time I think I was spending too much time on here. I am very grateful for this forum. There's a long way for me to go, and I think this forum will continue to be helpful.
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#46
22nd July 2013, 01:33
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Re: How has SAUK helped you?
Its provided a great comfort and just about maintains my faith in people with the knowledge that there are nice, caring and genuine people out there and I'm hoping I can somehow make friends on here and one day go to a meet cause I'd love to know some of the awesome people on here, but I still find it difficult to post regularly enough to be noticed and my inability to PM anyone unless they do it first because of this constant lack of confidence in myself probably prevents me from getting to know anyone personally. Also doesn't help that not only is the thought of going to a meet incredibly terrifying for where I am in my 'recovery', but I also live in a bit of a crap place, so just getting to a meet isn't too easy either lol!
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#47
22nd July 2013, 02:14
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Re: How has SAUK helped you?
It hasn't helped in the slightest, becoming a minor pointless addiction that distracts from the emptiness of the rest of my life rather than a source of cures and actions that would deposit me in a better place. I can't tell it that's because SAUK is rubbish at actually empowering people to overcome SA or if I'm rubbish at changing myself according to the advice offered. I still have a social life limited to talking to my parents and my interactions with the opposite sex are still horrifically deformed from the norm. Hmmm.
L
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#48
22nd July 2013, 10:14
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Re: How has SAUK helped you?
I joined back when it was the old forum, I think in 2003? So 10 years ago now, wow.
Back when I first joined it was amazingly helpful simply for making me realise I wasn't alone. Before I joined this forum I had never met another person as shy or anxious as I was. No one understood why I was 'quiet' and I felt very alone. I had what I regarded as unique negative traits, such as not being able to eat in front of people, and I was amazed to find out other people experienced these too! SAUK is what you make it. If you just focus on the negativity of social anxiety and make it your whole identity then it can be harmful. But if you focus on trying to improve and tackle SA then this forum can be helpful for getting advise about how to improve and it also gives you the opportunity to meet people through the meets section. I have improved greatly over the 10 years I have been here. I have found the meets to be one of the most beneficial areas of this site. I have met some great people and it was good to be able to meet up in a group situation where there was no pressure on me to speak and nobody was judging me or asking me 'why are you so quiet?'. It helped me get used to being in group situations and I could challenge myself to speak up in this safe setting. I would encourage people to attend meets - there is no pressure at all. You don't have to do or say anything, no judgements or expectations.
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#49
23rd July 2013, 15:14
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Re: How has SAUK helped you?
On the whole sauk was pivotal in changing my life from the serious mess it was in, to the less serious mess it is now in!
I was deeply unhappy when I joined here. I felt so lost and frightened that there seemed to be no way out. My issues were driving me into a dark little corner that I'm reluctant to think about these days. sauk gave me somewhere to learn to socialise in a very basic way online, and to slowly feel more confident. I made some mistakes and still do sometimes, but learned and grew. Unfortunately the forum soon started to frustrate me with all the negativity, bickering, and radical views, but I found refuge in the chat room which contains many lovely people I consider friends to this day. Also, I wouldn't have met my girlfriend if it wasn't for sauk. I never would have thought when I joined over 2 years ago that I'd find someone who could see through my issues to the person within, let alone that I'd be 15 months into that relationship at this point! So yeah, sauk for all its flaws, changed my life. I will forever be appreciative of those who run it.
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#50
23rd July 2013, 17:12
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Re: How has SAUK helped you?
I am organising a SAUK meet up and for the first time for a very very long time, I feel that I am finally doing something about my SA rather than just feeling bad about it. My SA has been so bad in the last two years that every day just seemed meaningless. For once I have a project and something to look forward to. In the last few months since I started going on this site, it has changed my life for the better. I can't thank SAUK enough.
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#51
23rd July 2013, 17:34
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Re: How has SAUK helped you?
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#52
23rd July 2013, 17:52
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Re: How has SAUK helped you?
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#53
23rd July 2013, 17:56
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Re: How has SAUK helped you?
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#54
23rd July 2013, 18:08
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Re: How has SAUK helped you?
I have been with sauk for about a year I think and it helps reading other peoples posts and how they deal with their difficulties. also I talk to one or two people and it helps to interact with another person. I havnt been to a meet yet as too far away and have problems travelling. I agree its not a good idea to spend hours and hours on here without tackling real life but I know that's hard to do as well. Hope all this makes sense.
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#55
23rd July 2013, 18:20
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Re: How has SAUK helped you?
Quote:
naaaaaaaat
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#56
23rd July 2013, 21:04
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Re: How has SAUK helped you?
Quote:
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#57
23rd July 2013, 21:24
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Re: How has SAUK helped you?
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#58
23rd July 2013, 22:02
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Re: How has SAUK helped you?
Not really, but that's mostly my fault.
On the one hand I have made some efforts to reach out to people here. I've PMed a few people but they either haven't replied or only sent a couple of obvious half-arsed replies before giving up. It's funny as some of those people were moaning in the forums about being lonely and having no one to talk to. I suppose I was just too boring for them. Or not female enough. Otherwise, yeah, my SA has really prevented me from making much headway on the social front. As you can probably tell, gentle reader, from this mess of a post, I'm a naturally poor communicator in prose. I'm a poor communicator in speech too, but obviously it's written form that matters here and a decade of clinical depression and ill-health has deadened my wits and erased all traces of humour and goodwill from my soul. I don't know how to communicate with people on any meaningful level and my life of inactivity has left me with nothing interesting to say anyway. The best I could offer is the occasional platitude or trite saying pinched from some American self-help blog ("Dude, you gotta learn to love yourself!" "You gotta work on yourself, man!"), but lots of other people here have that base covered and I have too much respect for people suffering with MH issues to fob them off with pop positivity bullshit. I could go to meets, but, again, my SA and crippling sense of shame get in the way. If I went to a meet I would just sit there in silence, unable to contribute to any discussion, only serving to make the people around me feel uncomfortable. I kind of get the impression that a lot of the regulars here have known each other for years and are really closeknit, so trying to establish a place for myself in the group would be hard enough even without my handicaps. Most of the time posting just feels pointless. No one knows me or ever will know me, no one has a stake in my life, I'm just text on a screen. Why try to convince myself that people will care about what I have or try to say? I'm just another slightly bewildered, deeply inadequate, maladapted, gawky twentysomething male; the type that infests pretty much every MH or self-help orientated forum across the internet. Like vermin. So why do I keep coming back here? Because I'm lonely. Despite my best efforts, volunteering and joining clubs and university and seeking employment, I still can't make connections with people. And it's killing me. I see a therapist, but it's only for the conversation. I tell him he's my conversation-prostitute, and he laughs. Still, as long as I keep paying him, and as long as he doesn't grow a conscience over night and realise that it's unethical to keep taking money from someone he's admitted he doesn't know how to help, he won't leave me. I feel better for that! Not only was it awesomely and nauseatingly self-pitying but it's also the longest post I've ever made here!
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#59
23rd July 2013, 22:29
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Re: How has SAUK helped you?
Quote:
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What sort of volunteering do you do and what do you study? I seem to remember in my uni days that it was volunteering in a wide variety of roles that got me out of my shell. lol@conversation prostitute. Reminds me of how I used to view a music tutor a few years ago. I was paying him to teach me drums but he ended up being a nice break away from loneliness.
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#60
24th July 2013, 00:09
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Re: How has SAUK helped you?
Quote:
No catharsis here. Just the added frustration of seeing all the murky half-thoughts and feelings swirling around in the head made more real and more formidable. That and the shame of seeing my weakness made public. There aren't a huge amount of volunteering opportunities here for the unqualified and unskilled. I volunteer in charity shops, do fund-raising for the local homeless charity and I'm due to start a mentoring/assistant position in a primary school in the coming September. I graduated from university with a worthless arts degree earlier this year. You're right that it is a nice break from the loneliness but it isn't a healthy arrangement really. I don't like having to pay people to talk to me. Thank you for taking the time to reply.
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It has been much more useful than I made out. Had my first taste of a meet as well at the weekend and it was probably one of the best things I've done.