Argument with my other half

[drmick]

Hi guys

I feel a bit upset. Basically it's my works christmas do tomorrow (panic!) and i needed a new shirt to look good so we went off to ASDA anyway I was asking him what shirts you need to be able to install cuff links. My boyfriend then demanded I go ask the till staff but i was too scared and I told him and he said it's 'sad'

He doesnt understand how I feel so nervous and anxious just to ask a simple question and it caused a right row. How can I make him understand how it feels for me?

[blubs]

If I'm trying to explain it to somebody...I try to relate it to something they might be afraid of........so they understand how you're feeling..if not why you're scared.

[whatamidoinghere]

i get this too some days im worse the others where i just dont want to interact with anyone and i always ask my boyfriend if he can ask for me and he normally does which is prob not good as i should do it myself but i dont think they can understand unless they feel what we do

Aww hope your feeling better today drmick :hug3:

It truely sucks don't it. I've been with my hubby for 13 years (i think) and you'd think by now we might be able to understand eachother. I think it's always worse shopping at Christmas with the added pressures on you. My hubby hates shopping gets real grumpy which adds to my already sa feeling. I think our partners, mum, siblings whoever it may be can be the lovliest person and yet not really understand our fears. I guess the key is communication but it is hard so i really feel for you. x

[wobbly]

drmick. I understand completely what you're saying. I have to bide my time when there are things I need to ask for and then try and summon up feelings of confidence to do it. I suppose like me you have a fear of appearing (feeling) stupid to the shop assistant. The way I cope with this is to acknowledge my ignorance of what I want and say something like 'sorry I know this seems a bit stupid ... but could you tell me what kind of shirt I need to buy with cuff links'... or something along those lines. I do this when I go into a specialist shop like car spares etc (not for cuff links of course!). It seems to take the pressure of my sense of expectation of myself and the shop assistant is usually happy to help.

I think it's hard for other people to empathise with people with SA and unless they can step into your brain they could never ever feel the fear and anxiety you're feeling. If he did I'm sure he would be more understanding.

[OutbackJack]

go ask him to pick up a hand full of snakes lol...or something he fears! OJ