Mental health and being stigmatized? Have you faced it? Share your experience...

[Amara 94]

I feel like from certain people, usually strangers, I do receive reaction for being anxious. Actually mostly women, definitely not all women though. It's like they are uncomfortable with me being anxious. I know it's definitely based on misunderstanding.

I think I internalise shame or guilt for being anxious when I receive a certain reaction that the person is uncomfortable with my anxiousness. I think part of my reasoning of guilt and shame is that I feel like the reasons I am anxious are irrational although I can't help it. Sometimes it's BDD, fear of confrontation, self-shame, probably past traumas.

Just writing this made me feel a bit better though. If I probably could need to advocate for mental health awareness because a lack of it causes problem, and societal problems as it leads to misunderstandings.

This is one experience I had today, out of the dozens that i have had. As I was going home I got a bus an waited at a bus stop. I sat down next to two older women, not use to the area. Was sitting between two women, was a small bus stop. I was a bit anxious but not at my most anxious, but maybe I was a bit sketchy or looking a lot to see if the bus was coming. One woman, sitting next to me, started shaking her head like something was wrong. Nothing was happening at the bus stop accept for me being anxious. Maybe I was unaware I was doing something wrong, it was directed at me. Please don't try to correct me on how I feel here. I think things like subtle interactions are easy to dismiss until you constantly face them. I notice that it's with certain groups of people that they react to my anxiousness more.

Speaking of a similar but different situation, where I work, the area is mostly White and seems middle class or wealthy. So the bus has mostly White people on it and they follow covid rules more and stuff, compared to other bus routes I take. The other day though, a group of Black girls, probably early 20s got on and sat at the back. They looked bold in how they dressed. I noticed a few female passengers that got on after avoided sitting near them though there were few free seats. The front seats were full. This wouldn't be dismissed because similar stories have been told a lot of times, but I saw it with my eyes. However, because of my experience I know that it wasn't racism but more likely intimidation or as a friend I told said, they may not have been wearing masks. I'm just sharing this to show that if I witness reactions to being anxious they can be real and aren't me imagining them.

Writing this I think though to face my anxiety I have to accept it in a way. That's not so hard, it's just so hard on the ego, accepting reality also seems painful especially with BDD (idk if it's BDD but I do have anxiety when it comes to my appearance, others appearance). I also realise that I act a result of my environment and upbringing. I live in a city and look normal but was raised socially isolated, had unusual interests growing up and am not good at or not into popular stuff. This has created lots of anxiety and shame inside of me. I've said this before but I am usually more anxious around Black people. I know this is cause of social isolation, as a Black guy myself, but I wonder why else, probably BDD and not feeling good enough, maybe even family rejection as my family in my country never meet me.

At the root it feels like something not to beat myself up for but something to understand.

[gregarious_introvert]

I can't say that I've ever been stigmatised because of my mental health; I've had issues, caused problems, upset people, made others anxious with my behaviour and been avoided or ostracised, but none of this has been because of my mental health but because of my behaviour and none of it amounts to being stigmatised. Now that I am more aware of how my condition affects me, those issues mostly no longer exist - it doesn't suddenly make me normal, or universally liked but at least I'm weird in a non-threatening way, eccentric rather than stark raving mad and a bit kooky rather than threatening and aggressive (which I never was, but now realise that's how I seemed to others).

Subconsciously, human beings are drawn towards those with whom they feel most comfortable; that's why, when we get on a 'bus, for instance, most of us will choose a double seat and if there are no double seats free, we will quickly scan the people on the 'bus for the person who looks least threatening to sit beside. In the past, before I began to understand non-verbal communication, I was the one beside whom nobody wanted to sit. I could never understand why I was ostracised in every workplace and rejected from every social group I tried to join, but now I see (especially when I've come into contact with other, young autistic people who frighten me momentarily even though I know that they're being friendly) how I would have appeared to others, I can't blame anyone for their reactions.

In fact, nowadays I am completely open about my condition and the anxieties it has caused me and the vast majority of people to whom I speak are full of understanding and acceptance; of course, the opportunity to talk about such things has only come about because my demeanour these days is less threatening and aggressive, but I can only hope that by having that opportunity, I can, in some small way, spread awareness of how some conditions manifest themselves and create greater understanding - but it is still likely that people will avoid someone who is behaving erratically, even if they are not judging them for it.

Anxiety breeds anxiety: if we behave in an anxious way around others, then that is likely to make them anxious and it isn't easy to blame them for that. If someone appears calm, then it seems unlikely that that they're going to cause trouble or become violent (of course, this isn't always the case - psychopaths tend to be calm, for instance) but if someone appears agitated, they will make others wary of what they might do. However, in my experience, if people know that a person has been diagnosed with a condition, especially if they are made aware of what behaviours that condition might cause, then they are likely to be more sympathetic (even if they are no less wary) than if they encounter a stranger who is behaving in what they consider to be an odd manner for no apparent reason. I think that, if people are aware of a condition and then judge someone for it, that is stigma, but if they are reacting to unexplained behaviour, then it's simply human nature.

[Amara 94]

^ Fair answer I guess. I notice certain types of people seem more uncomfortable if I’m anxious though, it’s almost like a pattern.

One weird observation I noticed though. One manager at my workplace use to constantly give me awkward looks. As soon as I felt ready to confront it, although I never did, the awkward looks stopped and she was nicer to me. However recently I was anxious again and the awkward looks happen straight away, not kidding. Makes me think that it’s more than human nature, especially with some things I’ve studied about mental health recently. It’s more like there is some taboo or uncomfortability to expressing anxiety. This manager is young, 21 I think, and acts boldly and confident though at times it’s as if she may be insecure about certain things. One of my neighbors have given me the silent treatment for over a year. Recently I felt less guilt, as silent treatment makes you feel like you have done something wrong. I was going home yesterday, maybe a bit angry, and for the first time since I can’t remember the neighbors says hi. Maybe it’s about expressing how I really feel though?

[Amara 94]

^ That’s you, but I don’t agree.

[Dougella]

^^ I don't agree either.


I would say I have faced stigma, or ignorance maybe would be a better word. One of my siblings in particular used to see me as stupid and pathetic basically for a long time and made it very clear that's what they thought. They referred to me as "not working" rather than off sick or unable to work or even having serious mental health problems.

[firemonkey]

I've experienced very little stigma from other people. For the simple reason that I've not put myself out there much when it comes to interacting with the general population.

[Selkie]

Yes I have. Although I can at times mask how I'm feeling and pretend to be happy and more comfortable than I am, at others/ if I have to do it for a long time when I'm really stressed I struggle to contain my emotions. I've had quite a few comments that I appear to be 'miserable' from colleagues in past work situations.
'What's wrong with you, why are you so miserable?' - exasperated comment from former boss.
'You're so miserable' - mimics my miserable face and laughs - former colleague
There's more but I'll leave it at that! Obviously these people weren't thinking that I had a mental health problem, they wanted me to stop looking unhappy because it brought them down. I do get that.

It was clear the colleague had her own problems - at times she also looked utterly miserable. But I still feel indignant when I see her posting updates supporting mental health.

[Amara 94]

Originally Posted by Dougella

^^ I don't agree either.


I would say I have faced stigma, or ignorance maybe would be a better word. One of my siblings in particular used to see me as stupid and pathetic basically for a long time and made it very clear that's what they thought. They referred to me as "not working" rather than off sick or unable to work or even having serious mental health problems.

Yeah, maybe ignorance is a better word, idk. But I do clearly get reactions from strangers for being anxious. I don’t think stigma is the wrong word but maybe it’s hard to actually see it as stigma, just like it can be hard to see abuse as abuse. However it’s also not a one sided information and stigma is usually based on ignorance I imagine.

[Amara 94]

Originally Posted by Dean Winchester

I've never had the sense that I'm important enough to be 'stigmatized'. Whatever that's supposed to mean in this context.

The irony of this post. You say you aren’t important enough to be stigmatised but also feel important enough to send out the message. My post was never based on feeling important or anything, rather on equal grounds to most people. Most people, who don’t have anxiety, probably have it easier in social or public situations.

[Amara 94]

Working through the David Goggins book I’m reading I think my issue is the shame and guilt that surrounds my anxiety. My fear of confrontation. Lack of confidence and need for a group that understands my issues, not just anxiety but the issues that cause anxiety like image issues, social isolation, shame and stuff.

[Sunrise]

I have but I didn't question it at the time. I told my tutor at university that my recent absences were due to mental health and his curt reply was that I shouldn't be in education if I have those sort of issues and he didn't want me on the course anymore as I wouldn't be able to hack it and would cause him problems. I think that was a situation where I was stigmatized due to someone's dated and ignorant view of mental illness.

This was 14 years ago and he's almost certainly retired now. He was a bit of a dinosaur and things seemed to have moved on a lot since then when it comes to discussing mental health. Like I say I didn't question it at the time as I just thought that most people saw mental illness in a similarly negative light back then. It wasn't that long ago really but we've come such a long way in such a short period of time, there's much less stigma now than there was even 15-20 years ago.

My confidence and self-esteem plummeted after that experience. I felt worthless, but I accepted it as fact because someone in a position of authority was basically saying I was worthless. I think it had a long lasting effect on me and a part of me still feels there was a lot of truth in what he was saying.

[Dougella]

^

[Sunrise]

If anyone finds that situation shocking now it's a very positive thing as it shows how far we've come.

Even as recently as then people looked at mental illness differently. This was during the era where "Bonkers Bruno" was a front page headline, and any mental health story was seen as either shocking or a bit of a joke. You certainly didn't get people in the public eye openly talking about their mental health struggles, it would have ruined them. Mental health awareness was still a minority thing that a lot of people didn't understand. We have made major progress in the last couple of decades.

My tutor was one of these academic types who is very knowledgeable on their subject but somewhat lacking in people skills, and had a reputation for being blunt and forthright. In hindsight I try and look at that situation a bit more objectively, but at the time I was very immature and lacking in confidence and I took his words to heart and it had a quite a big effect on me.

[Dougella]

^ You're right, hopefully things have improved since then and at th very least a tutor wouldn't come straight out and say something like that to a student.

I know there were some less than sympathetic attitudes amongst some staff when I was doing a uni course, but the official procedures atleast meant that they had to grudgingly allow people any accomodations they needed.

[Sunrise]

I probably could have made some sort of official complaint, but I was so lacking in confidence it didn't even cross my mind at the time. I just accepted that was how it was. I didn't feel like it was my place to challenge it.