I'm a Young Woman with Feminist Views; Here's Why Men's Mental Health Matters to Me

[firemonkey]

I thought long and hard about whether or not to write this blog post, for fear of being ridiculed by men, or trolled by feminists, some of whom might feel I am disrespecting the cause. But actually, what is a feminist if she is not somebody who feels she can speak up about the issues important to her? Men's mental health has reached a crisis point, and as Professor Green's 'Suicide and Me' documentary highlighted, we need a seismic shift in the way we address it.

Here's why I think men's mental health is important:

1.More men die from suicide than women: We have known for some time that the death rate from suicide is much more common in men. In fact, 75% of UK suicides are by men: a shocking statistic that hasn't received much attention and doesn't appear to feed into suicide prevention initiatives by the government. The question 'How do we reach men?' is rarely asked when assessing these plans to reduce suicide in the UK. But we need to start asking it-now

2.Suicide rates are rocketing: l recently discovered that suicide rates in 2014 were at the second highest point in fifteen years. This means the problem is getting worse and the gender gap is growing, as female suicides are actually decreasing. It pains me to imagine a future, where, if this level continues to rise we could all know a man who has taken their own life.

3.Men don't have the support networks women do: From very early on, female friendship groups are different from male friendship groups; even at primary school I remember girls in pairs having 'private chats' about the things that were bothering them but the boys were rarely seen confiding each other. Women frequently share problems and actively seek out the advice of others when they're worried, but men don't. Instead we assume the typical man should be strong, in control of his emotions, able to support his family and make big decisions without help. It may be too scary for a bloke to speak out to his mates about how much he is struggling: after all, if no male friend has ever come to him for advice, how is he to know it is a safe thing to do? Men has less avenues for social support than women do, and as a result, may feel more isolated when it comes to their mental health.

http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/rach...b_8484594.html

[Z.]

Great article

Both the men and women (majority appear to be women, from my experience) who advocate adherence to these gender roles as they apply to men, are partially responsible for these suicides. Those who are regressive when it comes to gender deserve merciless contempt.

[umm]

It's true. Men lack the support networks but also we tend to - not entirely - lack the emotional tools to get us through tough times. They simply are never mentioned and instead we are told to buck, give as good as you get while ignoring the problem. This is why being a parent, particularly of a son, is so crucial; it's a chance to rectify that.

[Z.]

I think more and more men are starting to see through the bullshit gender roles and actually showing emotion and getting support though.

[Ajax Amsterdam]

Men's mental health should matter to everyone. Just as women's should also. We live in this world together, and we are affected together. A man with a mental health problem is someone's dad, or brother, or boyfriend, or husband, or uncle or employer/employee etc.... If they are affected, we are affected too. Mental health is a human issue, not a gender specific issue or one to be taken more seriously in one gender rather than the other.

Personally, I feel that men have been sold down the river by society in the way that they have always been expected to work hard and fight wars. To do this men have always had the 'stiff upper lip', 'boys don't cry', 'tough it out', 'man up' etc.... mantras hammered into them. Men have rarely been encouraged to acknowledge their feelings, let alone actually explore them and understand them. All this basically leads men up an emotional shit creek without a paddle. I basically leaves many men who are going through things that human beings can go through from time to time feeling that they have nowhere to turn. Some may even shun support that may be on offer for fear of being seen as weak or inadequate.

Thankfully, things seem to be changing a little. When I counselled at a charity for 16-25 year olds I noticed that younger males seem more willing to access support for mental health issues. I don't know if this is reflected in a wider context, but it was encouraging to see anyway.

[Z.]

^ Of course there are scum like that. I was mainly referring to those who advocate gender roles for the other sex. I have noticed that one often rebels against ones own gender role, but accepts the gender role of the other sex. Men by and large support woman's dependent role, based on subordination, and women, by and large, whilst not supporting "dominance", whatever that means, still adhere to patriarchal concepts of what it means to be a "man". Most people are clueless when it comes to gender. Absolutely clueless.

The point is to get rid of them both, and do away with all the bullshit.

[Dougella]

I agree, this is a very important subject.

A male member of my family took their own life. Of course there are lots of different things that lead to it, but from the note they left they expressed feelings failure, that they were letting people down, that people would be better off if they weren't around etc. And even though there were people around them who would have supported them and wanted to help they didn't feel like they could ask for help.

The stereotypical idea that men shouldn't express their feelings or show weakness or need help has got to stop. Mental health problems definitely need to be taken more seriously and there definitely needs to be more investment in mental health services.

[Ajax Amsterdam]

Originally Posted by NoraBatty

Other than the stereotypical comments about women always having friends and support networks,she raised some good points.

I saw some posters aimed at men recently; one for victims of domestic abuse,the other was aimed at men with depression.
It was good to see male focused campaigns although sad to think about the amount of people living in misery.

I sat with a crying male and felt nothing but a sense of wanting to comfort him but it was the pressure he felt from men all of his life that had made him ill.
Pressure to like football,pressure to fight,pressure to "be a real man" and other damaging cliches.

Male heavy forums are like wading through the 1970's but there are some men who are modern enough to offer advice and a listening ear to other men in need,

I agree that not all women have lots of friends and good support networks, but in general women are far better at supporting each other than men generally are. There is no stigma for women supporting each other either, and support is encouraged.

I've been doing a lot of study on bereavement counselling recently and the difference between how bereaved men and women fare is quite marked. Much of this is down to how (in general) females are much more likely to have supportive friends and a wider support network at the time of bereavement and are more willing to make use of it. Also, in the first week of bereavement a female is ten times more likely to commit suicide than normal, but a male is sixty times more likely to do so. It appears that the kind of support networks females generally have can really help in times of crisis.

I agree with you about ''male-heavy forums'' and environments in general. We males are often our own worst enemies. We can tend to pull each other back rather than encourage each other to grow. I think in general, males have bought the mantra where we have to be 'strong'. Societies, governments, countries want us that way. They need us to do the manual graft (hence the work ethic) and they want us to fight their wars for them (hence patriotism/nationalism) and they don't want us to think too much. Men in touch with their feelings and big on humanitarian and environmental issues etc don't make good soldiers. Thing is, the shocking state of men's mental health is the result of all this. I think more of us men need to stop buying the myths, the conditions of worth, and encourage each other to get the support we need rather than agonising in isolation in a vain attempt to 'man up'.

[Z.]

The solution: education and consciousness raising about gender.

It really is that simple.

[Ajax Amsterdam]

Originally Posted by Legion

I am convinced there are enormous cultural pressures on everyone, though. Expectations of different types of behaviour and requirement permeate everything that we do. I don't think it can just be dismantled overnight. Maybe it will improve over time, it's a bit late for me anyway.

I'd agree with you there. Any change will be a very long term one I think. The pressures saturate every fibre of society and how we (men and women) see ourselves within that society.

[Olly.]

It's not often I can say I've read something useful from the Huffington Post, but this article makes some excellent points. For me personally it's not always been a major problem in seeking help for my MH, I've never felt like I could be what some people would see as a 'real man' and certainly don't think it's healthy to try and become that. But if I think back to when I did have friends, in a group of mostly men, there's no way in hell I could have ever spoken openly to them and I guess it's one of the many reasons I cut contact with them amidst my uni hell. I'm struggling to remember many occasions where one of the group was going through a hard time and they received genuine, sincere support from somebody else in the group, it was just all about the banter, it's no wonder many men feel isolated when it comes to MH, in a way I'm kind of glad I don't have a group of male friends anymore, keeping up appearances with them in the state I am in now would have been a real challenge. That's not to say that the group wouldn't have been there in support of someone going through a hard time of course and we were just young and stupid teenagers, but like the article says, if no other male friend has ever come to them for advice, how would you know it was a safe thing to do?

I think it's going to take a lot for this subject to be taken seriously by many sadly, bringing up the idea of a charity or a movement in support of men's mental health or even men's issues in general can often attract ridicule (perhaps people think of some of the ridiculous, bitter and resentful elements of the men's rights movement that seem more focussed on attacking feminism), but with the alarming news this week about the rising rates of men's suicide, it seems to me that a widespread men's issues campaign would certainly be a good thing.

The point of male mental health in the media is a good one too, and in addition to her points, something I've always noticed about TV programmes on mental health, is that there are so few guys that appear on them. Even on twitter, the Time to Change account for instance rarely seems to include personal stories or blogs from guys, clearly it's difficult to find men willing to speak out, they're too worried what their mates will think of them or that opening up emotionally will somehow emasculate themselves, the false idea that showing emotion is a sign of weakness is certainly one that has to be challenged more often (as well as the harmful phrase of 'men don't cry') and maybe then we'll see more men speaking out about their mental health.

[Z.]

Originally Posted by Legion

I'm somewhat dubious about gender being entirely socially constructed. I don't really approve of the methods of the person that decided gender and sex are different things:

Sex and gender are two completely different things. When people refer to gender being socially constructed, they refer to gender roles and expectations, and not gender itself.

I'll say it again: people are completely ignorant of what gender is in the first place, which is why 40% of trans people attempt suicide.

[firemonkey]

Hippocampi are located on both sides of the brain, under the cerebral cortex. The team's findings challenge the common claim that a disproportionately larger hippocampus explains females' tendency toward greater emotional expressiveness, stronger interpersonal skills, and better verbal memory.

"Many people believe there is such a thing as a 'male brain' and a 'female brain,'" Dr. Eliot said. "But when you look beyond the popularized studies -- at collections of all the data -- you often find that the differences are minimal."

The study appears in the journal NeuroImage.

Meta-analyses by other investigators have also disproved other purported sex differences in the brain, Dr. Eliot noted. There is no difference in the size of the corpus callosum, white matter that allows the two sides of the brain to communicate, nor do men and women differ in the way their left and right hemispheres process language.

http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases...1029185544.htm

[PanMaster]

I can see how so many don't want to be around past 45. Getting old sucks. Getting old and being isolated with anxiety&depression sucks even more.

We only don't off ourselves sooner due to the delusion that by luck our life won't continue to be the miserable existence one day. That last hold out of hope disappears eventually.