I think I have an avoidant personality disorder

[Moksha]

When I first became aware of SA, I knew there was more going on, that SA was just a symptom of something deeper.

There are ten personality disorders (the narcissistic, the anti-social, etc) grouped into three 'clusters'. Certain personality disorders also tend to be closely related. If you have a narcissistic PD, for example, you will probably have traits from the histrionic PD. The avoidant PD is most closely related to the dependent (tick) and the paranoid (big tick).

Shame is at the heart of all this. For me, intimacy = shame. I suspect genetics played a big part. I'm sure I inherited neurotic, introverted, depressive traits from my father. And I can see similar traits in my sister; I wouldn't say she has a PD, but she is definitely avoidant and dependent. And my father was certainly avoidant, paranoid and dependent. I'm still not clear about the relationship between shame and avoidance. I suspect the avoidance came first. That meant no friends or social life, plus a sense that I was going to fail as an adult. That then created a huge amount of inner shame. I can remember dreading my 15th birthday, for example, because I just knew I wasn't going to be able to cope with adult life. It was as if I had been born with a broken brain and nervous system (though the family unit probably played a role too). I was avoidant and consumed with shame from the age of nine or ten.

A few traits:

- Extreme social anxiety.
- A basic dislike of life and people and a longing never to have existed. Obviously that could be good 'ol depression, but there is more to it than that. I sort of turned away from the world in fear and disgust, even as a child. It's like I just said no to life from day one.
- A preference for big, bright, anonymous spaces like airports or supermarkets, and a fear of small, intimate spaces, like family shops, estate agents, etc.
- When someone who knows me dies or moves away, there is a kind of relief.
- When someone I loved dies there is also a sense of relief. Along with the pain and sadness, I am relieved that someone who knew me intimately has gone. Why? Because intimacy = shame.
- When a sexual relationship ends, I feel I've 'escaped'.
- I'm very attracted to empty, desolate places, like deserts and mountains. My idea of hell would be a commune, with shared eating spaces, a shared garden, etc.
- Not having a Facebook page or any presence on social media makes me happy. I get a weird thrill from knowing no one from school can track me down.
- I'm a big reader, but I have no interest in contemporary literature. For me, books and art are ways of escaping the world.
- I have a very rich, vivid inner life and can sit for hours just daydreaming. Apparently this is common among those with avoidant PDs. Since you turn away from the 'real' world, your inner world forms of kind of substitute.

Anyone else think they may have a personality disorder rather than simple social anxiety?

[Mr. Nobody]

I don't personally see anything wrong with liking large empty impersonal spaces and environments Moksha, sounds quite benign to be honest,
These tastes seem to lean towards a need or strong desire for peace or egolessness, if you were Buddhist these traits would be appreciated and encouraged.
From today's base, standard point of view they may look wrong or problematic but from lots of other viewpoints they'd be viewed as benign,
Just depends on the approach.

[far north]

Originally Posted by Moksha

When I first became aware of SA, I knew there was more going on, that SA was just a symptom of something deeper.

There are ten personality disorders (the narcissistic, the anti-social, etc) grouped into three 'clusters'. Certain personality disorders also tend to be closely related. If you have a narcissistic PD, for example, you will probably have traits from the histrionic PD. The avoidant PD is most closely related to the dependent (tick) and the paranoid (big tick).

Shame is at the heart of all this. For me, intimacy = shame. I suspect genetics played a big part. I'm sure I inherited neurotic, introverted, depressive traits from my father. And I can see similar traits in my sister; I wouldn't say she has a PD, but she is definitely avoidant and dependent. And my father was certainly avoidant, paranoid and dependent. I'm still not clear about the relationship between shame and avoidance. I suspect the avoidance came first. That meant no friends or social life, plus a sense that I was going to fail as an adult. That then created a huge amount of inner shame. I can remember dreading my 15th birthday, for example, because I just knew I wasn't going to be able to cope with adult life. It was as if I had been born with a broken brain and nervous system (though the family unit probably played a role too). I was avoidant and consumed with shame from the age of nine or ten.

A few traits:

- Extreme social anxiety.
- A basic dislike of life and people and a longing never to have existed. Obviously that could be good 'ol depression, but there is more to it than that. I sort of turned away from the world in fear and disgust, even as a child. It's like I just said no to life from day one.
- A preference for big, bright, anonymous spaces like airports or supermarkets, and a fear of small, intimate spaces, like family shops, estate agents, etc.
- When someone who knows me dies or moves away, there is a kind of relief.
- When someone I loved dies there is also a sense of relief. Along with the pain and sadness, I am relieved that someone who knew me intimately has gone. Why? Because intimacy = shame.
- When a sexual relationship ends, I feel I've 'escaped'.
- I'm very attracted to empty, desolate places, like deserts and mountains. My idea of hell would be a commune, with shared eating spaces, a shared garden, etc.
- Not having a Facebook page or any presence on social media makes me happy. I get a weird thrill from knowing no one from school can track me down.
- I'm a big reader, but I have no interest in contemporary literature. For me, books and art are ways of escaping the world.
- I have a very rich, vivid inner life and can sit for hours just daydreaming. Apparently this is common among those with avoidant PDs. Since you turn away from the 'real' world, your inner world forms of kind of substitute.

Anyone else think they may have a personality disorder rather than simple social anxiety?

Oh , Ive certainly got Avoidant Personality disorder to some extent. As well as a few other "Disorders" too They are all part of the wider Social anxiety spectrum I guess.

Youre definitely not alone there Moshka

[BritishPeace]

I used to have ASKS for many years but I grew out of it

[snoo]

I identify with AvPD most out of all of the disorders.

Sadly, it seems to be the rarest. There doesn't seem to be much therapy that specialises in this, or rather any that I could afford.

Then again perhaps everyone's mileage may vary and there may be different combinations of things.

For example, for my own AvPD there is a huge sense of dis-satisfaction: I would like better relationships and jobs, but anxiety is a powerful force. If I was really happy with myself being on my own and disliking people I would have no need to find this place, for example.

Talking to (nice) people actually makes me feel better, although I fear I have nothing to contribute to a friendship so I don't attempt to make one.

[limey123]

Originally Posted by BritishPeace

I used to have ASKS for many years but I grew out of it

Good for you Maybe you'd like to share for the benefit of some others posting here who think they may have avoidant personality disorder what you did to "grow out of it", assuming ASKS is the same or similar?

[Dougella]

^^ I have to say I identify with a lot of those descriptions. It's hard to know when someone has suffered with SA for many years whether it's just the seriousness of the anxiety disorder or something else as well.

[Moksha]

Originally Posted by Thousandmiles

Definitely worth exploring this idea, I kept researching and digging about SA and something still wasn't right, I then was adamant I have AvPD after learning about it on here first, and that's when I went to see help as that seemed a little too serious (I mean reading about personality disorders as such, basically for it being a psychiatric condition rather than psychological) and then was told that its more likely Borderline Personality disorder, so I started all from the beginning and I must say I am coping so mych better since being pointed into the right direction. Who knows what it is exactly but you never know how much better you might become if you know what you're dealing with.

That's interesting. Personality disorders seem to overlap a great deal, and some are closely related. For example, if you have a histrionic PD (attention-seeking, loud laugh, everything over the top, etc) you will probably have a narcissistic PD as well, or at least many of the traits. The avoidant tend to be close to the paranoid, dependent (clinging to parents, partners, children, etc) and obsessive compulsive. So many of these problems seem to be closely related: depression, introversion, dependence, anxiety, paranoia, low energy.

I'm not sure how you'd distinguish SA and AvPD. I guess the first is a symptom of the second. I do have crippling SA, but there is something deeper going on: a sort of fear and loathing, a turning away from life, people and the world.

[Bluebear]

Talking to “nice” people helps me feel better. But I’m sensitive and am hurt by bullies, who seem to be everywhere. I was diagnosed with this but I’m not sure the diagnosis was accurate.. I read a book about it and I don’t think it really fits. I think the psychologist labelled me with this because he didn’t “cure” me...