How does your depression feel like?

[Perhaps]

when people say they're depressed, they probably feel different things since everyone is different.

so when you think you're depressed, do you eat more/less?
sleep more/less?
prefer to go for a walk or not?, speak to someone or prefer to not to? listen to music or not?, etc..

[gregarious_introvert]

Are you talking about someone saying "I feel depressed today", or someone actually suffering with depression? If it's the latter, the sufferer may not be aware that they have depression until somehow they can begin to lift it, or they are diagnosed with it. Long-term sufferers who have depression in bouts may, however, be able to recognise the symptoms when it returns.

When I suffered with depression, I would have periods of time (days, weeks or months) where I lost interest in everything and during which, even the smallest thing was too much effort. Others may have seen me post these words here previously, but navigating life was like wading through treacle in a thick fog. I became totally detached from the world and from myself. I was neither sad, nor happy, more a kind of melancholy numb. If I were laying in bed (which I would do all day, except to eat and answer nature's call) and the ceiling collapsed, I'd probably have carried on lying there amid the fallen plaster.

I don't think I ate more when depressed, but I probably - well, definitely - had a less healthy diet. I'd fill the freezer (so I didn't have to shop) with "easy" foods (pies, pasties, pizza etc.) and eating was just about quelling hunger (in normal times, flavour and variety are important to me, but during those times, I'd eat whatever was easiest to prepare, perhaps the same thing every day for a week).

I would have bouts of agoraphobia and when I first found SAUK (February 2013), I was four months into a bout which was to last almost three years. When I was able to overcome it, I made a point of walking three times daily, so I do recommend walking and being outside (fortunately for me, where I lived at the time was semi-rural, with a choice of gladed trails).
Tbc - Tapatalk character limit

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[gregarious_introvert]

The agoraphobia is still present, although I haven't succumbed to it, but there are days when I find myself making excuses not to leave the house, but I have remained depression-free for more than 8 1/2 years now. For me (not necessarily for others), I think the secret is being outside more often and walking/exercising regularly, plus always having something booked in my calendar (my autistic brain doesn't allow me to cancel anything, once I've arranged it) and following my passions. My mindset has become more positive, seeing every new day as an opportunity rather than a chore to be endured - although how one can adopt a positive mindset whilst in the throes of depression, I have no idea.

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[Perhaps]

gregarious_introvert , I really enjoyed browsing the travel photos in your signature. and I can relate to pretty much everything you said.

[gregarious_introvert]

Originally Posted by Perhaps

gregarious_introvert , I really enjoyed browsing the travel photos in your signature. and I can relate to pretty much everything you said.

It's probably a weird sentence to say "I have agoraphobia, would you like to see my travel photos?" but the travelling is part of the therapy to overcome the agoraphobia (and always having something booked for the future).

I'm sorry that you can relate to what I said, I wouldn't wish depression on anyone and I hope you're able to find a way through. I know that, when it bites, everything seems hopeless, but at some point, there will be a chink of light at the end of that very long tunnel.

I'm glad you enjoyed the photos - I'm hoping to update the albums at the end of next month, but travelling pretty constantly right now.

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[Lee S]

I stop eating, feel a constant sense of dread and hopelessness, sleep more and lose interest in everything that normally interests me. I become even more inward looking than I already am and feel tearful, all ego vanishes and I am left in a terrified, extremely vulnerable state. Doing the simplest of tasks feels like wading through treacle. I've been feeling better of late but it's only a matter of time before it rears its ugly head again. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. Been on Prozac for years now.

[Chess&Junkfood]

I think I've grown accustomed to it. So when it comes to day to day activities, it sometimes feels like I'm on autopilot mode. Although when it gets more heightened than usual, then I do find it more challenging to distract myself. Which is why I've been finding journaling more helpful in being able to recognise these dips. I also think it's good to remind yourself that each day can change how you feel. One day at a time and all that.

[Perhaps]

Originally Posted by gregarious_introvert

It's probably a weird sentence to say "I have agoraphobia, would you like to see my travel photos?" but the travelling is part of the therapy to overcome the agoraphobia (and always having something booked for the future).

I couldn't believe such a beautiful nature exists on the same planet I live on. I suppose no matter how agoraphobic i am, i can always enjoy God's beautiful creation/such nice places even on my own.

[Perhaps]

Originally Posted by Lee S

I stop eating, feel a constant sense of dread and hopelessness, sleep more and lose interest in everything that normally interests me. I become even more inward looking than I already am and feel tearful, all ego vanishes and I am left in a terrified, extremely vulnerable state. Doing the simplest of tasks feels like wading through treacle. I've been feeling better of late but it's only a matter of time before it rears its ugly head again. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. Been on Prozac for years now.

yes, i'm like that word by word. I used to be on Prozac for many years too, it worked, but i associate it with an ugly period of my life at that time. so i don't think i'll take it again. i know it's strange, but my brain tends to associate/link things like that, although as i said it's probably the only antidepressant that actually worked so far.

[Perhaps]

Originally Posted by Chess&Junkfood

I also think it's good to remind yourself that each day can change how you feel. One day at a time and all that.

i liked this part, but the thing is, I'm struggling to genuinely reach or keep that state of mind.

[BFG_]

[Perhaps]

^ i used to see that actor's memes all over the internet, never bothered knowing who he is. i don't exactly like/know about American films , until recently, i was searching YouTube for interviews of this actress whom i also knew her recently.
(this scene was in a song i was watching) and i found myself obsessed in no time.



then i found this: i was totally surprised how cool he is..
like i was like, man if only i had a speaking voice like this! not that it would ever suit my face tho lol

[BFG_]

^ he portrays a lot of characteristics I can relate to.

[Mr. Nobody]

My depression feels like wringing someone's neck,

Me,..? I'm just a passenger.

My depression feels like getting drunk,.. forever,

Me...? I'm just a passenger.

My depression feels like throwing a few 'choice' people on a bonfire,

Me.... ? I'm applauding the choice of bonfire victim,.. oops

[The Devil, Probably.]

I don't think I "have" depression. It isn't something that can be shaken off, or wiped down. It's deep into my bones and sinews. Why I resist going to "seek help" because it is not clear what help there could ever be. Most probably are motivated with their visits to therapy to be "seen" and "understood" but after that... nothing changes. It's all just words and sounds. The world is still a hellhole.

A recognition of how empty and pointless everything is.

When I was young I used to experience this more as elevated and overwhelming set of emotion, including a yearning to be someone or something or for something to matter in this world, now it is very much the absence: the absence of any mood or drive or interest. For me depression was once being unable to sleep for all the chaos alive in my head and now it's wanting to just sink forever into the mattress and be gone. But for the practicalities of it. The guilt of burdening a few others. The problem is one needs the right balance of life left in ones veins, wiht the wish to be gone, to put a knot finally in the rope. It's an odd sort of thing where depression, in it's typical depiction of feeling and emoting and reaching out, betrays a sort of hope for a better tomorrow. For me the capacity to feel emotions or care about anything has pretty much gone and I don't even know what I am. Just a lump of flesh wasting time and taking up space.

So I see two chapters. That of being young, depressed but feeling too much, and wanting to reach out and to be something, and that of being old and numb and finished with life with the clock ticking toward an end that will be a partial relief.

[biscuits]

I experienced depression when I was a teenager and I reached out for help because I just could not stand it. I don't think I've ever really experienced it again because my mind has changed to be being more of an anxious mind. It's quite alert and I always feel like depression is more of a still, slow experience.

I don't even remember what it was like because it was quite empty, like being sucked into a glass vacuum with life happening around me. Feeling completely alone with it. I can only really remember the isolation and feeling so separate from anyone/anything else.

[Appear]

It makes me feel like we're all just little ants, going about our business like it matters despite how little and pointless we all are.

And I try to do comedy.

[Blackflies]

It feels like being sat on a massive conveyor belt where there is no end in sight. You just loop everyday and it’s the same journey each day, seeing the same visuals. A deja vu except you absolutely know it’s reality. You’ve been here before and you’ll be here again tomorrow. There’s the odd feel good moment but it’s short lived, on a long journey where routine and loss of time are the only absolute at every bend. You wallow in your own self pity and you feel angry at even that because what’s more depressing is, you know even at your worst you’re probably still privileged to be where you are, yet this safe “as good as it gets” still makes you long for someone to pull the plug. Nothing feels good enough.