Does anyone else feel emotional numbness

[Amara 94]

Something I have noticed since taking a study break from uni and being left with a part time job as I wasn't studying again is emotional numbness and excessive anxiety.

Tbh I don't even think it's something new with me, I think current circumstances have just made the feeling clear enough to notice. I think before I was working enough, or occupied enough to ignore the feeling.

I suspect my emotional numbness stems from feelings of helplessness, feeling the need to hide certain parts of myself, not allowing myself to feel emotional pain, but emotional pain is inevitable.

From videos I have watched on emotional numbness I know that I shouldn't aim to get rid or supress the feeling as the feeling is a result of supressing other emotions. I notice the feeling isn't as extreme when I go outside a bit even if being outside triggers anxiety.

[Hylas]

At times I've felt that same emotional numbness, maybe on a couple of rare occasions even feeling a sense of dissasociation (in public spaces) but they were very dark periods of my life. I guess I'm more in touch with my emotions nowadays and importantly I've got people around me who actually care and seek my friendship for unselfish reasons. It is so refreshing to be able to talk to folk and be listened to, no shame, no judgement, just love. I feel very fortunate to have true friends and have gained the wisdom to see those who are not and do not have my best interests at heart. I find that certain things help me to keep my emotions in a state of healthy flow but I'm also very careful not to ruin a good thing by overuse, it's all strictly medicinal for me. I'd love to go back and talk to my therapist but nothing in life is that straightforward.

[Amara 94]

The feeling of emotional numbness went away when I started my new job although it was replaced for a few days by emotions such as anger due to finding the social side of work difficult.

Now I’m watching this video and I notice it’s bringing around the sensation I associated with feeling emotionally numb.
https://youtu.be/QP1LstGtYrk?si=Q8CTivrNBAgO74sD

[Hylas]

I mentioned disassociation but there was one other slightly disturbing symptom I'd suffer during times of high anxiety or when feeling completely broken and alone, my thoughts and inner monologue slowing down just as if you would hear a recording played back at a much reduced speed.

From a young age I would experience this alongside a very odd sensation of sinking, my whole body vibrating and heart rate falling, it wasn't exactly unpleasant in comparison to the anxiety I was going through at those times and so I would focus on the sensation in an attempt go deeper.

The last time I managed to do this was during the early days of being hospitalised in 2018. To be clear I wasn't on any meds back then and I've never been diagnosed with anything other than depression. The perception of slowed thoughts and sounds reminds me of those experiences suffered by stroke patients I'd visit. I have read about similar sensations documented by those who have had out of body experiences too.

Trippy stuff but without any tryptamines.

[biscuits]

In the past and it felt really weird and floaty.

I have such high general anxiety that any other emotion feels fairly muted by comparison!

I seem to feel anxiety, excitement/fun, calmness. Other emotions are rare for me. I rarely feel sadness. I can't remember the last time I was angry.

[Chess&Junkfood]

It's definitely something that I can relate to. I think part of me feels that if I tap into my emotions too much, then I might crumble a bit. Although as I've mentioned before, I'm still journaling away. Which I'm finding helpful. I just wish I did it sooner. Instead of spending so much time and energy on my physical appearance. Where I was like a reasonably priced sports car, but with a 1980s Lada engine.