#121
|
|||
|
|||
Re: Does not having children (in your 30s plus) bother you?
While taking the dog for a walk today we went past a Mum trying to get her child out of the car while the child repeatedly screamed, "I hate you Mummy!" at the top of it's voice. I don't think either of them was having the best day
On a serious note though, I'm not sure people think about those moments when they're considering having children and I appreciate people who are honest about that stuff. |
#122
|
|||
|
|||
Re: Does not having children (in your 30s plus) bother you?
^ Christ, if I was having a bad day and my kid screamed I hate you mummy in public, I probably would've put my hands around it's throat , another good reason why I don't have any !
Edit I'm 3 quarters joking there |
#123
|
|||
|
|||
Re: Does not having children (in your 30s plus) bother you?
Quote:
The problem with kids is that you never know what yer gonna get. Even a sweet, mellow child can be hard work. But **** me some parents have monsters. Imagine a kid with ADHD, who never shuts up, never seems to sleep, and leaves you so exhausted that the idea of kissing, let alone making love, to your partner is laughable. Or a kid with autism! I know one mother whose son literally screamed and fought with her every morning before she could get his school uniform on. Her and her husband had to pin him down ***8211; every ****ing morning. Or imagine having a daughter with anorexia. Or a teenager who gets into drugs. I often thought I'd like a daughter. I think I'd have been a good father to daughters. But I would have loved them to insanity. And I would have lived in terror 24/7. When they are toddlers you fear paedophiles, and then, when they are teens, you fear bullies, anorexia, self-harming, online groomers, rape, abusive boyfriends, etc. And then what if she wants to go off travelling when she is 18? Or wants to go away to university? The fear would kill me. I have seen enough of life to know what a ****ing awful, merciless world this is. My gift to my kids is never bringing them into this nightmare in the first place. |
#124
|
|||
|
|||
Re: Does not having children (in your 30s plus) bother you?
Quote:
|
#125
|
|||
|
|||
Re: Does not having children (in your 30s plus) bother you?
Quote:
I think that you have to be careful about putting expectations on children before they're even born and in particular treating girls and boys differently or expecting that they will behave differently just because of their gender.Why would it be more worrying for a daughter to go travelling or away to university than a son? And boys are just as likely as girls to self harm, develop an eating disorders, get bullied or be sexually abused or exploited. All you can do is try to bring them up with an awareness of what can happen and be there to listen and help them. A father who wraps his daughter in particular up in cotton wool and doesn't let her live a normal life does far more harm than good. And let's face it if a father is terrified of his daughter becoming sexual (in a normal consentual way) there's something really wrong going on there! |
#126
|
|||
|
|||
Re: Does not having children (in your 30s plus) bother you?
And yeah there's a difference between a kid who's really badly behaved (which they all are sometimes) and a kid with ADHD or autism because they can't help some of their behaviours. I know that parents of autistic kids who might have a loud meltdown in public sometimes get people tutting at them for not controlling their child, when that's not the case at all. I don't think it would be a disaster to have a child with autism or special needs either (if I wanted to have children, which I don't.) I have three cousins with autism and they're great.
I'd be much more worried about having a child that was selfish or cruel or deliberately hurtful. |
#127
|
|||
|
|||
Re: Does not having children (in your 30s plus) bother you?
Quote:
Then again, I'd probably be terrified if I had a son as well, but for different reasons. I suspect that paranoia is common in those with social anxiety. I know that people with avoidant personality disorders often suffer from it. |
#128
|
|||
|
|||
Re: Does not having children (in your 30s plus) bother you?
The thought literally does make me anxious. How ****ed up must someone be to get a surge of anxiety worrying about his hypothetical, non-existent daughter!? I once had a girlfriend who'd been raped a few years before we met. She was walking home from the pub one night and two guys stepped out from behind some bushes and grabbed her. I think that kind of haunts me tbh.
|
#129
|
|||
|
|||
Re: Does not having children (in your 30s plus) bother you?
Quote:
|
#130
|
|||
|
|||
Re: Does not having children (in your 30s plus) bother you?
Actually, my post was badly worded and gave the wrong impression. Sorry. I didn't mean that a kid with ADHD or autism is a 'monster'. I was thinking more of obnoxious, badly behaved kids. And I used the word 'monster' is a jokey sense. I don't dislike children at all. Some are beautiful and astonishing. And I would never be cruel or spiteful to a child, certainly not one with special needs. On the contrary, I cannot bear cruelty towards those who cannot defend themselves.
I do think it would be a nightmare to have a child who fought you every time you tried to dress him for school, or who was hyped up 24/7. But then I guess when it's your own you feel differently. |
#131
|
|||
|
|||
Re: Does not having children (in your 30s plus) bother you?
Quote:
If your child with autism refuses to wear their school uniform it's probably because they have sensory difficulties and it's very uncomfortable for them. So the solution there, rather than pinning them down and forcing the uniform on them, is to talk to the school and find a compromise of something that the child is comfortable wearing. I've noticed that when dealing with children with special needs it's often a matter of finding what works for them, not trying to force them to fit in with the neurotypical world. |
#132
|
|||
|
|||
Re: Does not having children (in your 30s plus) bother you?
Quote:
Yes I agree rape and sexual abuse are a huge problem and still not taken as seriously as they should be. BUT why is being sexually assaulted the worst thing you can think of happening to a daughter of yours? Is it to do with the social stigma? Young men abroad are just as likely to be beaten up or robbed. I know that worrying and paranoia are things that people with social anxiety might suffer with more. But like I said stopping young women from doing things because of risks doesn't help anything. Actually how parents bring up their sons will probably have much more of an impact on womens experiences in the long term. |
#133
|
|||
|
|||
Re: Does not having children (in your 30s plus) bother you?
Quote:
People who have a generally very negative view of children are probably making the right decision by not having any. |
#134
|
|||
|
|||
Re: Does not having children (in your 30s plus) bother you?
^ I read a lot, haha. Thanks Jinny, I'm pretty 'different' myself so I understand how some children with certain conditions might feel. My Mum also works with teenagers with special needs so I've learned a lot from her xx
|
#135
|
|||
|
|||
Re: Does not having children (in your 30s plus) bother you?
It's plays on my mind. I have two female cousins, both in their 40s, unmarried and with fairly good careers who have both recently had baby daughters and they're so happy with them. I would love a child of my own but the likelihood of me ever being in a position to be a father is pretty remote. It does make me sad that I'll be the end of the family line, an unbroken line stretching back to the dawn of time, no matter how f*cked up that line is.
|
#136
|
|||
|
|||
Re: Does not having children (in your 30s plus) bother you?
^ I don't think about it, but I'm not sure I'm considered normal either! Maybe it's more of a male thing as women are more likely to change their name when they get married at least.
|
#137
|
|||
|
|||
Re: Does not having children (in your 30s plus) bother you?
Which is better....
Pinning your autistic kid down to put on school uniform or Talking and finding a compromise to something more comfortable (carry on kids...) |
#138
|
|||
|
|||
Re: Does not having children (in your 30s plus) bother you?
I do think you have to be very careful about how you word things. There are posters here who are on the autistic spectrum or have ADHD and also people who have children with those conditions. To even slightly suggest that those kids are 'monsters' is extremely hurtful and unfair.
|
#139
|
|||
|
|||
Re: Does not having children (in your 30s plus) bother you?
Having children isn’t for everyone, me included, but the experience of bringing up a child into adulthood can be a truly wonderful one, despite the huge travails that often come with it. I accept this and I realise I may have missed out on this to my cost, but what I don’t like is the feeling of being almost stigmatised (maybe that’s too strong a word) or perceived as being somehow less of a person by others for not having children.
|
#140
|
|||
|
|||
Re: Does not having children (in your 30s plus) bother you?
Posts can be badly phrased and misleading. And the word "monster" can be meant in all sorts of ways. Parents affectionately refer to their kids as "little monsters".
|
#141
|
|||
|
|||
Re: Does not having children (in your 30s plus) bother you?
^ Your post did seem to suggest (which may not have been your intention) that children with certain special needs can behave like 'monsters' and that was the word you used.
|
#142
|
|||
|
|||
Re: Does not having children (in your 30s plus) bother you?
Quote:
The two examples you used after you said 'some parents have monsters' were a kid with ADHD and a kid with autism. |
#143
|
|||
|
|||
Re: Does not having children (in your 30s plus) bother you?
Quote:
I'm sick of it really. I know there are some really friendly intelligent autistic people out there . I have a cousin who is on the deep end of autistic , last time i saw him we were kids, and he scared the living daylights out of me. He would jump all over the furniture and grab you and pull your hair, he was wild. Just stating the facts. I felt extremely uncomfortable around him. I know he can't help it but thats how i felt. I know they're not all like that. Moksha is right, many parents refer to their kids as little monsters, whether they have issues or not. Sorry if i've offended anyone. |
#144
|
|||
|
|||
Re: Does not having children (in your 30s plus) bother you?
^ I don't think it's necessarily frowned upon but it obviously depends who you're talking to. If you say to anyone that has kids that you hate kids it's probably not going to go down well! But saying that you don't want to have children or even that you're scared of them is likely to be a bit more understood.
Yes, the same as with any other condition Autistic people are all different. It's fine to say you felt uncomfortable around your cousin if he was behaving like that and you didn't understand it! But like you say not all autistic people are like that so it wouldn't be fair to generalise. The general rule seems to be it's fine for parents to call their own children names but not for anyone else which is kind of understandable, I reserve the right to complain about my family but I won't stand for anyone else saying anything mean about them. |
#145
|
|||
|
|||
Re: Does not having children (in your 30s plus) bother you?
Quote:
If I complained about a family member and someone else did too , I wouldn't see anything wrong with it. |
#146
|
|||
|
|||
Re: Does not having children (in your 30s plus) bother you?
^ I mean if someone else said something about a member of my family.
|