Another new mum

[blubs]

Hi

I'm really glad I found this part of the site.
I have a little boy & have been worrying all the time about how my SA is going to effect him.
He's coming up to 4 months old & as I don't have any friends with babies (or any friends ) I have no way of knowing if I'm doing all right.
I love being with him at home but I struggle to take him out.
I'm managing to go to the park...so he can at least watch & hear other people....but I've hardly been to the health center to have him weighed...or to any classes like baby massage.

When I am with him around other people...I can't talk to him. In the doctors waiting room the other day with him...I picked up a board book to read to him.....but just couldn't do it:embarass:

It makes me feel so angry with myself & guilty.

Anyway...it helps to read about other peoples experiences....instead of feeling like I'm the only person that struggles like this.

x

[Medea]

Welcome to sauk

I'm not a mum myself, so can't imagine how hard it is for you. Do you have a partner/parents that could help you with socialising your baby?

ren

[blubs]

Hi ren

I do have family..& a boyfriend.
It does help alot.I've been worried about mixing with other mums though...so that my baby will get to know other children as he gets older...& he's only 4 months old..but I'm already worrying about his first birthday..because he won't have any other children there

[SE7]

I'm not a parent, but aren't there classes you can go to, with your boyfriend? I don't really know what I'm talking about tbh, like mother and baby things, but for the whole family, might make your anxiety bit better if he was there with you? Maybe take your mum and dad along too

[Aurora]

Hi Blubs
I know what it's like, i have 3 young children and when i had my first it was real daunting, i tried to go parent toddler groups with my mum which was a help. Maybe like se7 said your mum or BF can go it does help you to feel less anxious when you have someone familar with ya.
Going the library it quite good to as your baby gets older they used to do like story times at mine for toddlers.
Still, i could never stick with it and still have no friends 10 yrs on, but my kids are all happy and don't seem to be affected by their strange anti-social mum
Good Luck and always happy to talk

[missshy]

Hi blubs
I know exactly how you feel, I went through this myself with my (now) 5 yr old. I was worried about how my sa would effect him and if he would get it! I found it hard going to the park and could only get there sometimes on more 'confident' days! Couldn't go to storytimes as he wouldn't sit still and I was so embarrased, and I only went to a playgroup for 6 wks . My therapist told me something valuable: Your children learn more from what you are like at home so if you are happy and assertive at home then that what counts. Until at least 3 years of age (when they start being interested in socialising with other children you are what is most important in your little boys life.
My 5 yr old now goes to kinder, has no problem socialising and has plenty of friends he was even the most popular at one stage!
I hope this helps your situation

[blubs]

thanks for your comments
I've thought about asking my mum to come to the health centre..but I don't discuss my SA with her..& my anxiety is much worse in social situations with her...so I'm happy that we can go out with my mum at all..it gives my baby someone else to see....I don't want to push it.
I find things easier with my bf...but he's at work in the day.
I think I should work on not worrying about it so much...to make sure it's not effecting me & getting me down....so like you say..I can be happy at home.
xx

[kels1974]

hi there i have just joined this site and have exactly the same problem i am married and have a 6 month old son i can chat and sing away to him at home but when we go out i dont in case people judge me and stare today we went swimming for the first time it was a private pool for my nephews birthday and they played music my mother in law just looked at me and said why arent you siging to him i waalked out of my job two weeks ago as i was being walked all over and treat like rubbish so i just left now im out of work and stuck at home i dont have any friends at all i havent had any that i can remember luckily i have my husband sonand family

[Urrm...hi!!]

Hi blubs

I can really relate to what you are saying. I have been there and I know it is hard. Don't panic!! I can only speak from my own experience and my kids have grown up OK. Could you talk to your health visitor about how you feel? I had CBT and it wasn't a miracle but it has helped me and as I've got more confident my kids have too. For me my kids helped me to make changes. Remember your baby has you, your bf and your Mum. Start with very small things...keep picking up the board book at the clinic...keep trying...on good days go to the park. Think of little things that you can do, and do them and they will get easier. It's really hard for everyone being a first time Mum so be kind to yourself. Your baby needs love and you need support too.

N

[Claireabell]

I am a mum of a 6 year old daughter. When she was born I had Postnatal Depression on top of my SA. I did have a really good health visitor and she tried to get me to go to a mother and baby group and even offered to go there with me. I did try and even made it to the clinic but turned around and went back home. I had a very supportive husband and he used to take her out all the time. I felt so guilty and felt a bad mother at the time.

It did take time and I faced it one day at a time. To start I went just around the block with my husband in tow. Then we went to the park. Then I would take her around the block on my own and build up to more. Eventually I managed to take her to the park on my own.

When she was two we moved to a new area and I found a small parent and toddler group. It took ages to get the courage to go. When I did go I found that most of my time was taken up in helping her to play or make things and the other mums or dads were like that too. There really wasn't that much small talk and when they did ask something it was always questions about your child that you would know the answers to. I was always worried that I wouldn't know what to say.

She started nursery at 3, I managed to get her a fulltime placement because I was ill and in and out of hospital not SA related. I did manage to control my SA and booked her in for swimming lessons etc I even started helping out in her class and decided to become a Teaching Assistant, went to college and am now trying to find a job. It was far from easy and each setback at first set me way back. I learned to see it as just a bad day and then tried extra hard the next day. However hard it is, you just need to keep trying. It will get easier and you will have bad days. I never would of imagined that I could achieve what I have now and this is from someone so scared to even go outside the door to the dustbin because of who I might see.

YOU ARE A GOOD MUM WHO IS FULL OF LOVE FOR YOUR CHILD. My daughter is a little shy but nothing to worry about.