Dating with SA

[pboy]

After chatting with someone a lot over the net, we've sort of agreed to meet up in a few weeks time...and me being SA me I'm scared shitless I'm going to make myself do it...cos you only live once, but I NEED some sort of tips so I don't end up like a quivering wreck. How can I prepare myself?
For those that have gone on dates despite SA how did you cope, any tips? It's ages since I met anyone so I haven't a clue. It's not like I'm expecting anything bad cos he is very understanding and sensitive of anxiety, as he has similar problems. But it's just me...the embarassment of anxiety, I HATE anyone seeing me like a quivering wreck. Not to mention when I get so anxious my voice just seems to disappear completely.

[hardy]

try to act as you would with your sister (assuming you have one )
plus ask about him which will take your mind off YOU.

[pboy]

True about taking my mind off me...but I don't have a sister lol, the only person I have ever felt truely comfortable with was my last partner.

Here's my first date advice after recently getting back in the dating game. A lot of this is stuff what I didn't do but should have:

* Make sure you've eaten well, ie a decent carb-laden meal. I was so nervous all day I barely ate a thing and it didn't do me any favours.
* Get a decent nights sleep the day before. Again nerves meant I was up all night and wiped out the next day. Needless to say I wasn't on top form.
* Sort out what you're gonna wear, something you feel confident and relaxed in that kinda defines your personality.
* Plan on doing something sociable, be it the pub and a few rounds of pool, ten-pin bowling, a walk or something. Anything where you're gonna communicate and have a laugh. I went to the cinema as I thought it would be a good idea settling in someone's company and then having something to chat about after. I ballsed up royally as I was nervy the whole duration of the film.
* Give yourself a pep talk when you're getting ready. While you're shaving in the mirror tell what a lucky person your date is cos 'you're the man, you're a cool smooth mo fo' etc.
* Have a drink beforehand. People might disagree with this. I'm not saying to get drunk or even tipsy. But a couple of drinks while you're getting ready and pampering yourself with some decent, swaggering, stompy tunes will chill you out and put a stride in your step.
* Be 'fashionably late'. If you get there before your date you're gonna get real nervy waiting, thinking they aren't gonna turn up, feeling like a lemon etc. Get there ten minutes late so that they're the nervy one and you're in charge.
* Match their body language, flirt if the mood suits it, be tactile and affectionate.
* Be assertive but not overly so. Don't fanny about deciding which pub you're gonna go to, what film to watch, what to eat.

Two scenarios

Your date: Do you wanna go grab a few drinks somewhere?
You: Um, maybe... I guess we could... I don't know... It's upto you.
Your date: Well what do you wanna do?
You: I'm not bothered.
Your date: Well what would you like to do.
You: I'm easy

And so on or

Your date: Do you wanna go grab a few drinks somewhere?
You: Yeah sure, sounds good. There's x just round the corner from here, cool place, I'm sure you'll like it. We could go there and just take things from there.
Your date: Cool, sounds good!

Don't fanny about. I can be Mr Indecisive at times and I know it doesn't do me any favours.

[the_illusive]

I went on a couple of dates recently and I found that going for a walk when we first met up calmed me. Then I was able to just relax and be myself. Remember to smile and regulate your breathing, it will help you relax more. But know that any nervousness will go after a short while so just try and ride it out. Tell yourself that these feelings will pass. Don't be too eager to impress early on if you are feeling nervous. Just be yourself as much as possible.

[scarlet_diva]

Hmmm ... having had a fairly crap dating experience recently, the last thing you'll want is advice from ME, lol.

No but seriously, I can say that most of my internet dates have gone very well. The fact that you've chatted online with this guy already puts you at an advantage (both of you in fact), as you will have some idea as to what he's interested in, his likes/dislikes, etc. and can bring these into the conversation.

I would agree with most of what Jack says above - except the fashionably late thing! lol... I always want to be the first one there, cos I feel self-conscious if the guy is already there & is watching me approach him. Being early also gives me a chance to pat down my hair in case I look like some wild-haired freak if it's a windy day (strangely enough, when I have an internet date, you can guarantee it's going to be a windy day) and just take a breather and collect myself before he arrives.

A few drinks always help break the ice. The whole 'internet dating' thing is a subject which I find I end up chatting about quite a lot since everyone always has some amusing anecdotes about that and it's something you have in common & can have a laugh about.

Also, make sure you smile lots and show an interest in what the other person is saying.

Hmm can't think of anything else now. But as someone who's met people online before, I can certainly say it's a good method for getting out there (especially for those of us with SA) and less nerve-racking than clubbing/pubbing.

[pboy]

Thanks for the tips Some good ones there. Yep most of those sound good Jack...although I wouldn't do the late thing and I think it'd be more coffee shop scenario than pub.
Illusive I like the walk idea! It seems very suited to me. I don't like being in crowded places at the best of times.
And Scarlet lol at wild haired freak, luckily I will probably wear my cap so shouldn't be a problem. It'll probably rain though, it's sods law.