Attraction

[ßazzaOld]

Have you ever experienced your attraction/preferences to the opposite sex (Or whatever) change. Especially after coming out of a relationship.

Since I have had my hard brake up I havnt really been thinking about the next relationship or women in general, nor am I yet. I have noticed a slight change in what I think I found attractive though. I definally seem less interested in looks and success than before. Which is interesting as I was barely fussed by it even before, but even though I wasnt fussed I think I probably did prefer something.

I was talking to someone and through the conversation it briefly touched on my brake up. Them asking me if I learnt anything from it. Around that time we also talking about how crappy people can be. How we both tried to help people when we saw them struggling but most people dont bother.

When I was talking to her, this woman who I had known for years. Who I had never physically or particually mentally found attractive, but immensely enjoyed the company of, suddenly became attractive to me. Which is the first time I have notice anything like that happen in a while. Now.. she still isnt someone I would want to be with. (Besides the fact she is with someone and it would just be weird tbh.) It was enough for me to realise what I wanting before had changed. ..Or just the fact that I should start thinking about such things and move on.

Now of course I always wanted a kind person to share my life with but.. in all honesty.. My ex was a very selfish person who wouldnt help people. Now I am out of that I definally see that what I had wasnt that great. What I thought I found attractive really isnt that great. I rather not find the same type of woman again to save myself getting hurt. So my attraction has shifted somewhat.

I look at younger girls and I think.. She looks pretty immature tbh. Things like that. Like I prefer the woman who just get done what needs to get done. Doesnt fuss so much with make up. Just down to earth, helps people etc. Thats so much more important than even a successfull woman. Its not just about what they can offer me but what they offer themselves. How they live life, respect it. They could be successfull etc but its more about how they live life outside of such things. Like if they are a considerate person or not.

I think its definally related to the fact we attracted to ourselves. Maybe rather than leaving the relationship that changed my preferences, maybe its because I have changed myself that I am finding a certain shift to my preferences. Im still not exactly interested yet but when I had that sudden attraction it gave me a wake up call. Obviously that woman was out of my reach, nor was I really that interested in her particually, but it made me aware that my tastes had changed somewhat.

[Vandal]

For sure mate.

I remember my first (and only) girlfriend a few years ago when I was eighteen. I had such bad experiences with people. Never really had any friends let alone girlfriends. I'd just look at people in the street and think "She looks nice" and stuff or perhaps meet people or hear them talking and think "Yeah she is a nice person" or something but nothing more.

Anyway this girl I met, she was the same age as me. She was Polish so she didn't speak perfect English. At first I didn't find her physically attractive at all and didn't particularly like her personality. But she spoke to me alone one day, she was the first person to ever show any care to me like that. We talked more and more and got on really well, had a laugh, shared feelings and such. After a few months she suddenly became beautiful the most attractive person ever and I loved her to bits. It really changed my view on how looks can mean so little in the long run, perception can quite easily change by getting to know the person. That is why so many people sometimes feel strongly about a friend suddenly at times I think.

It might be a slightly different situation to yours but thought I'd put it anyway

[mi©o]

Breakups are probably some of the most powerful experiences you'll ever come across and they will have an influence on your views in one way or another.

[MelG]

Originally Posted by Vandal

For sure mate.

I remember my first (and only) girlfriend a few years ago when I was eighteen. I had such bad experiences with people. Never really had any friends let alone girlfriends. I'd just look at people in the street and think "She looks nice" and stuff or perhaps meet people or hear them talking and think "Yeah she is a nice person" or something but nothing more.

Anyway this girl I met, she was the same age as me. She was Polish so she didn't speak perfect English. At first I didn't find her physically attractive at all and didn't particularly like her personality. But she spoke to me alone one day, she was the first person to ever show any care to me like that. We talked more and more and got on really well, had a laugh, shared feelings and such. After a few months she suddenly became beautiful the most attractive person ever and I loved her to bits. It really changed my view on how looks can mean so little in the long run, perception can quite easily change by getting to know the person. That is why so many people sometimes feel strongly about a friend suddenly at times I think.

It might be a slightly different situation to yours but thought I'd put it anyway

i have to Agree with u there Vanda. This has happened to me before. Where i meet someone and dont find them physically attractive, but then i get to know them and i find i like there personality. And suddenly i fancy them.

So sometimes if u like there personality/who they are . Then u could find them physically attractive