Im honest but how should I keep privacy intact

[ßazzaOld]

Privacy as in my personal space etc =p

I still find certain situations awkward. Now I AM alot more open and truthfull with people. I AM NOT trying to hide anything or particularly feeling ashamed about myself. (Argue that point if you wish.) But. I do want privacy too. I can talk to friends and even some general people but I do not wish to tell everyone everything I am always doing.

So im going to use today as an example. I fouled up a bit unfortunatly. I need to address this. So firstly.. Im not even sure what its called but its like therapy. So I just label it therapy. I dont mind telling certain people but its not like I want to shout it out to everyone either.

I go pop in the place I volunteer to say hello and that as I was nearby. This was shortly after I done therapy and had spare time. You see they always ask the predictable questions including 'what I been up to' So I mumble something as usual. Then she had to do it! She asked what had I been doing THAT day this MORNING. (Growns)

I dont lie.. I dont wish to. I dont wish to tell the truth either. Theres two of em.. facing me.. Im confident enough but faced with a impossible question (Because I wish to keep my privacy without offending) in an awkward situation. I look away.. Looking for an impossible answer. I pretty much end up giving a unsatisfactory answer. Its not an acceptable normal response its very shady and secretive. Thats very offensive in its own way.

See I do tell people about things I do.. SOME people. I dont wish to go shouting it about though. I like these two women but they are hardly my best m8s. Im not ashamed I could probably tell them.. and be ok with it.. but thats besides the point! I dont wish to.. Its my privacy I wish to protect.

So on the edge of lying without lying I always struggle to really think of a good enough answer for such annoying questions. Saying.. "None of the your fcking business" is quite rude.. I dont know what I should say in such a situation eh..

Is there anyway I can really escape this situation without offending them?? Or otherwise telling them the truth and every bloody detail of my life.

As for today I might of fouled up but I put in extra effort and saved myself. I continued to hang around them for longer than I had orginally wanted. Talking about stuff. That way I did a little more than simply offend them and managed to change it around.

[Ben]

Originally Posted by ßazza

I dont lie.. I dont wish to. I dont wish to tell the truth either. Theres two of em.. facing me.. Im confident enough but faced with a impossible question (Because I wish to keep my privacy without offending) in an awkward situation. I look away.. Looking for an impossible answer. I pretty much end up giving a unsatisfactory answer. Its not an acceptable normal response its very shady and secretive. Thats very offensive in its own way.

I know what you mean, I feel lying robs you of some of your dignity, and will always make you feel weak in a way when you do it. Like wtf did I do that? Cue the self doubt.

Like you i dont want people to know the truth either. I have zero local friends and dont want peeps to know that, I do not want or need sympathy.... So I usualy say, if someone asks me what I did at the weekend I did "this and that, chilled a bit etc", then immediately ask what they did, ie deflect the question and then focus on them.

[diplodocus]

**** it I would just lie lol. It's your business I don't see why it should be built up into a big deal. I would just say a white lie like 'Ah not much really'. Then you haven't lied if that bothers your pride or morals and you haven't had to tell the whole truth

[case-sensitive]

I know what you mean about lying - it leaves a bad taste in the mouth and as Ben said it can make you feel weak. However I do think an evasive answer or a small white-lie in a situation like this is perfectly acceptable. If someone asks me a question such as "did you have a good weekend?" and if for example I didn't and have no wish to go into detail about why it wasn't a good weekend then I would simply say something like "oh you know it wasn't bad" or "yeah it was ok, how was yours?" - something non-commital - Ben's deflection technique is spot-on btw - that's the best way to avoid talking about something you don't want to talk about.

[ßazzaOld]

Originally Posted by deeshow

**** it I would just lie lol. It's your business I don't see why it should be built up into a big deal. I would just say a white lie like 'Ah not much really'. Then you haven't lied if that bothers your pride or morals and you haven't had to tell the whole truth

But thats so wrong!

Anyway, When I or anyone say things like 'ah not much really' it sounds so fvcking lame and evasive. Its what I do when people ask 'what you done that weekend or whatever' which is doable and 'ok' but its really difficult to evade a direct question like. Where you been this morning. If you evade that it is definitely rude and obviously something 'weird' going on. People react negatively when your so defensive. Its hard to stay friendly when they KNOW your keeping stuff back like that. Its hard to explain but its basically putting a spanner in the works. Especially if I wanted to be better friends.

Its obvious I been SOMEWHERE otherwise I wouldnt be just 'passing by' lol.

I easy evade the 'what you been up to' questions I just find more direct questions more troublesome. I stumbled today I wasnt expecting such a direct line.

Theres also the reverse. Lets say.. I been at work and about to leave to go somewhere I rather not mention. People suddenly ask 'where you going' or 'why you leaving so early' or whatever else combination.

Im thinking.. "You know what woman! You just asked me a unknowingly private question on the shop floor with customers around. I cant fvcking answer you even if I liked you enough to trust you with such information lol.. Theres fvcking strangers all around me and we are shouting over the top of them. Its private!" :rolleyes:

^ That happened once lol. But that was different in that case. That person infact knows most of my anxiety issues.. But I still couldnt tell her because customers between us... Anyone else that would of been either awkward or a lie.

[Raskolnikov]

You have a right to your own privacy and it is fine to lie to people who ask personal questions. Or if you don't want to do that just say "nothing much", I say it all the time, so much so that people must think I stare at walls all day, but so what?

I'm going to the doctors today, they may ask why, they don't have a right to know. So I will just say I'm having a checkup, and not tell them that I'm going to show my testicles to a female doctor and ask what the hell this thing is and if it is serious.

Just be evasive with personal things.

[fairyfingers]

I tend to go for the evasive option too, ( when i am being tactful ,or just ignore the questions if i find them inappropriately personal ). Most people are quick to realise they are being inappropriate without having to tell them to mind their own beeswax.

Communication after all is a two way thing.

It may feel wrong being evasive ect but believe it is insensitive to go digging around in other peoples business be it out of friendly curiosity especially if the person is appearing to be holding back/uncomfortable.

It does not take much to work out if you wanted them to know you would have volunteered the info. If people are
holding back , it is obliviously for whatever reason because they do not feel comfortable /appropriate to share at that point. I do not think anyone should take it personally or think any less of a person for. No one can be an open book and everyone needs space after all.