Facing your fears

[Sphinx]

I would basically really like some tips on facing your fears. When you really have to do something what do you do to help yourself? Also when you are acutally in the situation, what do you do to keep yourself calm/ stay there?
Do you find it helps the more you do things?

I'm really trying to get my life on track to where I want to be, but really struggle with facing up to things. I get these crushing feelings of despair which can be very overwhelming. I'm a master avoider and it's ruining my life!

Trying to take small steps at the moment but financially I need a job soon which is terrifying and I need to find ways to cope. I really appreciate it if anyone can help.

Becki

[Sphinx]

Aw thanks for the reply , I didn't want to do the whole "why has nobody answered!" thing.

I suppose it's something that we're all trying to answer.
Music is a good one, might be a good way of drowning out the negative thoughts. I find it hard to switch off if theres something bothering me.

Been trying mindfulness lately, trying to appreciate being in the moment more, it's just hard when things keep popping into your head.

[warmness]

Yeah it's pretty hard to face your fears, I normally build myself up for it, then do it.
I dont go out much by myself at all, so i take my dog for a walk on my own, i cant stand mixing with strangers but this weekend im pushing myself to the limit and im going to an SA meet, im bricking it, but im determind to go.
when im out and about i take my mp3 and take some rescue remedy. I normally talk to myself just before I go out too, I ask myself why im feeling scared, and ill answer it, then ill reasure myself if that makes sense?

[deprimerad]

Having been through CBT for SA - exposure is the key to facing your fears. The theory is that the more you do something the less threatening it will become. However, I do take beta blockers if I feel overly anxious about something and it helps control the physical symptoms of anxiety.

I am better in meetings than I used to be, however, presentations make my anxiety rocket. I hate having to talk in front of people and be the focus of their attention. It's something that I continue to struggle with but am starting to do more often.

[lig]

What Deprimerad says is true,exposure is the key to facing your fears,my anxiety started a long time ago now about 19 years ago.it did improve alot and i started to hang out round friends houses etc and got a job,it got easier the more i did it that in the end i felt comfortable in those situations most the time....Then i met my wife and because of that i stopped seeing friends very often which then made me anxious if i was going to....split my wife recently and find myself right back at stage 1 again,but i know if i can just make myself do some things with my friends(sober)and do it often then i can become comfortable again,its just i stopped doing it so long i cant seem to face doing it again atm.But i know it does work its just hard the first few times or even first 20times but definatly improves.

[Valerie]

one of my fears was living my home town, something I got over by reminding myself that nothing ever changes by staying the same, hope that helps

[Sphinx]

Thankyou for all of your replies. I'm in the process of doing some exposure, maybe in the past I haven't stuck at things enough - I remember I did a volunteer job once a week for 6 months and most of the time I felt ill before going in, it never really got easier my anxiety would just peak and then go down again constantly throughout the day.

Now I suppose that could be for a number of reasons, maybe I wasn't approaching the situation properly mentally.

I'm trying to do things again after a two year hiatus and struggling a bit, I think there's nothing else to do but to force myself into certain situations, and trying to use distractions from the negative thoughts.

I will bear some of your suggestions in mind :-)

[Philistine]

Hi Becki

I'm in a similar situation to you and I wondered if you have tried reading any of the 'self-help' literature on social anxiety?

I'm finding 'Overcoming Social Anxiety and Shyness' by Prof. Gillian Butler to be quite useful, especially when it comes to exposing myself to situations that I would normally avoid. The exercises the author sets out seem to be putting some distance between me and the anxiety and help me examine it in a more rational and useful way.

I'm just about to go to the cinema on my own for the first time in years, something I would not have even considered a few weeks ago

[ryanharris]

I've recently got over a major fear of needles, i used to hyperventilate at the thought of getting a injection

So last september i signed up to donate blood. i was absolutely terrified before i did it, but i did do it. i tried most of the things suggest in this thread (distracting myself, telling myself it was irrational ect) tbh they didnt help much. You are going to be scared, but you just have to force yourself to do it anyway. It definitely gets easier the more you do the thing your afraid of though, i've donated 3 times now and while i'm never going to enjoy it i can say i'm not scared any more

[Thorn]

Originally Posted by ryanharris

i've donated 3 times now and while i'm never going to enjoy it i can say i'm not scared any more

Well done!

[Dandelion10]

I'm not the best person to answer this as I too am a master avoider but the times when I tried hard to get better DID work.

At New Years I vowed to begin recovery. I went out every other day to do an exposure task, then I did self help worksheets both of which helped with the compulsions. Then on Wednesdays and Saturdays I did volunteering which greatly improved my confidence.

After about a month and a half I was definately improving but since then I've had no money for travel or even food and I've gone off track with the rest of it.

Then I got turned down or DLA so my disability employment advisor has explained I can do work trials. I'm going to seize work with both hands and f*** what the bosses/staff may think of me as I need the money to get back into recovery.

I don't think that you can go wrong really unless you have a panic attack, I've had a few and people just look at you funny. To avoid those just start small, I've also experienced the crushing sensations in my chest, but trust me the more you do it, the easier it gets, just don't overload your system.

Don't worry about making friends or social etiquette at this stage, just focus on not avoiding the situation if only for 5 mins. Extend the time each week and when you've mastered that, move on to the next level.

[Mr. Nobody]

Originally Posted by Beck

I would basically really like some tips on facing your fears. When you really have to do something what do you do to help yourself? Also when you are acutally in the situation, what do you do to keep yourself calm/ stay there?
Do you find it helps the more you do things?

my own feeling is that it's my very own mind that creates these situations,. of fear, dread, anxiety, in the face of any big event or situation
it then seems to pass on to my body and I become tensed-up and seem to lose my general ease,. spontaneity, sense of humour etc. etc.
but, I'm doing it all to myself

I think the answer must lie in knowing these thoughts are creating the situation, and being able to somehow see them as inaccurate and unhelpful,. poisonous even, and to try and stay only with the facts of each particular situation.
trouble is,. that this pattern of behaviour often tends to become ingrained and repeat itself over and over, it becomes a very familiar habit
probably the best course of action is to not so much throw yourself into the deep-end often (socially-speaking),. but to get used to the water, and know that it's harmless and can even be quite fun.
so,. light, easy-going social activities and situations may need to become more common-place and then, gaining confidance from that, ease into more challenging situations.

I keep falling into situations where I'm alone a lot and I know this really dosen't help,.
I need to keep contact with people and situations so that it feels normal,. that way I can cope with full-on, difficuilt situations a lot easier.

I think that whatever gains and insights you make from any social contact do stay with you,.. so it definately makes sense to keep at it, rather than giving yourself a break too often.

I was in a situation at the weekend which was probably at my limit of what I can handle,. and I did find myself becoming a little tense and isolated from it,. but I got through it and learned a few things in the process

I think a good thing to take note of is that people don't bite,.. and often the worst aspect of all this is our own tension we create for ourselves, and our own self-chastisement and self-analysis,. otherwise,. most people are pretty harmless, and don't mean you any harm.

[Sphinx]

Sorry for the late reply guys thanks for all of your comments.

Philistine - I have the gillian butler book and that's pretty useful, I think I just need to get myself into the situations to put things into practice.

Dandelion - work is really difficult for me too, I think it's a very good point to remember that unless you have a panic attack (which I do rarely) people don't really notice that you're anxious. I think people tend to just think I'm very shy, which isn't the end of the world.

I build things up in my mind to be worse than they actually are, the situation is always pretty uncomfortable but the rumination is always 100 x worse. I need to keep pushing myself to the point where avoidance isn't second nature anymore.

Jerry - I think you're right in that you can gain a lot of insight from being around people. In a book I read it talked about seeing others social interraction as a kind of "experiment" and seeing what you could learn from it. Like what people talk about, how much eye contact they make etc. I also think that most people are decent, it's just telling my anxious brain that sometimes!