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  #1  
Old 15th December 2017, 13:16
Al422 Al422 is offline
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Default Scared of bumping into people from the past

Does this bother anyone else?

I now live near the city where I went to school. I get surprisingly anxious whenever I go back to this city because of fear of being recognised by people from my old school (even though I left a few years ago) as when I was at school I would often see people I recognised in town.

In general, I hate going there because of this (I was more anxious and unhappy at school so I think it reminds me of that time) - luckily I don't need to go there very often at all. It is strange because I feel comfortable going to other towns/cities because I feel more anonymous.

I especially hate the idea of bumping into certain old teachers (I know some of them will recognise me) - this I seem to really dislike, even though I am no longer at school there is this crazy fear that they will judge me for being nervous/awkward etc as an adult as I would feel like I should stop and talk to them if they recognise me. I am always scared of being negatively compared to others my age. I know it is irrational because my life doesn't revolve around school anymore, but it still bugs me and I can't shake it.

I have recently seen a therapist who said I could potentially be on the spectrum/I think in a similar way to people with Asperger's. I'm starting to think maybe the problem is more my personality and wanting things done a certain way rather than the anxiety which is more of a side effect these days. Just wanted to hear the thoughts/experiences of others. Thanks
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  #2  
Old 16th December 2017, 12:16
Undecided Undecided is offline
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Default Re: Scared of bumping into people from the past

This is one of my biggest issues. I don't worry about seeing other students and teachers from my old school, but I hate the thought of seeing old family friends. It makes me want to avoid being out in my village or nearest town as much as possible.

Like Change87 said, it stems a lot from feeling ashamed. Plus, people that have known you for a long time are so used to seeing you in a certain way, and it's hard to break away from that.

When I spend time in another town or city for a few days it's like I'm a different person. I can go out and do stuff on my own and a) not feel anxious/self-conscious in the slightest and b) I actually have the motivation to go out in the first place.

That's why it was so frustrating when my attempts to house-share with someone I know didn't go anywhere. I can see how much of a positive impact it would have on my life if that opportunity were available.
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  #3  
Old 19th December 2017, 12:46
Hayman Hayman is offline
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Default Re: Scared of bumping into people from the past

I can relate to a lot of what's been said, here... This is something I've spent more than a decade worrying about – and it did come back to 'bite me in the backside' almost two years ago (two years next week, actually).

For me, cutting a long story short, I'm now so far behind all my former school friends that it stopped being a joke in my mid twenties, yet alone at the age of 32. Nothing has happened in my life since I was 17 – when I passed my driving test. That was the last notable thing that happened for me. Since then, nothing has happened…and I mean that.

I have no stories to tell, no past relationships to 'spill the beans on', no initial move away from the parents, no fancy holidays, nothing… I have nothing to talk about to people, nor have anything to relate to anyone of my own age. Or even those a over decade younger than myself, now... I'm a completely blank canvas despite my efforts to change this.

Meeting up with old friends does genuinely scare the living daylights out of me because they're now completely different people. I actively avoid making myself known locally out of fear of seeing any of them and barring a few occasions going back ten years (when they were already so far ahead it actually knocked me sick) and bumping into my old best friend two years ago – I've been quite successful at doing so.

I'm not ashamed for who I am. Far from it. I'm proud that I've managed to survive for as long as I have given what I've had to deal with, if truth be told. I feel humiliated for the fact that nothing I've done to try and push me forwards has worked. I've been laughed at, mocked and unfairly criticised on far too many occasions for me to simply 'trust' opening up to old acquaintances from my past. I'd rather move forwards without them.
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Old 19th December 2017, 15:12
Undecided Undecided is offline
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Default Re: Scared of bumping into people from the past

^^ I think it would be a permanent thing, Change87. I feel like if it were long-term then I could gain a lot of positive momentum. I guess it's a combination of factors really that makes me feel so differently when being away from home.

It's not just being free of the worry of bumping into people you know, but also being in a town/city lends itself more to being spontaneous(living in a village means there's nothing interesting to do within walking distance, and public transport here is infrequent) as does living away from family(freedom to come and go as you please, not having to fit in with other people's plans). The three things on their own might seem minor to some, but combined it does make a big difference.

Would moving away be an option for you? Or is it not financially/practically viable?
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  #5  
Old 24th December 2017, 16:37
jd90 jd90 is offline
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Default Re: Scared of bumping into people from the past

This is a big fear of mine. It's happened once. Guy was parked right outside my house coincidentally when I went to walk my dog! Recognised me despite my longer hair and beard instantly. So anxiety provoking but I got through it and he did say he was moving to LA, so no danger of running into him again. But yeah I did lie, I wasn't working at the time and pretended i'd just nipped back home for a quick break to see family...
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