Do you talk about ex with new partner?

[Progress]

Not sure I know how to deal with talking about an ex with a new partner.
If you have funny stories about things that happened, are they completely taboo or do you tell them? Or does it depend on how you get on?

And what about photos (I have some old fashioned things called prints). Do you keep them hidden? I don't want to throw them away.

[Dandelion10]

I'm like an open book for many reasons, it inspires trust and I see honestly as a cornerstone of a relationship but everyone's different, some might find keeping their past off-limits as a way of protecting themselves, especially if their experiences were bad.

If items from ex's have sentimental value to you, nobody should expect you to throw them away as long as it's clear that you don't still harbor feelings for them. the same goes for treasured memories but it's a sensitive topic for some.

If it comes up you can usually gauge from their reactions how much you should say or not, if you're unsure you could ask or encourage them to talk about theirs, we all have a past but that doesn't mean we still live in it.

[Amelia Rosae]

Usually talking about an ex unless it's not funny, or talking about them often means you're not over them and is kinda disrespectful to the new partner. If it's funny it's okay, but it's still sort of awkward if you're saying about fun times you had with the ex... I guess if you back it up with something like "We should do something more fun than that though" you shouldn't sound too bad. ^^

[Azi]

It depends. If you're casually mentioning them because you're just openly talking about your life and experiences then that's fine imo, so long as it's not constant or sounding like you still love your ex! I wouldn't get rid of the pictures, nor hide them, but I wouldn't display them.

[Saponara_Immobile]

What about the underwear?

[Flowerbomb]

not right at the start no, it could put them right off, thats the last thing to talk about really

[Progress]

Thanks for the replies. Seems like, keep most stuff quiet, until you can gauge what new partner might be OK hearing.

Originally Posted by kramer

What about the underwear?

What, getting new partner to wear ex's? Or wearing it myself?
I'll give both some thought. Now where did I put it?

Just need a new girlfriend now. That should be easy! Ahem.

[Progress]

Yeah. I can be weirdly open and honest often, as if I should tell everything. I need to learn that some things should be left unsaid.

[ßazza]

For private things no, I respect my ex's privacy. In a general sense, yes, I wont hide fact I been with previous people I probably obviously cared about. I dont see the point talking about many topics relating with your ex's so just stick to things that have a point to it.

For things like pictures if you really wanted to keep them, then its best to just have them private but not in a secret sense, I wouldnt put them on display, thats a bit selfish imo. I dont think it would be fair on your partner if they had to see your previous partners on display constantly. Nor would it be fair that they demand you got rid of them though. That said, I dont think its appropriate to have any sexual stuff anymore, I always get rid of mine. (Why would I want them. o_0)

[daveysurfy]

LOL an ex, and a new partner? Allot of people on here haven't had either

[TommyGun]

Nothing to tell, nobody to tell it to.

[AxelFendersson]

I guess the question to ask is 'is it relevant?' If it is, then go ahead and mention it. No need to be coy or evasive about it. But if it isn't, then don't bring it up for the sake of it. And most of the time, when you're with your current partner, exes aren't going to be relevant very often.

Originally Posted by ßazza

For private things no, I respect my ex's privacy.

Well, yes, obviously there are some things you just plain shouldn't tell anybody.

[Sea]

Originally Posted by Progress

Not sure I know how to deal with talking about an ex with a new partner.
If you have funny stories about things that happened, are they completely taboo or do you tell them? Or does it depend on how you get on?

Personally, I am always interested to hear about a new partner's ex(s). If things went wrong for them as a couple, then I want to find out why, and all information is helpful in this respect. Otherwise, how do I make sure that we have the best chance of working out long-term? So I think discussing ex's and past relationships is an important part of every new relationship. But of course within reason...I would not want to divulge anything confidential or potentially hurtful.

Originally Posted by Progress

And what about photos (I have some old fashioned things called prints). Do you keep them hidden? I don't want to throw them away.

I would keep them (I have thrown stuff out in the past, but I regret that now - its all memories and memories make you who you are), but I doubt I would have them on open display in my house. Having a pic of your ex sitting on the mantelpiece is probably not a good start to a new relationship...

[DarenA37]

If I did have a new partner, I wouldn't be the one to start talking about an ex first lol

[Spock]

Originally Posted by Progress

Not sure I know how to deal with talking about an ex with a new partner.
If you have funny stories about things that happened, are they completely taboo or do you tell them? Or does it depend on how you get on?

as long as it's a general conversation and happens organically then i don't see why not - as long as it's not disrespectful or overly complimentary - the latter would make me think 1 - you're not over him/her and 2 - you were the one that got dumped (which again suggests you're probably still pining for them....do those that do the dumping talk about their exes as much as those that got dumped?....i suspect not)

Originally Posted by Progress

And what about photos (I have some old fashioned things called prints). Do you keep them hidden? I don't want to throw them away.

if it's a new relationship and you're just seeing where it's going then fine but if it's very serious and you're planning a life together then why the hell would you keep photos of an ex!.....again, that would make think you're not quite over them and that would concern me

when in doubt, put yourself in their position - if the woman you loved and wanted to spend your life with said....sweetheart, could you put this box in the loft....it's all the photos, letters and memorabilia of my time with Dave....how would you feel

[png]

Vince Cable wears two wedding rings - one for his current wife, and one for his previous wife, who died. There, that wasn't very relevant was it.

[RobbyBobson]

Originally Posted by pantini

Vince Cable wears two wedding rings - one for his current wife, and one for his previous wife who died. There, that wasn't very relevant was it.

Well, i found it interesting Can't say i've ever heard of that before.

[png]

^ cool, yes it's touching isn't it

[cymruambyth26]

I've a few ex's but sadly no current partner so I'm talking in past tense here. When I've had a partner I've never been the one to initiate conversation about an ex partner they may have had.

If they have asked about an ex partner then i've attempted to answer their queries with as much honesty as possible. I can't say an ex is somebody i'd want to be talking about much with a new partner.

It was enough trouble last time round when I stayed friends with a female I went on a date with before I met my current partner.

[AxelFendersson]

My girlfriend occasionally mentions her exes where it's relevant. It doesn't bother me; she's clearly not hung up on them or anything.

I mentioned mine briefly once and haven't since. But as much as anything that's because there's almost nothing to tell. My one ex and I went out for less than two months, never really made sense as a couple and never even got as far as consummating the relationship. The number of situations in which it would make sense to bring her up is tiny.

I'm also not certain that I'm ready for my girlfriend to know just how little there is to tell. She knows I'm fairly inexperienced sexually (I've told her that much although it's probably pretty obvious anyway) but I don't think she knows yet that she was my first time. So my sexual history (or lack thereof) is something I'm rather disinclined to talk about.

[Progress]

Thanks for the replies. Everyone seems to be saying the same pretty much.

Originally Posted by AxelFendersson

But as much as anything that's because there's almost nothing to tell.

Yes, that's the other side of it. I worry about that a bit, when I get a date (or if!!), how to explain away the years of being single. Or if she asks 'how long ago did you break up?', what do I say to that. I haven't even admitted that on here and I've been open about some pretty embarrassing stuff.

[ßazza]

Over the years I have heard pentlififul stories of people who dont have 's.a' or in general dont have any particular issues, (Completely unrelated to this forum) yet havnt had relationships, its quite likely that a) They probably had no sexual experience, or b) They had very little of it, probably unlikely they had any longterm experience with a single person. Mostly related to just being too busy, not met right person, etc. My opinion of those who have directly told me is that these people have no problem with it, some are more open than others but overal they are not that bothered by it. (Nor do I think they should for that matter.) I wont discuss ages as its irrelevant, however I will say that some arnt young, and its male and females.

Its not that unusual for people not to do stuff. Even if its not necessarily by choice its still not necessarily unusual in itself to have little experience. So as for being with future partners, things like that shouldnt be seen as a huge embarrassing thing.

Alot of stuff is social pressures hyped up by media pressures. Its fault of someone else if they take things like that seriously or not. For many people they rather wait/too busy/distracted by things in life to get into a relationship. Many people dont have sex unless they with someone they are comfortable with. So more people have little experience than would realise.