Where are all the older people with SA? - Page 2

Hackpen · #31 23rd May 2011, 10:10

Im 44 too, i visit the site now and again but rarely post these days. I didnt know there was a name for what i had til my early 30's. Before that id just muddled through life, coping the best i could, still do tbh. I used to spend loads of time online talking to other sa'ers, but now not so much. I wouldnt say ive recovered, just found ways to cope and just accepted i will always have some degree of anxiety.

boredwithanxiety · #32 23rd May 2011, 11:18

35 and still alive

Mr. Nobody · #33 23rd May 2011, 12:56

one of the worse aspects of still having SA at my ( our ) age, is all the unlived years,..
it's hard getting out of the grips of SA,.. but it's also horrible having the knowledge that you've not lived all the previous years as best you could due to this feckin' condition.

I'm still trying to square this notion in my brain,.. trying to let bygones be bygones and not let it get to me,..
but, recently, during a few really intense therapy sessions i've seen that I'm actually somehow still back there,.. in my teens where I got stuck to begin with, and that what I've been doing is creating another parralell life, without any social interraction in it, and thinking that would do,...

syncsolo · #34 23rd May 2011, 15:44

Most peoples lives start to become more adversely effected, in their teens and early 20s if they have SA issues. So I think that's why more are on here [those lucky enough to be diagnosed younger], also most have grown up with the internet and use forums more than older people.
I only got on-line 1999 - 2000 and although I had SA back then, I hadn't heard of it and was only diagnosed a few years ago.

@Alcoyne' I feel that way too about the "wasted years" I avoided a lot because of being too anxious. I think I'll never get a second chance of the experiences I missed out on, it adds extra shame and embarrassment on top so makes things even harder over 30 I feel.

Geminus · #35 23rd May 2011, 23:00

Quote:

Originally Posted by CaveGirl

I've not seen Star Wars and doubt much wisdom is found in Hollywood tripe!
All you can do is try your best.
You still have time to find some things in life that will bring happiness.
I know it sounds trite but if you are willing to take risks then one day you will see success.

How about we do something or we do not do something but we accept the result of those things as they are and not procrastinate or live in fear of failure. If we are left uneasy by the result of those things then we can do them again or use it as a learning experience for the next time we find ourselves in such a situation, in hopes of doing better... ?

Wisher · #36 24th May 2011, 11:24

I'm over 40, it hasn't got any easier. I was out and about more in my twenties and I kind of drank my way through it. Sometimes it seems less of a problem but that's because I've got better at avoiding certain situations that stress me out and also had a lot of practice at getting through others.

catlover · #37 24th May 2011, 13:47

That is a real tragedy, Ruth, about your uncle.

Thanks for thinking about him.

Hackpen · #38 25th May 2011, 10:50

Im living a long way from where i grew up, was only meant to be short term but were stuck since the house prices took a dive. I miss seeing old friends and family, but Its good in many ways. I also enjoy the anonymity of living in a city where hardly anyone knows me. Ive been able to cut right back on alcohol as i dont have any drinking buddys down here,my wife doesnt drink so we rarely do anything drink-centric. I was working but now i stay home to look after our 2 year old. I do feel a bit isolated at times but the benefits outweigh the negatives. Being a parent gave me the incentive to tackle sa and other negative crap in my life again. It can be so difficult to stay motivated on improving if we dont consistently push our boundaries. The only way for me is to have others relying on me that mean i have to push myself more than i would if it were just myself, be it work, parenting, therapy or whatever.

Wisher · #39 25th May 2011, 12:05

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hackpen

The only way for me is to have others relying on me that mean i have to push myself more than i would if it were just myself, be it work, parenting, therapy or whatever.

There's a lot of truth in this, Often I only push myself because of others expectations. I have a young daughter, therefore I HAVE to go out and do things. Organising a birthday party for her at the moment and it's terrifying. I'm not sure becoming a parent was the best choice I ever made because I'm not the best parent around, but in regards to SA it has MADE me get off my arse and to groups and do things that regularly terrify me. If I hadn't had my daughter I may well have drank and smoked, (weed), myself into a right state by now, become a total hermit or committed suicide, but because of her I gave up smoking and only drink a little at weekends. She's made me tackle my SA. I think other peoples needs and expectations form the majority of what makes me do anything productive. Work never worked, I walked out of so many jobs because of SA, but now I have responsibilities and can't do that. When you create a life you have a responsibility to do your best.

Hackpen · #40 25th May 2011, 14:42

That sounds very similar to my experience Wisher. I thought i was getting too old to be a dad, not to mention selfish, immature and irresponsible. Turns out to have been the best decision i ever made. Quit smoking b4 she was born and got on top of other bad habits. The social aspect of parenting can be difficult, but as you say we have to do it. I dont envy you organising the birthday party :-0 hope it goes well. ive got all that to look forward to. I did worry about mine fitting in at nursery but shes been going a few months twice a week now and loves it, always new worries though arent there. There are things i struggle with or avoid cos of sa but all in all im doing ok. Sounds like youre doing a good job too.

Our last house was in a small village, socially it wasnt a lot different to the estate where we are now. Im probably still talked about as the 'quiet standoffish one' but i dont care so much these days. I do wonder what they have to talk to each other for so long about sometimes though. Isnt a wave and a hello enough ffs

Geminus · #41 26th May 2011, 00:37

Quote:

Originally Posted by CaveGirl

To open the door and not feel like an anxious wreck would be amazing.

How about starting with acceptance and nurture. That is is okay to open a door and feel a complete wreck, you know why it happens and it is completely justifiable and acceptable to have those feelings given your circumstances and the life you have had, the chemicals rushing through your brain/ body and all the other blurb.
That it is nothing new to what you have dealt with a thousand times before and as a result there is nothing new it can do to you that you have not already faced. That the importance is not that it is happening again as you already knew it would be there waiting and have been prepared to face it for the very fact you are there, but the importance lies in knowing that there is nothing to be angry at or forgive yourself for as you have done nothing wrong.. and at that point the main focus is on taking a deep breath, slowing down your thoughts and focusing on the task at hand?

Raffi72 · #42 24th June 2011, 23:34

Hi I'm 38..I don't post much on here..(I come and lurk now and again in the hope someone has found a miracle cure.

)the difference with me is that I never had SA in my teens ..yes I was bit shy but nothing like this..I started to have SA at 34 after a very stressful event that triggered panic attacks and since then I developed SA..and is getting worse..sometime is hard sometime I accept the way I am..is difficult..the only thing is keeping me going is my son..

zork · #43 26th June 2011, 14:29

Im 38 and dont consider myself old, however I do agree that most people on here seem to be younger