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View Poll Results: Are you in a Relationship??
Hetero Male: YES 29 13.88%
Hetero Male: NO 100 47.85%
Hetero Female: YES 34 16.27%
Hetero Female: NO 37 17.70%
Gay Male: YES 1 0.48%
Gay Male: NO 5 2.39%
Gay Female: YES 1 0.48%
Gay Female: NO 2 0.96%
Voters: 209. You may not vote on this poll

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  #271  
Old 1st May 2011, 17:37
Zayed Zayed is offline
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Default Re: The Great Relationship Poll

Quote:
Originally Posted by AutumnLeaves
You know Zayed, you've raised something I was thinking about last week. The people that I can think of that are into aesthetics in that way seem to be people that genuinely are either 'average' or 'above average' to look at themselves. It's like people who don't look so great or at least the ones who genuinely think they look ugly, can't afford the luxury of enjoying this so much because it just reminds them of their own shortcomings. Do you think there is anything in that?
Yes, I do. There are always going to be people in life who are more beautiful/intelligent/successful than oneself. I guess it depends on whether you accept that or let it eat away at you. There are a lot of things I don't 'have' that others do. However, I think jealousy is one of the most destructive emotions.

A lot of the great artists who used beautiful muses were not attractive themselves.

PS I'm not just referring to people either. Do you appreciate the beauty of nature?
  #272  
Old 1st May 2011, 17:55
black_mamba black_mamba is offline
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Default Re: The Great Relationship Poll

Quote:
Originally Posted by AutumnLeaves
You know Zayed, you've raised something I was thinking about last week. The people that I can think of that are into aesthetics in that way seem to be people that genuinely are either 'average' or 'above average' to look at themselves. It's like people who don't look so great or at least the ones who genuinely think they look ugly, can't afford the luxury of enjoying this so much because it just reminds them of their own shortcomings. Do you think there is anything in that?
I know you're not asking me, and I know people don't like this idea, but - I really don't think it's that simple. Zayed is right there will always be people prettier than us and there is no point figuring out where we are on that ladder and obsessing (not saying you do this AL, these are just general comments). The other point is that the ladder doesn't exist if you choose not to believe in it because it's only a generalisation and a preference. Not everyone sticks to their preferences in the face of other preferences...I'll try and explain.

Classical beauty might be objective (if you accept the ideas about symmetrical faces being nicer and all that) but what about a more general definition of beauty that includes more than just appearances (e.g. includes personality, includes context, includes personal idiosyncracies). The cynical ones amongst you will be laughing but I've noticed that people who are very confident about their appearance think in this way. We (and yes I include myself in that group) see beauty in things that appeal to us speifically MORE than things that fit stereotypical norms like full lips, bug eyes and long soft hair (but those things are nice too ). Suddenly my crooked nose becomes beautiful to me because it reminds me of an Egyptian princess and it is uniquely me. Suddenly a stereotypically average or even ugly looking friend becomes beautiful when I realise what a warm, caring person he is towards me. Suddenly that doctor who was so nice to you when you revealed your SA becomes beautiful in your eyes because she treated you with respect.

And likewise, even when I meet stunningly good looking people who have something very nasty in their souls I feel physically repulsed when I look at them. It's as if I've reprogrammed my brain to find more than aesthetics attractive. I hope I've explained it right because if I haven't it comes out like wishy washy clap trap bullshit.

So you might not be able to change your actual looks or position on the' ladder', but you can work on your attractiveness level because SA really drags that down sometimes, and a litle confidence will boost it.
  #273  
Old 1st May 2011, 18:10
Zayed Zayed is offline
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Default Re: The Great Relationship Poll

Quote:
Originally Posted by black_mamba
I know you're not asking me, and I know people don't like this idea, but - I really don't think it's that simple. Zayed is right there will always be people prettier than us and there is no point figuring out where we are on that ladder and obsessing (not saying you do this AL, these are just general comments). The other point is that the ladder doesn't exist if you choose not to believe in it because it's only a generalisation and a preference. Not everyone sticks to their preferences in the face of other preferences...I'll try and explain.

Classical beauty might be objective (if you accept the ideas about symmetrical faces being nicer and all that) but what about a more general definition of beauty that includes more than just appearances (e.g. includes personality, includes context, includes personal idiosyncracies). The cynical ones amongst you will be laughing but I've noticed that people who are very confident about their appearance think in this way. We (and yes I include myself in that group) see beauty in things that appeal to us speifically MORE than things that fit stereotypical norms like full lips, bug eyes and long soft hair (but those things are nice too ). Suddenly my crooked nose becomes beautiful to me because it reminds me of an Egyptian princess and it is uniquely me. Suddenly a stereotypically average or even ugly looking friend becomes beautiful when I realise what a warm, caring person he is towards me. Suddenly that doctor who was so nice to you when you revealed your SA becomes beautiful in your eyes because she treated you with respect.

And likewise, even when I meet stunningly good looking people who have something very nasty in their souls I feel physically repulsed when I look at them. It's as if I've reprogrammed my brain to find more than aesthetics attractive. I hope I've explained it right because if I haven't it comes out like wishy washy clap trap bullshit.

So you might not be able to change your actual looks or position on the' ladder', but you can work on your attractiveness level because SA really drags that down sometimes, and a litle confidence will boost it.
Wow, that was a good post, my thoughts exactly.

PS I'm in your group, I'm not stunning but have a bit of confidence even though my life is a mess. However, I have some good people in it, that is the crux of what matters to me. Art is a hobby/interest that brings me pleasure, that's all.
  #274  
Old 1st May 2011, 19:07
AutumnLeaves AutumnLeaves is offline
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Default Re: The Great Relationship Poll

@Black mamba, that is a brilliant post, and I do think you are absolutely right. The silly thing is, I don't often like the look of famous people or anything myself, and I find all sorts of types aesthetically pleasing and/or attractive.

@ Zayed, I know you're not referring to me specifically, but I'd say that in my case, it definitely isn't jealousy, and strangely, even though I feel uncomfortable about the way I look sometimes, I still wouldn't wish that I looked like better looking girls or that they didn't have what they do. It's the attitude I come up against that seems to judge me in a sort of moral sense because I am not seen to have done everything in my power to correct my flaws. I've always kept myself clean and everything, but I didn't really care much about looks until people said some pretty cruel things to me. There's some other things I'v experienced that I don't want to go into detail about, that made me feel really bad about myself and more insecure about my looks. I got a lot better for a while but at the moment, I look and feel run down, Im struggling at uni, and so everything seems much worse than it actually is. So as Cavegirl suggested, I really should stay away from topics like this at the moment! Yes, I love nature, but it doesn't make me feel that I really should be doing something about my appearance. I don't think it's realistic for me at the moment to simply enjoy the beauty of all those women around me in everyday life looking so lovely and made up and with skin showing, without it making me feel that if so many ordinary women look like that, well there really ought to be something I should be doing to look better myself - even though at the moment if I did, Id end up bankrupt and would definitely fail my degree!
  #275  
Old 1st May 2011, 19:26
black_mamba black_mamba is offline
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Default Re: The Great Relationship Poll

Quote:
Originally Posted by Zayed
Wow, that was a good post, my thoughts exactly.

PS I'm in your group, I'm not stunning but have a bit of confidence even though my life is a mess. However, I have some good people in it, that is the crux of what matters to me. Art is a hobby/interest that brings me pleasure, that's all.
I find that artists or people who enjoy artistic hobbies are very very aware of what I just posted because they're so used to trying to see beauty in odd places.

Quote:
Originally Posted by AutumnLeaves
@Black mamba, that is a brilliant post, and I do think you are absolutely right. The silly thing is, I don't often like the look of famous people or anything myself, and I find all sorts of types aesthetically pleasing and/or attractive.
Me too. I struggled to find any man candy for the man candy thread.

This is why I'm getting so anal about telling people TV f-cks you up - you start worrying that you're supposed to find these people on TV attractive or wonder if you need to look like them. The truth is what is shown on TV and even in mainstream movies is such a narrow representation of the real world and I find it unhealthy, esp if like most SAers we don't get enough real world social contact.
  #276  
Old 1st May 2011, 19:34
Defiance Defiance is offline
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Default Re: The Great Relationship Poll

Quote:
Originally Posted by black_mamba

This is why I'm getting so anal about telling people TV f-cks you up - you start worrying that you're supposed to find these people on TV attractive or wonder if you need to look like them. The truth is what is shown on TV and even in mainstream movies is such a narrow representation of the real world and I find it unhealthy, esp if like most SAers we don't get enough real world social contact.




for a long time my TV was my best friend, lol.

these days we don't see quite as much of each other as we once did though


i did (sometimes still do) often compare myself to people i see on tv. definitely i feel like i need more muscle/toned body, but i seem to be too lazy to really do much about it
  #277  
Old 1st May 2011, 21:47
Zayed Zayed is offline
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Default Re: The Great Relationship Poll

Quote:
Originally Posted by AutumnLeaves
@ Zayed, I know you're not referring to me specifically, but I'd say that in my case, it definitely isn't jealousy, and strangely, even though I feel uncomfortable about the way I look sometimes, I still wouldn't wish that I looked like better looking girls or that they didn't have what they do. It's the attitude I come up against that seems to judge me in a sort of moral sense because I am not seen to have done everything in my power to correct my flaws. I've always kept myself clean and everything, but I didn't really care much about looks until people said some pretty cruel things to me. There's some other things I'v experienced that I don't want to go into detail about, that made me feel really bad about myself and more insecure about my looks. I got a lot better for a while but at the moment, I look and feel run down, Im struggling at uni, and so everything seems much worse than it actually is. So as Cavegirl suggested, I really should stay away from topics like this at the moment! Yes, I love nature, but it doesn't make me feel that I really should be doing something about my appearance. I don't think it's realistic for me at the moment to simply enjoy the beauty of all those women around me in everyday life looking so lovely and made up and with skin showing, without it making me feel that if so many ordinary women look like that, well there really ought to be something I should be doing to look better myself - even though at the moment if I did, Id end up bankrupt and would definitely fail my degree!
Well it seems like you have a lot of things going on -especially at uni. All the best with that. I just thought that from your original post you were severely disfigured and I was just trying to help in my cack handed way. I hope you wouldn't say someone like Katie (Piper I think) who had acid thrown in her face is shallow for having operations to improve her appearence. To me it's positive for her. Though some people might not want those operations.

If you are not severely disfigured then obviously you don't need to do anything, hopefully things will improve for you soon and you will feel better
  #278  
Old 1st May 2011, 23:24
AutumnLeaves AutumnLeaves is offline
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Default Re: The Great Relationship Poll

Quote:
Originally Posted by Zayed
Well it seems like you have a lot of things going on -especially at uni. All the best with that. I just thought that from your original post you were severely disfigured and I was just trying to help in my cack handed way. I hope you wouldn't say someone like Katie (Piper I think) who had acid thrown in her face is shallow for having operations to improve her appearence. To me it's positive for her. Though some people might not want those operations.

If you are not severely disfigured then obviously you don't need to do anything, hopefully things will improve for you soon and you will feel better
Yeah i was being overly negative. And I did appreciate your advice ; at times when im in a better mood, I get frustrated with other people making similarly negative posts to those Iv been writing on here this weekend Though I do agree with some of dragnet's comments about there being too much emphasis on correcting perceived flaws and that there is too much emphasis on looks in this society in general. It depends on who you mix with of course, and where you get your messges from. And sure, if someone looks very different to what human beings normally look like, it must be really tough and I suppose they must feel trapped inside the disfigured exterior, so of course it makes sense of they have the money to have operations, especially with Katie Piper who was used to looking so different before that. I guess it's unrealistic to think that someone like her would have just as much chance with men as other women, although you never know - I remember someone saying that they thought they didn't look very nice and that they were kind of glad because it meant their husband must truly love her
  #279  
Old 1st May 2011, 23:42
Zayed Zayed is offline
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Default Re: The Great Relationship Poll

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Originally Posted by AutumnLeaves
I remember someone saying that they thought they didn't look very nice and that they were kind of glad because it meant their husband must truly love her
Yes that's nice. My fiance calls me 'an ugly fat cow' it makes me laugh (seriously) but he has seen me in some states when I have been so worried about him. I think you know if someone loves you for yourself, it is just there, a feeling in your heart; whether one is beautiful or otherwise.
  #280  
Old 1st May 2011, 23:45
HelloWorld HelloWorld is offline
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Default Re: The Great Relationship Poll

Quote:
Originally Posted by black_mamba
This is why I'm getting so anal about telling people TV f-cks you up - you start worrying that you're supposed to find these people on TV attractive or wonder if you need to look like them. The truth is what is shown on TV and even in mainstream movies is such a narrow representation of the real world and I find it unhealthy, esp if like most SAers we don't get enough real world social contact.
Man...
Man... I...
I hate the ****ing TV...
And what it does to little me...

  #281  
Old 3rd May 2011, 09:32
auster auster is offline
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[QUOTE=AutumnLeaves;1246764]Just read the last few posts and feel pretty depressed now. Just the talk of 'attractive' females as if there was a universal standard. Iv got some pretty obvious superficial flaws as well as SA and it makes me feel pretty gloomy about my future prospects of holding onto a man What chance do I have when there's so much competition from prettier, more interesting girls [/QUO

I think you are very pretty
  #282  
Old 3rd May 2011, 09:36
AutumnLeaves AutumnLeaves is offline
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