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  #1  
Old 16th December 2013, 14:11
Cheshire Cat Cheshire Cat is offline
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Default Confused and upset by Facebook comment

I'm a little confused. I put a message on my Facebook wall to advertise a public event which would use some of my music. Mostly I had some nice responses from friends. This is quite risky for me because I have not had many such events in my life due to social anxiety, and this opportunity really only came about because of a friend's encouragement. They did all the organising etc, but I did write some original music. I always feel a little odd about drawing attention to myself, and I agonisingly soul search wondering if I am doing it for a positive reason or whether I just want praise. Well, sometimes I conclude it honestly might be both reasons and that is OK. We all need a little attention.

But someone on Facebook commented with simply the word 'slurry' and then linked to the wikipedia definition of a slurry pit (basically a pile of shit!!!). This friend is a musician like me though infinitely more talented and has no reason to be jealous. I can't work out if it is a joke or not? It was an odd thing for them to write.

If I am not careful and rational about this, it will prove to me what I always fear: there is no point exposing yourself or trying to be positive because people will just knock you down. I often feel some people (I felt this a lot at school) have the ability to see into my insecure soul and want to just hurt me for having needs. It is a horrid feeling. It sort of feels like bullying, but as is often the case when you have been bullied, you tend to blame yourself. The crazy thing is I can't see that this person is wrong to comment like that, only that I am wrong to have posted something that was seeking praise.

I know I should focus on the positive feedback from friends, but when the one negative thing comes from a fellow musician who I respect enormously, it is difficult to disregard it.
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  #2  
Old 16th December 2013, 14:24
Rocket Spud Rocket Spud is offline
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Default Re: Confused and upset by Facebook comment

What a bizarre thing to say I can only interpret that as being nasty. Perhaps you should challenge it and ask for an explanation.

Are you sure they're more talented then you??
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  #3  
Old 16th December 2013, 14:33
Cheshire Cat Cheshire Cat is offline
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Default Re: Confused and upset by Facebook comment

Hi Rocket Spud. Yes, it is very bizarre. More bizarrely, when I read the comment it said 'posted 11 hours ago' which would have made it about 4am! So maybe they had had a few too many after a rough night!

They are certainly a superior musician to me, and I'm not just knocking myself. I have heard them play piano and they can run rings around me. But we do similar work and they could be threatened by my experience (I'm understandably more experienced because I am older). It is very odd.

Yes, you are right, I should challenge it politely but that is quite anxiety producing.
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  #4  
Old 16th December 2013, 14:54
Rocket Spud Rocket Spud is offline
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Default Re: Confused and upset by Facebook comment

Do you know much about this person? Is it out of character? If they were intoxicated then they may not of been sound of mind (can you check what else they posted around that time).

I can imagine that you might not want to challenge it lest it becomes something greater. There's also the wait between a response and the anticipation of what may be said, but you have every right to feel indignate.
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  #5  
Old 16th December 2013, 15:25
misska misska is offline
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Default Re: Confused and upset by Facebook comment

It might be that thing what men do when they take the mickey out of each other i have seen some on my fb write some pretty nasty jokey things to each other, and the fact he quoted wiki sounds like its a joke
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  #6  
Old 16th December 2013, 15:31
Amber Fyre Amber Fyre is offline
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Default Re: Confused and upset by Facebook comment

^ yes my first impression would be that it was a joke. Is this person a banter/joking kind of person? Quite a few people do the insult/tease/put down thing with friends and they don't mean anything by it.
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  #7  
Old 16th December 2013, 15:56
Mr_Bean Mr_Bean is offline
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Default Re: Confused and upset by Facebook comment

I think it's insignificant, what he think isn't important to this task of yours. And it's likely banter I reckon.
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  #8  
Old 16th December 2013, 16:04
timmyb timmyb is offline
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Default Re: Confused and upset by Facebook comment

I would be direct and ask them what they mean by it. If they are a true friend it's probably just a misunderstanding, I'm slightly prone to failed attempts at bantering myself. If it was meant as an insult then that's one less Christmas card you'll need to send.
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  #9  
Old 16th December 2013, 16:04
Mozart Mozart is offline
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Default Re: Confused and upset by Facebook comment

Block them and purge their comment. Or you should accept that people say things online they'd never say in person and typically online communication is crude and unexpressive of subtleties. I think you care too much for the opinions of this character, and life is too short to waste time on people like that. And people never change. He'll still be sneering at your success when you win the Golden Lute or whatever the equivalent of a Nobel Prize is for musicians!
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  #10  
Old 16th December 2013, 16:13
Silver Silver is offline
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Default Re: Confused and upset by Facebook comment

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cheshire Cat
I'm a little confused. I put a message on my Facebook wall to advertise a public event which would use some of my music. Mostly I had some nice responses from friends. This is quite risky for me because I have not had many such events in my life due to social anxiety, and this opportunity really only came about because of a friend's encouragement. They did all the organising etc, but I did write some original music. I always feel a little odd about drawing attention to myself, and I agonisingly soul search wondering if I am doing it for a positive reason or whether I just want praise. Well, sometimes I conclude it honestly might be both reasons and that is OK. We all need a little attention.

But someone on Facebook commented with simply the word 'slurry' and then linked to the wikipedia definition of a slurry pit (basically a pile of shit!!!). This friend is a musician like me though infinitely more talented and has no reason to be jealous. I can't work out if it is a joke or not? It was an odd thing for them to write.

If I am not careful and rational about this, it will prove to me what I always fear: there is no point exposing yourself or trying to be positive because people will just knock you down. I often feel some people (I felt this a lot at school) have the ability to see into my insecure soul and want to just hurt me for having needs. It is a horrid feeling. It sort of feels like bullying, but as is often the case when you have been bullied, you tend to blame yourself. The crazy thing is I can't see that this person is wrong to comment like that, only that I am wrong to have posted something that was seeking praise.

I know I should focus on the positive feedback from friends, but when the one negative thing comes from a fellow musician who I respect enormously, it is difficult to disregard it.
Maybe he is jealous of the positive feedback you are getting. It is a strange person who is very insecure/envious of others that would write such a nasty spiteful comment. I understand how you feel though
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  #11  
Old 16th December 2013, 16:30
Cheshire Cat Cheshire Cat is offline
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Default Re: Confused and upset by Facebook comment

Thanks for the replies everyone. It could be a joke, however I don't really feel I know him well enough (or him me) to have that sort of banter and openness and it just sounds nasty.

If it is jealousy I'd understand that, as we all feel jealousy from time to time, but what I don't get is the comment (which my other friends would have seen).

It is really odd when there is something about you that someone just takes an instant disliking to, and no matter how friendly you are to them, it builds up. I think this particular individual may have sensed from previous meetings that I don't like them (this is not true, although I am a little nervous around them because, as I said, I am intimidated by their superb musicianship), but if I haven't treated a person badly, they have no right to be aggressive toward me.
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  #12  
Old 16th December 2013, 17:12
Reclue Reclue is offline
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Default Re: Confused and upset by Facebook comment

When it comes to music or anything creative I always do it for myself and only value my own opinion of how good or bad it is.

As with everything you do some people will like it and some people will hate it - ignore the haters or the jealous, they're not worth any of your energy.

This other musician may or may not be better than you but he could also be very insecure - insecure people often feel the need to show off to get praise as well as put others down.

Self expression is always risky and you should be congratulated for putting your music out there.

But I always think listening to other peoples opinion is a mistake as it can alter what you do when you should really concentrate on doing things your own way, as this is what makes it individual and special.
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  #13  
Old 16th December 2013, 18:23
diplodocus diplodocus is offline
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Default Re: Confused and upset by Facebook comment

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cheshire Cat
but if I haven't treated a person badly, they have no right to be aggressive toward me.
Why don't you respond to him with that? He's the one who looks like an arse and you'll feel better after standing up for yourself in a firm but non aggressive way.
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  #14  
Old 16th December 2013, 20:41
Mr. Nobody Mr. Nobody is offline
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Default Re: Confused and upset by Facebook comment

you could post a wry reply comment like "thanks for your positive feedback man - means a lot to me"
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  #15  
Old 16th December 2013, 20:44
David K David K is offline
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Default Re: Confused and upset by Facebook comment

It's also possible that he didn't post it himself. People leave their phones unattended for a few minutes in pubs, they leave their laptops unlocked while their friends are around, and people post something rude or embarrassing for a laugh. It happens all the time. It seems especially likely if the post was made at 4am. He might not even know that his 'mates' hijacked his account.
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  #16  
Old 16th December 2013, 20:49
Pal Pal is offline
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Default Re: Confused and upset by Facebook comment

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cheshire Cat
I'm a little confused. I put a message on my Facebook wall to advertise a public event which would use some of my music. Mostly I had some nice responses from friends. This is quite risky for me because I have not had many such events in my life due to social anxiety, and this opportunity really only came about because of a friend's encouragement. They did all the organising etc, but I did write some original music. I always feel a little odd about drawing attention to myself, and I agonisingly soul search wondering if I am doing it for a positive reason or whether I just want praise. Well, sometimes I conclude it honestly might be both reasons and that is OK. We all need a little attention.

But someone on Facebook commented with simply the word 'slurry' and then linked to the wikipedia definition of a slurry pit (basically a pile of shit!!!). This friend is a musician like me though infinitely more talented and has no reason to be jealous. I can't work out if it is a joke or not? It was an odd thing for them to write.

If I am not careful and rational about this, it will prove to me what I always fear: there is no point exposing yourself or trying to be positive because people will just knock you down. I often feel some people (I felt this a lot at school) have the ability to see into my insecure soul and want to just hurt me for having needs. It is a horrid feeling. It sort of feels like bullying, but as is often the case when you have been bullied, you tend to blame yourself. The crazy thing is I can't see that this person is wrong to comment like that, only that I am wrong to have posted something that was seeking praise.

I know I should focus on the positive feedback from friends, but when the one negative thing comes from a fellow musician who I respect enormously, it is difficult to disregard it.
If I were in your shoes I'd have read that as a personal pot shot and would have called him up on it, probably by asking him "what do you mean" (it doesn't have to be a hostile response).

Is it too late to make that sort of reply now? You might feel better for it and also you might clear the air a little should this be a simple misunderstanding (on the off chance).
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  #17  
Old 16th December 2013, 20:50
Pal Pal is offline
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Default Re: Confused and upset by Facebook comment

Quote:
Originally Posted by David K
It's also possible that he didn't post it himself. People leave their phones unattended for a few minutes in pubs, they leave their laptops unlocked while their friends are around, and people post something rude or embarrassing for a laugh. It happens all the time. It seems especially likely if the post was made at 4am. He might not even know that his 'mates' hijacked his account.
Excellent point, keep that in mind as well Cheshire Cat.
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  #18  
Old 16th December 2013, 21:52
The Pigeon The Pigeon is offline
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Default Re: Confused and upset by Facebook comment

If you don't ask what he meant, you will never know.

Just PM him with the quote and a WTF?
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  #19  
Old 17th December 2013, 15:50
rudster rudster is offline
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Default Re: Confused and upset by Facebook comment

Personally, I would ignore it.

In my opinion, that kind of post doesn't warrant a response. I feel sorry for him that he feels necessary to respond in that way. A mixed up bunny, if you ask me.

I would smile at the fact that everybody can see his post and will draw the same conclusions we have - what a dick!

Don't stop making music, it's good for the soul.....
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  #20  
Old 18th December 2013, 11:19
Serephina Serephina is offline
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Default Re: Confused and upset by Facebook comment

If you respect him as a musician then ask him to explain what it was he doesn't like about it,it then gives him the opportunity to say whether it was him and what it was he didn't like about it and you might be able to turn it in to constructive criticism.
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  #21  
Old 19th December 2013, 23:40
Noddy Noddy is offline
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Default Re: Confused and upset by Facebook comment

Friend, for your peace of mind it would be good to ask him directly and privately what he meant by his comment. There could be a whole host of explanations as others have said but you won't know unless you ask, obviously. If he is being a dick then he is a dick and everyone can see it!
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  #22  
Old 1st March 2014, 10:07
indiegirl1980 indiegirl1980 is offline
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Default Re: Confused and upset by Facebook comment

I've read interviews with a lot of famous musicians (Laura Mvuvla being the most recent) in which they describe themselves as shy and seeing music as a way of expressing themselves. Laura commented that she found people coming up to her and saying that they hated her music very hard to take, as she did not see why they felt the need to come up to her and tell her that they hated her.
The trouble with music is that it is so subjective, and there will always be people who are jealous and want to put it down. I hope that hearing that even famous musicians feel this way about opening themselves up to criticism might help.
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  #23  
Old 1st March 2014, 10:09
indiegirl1980 indiegirl1980 is offline
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Default Re: Confused and upset by Facebook comment

Also, ,musicians frequently criticise fellow musicians, even people they've been in the same band with (yes, Lee Mavers, I am looking in your direction). It is a very cynical world nowadays, whereas I'm sure they were more supportive of each other in the 60's and 70's.
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  #24  
Old 7th March 2014, 13:55
Cheshire Cat Cheshire Cat is offline
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Default Re: Confused and upset by Facebook comment

^Thanks, good post indiegirl. Yes I wonder if people aren't quite as supportive of fellow musicians as they once were.

It can, however, help us learn to be more resilient to criticism and it is an inevitable part of getting ourselves out in the world a bit more. It only really hurts when we let it, and think the critic has a point, which is due to our own low estimate of our abilities. Mind you there is a difference better constructive criticism and someone just being plain nasty. Sticks and stones...
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  #25  
Old 7th March 2014, 18:32
Seymour Seymour is offline
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Default Re: Confused and upset by Facebook comment

This is why I don't use facebook
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