#1
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Confused and upset by Facebook comment
I'm a little confused. I put a message on my Facebook wall to advertise a public event which would use some of my music. Mostly I had some nice responses from friends. This is quite risky for me because I have not had many such events in my life due to social anxiety, and this opportunity really only came about because of a friend's encouragement. They did all the organising etc, but I did write some original music. I always feel a little odd about drawing attention to myself, and I agonisingly soul search wondering if I am doing it for a positive reason or whether I just want praise. Well, sometimes I conclude it honestly might be both reasons and that is OK. We all need a little attention.
But someone on Facebook commented with simply the word 'slurry' and then linked to the wikipedia definition of a slurry pit (basically a pile of shit!!!). This friend is a musician like me though infinitely more talented and has no reason to be jealous. I can't work out if it is a joke or not? It was an odd thing for them to write. If I am not careful and rational about this, it will prove to me what I always fear: there is no point exposing yourself or trying to be positive because people will just knock you down. I often feel some people (I felt this a lot at school) have the ability to see into my insecure soul and want to just hurt me for having needs. It is a horrid feeling. It sort of feels like bullying, but as is often the case when you have been bullied, you tend to blame yourself. The crazy thing is I can't see that this person is wrong to comment like that, only that I am wrong to have posted something that was seeking praise. I know I should focus on the positive feedback from friends, but when the one negative thing comes from a fellow musician who I respect enormously, it is difficult to disregard it. |
#2
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Re: Confused and upset by Facebook comment
What a bizarre thing to say I can only interpret that as being nasty. Perhaps you should challenge it and ask for an explanation.
Are you sure they're more talented then you?? |
#3
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Re: Confused and upset by Facebook comment
Hi Rocket Spud. Yes, it is very bizarre. More bizarrely, when I read the comment it said 'posted 11 hours ago' which would have made it about 4am! So maybe they had had a few too many after a rough night!
They are certainly a superior musician to me, and I'm not just knocking myself. I have heard them play piano and they can run rings around me. But we do similar work and they could be threatened by my experience (I'm understandably more experienced because I am older). It is very odd. Yes, you are right, I should challenge it politely but that is quite anxiety producing. |
#4
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Re: Confused and upset by Facebook comment
Do you know much about this person? Is it out of character? If they were intoxicated then they may not of been sound of mind (can you check what else they posted around that time).
I can imagine that you might not want to challenge it lest it becomes something greater. There's also the wait between a response and the anticipation of what may be said, but you have every right to feel indignate. |
#5
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Re: Confused and upset by Facebook comment
It might be that thing what men do when they take the mickey out of each other i have seen some on my fb write some pretty nasty jokey things to each other, and the fact he quoted wiki sounds like its a joke
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#6
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Re: Confused and upset by Facebook comment
^ yes my first impression would be that it was a joke. Is this person a banter/joking kind of person? Quite a few people do the insult/tease/put down thing with friends and they don't mean anything by it.
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#8
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Re: Confused and upset by Facebook comment
I would be direct and ask them what they mean by it. If they are a true friend it's probably just a misunderstanding, I'm slightly prone to failed attempts at bantering myself. If it was meant as an insult then that's one less Christmas card you'll need to send.
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#9
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Re: Confused and upset by Facebook comment
Block them and purge their comment. Or you should accept that people say things online they'd never say in person and typically online communication is crude and unexpressive of subtleties. I think you care too much for the opinions of this character, and life is too short to waste time on people like that. And people never change. He'll still be sneering at your success when you win the Golden Lute or whatever the equivalent of a Nobel Prize is for musicians!
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#10
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Re: Confused and upset by Facebook comment
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#11
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Re: Confused and upset by Facebook comment
Thanks for the replies everyone. It could be a joke, however I don't really feel I know him well enough (or him me) to have that sort of banter and openness and it just sounds nasty.
If it is jealousy I'd understand that, as we all feel jealousy from time to time, but what I don't get is the comment (which my other friends would have seen). It is really odd when there is something about you that someone just takes an instant disliking to, and no matter how friendly you are to them, it builds up. I think this particular individual may have sensed from previous meetings that I don't like them (this is not true, although I am a little nervous around them because, as I said, I am intimidated by their superb musicianship), but if I haven't treated a person badly, they have no right to be aggressive toward me. |
#12
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Re: Confused and upset by Facebook comment
When it comes to music or anything creative I always do it for myself and only value my own opinion of how good or bad it is.
As with everything you do some people will like it and some people will hate it - ignore the haters or the jealous, they're not worth any of your energy. This other musician may or may not be better than you but he could also be very insecure - insecure people often feel the need to show off to get praise as well as put others down. Self expression is always risky and you should be congratulated for putting your music out there. But I always think listening to other peoples opinion is a mistake as it can alter what you do when you should really concentrate on doing things your own way, as this is what makes it individual and special. |
#13
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Re: Confused and upset by Facebook comment
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#15
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Re: Confused and upset by Facebook comment
It's also possible that he didn't post it himself. People leave their phones unattended for a few minutes in pubs, they leave their laptops unlocked while their friends are around, and people post something rude or embarrassing for a laugh. It happens all the time. It seems especially likely if the post was made at 4am. He might not even know that his 'mates' hijacked his account.
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#16
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Re: Confused and upset by Facebook comment
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Is it too late to make that sort of reply now? You might feel better for it and also you might clear the air a little should this be a simple misunderstanding (on the off chance). |
#17
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Re: Confused and upset by Facebook comment
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#18
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Re: Confused and upset by Facebook comment
If you don't ask what he meant, you will never know.
Just PM him with the quote and a WTF? |
#19
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Re: Confused and upset by Facebook comment
Personally, I would ignore it.
In my opinion, that kind of post doesn't warrant a response. I feel sorry for him that he feels necessary to respond in that way. A mixed up bunny, if you ask me. I would smile at the fact that everybody can see his post and will draw the same conclusions we have - what a dick! Don't stop making music, it's good for the soul..... |
#20
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Re: Confused and upset by Facebook comment
If you respect him as a musician then ask him to explain what it was he doesn't like about it,it then gives him the opportunity to say whether it was him and what it was he didn't like about it and you might be able to turn it in to constructive criticism.
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#21
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Re: Confused and upset by Facebook comment
Friend, for your peace of mind it would be good to ask him directly and privately what he meant by his comment. There could be a whole host of explanations as others have said but you won't know unless you ask, obviously. If he is being a dick then he is a dick and everyone can see it!
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#22
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Re: Confused and upset by Facebook comment
I've read interviews with a lot of famous musicians (Laura Mvuvla being the most recent) in which they describe themselves as shy and seeing music as a way of expressing themselves. Laura commented that she found people coming up to her and saying that they hated her music very hard to take, as she did not see why they felt the need to come up to her and tell her that they hated her.
The trouble with music is that it is so subjective, and there will always be people who are jealous and want to put it down. I hope that hearing that even famous musicians feel this way about opening themselves up to criticism might help. |
#23
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Re: Confused and upset by Facebook comment
Also, ,musicians frequently criticise fellow musicians, even people they've been in the same band with (yes, Lee Mavers, I am looking in your direction). It is a very cynical world nowadays, whereas I'm sure they were more supportive of each other in the 60's and 70's.
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#24
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Re: Confused and upset by Facebook comment
^Thanks, good post indiegirl. Yes I wonder if people aren't quite as supportive of fellow musicians as they once were.
It can, however, help us learn to be more resilient to criticism and it is an inevitable part of getting ourselves out in the world a bit more. It only really hurts when we let it, and think the critic has a point, which is due to our own low estimate of our abilities. Mind you there is a difference better constructive criticism and someone just being plain nasty. Sticks and stones... |
#25
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Re: Confused and upset by Facebook comment
This is why I don't use facebook
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