Driving Lessons with Anxiety

[bey0ndanxious]

Just thought I would update this thread -

Whilst I'm aware a lot of my anxiety stems from my own issues, I now know that my instructor has a part to play. I've had 7 lessons with him now and he's becoming very blunt and obviously frustrated with my lack of progress. He huffs at me for making the same mistakes, patronises me by making me talk through what I'm doing e.g. "I'm turning the wheel, changing gear" etc. & really batters my confidence in my drive.

I'm not long away from my test so I'll update again whether or not I pass, but it again seems I've wasted time and money on an instructor who isn't helpful and honestly quite rude.


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[MJC]

Originally Posted by bey0ndanxious

Just thought I would update this thread -

Whilst I'm aware a lot of my anxiety stems from my own issues, I now know that my instructor has a part to play. I've had 7 lessons with him now and he's becoming very blunt and obviously frustrated with my lack of progress. He huffs at me for making the same mistakes, patronises me by making me talk through what I'm doing e.g. "I'm turning the wheel, changing gear" etc. & really batters my confidence in my drive.

I'm not long away from my test so I'll update again whether or not I pass, but it again seems I've wasted time and money on an instructor who isn't helpful and honestly quite rude.


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Doing driving lessons can be very stressful, more so when you suffer from anxiety and low self-esteem.

Your instructor doesn't sound like a very patient person, a quality someone of his profession really needs. I would suggest changing to someone new but this can set you back a bit as the new instructor will probably have their own teaching style and will likely want a couple of lessons to observe what you've learned so far.

I was very fortunate to have a very laid back instructor. He was very patient and didn't raise his voice when I made a mistake but rather just spoke in a rather relaxing voice which really makes the difference. Even when I hit a kerb and scuffed one of his wheels he was just like "don't worry, just relax and concentrate"
One mistake I made was when I was attempting a 3 point turn. I got half way into the turn and had a complete brain freeze moment where I couldn't remember what direction I'd come from or what direction I was turning the car. In the end I ended up turning facing the direction I was travelling and after a brief pause he just turned and said "that was very good, your control of the wheel, throttle and clutch is excellent. But one thing, you didn't complete the 3 point turn because we're now going the wrong way". He said it in such a way that we both were able to just laugh it off.
He also would regularly have me do some random stuff. Like after my hour was over he would ask if I was in any rush home..."no"..."ok great drive me home so I can get my lunch". I would then drive him home and he would run in for his lunch and come out again with it. I would then drive to my house whilst he sat eating, all full up for his next student. Other times he would have me pull into the petrol station so he could fill up.

Anyway I started learning on 14 January and I passed my test first time on 23 March.
A friend of mine at the time started learning in the December and he was still driving round a car park with his instructor at the end of January whereas I was straight onto the roads. He passed his test 2 months after me.

If you should happen to fail your upcoming test (hoping you don't) then maybe consider looking for a new instructor.

Best of luck with it. I'll watch this thread for progress updates

[bey0ndanxious]

Originally Posted by MJC

Doing driving lessons can be very stressful, more so when you suffer from anxiety and low self-esteem.

Your instructor doesn't sound like a very patient person, a quality someone of his profession really needs. I would suggest changing to someone new but this can set you back a bit as the new instructor will probably have their own teaching style and will likely want a couple of lessons to observe what you've learned so far.

I was very fortunate to have a very laid back instructor. He was very patient and didn't raise his voice when I made a mistake but rather just spoke in a rather relaxing voice which really makes the difference. Even when I hit a kerb and scuffed one of his wheels he was just like "don't worry, just relax and concentrate"
One mistake I made was when I was attempting a 3 point turn. I got half way into the turn and had a complete brain freeze moment where I couldn't remember what direction I'd come from or what direction I was turning the car. In the end I ended up turning facing the direction I was travelling and after a brief pause he just turned and said "that was very good, your control of the wheel, throttle and clutch is excellent. But one thing, you didn't complete the 3 point turn because we're now going the wrong way". He said it in such a way that we both were able to just laugh it off.
He also would regularly have me do some random stuff. Like after my hour was over he would ask if I was in any rush home..."no"..."ok great drive me home so I can get my lunch". I would then drive him home and he would run in for his lunch and come out again with it. I would then drive to my house whilst he sat eating, all full up for his next student. Other times he would have me pull into the petrol station so he could fill up.

Anyway I started learning on 14 January and I passed my test first time on 23 March.
A friend of mine at the time started learning in the December and he was still driving round a car park with his instructor at the end of January whereas I was straight onto the roads. He passed his test 2 months after me.

If you should happen to fail your upcoming test (hoping you don't) then maybe consider looking for a new instructor.

Best of luck with it. I'll watch this thread for progress updates

Hi MJC

Well I did a mock test and failed 4 times with 14 minors. I was expecting to fail anyway but my confidence has just been knocked left right and centre. My test is next week and my instructor wanted me to do more lessons but I've already spent so much money and I'm not sure the lessons would've been useful.

Your instructor sounded so lovely, I wish I'd have received that kind of person. I've decided to not do anymore lessons, and to just do the test in my grandads car rather than the instructors. He just wasn't looking out for my interests.

[michelle06]

^ An instructor can play a huge part! My first instructor - in the first lesson he taught me how to use the clutch. We spent two hours sitting in a car with him explaining to me what a clutch is and how to use it...zzzz. Then, he didn't even bother to turn up for my second lesson! I was determined not to let that set me back, though. I was going to learn to drive regardless! The driving school gave me a second instructor who was young and got me driving straightaway. Unfortunately, he also turned out to be a pervert! I spent most lessons getting felt up. However, with SA, I didn't want the hassle of getting a new instructor so I just stuck with him (stupid now, I realise). Well, I failed my first test and then he announced to me that I'd need to get a new instructor as he wasn't actually fully qualified and had just failed HIS test!

After that, I took a month's break (I'd spent all that money and HAD to pass my test to make it worth it), went with a different driving school in Kettering rather than Leicester and got to drive a BMW instead of a Ford Fiesta. He turned up on time, he wasn't rushing to his next appointment and kicking me out of the car, and he wasn't feeling me up. I passed second time.

If you do fail, don't give up, because it is worth it. It's just unfortunate that there are a lot of crap driving instructors about! It's hard enough finding the motivation to start learning to drive when you have SA, let alone continuing when you seem to encounter behaviour that other people seem better equipped to deal with.

[Ajax Amsterdam]

I totally agree that having a good instructor is essential. To me, a good instructor not only understands the workings of a car and the rules of the road, but is also good with people too. My first instructor knew cars and the road, but was absolutely hopeless with people. He truly was awful. Constantly criticising in a non-constructive way. Comparing me with other pupils he had, getting clearly wound up when I made mistakes while also waffling about his own woes in life. Thank god he left the job, because I really don't think he had the people skills required for it.

When he left it coincided with me also going away for a few weeks holiday. When I came back my confidence was so shot to bits by that clown that it took another six months to pluck up the courage to start again. I used a different driving school this time, and was allocated a dream of an instructor. Skilled at the job and someone who understood people too. Nurturing, encouraging and understanding. He never got frustrated with me despite me making the same basic errors a million times over, and he was very patient from day one right to the day I passed. I can't thank that guy enough.

[bey0ndanxious]

Thanks guys for responding. I’m going through with the test - doing it in a family car. Everything’s led up to this test so even though I’m not expecting to pass, I’d be more disappointed if I didn’t at least try- I did spend so much money after all.

I informed my instructor that I wouldn’t need him anymore and he didn’t even have the decency to respond. Just shows I was right about his intentions. My test is on Friday so I’ll make sure to update this thread whether I pass or not! Fingers crossed though.


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[MJC]

Good luck with it.

Whatever you do don't give up. Taking a break from learning could set you back weeks or months, and in the long run cost more money to get more lessons etc.

[Oddity]

bey0ndanxious, is your ex-instructor from a driving school or independent?

Good luck with the test! I've got mine booked for early December

[bey0ndanxious]

Thanks MJC, I don’t plan on taking a break, I’ve come too far to stop now. I’m determined to beat this thing! I already have my car waiting for me too, so that’s my motivation.


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[bey0ndanxious]

Originally Posted by Oddity

bey0ndanxious, is your ex-instructor from a driving school or independent?



Good luck with the test! I've got mine booked for early December

Both my instructors have been from driving schools ironically! You assume the people from schools wouldn’t mess you around, but clearly they do. And thanks for the well wishes! I’m wishing you luck too for December, please do let me know how you get on when the time comes

[Oddity]

Ah that'll be your problem then If you go back to one have a look for an independent in your local area What I like about mine is he is trying to make me a good driver, not just pass my test (plus I didn't need to ring him which was a deal breaker )

Thanks Did you pass your theory ok? I failed mine the first time, I realise now I was clicking too early on the hazard perception

[Toxic]

^ That hazard perception is bollocks, I remember losing a few marks on that because although I'd clicked on a hazard (crazy cyclist flying through a roundabout or something) ...no, no I was suppose to click on the reversing car 20 seconds later

[Ajax Amsterdam]

Good luck with your test, bey0ndanxious. Fingers crossed.
What car do you have waiting for you?

Keep going. You'll get there...

[bey0ndanxious]

Originally Posted by Oddity

Ah that'll be your problem then If you go back to one have a look for an independent in your local area What I like about mine is he is trying to make me a good driver, not just pass my test (plus I didn't need to ring him which was a deal breaker )



Thanks Did you pass your theory ok? I failed mine the first time, I realise now I was clicking too early on the hazard perception

Yes I passed first time! Out of sheer luck, mind. I’m OK with the theory side of things, which is why I’m struggling so much with the practical aspect, I think! Your instructor sounds like exactly what I need! Will definitely look into this if I don’t pass

[bey0ndanxious]

Originally Posted by Ajax Amsterdam

Good luck with your test, bey0ndanxious. Fingers crossed.
What car do you have waiting for you?

Keep going. You'll get there...

Thanks Ajax! I bought myself a little Peugeot 206! Can’t wait to take her for a spin haha

[bey0ndanxious]

Updating this thread. Failed the test, 2 serious and one dangerous faults. Serious faults were both because of mirrors and the dangerous was because of not steering enough into a tight corner. No faults for manoeuvres (reversing round a corner and emergency stop), vehicle safety questions etc. Literally so frustrated!


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[MJC]

Originally Posted by bey0ndanxious

Updating this thread. Failed the test, 2 serious and one dangerous faults. Serious faults were both because of mirrors and the dangerous was because of not steering enough into a tight corner. No faults for manoeuvres (reversing round a corner and emergency stop), vehicle safety questions etc. Literally so frustrated!


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Try not to fret on it. Re-book and go again. Don't give up.

[Ajax Amsterdam]

Sorry to hear you didn't pass this time. I know it's a blow, but don't give up. You WILL get there.

Ps. Well done for getting this far. It's an achievement in itself for anyone who suffers with bad anxiety. You may not have secured your licence today, but you have still made much progress. Keep going!!!

[bey0ndanxious]

Originally Posted by MJC

Try not to fret on it. Re-book and go again. Don't give up.

I booked it again as soon as I got back. So disappointed but trying to put it out of my head for now

[bey0ndanxious]

Originally Posted by Ajax Amsterdam

Sorry to hear you didn't pass this time. I know it's a blow, but don't give up. You WILL get there.

Ps. Well done for getting this far. It's an achievement in itself for anyone who suffers with bad anxiety. You may not have secured your licence today, but you have still made much progress. Keep going!!!

Thank you! Needed this. I felt so much pressure to pass first time because most of my family did. They all say it doesn’t matter but no one wants to be the one who doesn’t pass like the rest. Don’t give myself much credit though, you’re right. I have come a long way!

[Oddity]

Ah sorry to hear you failed, but there is a lot of luck involved. I have a family member who was an instructor years ago, he said the worst drivers he had were the ones who passed first time, confidence often trumps skill.

When's your next test?

[bey0ndanxious]

That’s true oddity! A lot say when you don’t pass first time you’re more experienced and less likely to cause an accident etc. So I’m just trying to take everything as it comes and not beat myself up. I booked the test as soon as I got back so it’s on Wednesday by some luck!


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[Lolo36]

i dreaded my driving lessons, I was so embarrassed when i made mistakes and I was so nervous, I made a stupid mistake on my test and failed, I was mortified, but it's worth soldiering on, i was a nervous wreck but i managed to pass eventually, my anxiety is so bad, i think if i could anyone can

[Oddity]

^ That's the way to do it I think what puzzles many people is they cock up things they wouldn't normally due to anxiety.

^^ How'd you get one so soon! Good luck! I've got mirrors so hardcoded into me that I can't do anything without checking them first My big problems seem to be coming in too fast at roundabouts, and forgetting to indicate

[newbs16]

Well done for booking another test straight away, at least you have an idea what to expect next time and even though you failed you should be proud of yourself, well done.

[ynwa247]

i passed on my 5th try ;_; i failed my 4th at the last corner but my first 3 tests were totally messy i think i learned quicker because of it

i actually only wanted to get my license so i wouldn't have to worry about doing it in the future, as i don't really like driving

[bey0ndanxious]

Originally Posted by ynwa247

i passed on my 5th try ;_; i failed my 4th at the last corner but my first 3 tests were totally messy i think i learned quicker because of it

i actually only wanted to get my license so i wouldn't have to worry about doing it in the future, as i don't really like driving

Even though I know there’s nothing wrong with not passing first time, I still beat myself up for it. The two tiers of anxiety right? Knowing you’re being irrational but also believing you’re being completely reasonable.

[bey0ndanxious]

Originally Posted by Lolo36

i dreaded my driving lessons, I was so embarrassed when i made mistakes and I was so nervous, I made a stupid mistake on my test and failed, I was mortified, but it's worth soldiering on, i was a nervous wreck but i managed to pass eventually, my anxiety is so bad, i think if i could anyone can

Thanks Lolo. I get embarrassed when making mistakes too; I’m already worrying about the inevitable mistakes I’ll make after I pass (eventually) in front of family, because they’ll expect me to be a pro. (They won’t really but still I worry). I’m going to soldier on and beat this thing, I just need to get out of my head.

[bey0ndanxious]

Originally Posted by newbs16

Well done for booking another test straight away, at least you have an idea what to expect next time and even though you failed you should be proud of yourself, well done.

Thank you Newbs! I booked it as soon as I got home, so my anxiety couldn’t talk me out of it.

[bey0ndanxious]

Originally Posted by Oddity

^ That's the way to do it I think what puzzles many people is they cock up things they wouldn't normally due to anxiety.



^^ How'd you get one so soon! Good luck! I've got mirrors so hardcoded into me that I can't do anything without checking them first My big problems seem to be coming in too fast at roundabouts, and forgetting to indicate

I don’t know I got so lucky! It was either Wednesday or the end of November so I’m glad I got there quick. Just hope I pass this time so I don’t have to wait way longer next time. I have that issue too, I’m always going too fast at roundabouts and kind of graze the other lane! Just gotta keep at it I guess