Social Networking Sites

am1000 · #1 11th December 2009, 13:31

Hi everyone.

It's been recommended to me by my therapist that I join one or more social networking sites. I don't really know where to start with this, or what to do if/when I've joined.

I don't know what I would put on Facebook or MySpace for example. My understanding is that you use these to keep in touch with friends etc. Unfortunately for me I don't have anyone to keep in touch with. Can these sort of sites be used to meet people?

Does anybody use these, and if so what for? How do you find them? What are the benefits if any?

Any help or info would be much appreciated. I'd especially like to hear about any positive experiences anyone has had.

Thanks, Andy

Taking That Shot · #2 11th December 2009, 22:39

Facebook bores me. You get people from your earlier life adding you in a heartbeat, only to have them never speak to you or anything. It's all about fatting out their friends list, because amount = winner.

Anyways, even if you have nobody to stay in touch with, just by signing up you'll get requests, as you're the 'new guy' and people looking for contacts will see you for a few days. Happened to me.

Gotta say, its odd to hear social networking sites as a suggestion by a therapist...

mattty · #3 11th December 2009, 22:51

You could say that SAUK is a sort of social networking site when you think about it.

Opera Ghost · #4 12th December 2009, 01:11

I don't know if these count as social networking, but if you dont feel comfortable with Facebook and Myspace and similar sites, you could always try joining more forums. Find a forum based on one of your interests and join that. People you meet will have something to talk about with you already because of your common interest and it's not as personal as a Myspace page or a Facebook page. (In my opinion anyway).

I've joined plenty. I feel more comfortable talking to people on forums, which is why I'm glad I joined here!

Blumoon · #5 12th December 2009, 10:30

Can't believe they told you to join facebook :|
Don't!
It's true what they others said, today i got a half arsed measage frm an old pal. I kinda thought 'coulda put more effort in' :|
but i'll reply to it.

Nobody actually talks to you unless they're yr best pal

not one person i added from school messaged or inboxed me, well one did actually, but she was nice to me in school aswell.
Also waste of time & popularity contest tbh.

But it woud be good if you wanted to see what people are up to now, see their pics/how much they've changed etc.

Sunset · #6 12th December 2009, 10:34

I would say avoid it. I had one guy from uni add me..and then ignore 2 messages from me...I thought he was an ignorant individual and bumped him of my list.

before that id always liked him at uni.

pinkwafer · #7 12th December 2009, 10:37

I don't get why your therapist told you to join social networking sites

How can they possibily benefit an indivdual who has social anxiety? If anything, it will add to the feeling of lonliness, seeing all the the people from your past who are having the time of their lives out there doing stuff. I have a facebook (but didn't stoop so low as to add everyone I ever knew in an attempt to compensate for my lack of real-friends) primarily to look at photos of my brother and his family who live in Sydney...thats the main reason I have it. Every once and a while I think...'oh I'll look for so-and-so from school' so I look and then feel perhaps a tinge of jealousy that they are having (or appear to be having) the most fantastic years of their lives...while I am trapped in a mindframe of when I was fourteen....these people are doing proper adult things.

Well anyway thats just my opinion of it.

Surely this site could be classed as a social networking site?

And it would benefit you much more?

Blue Haze · #8 12th December 2009, 10:38

I permanently deleted my facebook account. It just got too much for me, couldn't handle it. It might be different for you though.

talisman · #9 12th December 2009, 11:27

There's no harm in having a Facebook page but it seems a bit strange to suggest to someone with SA. There half a dozen good web forum communities to join, but the only social networking community I can think of that's relevant is anxietytribe and they don't do anything different from the norm to help SA people meet one another...its all left down to you to make first contact.

pinkwafer · #10 12th December 2009, 11:28

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rebecca K

Why are you checking out other people knowing that it might upset up. I couldn't give a stuff as to what the people I knew are up to. I will never even bother looking them up.

I still think it's a good thing as long as it is used properly. As I have already said, a friend from another site was told to do the same by his therapist and he has set his site up so I will let you know how he gets on with it.

By the way, if you do set it up, PM me and we can be friends on the site if you want. As I have also said, I am only using my site for SA people, so you will see how the site can operate with like minded people that I have recently chatted to online instead of extinct people from the past

No lol it doesn't always upset me :P

teal · #11 12th December 2009, 11:35

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rebecca K

By the way, if you do set it up, PM me and we can be friends on the site if you want. As I have also said, I am only using my site for SA people, so you will see how the site can operate with like minded people that I have recently chatted to online instead of extinct people from the past

So, is it possible to set it up so that only people you invite can find you? I'd be more likely to do it if I could have time to get used to it and how it works without getting unexpected contact/requests from people from my past/people I don't know.

teal · #12 12th December 2009, 12:07

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rebecca K

No, anyone can find you on the site from a list but they can't access your information unless you approve them. (If you have set it up that way).

Someone from your past would either have to know you email address, which I doubt they would know if you haven't contacted them in a long time or search under your name. If you use a name they won't relate to you (the joint facebook page my husband and I have is under our dogs name, so no one from the past finds us via that), then they won't track you down. Using an odd user name filters out most people so if you don't want to be tracked down do that.

Sorry to keep asking stupid questions, but does that mean that anyone you accept also gets to know your email address? Or just that somehow knowing my email address would allow them to find me? I realise I could set up an email just for facebook if I wanted to, but that's more faff. I have concerns not just about being contacted but also about dealing with not approving people. I know how that sort of thing would upset me and I don't want to have to do that to someone.

am1000 · #13 12th December 2009, 13:47

Thanks for all the responses so far. Incidently does anyone know how I can include the 'originally posted by...' blurb when I'm quoting from a previous post - feel a bit rude not doing this.

Quote:

Gotta say, its odd to hear social networking sites as a suggestion by a therapist...

Quote:

I don't get why your therapist told you to join social networking sites. How can they possibily benefit an indivdual who has social anxiety? If anything, it will add to the feeling of lonliness, seeing all the the people from your past who are having the time of their lives out there doing stuff.

I think the point is that it's a way of making contact with people quite quickly and expand the range of people that I interact with (which is pretty limited at the moment). Having said that, I'm not convinced - mainly because I don't have a bloody clue what to do with one of these things once I've signed up and created a profile.

I have actually joined a site called aNobii, with is a networking site based around books - I feel like I'd actually have something to contribute to this.

Quote:

I don't know if these count as social networking, but if you dont feel comfortable with Facebook and Myspace and similar sites, you could always try joining more forums. Find a forum based on one of your interests and join that. People you meet will have something to talk about with you already because of your common interest and it's not as personal as a Myspace page or a Facebook page. (In my opinion anyway).

This makes more sense to me at the moment and I can get my head around it. It also would involve less exposure and therefore less anxiety I would imagine.

Cheers, Andy

Emmyclaire · #14 12th December 2009, 14:29

I think messageboards and forums are a better way to meet people, though even then you have to put considerable effort in to be noticed and make friends.

Omar Little · #15 12th December 2009, 15:03

Quote:

Originally Posted by am1000

Thanks for all the responses so far. Incidently does anyone know how I can include the 'originally posted by...' blurb when I'm quoting from a previous post - feel a bit rude not doing this.

I think the point is that it's a way of making contact with people quite quickly and expand the range of people that I interact with (which is pretty limited at the moment). Having said that, I'm not convinced - mainly because I don't have a bloody clue what to do with one of these things once I've signed up and created a profile.

I have actually joined a site called aNobii, with is a networking site based around books - I feel like I'd actually have something to contribute to this.

This makes more sense to me at the moment and I can get my head around it. It also would involve less exposure and therefore less anxiety I would imagine.

Cheers, Andy

hmmm anobii looks alright, i think i'll have a better look later on. i gotta start reading more again.

Amber Fyre · #16 12th December 2009, 15:20

Quote:

Originally Posted by am1000

Incidently does anyone know how I can include the 'originally posted by...' blurb when I'm quoting from a previous post - feel a bit rude not doing this.

When you click 'quote' on the bottom right corner of a post you will quote a person with the 'originally posted by...' bit already there.

Alex76 · #17 12th December 2009, 20:07

I think facebook is pretty cool. True, alot of my old contacts on my friends list I don't speak to but it's still interesting to know what they're up to from their status updates etc.
I'm not that bothered about people reading my personal info to be honest - I'm one of the few with a public profile - though I have removed my date of birth. I see the internet as a tool to be alot more 'out there' then I am in the real world.

If you wanna make new friends on facebook a good way is to join one of the many 'add me' or friendship groups - friends unlimited, meet new people, let's be friends etc, etc.
Having said that many of the people in these groups just want to bulk up the numbers on their friends list or recruit people to be in their maffia wars (some kind of game that I know very little about) gang. However if you write on the wall of the group saying that you're only interested in adding new friends who actually talk once in a while you might be in luck.

Opera Ghost · #18 12th December 2009, 20:19

Quote:

Originally Posted by becky1789

Every once and a while I think...'oh I'll look for so-and-so from school' so I look and then feel perhaps a tinge of jealousy that they are having (or appear to be having) the most fantastic years of their lives...while I am trapped in a mindframe of when I was fourteen....these people are doing proper adult things.

Well, that can also work in the opposite way too. I just had a FB experience with an old classmate and it turned out he's a right arse now rather than doing well.
It was bittersweet though. There's another potential problem with joining online site: some people are so much more insensitive online

Blumoon · #19 12th December 2009, 20:59

Quote:

Originally Posted by Alex76

If you wanna make new friends on facebook a good way is to join one of the many 'add me' or friendship groups - friends unlimited, meet new people, let's be friends etc, etc.
Having said that many of the people in these groups just want to bulk up the numbers on their friends list or recruit people to be in their maffia wars (some kind of game that I know very little about) gang. However if you write on the wall of the group saying that you're only interested in adding new friends who actually talk once in a while you might be in luck.

I added a realy nice guy on add group. He was lovely, i mean, he still actually comments..i deleted the rest that didn't want to know me.

I mean, i feel amazin because out of his 800 friends (who all look like teenage plastics) he still wants to know me

..quite amazin rly.

spin66 · #20 13th December 2009, 09:32

Quote:

Originally Posted by 2oShawtyo9

Can't believe they told you to join facebook

Sounds like the therapist couldn't think of what other advice to give........

run out of ideas? my neighbour could have told me that

Alex76 · #21 13th December 2009, 20:09

Quote:

Originally Posted by 2oShawtyo9

I added a realy nice guy on add group. He was lovely, i mean, he still actually comments..i deleted the rest that didn't want to know me.

I mean, i feel amazin because out of his 800 friends (who all look like teenage plastics) he still wants to know me

..quite amazin rly.

That's pretty cool. It's good to know those add me groups can be worthwhile every once in a while. I might have a bash at putting up a fresh batch of add me messages on some of these groups. Trouble is I always feel bad about deleting the undesirables one's - though it dosen't stop me in the end lol. Had this one guy who's every status update was a quote from the bible. He didn't last long.

Big LOL @ teenage plastics - I have plenty of those types on my myspace friends list - not that I ever speak to any of them but their pics are worth a peek every now and then

am1000 · #22 13th December 2009, 20:35

Quote:

Originally Posted by 2oShawtyo9

Can't believe they told you to join facebook :|

Quote:

Originally Posted by spin66

Sounds like the therapist couldn't think of what other advice to give........

They didn't tell me to join Facebook specifically. They suggested that joining a social networking site might be a good way for me to start interacting with people right away, rather than waiting for real world interactions (which I am making progress with) which won't happen all the time.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Alex76

I see the internet as a tool to be alot more 'out there' then I am in the real world.

If you wanna make new friends on facebook a good way is to join one of the many 'add me' or friendship groups - friends unlimited, meet new people, let's be friends etc, etc.

This sounds quite promising - I'm tempted to give it a go.

spin66 · #23 14th December 2009, 06:42

Quote:

Originally Posted by am1000

They didn't tell me to join Facebook specifically. They suggested that joining a social networking site might be a good way for me to start interacting with people right away, rather than waiting for real world interactions (which I am making progress with) which won't happen all the time.

know your balance and hold the real life versus online talking though- don't let either slip or one take over the other

indiegirl1980 · #24 14th December 2009, 18:54

It seems odd that s/he would encourage you to spend even more time staring at a computer screen- I'd have thought that the advice would be that you should get out more.

am1000 · #25 14th December 2009, 19:51

Quote:

Originally Posted by spin66

know your balance and hold the real life versus online talking though- don't let either slip or one take over the other

I've got no intention of doing.

Quote:

Originally Posted by indiegirl1980

It seems odd that s/he would encourage you to spend even more time staring at a computer screen- I'd have thought that the advice would be that you should get out more.

That is the advice really, the internet sites are just a sort of stepping stone or stop gap measure I suppose. The point being, I can get on the web and interact at any time (such as now), whilst it's not always convenient to be out meaning people (or I might be too anxious).

I'd much rather have meaningful face to face contact (no offence to anyone), but these things take time. Being on this forum and interacting with people is a help.