Needing some support and encouragement.

[Superfred]

Hi,

I feel a bit selfish but I could really use some support.

Basically, I have had 4 weeks off from work becuase I tried moving into a new house with 2 other lads and felt I had pushed myself too far.

Now, I think I should try to return to work but this will involve looking for new accomodation. This will be very difficult for me and it'd be nice to here some words of encouragement. I know if I go ahead with I will be extremely lonely and depressed at first and will most likely be glued to this site on the evenings. I am scared thinking about it all now :/

Thanks,

Darren

[SS1]

Sounds like you have pushed yourself a little too far just now - well done for trying - give yourself some credit for that! It's important to focus on the positive especially when things go wrong - recovering from SA can be three steps forward and four steps back sometimes - but it's worth the effort in the long run. Good Luck

[Superfred]

Originally Posted by 2020hindsight

Hey congrats on moving into a new house even if it hasn't worked out Sounds like a very positive thing to achieve. Go easy on yourself about returning to work - if you're going to be looking for a new house at the same time then it'll be a lot to deal with all at once. Look after yourself first and foremost.

Thanks 2020.

I haven't moved by my own choice unfortunately and this is making it harder. I am not too bothered about returning to work, in fact I welcome it because I need the distractions.

I am just scared of making the wrong decision again. But I did read somewhere that successful people don't get put off by failing once. So, I guess I should give it another go...now that I am feeling stronger.

[peterjohn]

Could I suggest not worrying about your house move not working out .....how about the thought that a set-back is an opportunity....for a come back. Keep on being positive cos that's how in the end your most likely to end up where you wish to be. Remember tomorrow is another new day for you to make it the best it can be.
Wishing you good fortune
Peter

[teal]

Originally Posted by Superfred

Thanks 2020.

I am just scared of making the wrong decision again. But I did read somewhere that successful people don't get put off by failing once. So, I guess I should give it another go...now that I am feeling stronger.

I think you've got something here. Not just that most successful people have a whole string of failures behind them, but also that they don't necessarily view such things as failures. I mean that they don't take total responsibility for whatever happened, so, to someone else, it wouldn't even be a personal failure that the flatshare didn't work out, it would be the fault of the other people, or just a thing that happened because you didn't get on, just like you can't blame oil for not mixing with water.... Or another example, if I go out and get soaked in the rain, I beat myself up for not thinking ahead and taking an umbrella just in case, but someone else would just think, 'stupid British weather'. The end result is I'm wet and have a downer on myself, they are just wet. I'm rambling, but there's a thread in Recovery about ACT, and the link to the article explains better what I am trying to say.

Very best of luck, it might be uncomfortable at the beginning, but as long as you keep trying, you'll get there.

[peterjohn]

Very much agree with your very good post Teal. These days I'm much better at not beating myself up and having a downer when things don't work out - it's just the way things sometimes are and the job in hand is to work my way out and forwards, even when it isn't easy, and when I do something stupid like leaving my new diary and Christmas cards on the bus....well I just go out and buy a new set.....and surprised myself by not having a downer.....like accepting that sometimes I mess up......but bring all my energy to making today as successful as I can.......never mind what yesterday was like....good or bad....
cos my determination is that today really will be the best day I can make it and that nothing can rob me of that determination !!!!
Looks like I will be on London Tonight !!! coming to my estate - I've been asked to take part !!!

[Superfred]

Thanks for the replies. Maybe it will help me to write clearly the delima I feel I am in.

Basically my girlffriend dumped me 3 weeks ago and because we lived together near her family and friends I decided to move out of the house. (I didn't have much choice really) My job is in Cardiff and I am on a temporary contract until March which they are likely to extend if I go back.

So this has left me with a decision to make which I have narrowed down to 3 options.

1.Find new accomodation in Cardiff

I could move down to Cardiff. This would involve a lot of change and adapting and a lot of facing my fears.

Positives: I will keep my job and will meet new people.

Negatives: I will have to face a lot of fears - not just facing memories of my ex or bumping into her but things like learning to drive in the city (which I am ****ing petrified about - sorry for language). Also, I will be away from a lot of my close friends and be nowhere near any family. (This was true during my relationship but it's easier to cope with then.)

2.Move back home to my mum.

I could move to my mums. I would have no job but could live for next to nothing.

Positives: I will have my mum and friends close. Could rekindle a band (something I have always wanted to do.) Could live cheaply. Can focus on myself.

Negative: No job. Long days of doing nothing, getting bored, having no money to do anything, falling further into depression.

3.Move to Kent

I could move to Kent where my brothers live.

Positive: Will have lots of family near me. No job but better job oppurtunities than living with my mum. Nice new area, new people and new friends.

Negative: Have to go through the looking for work struggle. Have to live with my brother for a while and feel like a bum. Would have to eventually find new accomodation and might not be able to afford it.

I will try to add more to this post to help me assess my situation. Input greatly welcome. Thanks, Darren