Not knowing what is APPROPRIATE to say

[tooshytosay]

To me, it all just boils down to this.

In any given situation, I just find it extremely difficult to find things to say that are appropriate to that situation.

And whilst people usually associate "appropriateness" with formal situations... I've realized that in fact, it applies to ALL social situations in life. You can even take a group of teenagers simply 'hanging out' for example - the words they speak are highly.. appropriate for the situation they're in. Generally, no one speaks anything that "sticks out" or disrupts the flow.

And to me, that is the hard part. I have found that social interaction is, by no means, a "free, wide-open, do-as-you-will" arena. There are so many constraints, so many unwritten rules, so many things.. that are expected of people. Put it this way:

People say things that are expected
Within a broad range of expectable things they'll say
In a manner that is expected
At an expected time
Within an expectable context
With expectable wording

Break any of those expectations - you immediately find yourself in a stilted conversation, you find the crowd going silent - for you have said something out of the blue, or at least in a manner that is. And of course, the definition of what is NOT "out of the blue" is often very narrow.

And this is why social interaction seems incredibly hard to me. Whatever I say, or do, with any group of people, always disrupts that seamless flow of social interaction.

[peterjohn]

My feeling is to listen well to what people are saying and respond with interest. Appearing and behaving as though your confident probably helps a lot. Maybe partly due to my senior age I try as much as possible to worry not, even if an adverse comment is directed at me. Practise makes it easier and my base attitude is to try and enjoy the challenge of engaging with a person or people.

[Dan1987]

There's no such thing as the "right thing to say". forsure there are things that are more appropriate to reply with than others, but that doesnt mean you have to stick to them. we're not reading from a script! I know this is easier said than done, just try to relax and just say what you think, however much or little it may be.

[Medea]

I've often felt that there is a rule book that everyone else has that I missed out on. I tend to just go "oh" instead of saying anything because I'm scared that what I say might be offensive or inappropriate. People are unpredictable and I'm never sure how they'll react.

Sorry, 4am post!

[teal]

For me, this even goes down to when people say, 'How are you?'

What do you say in response? I know you are supposed to say 'fine'. But that often isn't true, so then you've started a conversation/interaction with a lie, and then I get tied up in knots thinking how I'm going to correct and explain my lie or trying to avoid the conversation going in a direction where it will become clear that that wasn't true. However, I'm pretty sure it isn't appropriate to actually answer with how you really are. And no, I'm not in the least autistic so I don't have that excuse, I just find it really hard to say the appropriate thing in frequently occurring social situations.

This sort of thing exhausts me.