Wonderin.... is it a gd idea 2 tell ppl that u av social anxiety or not??!

[just-me-Amie]

When i 1st started 2 take steps forward in overcoming my social anxiety i took 2 the idea of just tellin ppl y i act the way i do i started openin up more & just bein honest so ppl knew if i didnt talk or if they seen me goin red or seen me shakin or whatever they wud mayb understand y & not think that i was a 'freak' if u like & it did help me in away cos then the more ppl that seemed 2 knw the more i started not 2 care if u get me?!
but then my bf said once that i sud think about who i tell and y because sumtimes ppl can use ur downfalls 2 get 2 & try 2 make u feel ur SA & see it as a game so i mayb sudnt b as openin with every1 because y do every1 need 2 knw?! & mayb i sud only tell ppl that do care & i care about & not just openly cum out with it say 2 sum1 im talkin 2 in the street or a cab driver?! what do you think sud i b more careful in who i tell?? xx

[Dan1987]

the way I figure, having someone know you feel difficult in social situations would perhaps take some of the pressure off as they would realise your awkwardness is not your fault and accept you as you are. Ironicly telling them of your difficulties would probably make it easier to speak to them!

though i think its probably best to not tell everyone, just close friends or people you know are understanding and feel more comfortable with, mayb even just one person to start with

[panoply]

Ive only told my parents, I think others may have picked up on the issue tho. Im not sure if its true that telling others is helpful, for me I do my best to hide it but that is difficult.

[peterjohn]

I haven't any reservations about telling people about my periods of long isolation and s.a. difficulties - partly perhaps because I feel that I have overcome such problems. I refuse to feel any shame or embaressment about my past. So far I have received good re-actions from people and if I didn't then I might not wish to have those people in my life. From time to time people are going to make adverse comments anyway - I was fairly recently told that I could talk for England and it wasn't meant as a compliment, by someone who is very quiet and I suspect unhappy. I try not to let that kind of opinion affect me anymore and try to content myself with the thought that most people who know me well seem to like my company !

[IAMNC]

I think its generally ok to tell people you suffer from sa as long as you dont make it an issue and keep bringing it up (which with sa you're unlikely to do anyway).
I know somebody at work who always talks about certain problems she has and how its not an issue for her but the fact she keeps going on about it actually makes it an issue for anyone she talks to and it has pushed people away from her which is a shame 'cause shes really nice to get on with.

[teal]

I'd be a bit cautious about your expectations.

In my experience, most people don't get sa at all. So I go through the embarrassment of explaining only to find that they didn't take me seriously, or they then decide to push me into doing things because they think I just meant that I am a bit shy and they want to 'rescue' me, or they don't believe any such condition exists and they get a bit angry and exasperated. Some don't even seem to remember that I've told them.

[am1000]

Personally, I feel it would be great for me to be able to tell someone about my SA. I see it as a step on the road to recovery. Actually telling someone requires a level of self-confidence in yourself (and accompanying lack of shame) and also a level of trust in someone else. I haven't been able to do this yet, but I'm not far off. I think being able to be open and honest with someone about the problems that I've been having would do me the world of good - as long as it's someone who won't throw it back in my face.

[PositivePoemsbyme]

Originally Posted by Dan1987

the way I figure, having someone know you feel difficult in social situations would perhaps take some of the pressure off as they would realise your awkwardness is not your fault and accept you as you are. Ironicly telling them of your difficulties would probably make it easier to speak to them!

though i think its probably best to not tell everyone, just close friends or people you know are understanding and feel more comfortable with, mayb even just one person to start with

I completely agree. I can talk to my boyfriend and my parents about it but Im not going to go out and tell it to strangers because that would just be too awkward. I have been thinking about telling my dad's side of the family because Im pretty sure that I think they would understand they have health problems, some are depressed and almost suicidal, and others do have anxiety issues so I think I can tell them because I think they know where Im coming from and can relate to me. The only other people I would tell are my two close best friends because they could help me get threw this and support me. Plus they got health problems to and no matter the issue I have been there for them and they have been there for me. ... My boyfriend though did say to not tell them because I mentioned feeling judged and criticized and by saying that he said that they would feel that I am judging criticizing them but the thing is the definition of SA is feeling like I will be judged for criticized by other people. Even if I know it is irrational it still feels real. So can anyone help me on that. Whether to call it anxiety or SA or not say it at all because of people feeling like Im judging criticizing them when in doubt I fear of other people doing that to me. I think maybe it is because of my mom has always been like a judging criticizing person and also made me fear things when I grew up.

[just-me-Amie]

Originally Posted by Dan1987

the way I figure, having someone know you feel difficult in social situations would perhaps take some of the pressure off as they would realise your awkwardness is not your fault and accept you as you are. Ironicly telling them of your difficulties would probably make it easier to speak to them!

though i think its probably best to not tell everyone, just close friends or people you know are understanding and feel more comfortable with, mayb even just one person to start with

Yeh it do take the pressure off like the worry & the nervous feelins of wonderin 'what r they thinkin or can they tell im nervous?' but im thinkin ur right with the mayb its best not 2 tell every1 cos they prob dnt care anyway.

Originally Posted by moose

I think it depends. You have to work out whether the person you tell is worth telling but you also have to work out how you are going to do it. I hadn't worked for 12 years and I returned to work in 2008. Once I got my foot in the door (which took months) I had the confidence to tell people and I am so open about it all. As long as you are able to say how you feel with a degree of confidence then that is half the battle won. At our place they are serial piss takers but I have the attitude "I am SA, so what".

But you need to be comfortable and confident within yourself to pull it off. If people smell weakness, you've had it. If you aren't sure, don't risk it because you need to retain control over your own life.

1st well dun for bein able 2 go bk 2 work that is amazin i wish one day i be able 2 start work. its gd 2 see u av the attitude 2 say that 2 ppl & still be able 2 go bk in the next day.
i think the more time goes on the more i can tell ppl & feel ok 2 do so & feel confident with doin so, intill i get questioned about it all then i get nervous but im handlin it ok which is gd i guess. i think that is wot my bf worrys about like if i tell sum1 & they see it as a weakness & use it in sum way 2 get 2 me & mayb hes worried it will push me bk when i av cum so far! x

Originally Posted by panoply

Ive only told my parents, I think others may have picked up on the issue tho. Im not sure if its true that telling others is helpful, for me I do my best to hide it but that is difficult.

well from where i av cum from & thats not leavin my house for 5years or even leavin my bedroom when we ad visiters & most of them bein family & i cudnt eveb talk 2 them & 2 now where i can tell ppl & more ppl then i even thought av understood i think it is true that 2 tell ppl helps u a gr8 deal cos it helps u feel not so alone & helpless it helps u 2 see & feel like ppl do care, mayb not every1 but more then u thought
u knw hidin it sumtimes dnt help cos u end up bein so lonely & scared inside & like u said its difficult so mayb u sud try openin up 2 ppl u care about slowin

Originally Posted by am1000

Personally, I feel it would be great for me to be able to tell someone about my SA. I see it as a step on the road to recovery. Actually telling someone requires a level of self-confidence in yourself (and accompanying lack of shame) and also a level of trust in someone else. I haven't been able to do this yet, but I'm not far off. I think being able to be open and honest with someone about the problems that I've been having would do me the world of good - as long as it's someone who won't throw it back in my face.

for me it as been a step & a big step on the road 2 recovery cos the more i opened up about who i am & y im the way i am made me feel, well i aint so bad?! yeh i av SA but so what i cant seem 2 help it & by me hidin away im just losin my life time & not enjoyin life! so now i can more & more tell ppl i get more & more confident in doin so & in myself. i agree if u can find that sum1 2 do that with & they r gd 2 u & understandin with it, it wud b gr8 for u so gd luck with it & u will get there :D

[Paul Ll]

I've always found that it helps to just come clean if you spent time with them like in work. But if you can 'act' and hide it well enough maybe not. even if you just say "I'm shy and quite but don't let it bother you". Simple and lets them know the situation.. and they probably won't ever think about it again but not put you in bad situations

[peterjohn]

One of my positive mantras is no fear, no worry.....and if I suffer adverse comment....so.......I'm not going to let the knocks set me back cos having climbed out of my shell I'm definately not going back. I believe in myself and what other people choose to believe about me is entirely a matter for them.....what can people do to me anyway?.....only what I allow them to do to me. I am and will be the master of my own destiny.....if I cannot be defeated then I cannot be defeated. I will stand tall and nothing on this earth can stop me from standing tall.....I vow that if knocked down then I will get up and stand tall again. I want a full life, nothing that's second best and with every part of my being I cannot be stopped from striving to do that. I'm absolutely fed up with selling myself short and having a fraction of a life.